3 Yr Old Daughter Too Attached to Me

Okay, my daughter is a bit younger than yours, but, it was a similar situation until I went away for a night here and there. It forced my daughter and her dad to be together - plus my husband said he wanted to show her that he could be there for her too. It worked. They are crazy about each other now and she's great if I leave now and loves being with Daddy.
so, before your baby comes, go visit a friend or go on retreat or something great.

Unfortunately, I think what you are going to have to do is just "bite the bullet" and let her cry. Take some time away, whether it is to relax or run errands and let her be upset. Leave her with daddy. You know she'll be well taken care of, so you won't need to worry. It will be hard (for all 3 of you,) but eventually she'll get that Daddy is (almost) as good as Mommy. While my kids aren't as attached to me as this, they do tend to come to me first for stuff. Every now and again, tell her to "ask Daddy." This will show that you value Dad's opinion and ability and that she doesn't only have to just ask Mom. You never know, the new baby may help. While all of my kids were younger than her and not as attached as it sounds like she is, they all naturally seemed to get that Mom wasn't as available and went to Dad on their own. It may not be easy, but you'll get there and it will definitelly be worth it. Good luck and congratulations on you little boy!

I am in the exact same place you are in, my almost 3 year old son (in May) is very attatched to me, except I work full time days and grandma watches him. But when i am home he won't let me out of his site, If I try to laydown in my bedroom he will cry/pound at the door until I give up, he won't let me do anything by myself. But lately it has gotten a little bit better, last night I was even able to go to my room and make a phonecall without him screaming in the background. Not sure exactelly what fixed it, but all I can say is it will get better with time and then you will probably miss it.

I am still my sons main caregiver when I get home from work, but every little bit helps, I have already told my husband that when baby #2 comes he will be that ones main caregiver, cause I can't be doing it all myself. I plan on getting the baby attatched to daddy so I am not having 2 kids attatched to my every move, my mistake with the first was that I wanted to do everything casue he was my first and I never wanted to be away from him, now I see the error of that thought process :)

Good Luck and I hope she grows out of it for your sake, if not just remember she will be a teenager before you know it and won't want anything to do with mom & dad anymore :(.

I know exactly what you are talking about. My 4 yr old was (still is) very attached to me and having to share my attention with her baby sister was quite the adjustment. Now that my youngest is 19 mths old, I have both of them fighting for my attention and there are times it is overwhelming. My husband did become more involved when baby #2 came along b/c I just couldn't do it all like I did with my first. So all that to say, even though my husband takes an active part in both girls' lives, they are both still very attached to me.

Something I was told before my 2nd was born is that the baby won't remember the attention (or lack thereof) given to her but the toddler will. There were many times those first few months that I would feed the baby and pass her off to my husband so my toddler and I could bond.

Best wishes and congratulations on your baby boy. It will all work out and someday, we will miss our little ones wanting us so much. :)

My daughter was like this at 2, and I knew I had to do something, or she would be terribly jealous of the baby when she arrived. I started having my husband get up with her if she woke in the night, put her to bed, get her breakfast, help her with her bath, fix her plate at meals, dress her, and anything else I could think of for them to do together. I made sure to be occupied with something else at these times. She didn't always accept daddy's help at first, but over time, she started to prefer his help over mine. She was still mad at me for leaving her when I had the baby (labor was off and on for about 3 days before the baby finally arrived) but she took it out on me and never her baby sister. Your husband's work schedule is an obstacle, but I think it can be worked around.

