3 Year Old Not Interested in Potty Training

Just wait until he's ready. Some just aren't ready by three, boys or girls. It's not worth the stress on you or him to push him now. We waited with our daughter until SHE was ready even though WE were ready way before. Potty training was a breeze when she was ready. If he's as stubborn as you mention, if you don't push, he may show interest sooner than you think.

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I had a 2 1/ yr old son who was not interested in potty training either. We visited relatives who had children the same age who were potty trained.

He saw that they went to the bathroom and he noticed they didn't were pull-ups either.

That night he wouldn't were pull-ups to bed. He took me to the bathroom himself. He would not let me put on pampers or pull-ups anymore.

Peer pressure made him change in one day. I didn't expect this but it happened.

Now, the other kids did look at him and ask him why he had pull-ups on.

This was too much for him.

I didn't train him, peer pressure did it.

G.

First, he might need a couple more months, so don't panic. Some ideas that I've seen work are letting them 'paint' with acrylic pant a plain potty and put stickers on it, to make it their own creation. They are less likely to fear it that way. Also, make some playdates with friends of his that are already using the potty. Sometimes, peer pressure can be a good thing :) Also, try 'not' trying for at least a few weeks. Let him forget about the battle of the wills that's in play right now, before you take a fresh approach.

I know this suggestion may seem out of left field, but it worked for me with both of my boys. We let them "pee" outside. Mind you, we lived in the country with relatively low traffic, but we did have neighbors. Before I "let 'em loose", I forewarned the neighbors, so they wouldn't be shocked. They were very understanding and it only took about two weeks before they were potty trained.

You've got some great advice here. My only addition is with my little guy, the turning point is when my Husband had some time off of work and took over. My son was potty trained in a few days. Dad should be involved as much as possible.

we used a product called tinkle time targets not sure if they are still around? Someone also suggested a cheerio in the potty and they try to shoot it. Keep trying. I was told once they don't go to college in diapers. Hope this helps!!

I recommend this website--they have a lot of helpful information and this page gives potty-training info...

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t106600.asp

Also, when my boys were 3-ish I just let them run around with no pants on when we were at home. That way they could see a connection between what they were feeling and what came next. I also kept a little potty in whatever room they happened to be playing in. I usually waited until the warmer weather to start this, since we keep our home around 66 in the winter. :-)

I also highly recommend the book Toilet Training in Less Than a Day, as long as you use it to glean ideas and don't put too much pressure on yourself or your son to actually accomplish it in a day or less.

I also agree with the idea of including your husband in the process, as long as he can be relaxed and non-pressuring about it; and with the suggestion of doing whatever you can to be relaxed about it.

Hi J.,
I feel your pain. I too had the same issue with my now 6 year old. I became very impatient and thought he should be advancing in the potty area because, like your son, he is a very smart child, well behaved, etc. None of the techniques we tried worked consistently. Finally, when he was almost 4 he decided that he was ready. Your son will too. He will do it in his own time and just in time for the school year.
Nancy

Oh my gosh this sounds like me a yr ago. I have 2 girls who were both potty trained by 2 1/2, but my son forget it. I thought he would be starting Kindergarden in diapers. But of course he isn't in diapers anymore. When your son is ready we will go in the potty but the more you push him will only make you crazy. Once my son decided to go he was fully potty trained in 3 days. So just give him some time and trust me he will go in the potty. Good luck.

Hello there:

I don't have any boys, but when I potty trained my daughter everytime I went to the bathroom I took her with me so she could copy mommy as our children love to do. I would suggest getting one of the potty chairs for boys that looks like a urinal and every time your husband goes to the bathroom to take your son and then have your husband give him praise and love and high fives for them both using the potty. This worked like a charm for me, my daughter was potty trained a little after she was 2 1/2 and now completely goes on her own (she just turned 3). She still wears pull-ups at night but for the day she is completely potty trained. Good-luck and be patient.

J. - my only advice is to take a break from it. No talking about it. No asking about it. No making a big deal of changing diapers. September is a long way from now in the life of a 3-year-old. Our now-6-year-old showed signs of being ready at 2 (we thought he was so advanced) but wasn't even close to being trained until days before starting preschool at 3 1/2, and even then, he simply knew enough to 'hold it' until he got home. I wasn't comfortable he was truely 'trained' until he was 4. But friends told me to 'relax' and I didn't believe them. Sure enough, one day, it just clicked. Keep the potty out for him, let him see you (and your husband) use the potty. I'd wait until summer before bringing it up again. Good luck. You are not alone!!!!

