September 03, 2007,
P.L. asks from Mount Pleasant, SC on August 30, 2007
3 Month Old Cries with Dad
I have a 3 1/2 month old boy who cries almost every time his father holds him, tries to feed, soothe, put to bed, etc... I am a stay at home mom and he gets most of his attention and needs met by me. My husband is so frustrated and hurt, and I don't know what to do to help him. I've told him to talk "baby talk" and play with him, but it still doesn't work. As soon as I take him, he stops crying within 5 minutes. We didn't have this problem with my daughter as I worked part time when she was this age. Any suggestions?
So What Happened?™
Things are getting much better with my son and husband. Daddy plays with him every morning and night, and is now giving him his bath, which is his favorite! Thanks for all the reassurance!
L.T. answers from Charlottesville on August 31, 2007
This is so common!!! I had to physically leave the house for dad and baby to have bonding time. Even if it's just to go to the grocery. YOu need a break and they need to bond. But kids have a built in radar when it comes to momma. Good Luck! And tell your hubby their are multitides of dads in his shoes.
P.G. answers from Macon on August 31, 2007
My younger sister had the same issue with my dad. She eventually grew out of it and is now very close to him. It is not that uncommon and your husband should not take it personally, babies tend to be comfortable with the ones who care for them the most. He is only 3 1/2 months old so just give it time. In the meantime you could help your son and husband bond by giving your son a chance to observe daddy while in your arms and gradually allowing daddy to get closer and hold him.
C.H. answers from Augusta on August 31, 2007
Cant say I have ever had this problem...with my now 4 yr old he was a mommies boy but he was fine with daddy, only demanded mommy if he was hurt or scared but daddy was for all the other things.With my 14 month old now he loves his daddy, which is weird b/c my oldest looks exactly like his dad and the baby looks like a little girl verson of me but with the male part.He absolutely loves his dada.My husband works 12 hour days,every day but he always will find time to wrestle or play with the kids.I also let him take either or both of them out alone so they can have some alone boy time with daddy.My husband has a playdate with my 4 yr old to go t putt-putt b/c my son got all smiley faces at school,maybe you just need to let the boys be alone.
M.C. answers from Columbus on September 03, 2007
I had the same problem with my son, and not with my daughter.I hate to say this but you may have to wait it out. my son cried alot in the first few months, but by the time he was about 4 or 5 months he was comfortable with other people, including his father. I know its disapointing, but its just a matter of time good luck
C.J. answers from Spartanburg on August 31, 2007
This is very common. There always semms to be a closeness with mommies and not daddies. There is an instant bond with mommy because she has carried the baby in her womb and the baby has always depended on mommy for everything. There does need to be bonding with daddy and child. Maybe you and daddy should set aside time everyday with the baby so that the baby can bond with daddy. This happened to me, so I know the hurt that it causes. For one week, I would allow daddy to hold baby and play with her while I was still in view of her. Then, as the time went on, I would decrease my time with them while they bonded. Before long, I could leave baby with daddy and not worry about whether they were fine or not. Tell daddy not to tense up when the baby starts crying for you. The baby senses tension and can tell if you are scared or worried. In due time, it will get better. Hope this helps.
M.B. answers from Savannah on August 31, 2007
Aww sweetie don't worry about it. I have 5 kids and have seen my share of favoritism. Your son is still sooooooo young and is very much still a newborn. It is very natural for him and many babies in general to be like this about their primary caregiver.
Do you have a carrier- wrap or mei-tai preferablly? A lot of the bonding my hubby does is with a carrier. Our babies are soo used to being snuggled into a wrap on mama that it gives them security when they are with others dad/grandma/even big sisters! As long as they are in their carrier they feel secure.
You could try something like that (I even have some wraps that I was looking to craigs list=-) ) If that is not your thing though- and in general just give it time. Soon enough your baby will only have eyes for Dad and you many be left in the dust! hehe... just don't worry about it and don't take it personally. Your baby is only looking out for himself right now and that correlates into "Mama"...M.
M.B. answers from Albany on August 31, 2007
I have an idea, and I hope it works for you and your husband. Can you take the shirt that you wore to bed, and drape it over your husband's shoulder, or have your huband wear it while playing or holding the baby? The smell of you might help your little boy to relax.
J.K. answers from Columbus on August 31, 2007
I believe this is very common.
I would give dad and son space to be together. Get to know each other. Is there any way you and your daughter could leave the home take a walk, go to the park. I would do this at a prime time baby is happy so that Dad can get his confidence back. My hubby was the comfort for my oldest when we were having a "bad" day. He could come in and take her and my nerves would be so soothed and so would hers. My second didn't know him as well (He was in Iraq) and I know it bothered him.
Give dad and son space and Let dad do the things that baby really likes. Does he like a bath? Let dad do the fun stuff sometimes. I know it sucks, that we do all the "dirty" work but, dads are away all day and let him have some fun time.
Also on the weekend let Dad do more and have more time.