Well, my suggestion to you is to start with a little tough love now because if you wait much longer to do this, she is going to associate it with the baby and not just a part of life. That could be bad. The ONLY way she is going to learn that daddy is as capable as you, is if daddy does for her what she needs, and what you normally do. We went through this when my daughter was about 1 (I am sure every SAHM goes thru it). It wasn't pretty, but you are doing her a great disservice if you don't. Start going away. Maybe it is just into another room with the door closed while daddy feeds her dinner, gives her a bath, or reads her a book. Tasks that she needs done for her or with her, he NEEDS to take on for a while so she sees he is capable. If you can't stand the crying (he will have to - tell him to suck it up!) then go to a coffee shop a couple evenings a week. For me it started when I started doing at home parties once or twice a week. I HAD to be gone and my husband had to figure it out. But if you are there, it will be easier for him to give in and let you do it to make her stop carrying on. She is old enough that you could sit her down first and explain to her that you love her and you are so happy to be with her, but it is time for her to know that daddy loves her just as much and that he is going to be helping more. Tell her that tomorrow night mommy is going to be gone and daddy and you are going to do everything we do. A little prep goes a long way in our house, especially when you make it exciting. Let daddy and her have a party (he is usually more "fun" than we are anyways!). Oh, one more thing. If it were me I would have expectations for her. For instance..."little girls who behave well while mommy is away get to ____ (read a book before bed or something that she likes to do). Little girls who act up while mommy is away get bedroom time." Then before you leave you can say, in an excited voice, "are you going to have extra books read tonight or are you going to spend time in your bedroom tonight by yourself?" She gets to choose. It is her problem and she holds the solution (check out www.loveandlogic.com for more on that type of thing!!) Good luck!

I went through the same thing with my daughter, if I tried running to the grocery store without her she would have such a fit that it got to the point where I would have to sneak out of the house. My husband would then just tell her I was asleep. Then when I'd get home I'd tell her I had been gone and she was just fine without me. My son wasn't as bad until he was about 2 so then I'd haveboth of them cryig like crazy when I'd try to leave. Just like you they have a great relationship with Dad but if they need something they would only ask me even if Daddy was in the same room with them. It has gotten better because of doing this "trick" more and now I just tell them I'm going somewhere and when I'll be back, I give them a few hugs and kisses and remind them that sometimes mommy wants to be "D." and not "mommy" and that its my turn to be just "D.". If these tricks don't work it really will get better. Good luck.

How about trying a preschool a few half mornings a week or maybe start watching a child her same age in your home part time for a few days a week, it will giver her a playmate and you a little extra cash too:)

What worked for me was picking a night each week that would be Daddy's night. Even though I was still home, it was daddy who did everything from making supper, reading stories, and tucking into bed. When one of my two kids would ask me for something (kiss my owie, can I watch this show?, can you read this book?), I would tell them that they needed to ask daddy as it was his night. It took a few weeks for them to get used to it and I had to keep telling them whenever I heard "Moooommy..." that "I'm not on mommy duty, I'm just J. tonight. You need to check with daddy." But it really is nice to get a break from the contstant neediness/clinginess without having to hide out somewhere away from home. Now that daddy realizes how much attention the kids really take each day, he is more willing to help out with little needs on a daily basis and now the kids will sometimes ask to stay home with daddy instead of running errands with me.

Congrats on the new one! My daughter used to be the same way, but is starting to get better because of a few changes we've made. My husband started taking my daughter on 'daddy dates' a few weeks ago. He'd run an errand or go to lunch with my daughter, and shower her with attention. He tries to take her on these dates at least twice a week, and so far its really working to strengthen their bond.

And don't feel guilty for taking some time away! You NEED it, especially if you are adding a little one to the family.

I think the best thing is to have another baby. Things will be really hard when the baby comes but it will get better! Your world won't revolve around her anymore and she will learn to adjust. Best wishes, I've been there. Try not to feel bad taking your own time...just be confident when you leave and come home and don't cater to the whining/crying.

there is NO SUCH THING as being too attached.

it is PROVEN that being attached to a caregiver makes kids more secure.

and yes, you wont get any rest because you will be taking care of your baby and your older daughter. this is what parents do! :D

first of all, in order to help your daughter feel security upon your leaving for any reason, YOU must feel confident. you just tell her you will be back, give her the hug and kiss, and snuggle, and go. say you will see her in a little while.
some kids are just more sensitive to this than others, and some times they are more sensitive than other times.