Hi J.,
I have two boys ages 5 and 4. My 5 year old was potty trained at age 3.5. My pediatrician told me if he has no interest in it DONT push it. I was one of those moms that had to have him potty trained. The more I talked about it the less interested he was in it. then he started holding stools and that was very bad. So I didn't say a word about it for a month. I sat the potty seat in the middle of the living room floor and we threw ping pong balls into it. Then one day I got him to sit on it,and then pee into it. and finally poop in it. I told him his poop was going to the poop parting at the sanatation department. My second child just now got fully trained and he is 4. Dont worry He wont go to kindergarten in diapers.
Good Luck,
Melanie

According to my sister, who's daughter will be 4 in late April, it is very common these days to see kids almost 4, still in pull-ups or diapers. My niece will pee in the potty, but not poop. She insists on asking for a diaper and then proceeds to her room, where she does her duty. She also insists on privacy. This is ridulous! She is a smart girl and very capable. She also only eats only about 8 things in her diet. Refuses to try new foods and eats no vegetables.I think it is because parents have become too afraid to let their kids cry or become upset and give in to the kids demands or desires leaving kids to make their own decisions. What ever happened to the idea that parents mold and shape their children? It is difficult to hear a child cry, but sometimes they need to learn what feels bad and what feels good to appreciate the differences. Parents need to toughen up. I was hit with a belt and slapped when I was out of line. That was horrible and weak also. Parents have went to far in the other direction and kids seem to be entertained constantly and get whatever they want according to their current whim. The formative years are those early years and a child should do what they are made to do, whether they are happy about it or not. My thought, although probably, not popular, are to put the child on the potty several times a day and night for one week and encourage and reward them for going potty, especially pooping. If they throw tantrums and cry, so be it. Close the door if they get too loud, letting them know that they have to be big boys and girls and need to use the potty. They will have to do it eventually and will be proud when they do. Three years old is appropriate for potty training. Four years old is way to late , in my opinion, to be potty training toddlers. Ask your doctor for advice.

Sounds like your boy and girl are very similar to mine. My son just started to sit(and sometimes go), but is still VERY inconsistant and we have to take him, he never asks to go. I know several people that when their child wanted to, they just did and were trained in one day. Personally, and I'm certainly no expert, maybe ignore the potty for month or so, but make it seem entertaining when you or your dh go. He may start to show some enthusiasm. Or explain to him that if he wants to go to school, that he has to wear big boy underwear(with fun charachters too)!! My daughter just turned a year, and as fluke I tried her on the potty at 7 months, and she went. So every time her diaper is off, I put her on and she goes.. #1 AND #2 !! I too, think she will be trained before him. I've always heard boys are harder to train, I really believe it !!

Good luck.

Is he interested in sports like games? if so, what I did to potty train my son was I put a few rings of cheerios in the toilet and told him when he goes potty to try and aim for the rings, he had fun and after the very first time he tried it he wanted to keep going to the potty. Try it hopefully it will work, I also tried the blue water dye for toilet water and would tell him everytime he goes potty the water would magically turn green, this fascinated him. I know its a little out there but it worked for me, just find new games to play and he will want to go potty. Good luck!

I had the same problem with two boys several years apart. The only way we got them going (excuse the pun) was to have my husband set aside some time to work with each boy. Once he got them started, it was a breeze. Also really good bonding time for dad and son. Since he traveled a lot for business, it was hard to find the time but when we worked out a schedule for dad and son, it happened.

Have you tried this: float a few Cheerios in the toilet, get him to stand, aim and try to hit a Cheerio. I've heard of this method for boys more than once, but havn't tried it myself. I'd like to know how it goes. My 2 1/2 year old boy is right where your's is. (We're waiting until we return from a vacation in a couple weeks to work on it again.)

D.

