3 Year Old Peed on at Daycare

You could be right about other child. Also how old is said child? Remember thay are still children, talk to husband about this again. I would talk to the childs mother as well. See if something is going on at his home, try not to make her or her son out to be bad, thay may be getting that at home already. Yes children should know how to defend themselfs but know when also. Try to find out from said child why he would do such a thing, you might be surprized at what he tells! Take care and God bless.

First, I would recommend that you and your husband get on the same parenting page... maybe talk out some of the potential pitfalls you have in the future and figure out how your spouse feels about them, and learn your spouse's problem solving style. Then take a deep breath and relax... 'cause a little pee between best buddies is NOT gonna be the most difficult problem you're going to have to solve!
Good luck!
-H.

You are so right! Teaching your son to be physically agressive just teaches him to handle anger and frustration with violence. Look at sibling rivalry, for example. I know that you have one child at this time, but imagine if Gavin's younger sibling took a toy from him. Would you want him to hit, push or fight with the sibling? At his age it is appropriate for him to get adults to help him solve problems if he cannot do it with his language skills. You, as parents, should absolutely be guiding him to speak up for himself and not to let other children "walk all over him," but that is different from retalliating. This is the time to equip him with skills for life. Point out to your husband, that if someone at work (I'm assuming here) shows him disrespect or angers him, that he would stand up for himself, but not start a pushing match/fist fight. I taught elementary school for 10 years and have three children. I know it is not always easy, but the long term outcome is well worth it. I assure you that the children that were encouraged/trained at home to "get even" never came out ahead.

I say this with a bit of humor, but your husband needs to put his caveman club away.

If your son were 15 and the other child was not a special needs child and he peed on your son, then the ability to defend himself could come in handy.

These children are 3, there is no need to introduce fighting to a 3 year old. I would let your don know that if his pal starts to open his pants again, your son should immediately go to the teacher and tell her.

Did you mention to the teacher you think something is going on in the other child's home? She should be the one to contact DHS if she agrees.

Just my thoughts!

Um, well, I can see both your points. The other child MAY have some problems at home, and it would be a good thing to teach your son not to hate or make fun of kids who make poor choices. But, your husband is also right that your son needs to know how and when to defend himself, if not in this situation than in others.

I was picked on a lot as a child, and made fun of in high school, but I learned that people respected me for holding to my views, and for defending myself and others when I felt the situation warranted it. I did not respect myself when I did not defend myself or others. There are other ways to defend oneself than with violence, but sometimes that's necessary too. I wouldn't want my son to let empathy and understanding cripple him in doing what is right. At any rate, boys respect and/or don't meddle with other boys who show they can take care of themselves. Perhaps that's why some kids bully. I do know that my husband was bullied mercilessly in middle school, but when he finally fought back, people left him alone, because they finally saw that he was capable of winning a fight, but chose not to fight. He was still home schooled for high school, though, because not everyone stopped bullying him.

Finally, my best friend in 8th grade had two younger brothers, and one day I was visiting and they locked me and my friend's next younger sister (also a close friend) on a balcony. Once they unlocked the door, we rushed and tackled them and I twisted one boy's arm behind his back (enough to make a point, not enough to injure) and made him promise not to do that again. And after that day these two boys LOVED to see me. It struck me as weird - I thought they would have hated or feared me - but I think in the world of boys, I'd made my point, and there was no further need to discuss it. So, you may want to give more credence to your husband's perspective, since he is male himself and intuitively knows how boys' minds work. :)

I have a 4 year old that is a humorous little guy. He goes to school with his best friend and cousin - and have always been in the same class, etc... (They also do some pretty wild things when they get together) If your little one is best buds with this other little guy - it may not have been in anger that this little boy peed on him. He may have thought - in his little mind - that is would be funny. Well, it wasn't and I would be very upset if someone peed on my kid - but boys will be boys. My neighbors little boy walked into the front yard one day, pulled down his pants, and pooped on the grass - why? He saw a dog do it. I think at that age, they are curious and learning about everything and he has probably just discovered that he can pee outside, or on a tree, etc..... I wouldn't read too much into it. But, I would definitely let your little boy know that that kind of behavior is not ok. Good Luck :)

I agree with Pamela about the caveman club. lol. My husband had the same response and I kept saying they are only 3. My boys are 5 and 6 and my husband wants them to be aggressive and not walked on also. No one wants their kids to be bullied but we also have to teach our kids compassion. I wonder how to teach that all the time.