second; it is IMPORTANT that whomever is caring for her when you are leaving NEEDS to distract her. literally pick her up and go find something to do. if they spend less time trying to 'comfort' her the easier it will be to get her over it. they need to get her involved in something else. this is the time when she should be able to do something she doesnt do that often, like play dough, painting, whatever it takes to distract her.
this is also not the time to ignore her either - so at school for instance, they should not try to let her get over it, they should interact with her - and again get her distracted.

theres no reason to keep her from you though. one of the most important think to remember is that kids need connection and attachment! they NEED it. just do your best to comfort your daughter. if you dont have to leave her, dont. she will get through this, and the more you respect her feelings and dont force her to be away from you, the more confidentally she can move forward. fulfilled needs go away, unfulfilled ones turn into undesireable habits. i heard that somewhere too and i never forgot it.

its exhausting. its time consuming. but its parenting. every parent does what they can and what they have to do to help their growing children. again, theres no such thing as 'too attached'. just listen to her emotions. let her know (in more than words) that its ok that she feels this way. if you want her to trust you as she grows, you have to let her trust you now more than ever! :D :D :D

one final word: dont let anyone else tell you what to do. YOU are the parent, YOU are the only person (along with dad) who knows your child inside out. YOU are the only ones who have to make the decisions about how you parent. YOU decide how to deal with something, and you deal with the results of that decision. no one else. so when you feel something is wrong for you - IGNORE IT. this includes magazines, books, online advice, friends, and family. you and dad are the only 2 with the qualifications needed to raise your daughter!

GOOD LUCK! :D :D :D

You don't say your age, S., so I'm not really sure what you know. But it sounds like you could benefit by attending a play group with Moms & other kids, so your daughter can socialize to getting used to others assisting and interacting with her. I recommend also, a professional counselor to help you fix the dynamic of your daughter being so demanding, and your apparent responding with guilt. If you are the Mom in charge, and the adult in the role, there are still problems with raising our children. The big thing is there are no do-overs. You still have a couple of years though, to break her of her negative behaviors in this regard. Best wishes.
M

We've been through this.

Here's some suggestions:
Try not to fight it, I know it's frustrating, but she will outgrow it. I suspect that with the excitement of the baby coming and being talked about she's getting some insecurities. She doesn't really understand what having this baby will mean, but she does understand that it's a change. It's a good excitement, I know, but still she's just too young to understand.

I would try to give her some special time before you leave and explain to her that you have to leave for a short period of time. I would also talk to her about rewards that she will get if she doesn't cry while you're gone. Maybe try a sticker chart for her. Think of some special things she really likes to do with you and tell her she will get that as a reward. I would make it small too. Remember, she's feeling insecure so spending time with you will reassure her.

Also, something that my husband has learned to do that works REALLY well is he always has a plan for when I will be gone for more than an hour. Sometimes he takes the kids to Scheels for a $1 ride on the carosel. He tried to make the time with him a fun time if he can so they now look forward to Daddy being in charge. Distraction is a great thing for a crying 3 year old.

I hope this helps. Congratulations on your newest little one.

You probably need to put your daughter in daycare a few times a week to just get use to other people. It don't have to be a whole day maybe just afternoons and that would be a good time to run errands.

What worked for us was we put our son in Daycare 3 days a week, first he started with afternoons and in about a month we tried full days. We went with Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I think he just needed the company of other kids and being around other people. This really, really helped us especially him and eventually he got over it. Good Luck you have about 4 months to work on it.

Hi S.,

If you believe this is a big concern, maybe you should get her into some play group, pre-school, or daycare for a few hours a week. It would probably be good for both of you. I think it would be good to start this before the baby comes...that way she won't read into it that it has something to do with the baby being there. Plus, after the baby comes, I'm sure you will enjoy some time just for you then, too, and you might as well try to get your little girl into a routine before that happens. She may be starting pre-school when she is 4, also, so this will give you a chance to start being separated before a whole lot of things change in her life all at once.

Just a suggestion...sounds like you have a wonderful family...congratulations on the new baby boy!

C.