J.
I have a suggestion,I did this 33 years ago and the 2 years later withmy second child and it worked like a charm. As long a you follow these doctors advice,you should have no problem.
I bought a book titled toilet training in less then a day,it was written by two doctors named Azrin and Fox,and it works.Of course my son was only 18 montts old and my duaghter was a little over18 months they both learned within 4 to 5 hours and I never had to remind them again they were trained I wasnt.
Little back ground,they learn by training a doll and its so much fun for them,try it they'll love it and so will you.

Best of luck
P. V

My 3 year old is the same way...he just doesn't want to take time out of his day to do it, he is too busy playing or drawing. It has gotten a littl easier...he kept pooping in his pull ups so we told him back to baby diapers until he pooped in the big boy potty. He's really proud when he gets to wear a big boy pull up. Good luck and have patience, sometimes they just aren't ready yet and we end up training ourselves and not the kid!

Hi J. - I don't have much help to offer, as I have a 3 3/4 year old who is in the same boat! I'd love to hear any advice you receive, though.... T.

I had this same problem when my little boy was going into preschool. I consulted with my pediatrition and he said you put him on the toliet and give him something to do. when he finally has to go it will just come out like in a diaper. Then you reward him give him lots of praise.

Agreed, there has to be interest on the side of the child. Just a little. I had a friend leave her little guy naked from the waist down. There will be some clean-up issues but he was much more interested after he needed to be cleaned up. I also used a timer and told my guy that the "timer said" it was time to try on the potty again (I started every 20 minutes). It put less pressure on me and made the timer the "bad guy". He would huff & puff but was also more willing to try for the "timer" than he was for me. We started in November (he would be 3 in May)and he just wasn't responding. Tried again 2 months later in January. He did Great on day 1, lousy on day 2, good on day 3 and by day 4 he "got it". It actually took about 2 weeks before he was accident free. Don't give up too soon!

Hi J.,
My son is almost 3 and the potty training is just beginning to come together. My son was willing to wear underwear but not to use the potty, so I was cleaning up a LOT of messes and he didn't seem to mind wet or messy pants at all. For a while now, I've been putting underwear on underneath his pull-ups so that he can feel the effects of being wet or having poop in his underwear while relieving the pressure of leaving a mess on the floor. This seems to be having an effect, as he is now saying "uh-oh" when his pants are wet, and he wants to change his pants asap when this happens. He has also begun (in the last two weeks) telling me when he needs to go--most of the time. :) I'm noticing that he's gaining a lot more control of his bodily functions as well.

Rewards weren't working for me, either, so I kept a lot of books in the bathroom and whenever he would sit on the potty, I would (still do) read him all the books he wanted. This has relieved a lot of the pressure of the potty training process, as we are not just sitting there waiting for him to go. He is a lot more relaxed, and has started getting a lot more comfortable with the potty/poop function, and now when he sits down he does it more readily, it does not take nearly the time that it used to. I got a little stepstool that he can put his feet on when he sits on the toilet; I think he feels more comfortable and less intimidated by the big toilet.

Bottom line is, relieve the pressure as much as you can. Remember that he doesn't have the life experience that we do, and sitting on the toilet and the act of relieving himself in a place other than his diaper is a big change. And please don't worry about what anyone else says regarding when he should be potty-trained or when their kids were. Remember, he won't be 10 years old and not potty trained--it WILL happen. You work and work at it and one day it just comes together. Best of luck!

K.

Hi J. =)
I'm not sure if you've approached him from this angle, but someone told me about a little guy that had this problem, too. It turned out that his little one was scared of the toilet itself. He'd dropped a toy in there once and then flushed. He watched the toy *Disappear* and was afraid that by sitting on it, he'd disappear, too. The dad discovered it by watching him in the tub, when he pulled the plug while the child was still sitting in the water. When he watched the water swirl, the child quickly climbed out and asked if the plug would take him away like the potty took his toys. He was then shown that his daddy could put his hand inside the bowl (not in the water, just below the seat itself) and the handle pushed to flush and his daddy didn't disappear. Dad cooerced him into putting his hand in there, too, and they flushed again. He was fine after that and trained fairly quickly, if I remember correctly.
Good luck with him =)
J.

J.~
You are not alone!!! I have a 3 1/2 year old boy who felt the same way about potty training. I believe the advice you have been given about waiting until they are ready is true...to an extent. DON"T GIVE UP- just don't make a big deal of it. Act as though you have 7 months for him to get it (which you do)! If he knows it is something he has "control" over and you don't, my guess would be this would continue for quite a while. But if you act like you are doing him a favor and could care less, he will soon cease to think he is The Boss :-)
A mom of twin boys I met told me a trick that worked like a charm. I hope you will find it works for you, too. After each time my son would pee on the potty, he could blow out one birthday candle. When he would poop, he got to blow out two candles. Within 4 days, my son was completely potty trained. It took another 3-4 weeks to wean him off the candles, but by that time I could care less! Even better, he, unlike his older brother, has never had an accident. The one thing I did differently with my second son was to never use a pull-up, even during naps or at night. Before he moved out of his crib 3 months ago, he learned to hold it. That in and of itself has proved to be wonderful for us both. Now he can get up in the middle of the night to go and feels no need to wake us. He feels good about himself, falls right back to sleep and we all get a better in the morning.
I realize I may just be lucky with all of this, but I hope you find it to be more the rule than the exception. Good luck!
Pam

Isn't it funny that potty training is the most stressfull thing in raising kids. I have a three year old boy(bday in jan) and we did the whole potty training thing over winter break.. that way my husband was there to help. I used my neighbors sister's suggestion (she successfully trained 3 boys and 1 girl). You wake up in the morning and ask who ever lives w/ you.. if they are thirsty. Then you ask your son if they are thirsty. Have your husband or you go first and let him see you go pee. Then throw a party for you (using streamers or blowers). Then a second later have you or your husband (whom ever didn't just go) say that they feel like they have to go, too. Then throw another party for that one. THen.. use a doll, stuffed animal that he is attached to.. and then (put water in the potty to look like pee, when he isn't watching) and then have another party. Then when your son wants to use the potty (which they will ) have a HUGE party for him. Streamers, blowers, balloons, etc. And everytime you or your son goes to the bathroom.. you have a party. After the first time your son uses the potty... go around and have him put all of his diapers in a bag.. and tell him that (I said Thomas, but whomever he is into) is going to stop by and pick them up and will leave you a present). Then you sneak a gift bag of underware (w/ characters he likes) and knock and run from the door. Tell your son to open the door and see if ? has come. Then you talk about keeping it dry and every thing that goes along w/ it.

Now... a few things that I didn't do that you are supposed to.. 1. No diapers at night.. well I put him in the goodnight pull-ups. Naps.. he doesn't have an accident. When they wake up w/ dry diapers and know to wake up and go.. then i will put him in the underware at night. 2. My son refuses to poop on the potty... so he will ask for a diaper to go poop. But then wants his underware on. My pediatritian told me to give the diaper so he doesn't get constipated (which will hurt when he does poop.. then will assoiciate pain w/ poop). Now every kid is different and will or will not poop.

THE BIG THING IS.. the kid HAS TO BE READY. If they arn't showing any signs of wanting to use the potty.. than I think you should wait. However... anytime you are around an older kid.. ask them if they still wear diapers.. and when they say no.. you say whoa... you are such a big boy/girl. If the yare at your house and they tell you they don't... give them some reward for them being a big boy or girl. That might motivate him to want to use the potty. My son's best friend is who got him to use the potty.

Good luck..
Jen

Hi,

I really, truly believe that you should wait until he is ready. I have a three year old also, he is trained in "peeing" in the toilet, but "WILL NOT DO #2 AT ALL".

I have my son is a day care/school and they have helped me out tremendously with the potty training process.

Maybe you can try to get cherrios and have him try to "aim at them" or get your son a cute potty seat.

But don't worry, he will come around, however, if you are going to have him in preschool, I suggest you ask the school if they accept children who are NOT POTTY TRAINED. Some schools do not accept this, so I would look into it.

My son was the exact same way. I tried to potty train him forever. He would kick and cry when I would put underpants on him. He too was supposed to start school and I thought they would not let him in. I finally read a bit of Dr. Brazelton, and he said that with stubborn kids, they are doing it because they know you want them to be trained. They will only do it on their own terms. So I started ignoring the potty issue. I put him in diapers and didn't make a big deal if he went in them or the potty. I did tell him he could have an m&m if he went. He waited about two months, and then finally told me he was ready. That was that. He never even had an accident in his underpants. So the plus side is you won't have to deal with a lot of wash! Just let him decide. Also, boys do develop slower than girls with the potty. The nice thing is the second child is really trained by the first child. So this is the toughest potty training you could do.

My son was exactly the same. He didn't potty train until almost four. It seemed like everyone had a different idea, "don't rush them, they know when they're ready," "they should be potty trained by 2-1/2, 3 at the latest." I didn't know whose advice to follow. By 3, my son knew when he had to go to the bathroom and had the muscle control, so that wasn't a problem. Even after he started wearing "big boy" underwear, I'd have to put a diaper on him so he would go. So, don't despair. Have you tried some picture books about going to the potty? Are you using a potty chair or a seat on the big toilet? Some kids are afraid of the big one and a little potty chair all their own helps. Will he sit on the potty with his clothes on? All these things help a little. I'm not sure what you've tried, but the main thing is you do have to take control. I tried everything the books said, staying calm, but firm, rewards, bribes, pleading. Nothing worked until I lost my temper. The one thing everyone tells you not to do. I'm not suggesting you do the same thing, but in my case my boy realized I meant business and that he was going to have to give up his diaper. And that's what you need to do. Of course he doesn't want to go to the toilet. Think about it. He's used to his diaper and doesn't want to change. You have to let him know it's no longer an option. Even if he cries and screams. You'll know if he's really in distress, or just having a tantrum. Does he like the attention he gets when you change his diaper? Tell him he's old enough to change his own, so diaper time isn't fun anymore and he doesn't get your attention. Then praise him to the skies and pat him when he's changed it, or sat on the potty (even dressed) or made any move in the right direction.

Bottom line (no pun intended) he'll probably want to get rid of his diaper when he's among his peers.

K.

Hang in there. My son is 3.5 and I too tried for every to potty train him with no success. I just resolved to the fact that he would still be wearing diapers when he was 16. Several weeks ago out of the blue he came down the stairs holding a box of diapers and wearing his underwear and said "mom you can give these(diapers) to baby ( his little brother)it is time for me to be a big boy. Every since then he uses the toilet for both poo poo and pee pee. In three weeks he has only had one accident and that was during the night. I guess it is true when they say only the child knows when he/she is ready.

Have that wonderful husband/father show the little how "big boys go pottie". Have dad take him pottie with every time dad goes. The child will want to be like daddy. Daddy can make it fun to "go" if he has an imagination...i.e. LISTEN! swish, drip,drip,drip..Dab and flush. That's when the little guy gets praised and then a little treat. And don't give him something to drink at bedtime. Good luck

Well if it is any consolation I am in the SAME situation. My son turned 3 in Jan and my daughter is 18 mo. old. I don't have any profound advice but here are a couple things that I am trying. First, relax. He will be potty trained by Sept. Secondly, we started potty training a favorite stuffed animal and he seems to be into that, on and on. My mom bought us a fisher price laugh and learn potty seat. We have it just sitting out and both kids play with it at leisure. When I change diapers I have either one of the kids sit on it and I make a big deal when they just sit on it. I haven't tried putting underwear on him yet because he is a little sensitive to different textures, so I know this may be hard for him. My son is highly motivated by m n m's, which we call "colors". So I told him when he goes potty on the potty seat he can have a color, I bought the book potty training in a day and I like her ideas. If you haven't read it it's a quick read and worth reading. I hope this helps or at least reassures you that you are not alone, nor is your son.

Hi Jen!! is this you? I agree with the other poster....stop trying...back to diapers and take away the potties and ignore it for awhile. We even said no when we were asked at times if she was not willing to do it everytime. A little reverse psychology. It may be a power struggle now...I promise you it will happen. No one goes to kindergarten in diapers. A lot can happen in the next few months.

Sounds like he knows you want him to do "X" and feeling the pressure, balks at the whole idea! September is a LONG way away! Take a 2 week break! Do NOT stress about this! Neither one of my sons were interested at all, but both trained just after 3. It WILL happen! He can make the decision really quickly, but it's got to be his decision and not yours as to when he'll give it a go. That said, here are my suggestions: if you can put him in the company of any older boys that would be your little assistant, like, friends, neighbors, cousins, who he might look up to, and have them show off their cool underwear, or even (if it's not inappropriate) let him see that they use the potty as a matter of course. Nothing showy necessarily, just, "I have to take a break from playing with you to use the potty... do YOU use the potty?" mention. A little peer modeling (not peer pressure) might put the idea into his head. Introduce books about boys using the potty, Elmo's potty video, etc. Does he know that Spiderman or whomever his hero is, uses the potty? Every day?! Talk about who uses the potty, but don't tell him he should, tell him that when HE decides to, HE will too! Then he'll be just like Spiderman, or whomever. Make the potty accessible, but don't mention it. Put some new books in the bathroom, next to the potty, so if he's interested in having you read them, tell him that they're for sitting on the potty time, and IS he ready? Don't tell him he has to, just be matter-of-fact if he says no and say, "Well, that's just what they're for, so when you're interested in sitting on the potty, then we can read 'em, okay, Tiger! Be upbeat and positive because if he senses any inkling that YOU really want him to do it, he will absolutely not! If he DOES take the bait, then read him one book while he sits. Keep it short and sweet and put no expectation on it to happen again or for any set length of time.
Good luck!

Hi J.,
I also have a very strong willed child. She did all the things you described. Finally I just cut her off of wearing diapers. I put waterproof mattress pads on the sofa, towels on the floor and her potty in the same room. I took her diaper off and declared that today she was going to learn to be a big girl and that we were going to practice until she got the hang of it. I started on a Thursday and only let her wear a pullup for naps and overnight. It wasn't pretty and there were A LOT of tears. She got so angry the second day she threw her potty down the stairs. She finally realized i meant business and by the 4th or 5th day she pretty much got the hang of it. She got a lot of praise for successes and extra treats. I had these little tiny chocolate covered prezel bites which she loves and would give her one for sitting on the potty. Then I slowly cut them back to times when she succeeded at going pee. Pooping took longer and it was just wrong when she went in her underwear. Eventually she got it and you could see how proud she was. If he won't wear the underware he could just go naked for a while.

Good luck. I feel your pain!!

J.

It sounds like he isn't ready. Drop it for a few months and try again in the summer.

I think preschool will be a huge motivator for your son to be potty-trained. Good luck.

try tossing in sum cherrios in the toliet and tell him its a game he has to aim for them and then reward him.

Well, my best friend took her son to Potty Training Boot Camp (you'll have to look it up and see if anyone in your area offers this). It was not cheap but they promised he would be trained in the course of the day and he was.
I didn't have to go thisd route with my boys. What I did was offer each of my boys a potty party when they were dry all day and all peeps and poops were in the potty. It took them each a month and once we had the party neither of them had accidents anymore. My older one had just turned 3 about a month and a half before and my little one was done by the tiem he was 2 1/2. For the potty party you just tell them what they have to do and they get to invite a few fiends and have cake. You can have him pick out invitations and a gift he wants. It's not a huge party but do make a huge deal out of this accomplishment. Also remind him that he wants to go to school and only boys in underpants go to school. Further, you don't want to make him feel bad but you do want him to be responsible for his body and for any mess he makes. He should clean up and change his own clothes. I think as a mom you have to be fully committed to this. You can't back down if it doesn't take. Oh, and also a sticker chart in the bathroom helps, especially if he can do the stickers. When you are starting out set a timer to ring every ten minutes and have him go pee every time it rings. Eventually stretch out the time to 15 or 20 minutes until you realize you no longer need to set a timer.Best of luck!

Hello J.,

My son was reluctant to sit on the potty as well, so we let him stand up to pee. There is a kids urinal that you can buy at WalMart called Peter Potty ($30-$40). It has a water reserve so you can rinse away the pee & then dispose of it after. We also let him run around the house naked. It took 2 days & a couple of accidents on the floor until he got it, but it did work. Another thing that worked for my daughter was that we told her we would take her to the store & she could pick out a toy (under $10) when she made 3 pees or one poop in the potty. That worked extremely well. I had tried other bribes with her like candy or a pre-purchased toy from the $1 store but that didn't work. She loved the envolvement of going to the store & picking it out herself. After a week we stopped going to the store & she was fully potty trained (even at night).