20 Month Old Won't Go to Sleep

have you tried putting together a new bedtime routine? My sister had a similar problem and so when she made the switch t the toddler bed she createsd a new night-time routine that was a little long, about 45 minutes, including all the usual things like a bath, 2 stories and some back rubbing. Of course, the first few nights were tough but it didn't take long for her to see that the new bed came with a new routine and she settled right int it. Kids love structure, but they like it to come in such a way that they think they are maing the decision.
Hope this helped!

Hi, C..

I agree that moving her to a toddler bed (or converting your crib if it converts) is the safest option now that she can get out of the crib.

However, I'd like to gently tell you that she is simply too young for time outs. Children are not intellectually capable of understanding behavior v. consequence at 20 months of age. This intellectual leap usually comes sometime between 2 and 3 years. To her it is one of two things: a weird game, or even worse, mama suddenly not loving her anymore.

I would gently suggest that you remove time outs from your parenting repertoire for the time being. At this age she needs hands-on parenting, and if that means putting her back to bed a million times with a gentle, "Night night time now." that's what it means.

For unwanted behavior during the day, distraction, redirection and a gentle, "No no, not for baby" are your best bets.

C.,
What a challenge! I agree with you that a toddler bed will be a lot safer, and I know it will make bedtime different. Have you considered looking at her sleep/wake rhythms? It sounds to me like she isn't tired- or possibly overtired- at her bedtime. Take a look at what she's doing leading up to bedtime as well. Is she watching TV that could be stimulating her? Is there a soothing routine that's regular and tells her body to settle down to sleep? She may also be napping later, or napping longer, so her bedtime is no longer appropriate. Her sleeping will always be changing as she grows and changes, so just work with it. Remember, in a little person's world, there are just 3 things she can truly control (and she will...)- her eating, her sleeping, and her pottying. So it will make everyone's lives easier if you simply guide her and know that it's ultimately in her hands.
As for the time out and potty chair- she's still so young to really understand what it is. In the work I've done with children, a true time out was a strategy to teach children who have become overstimulated to recognize it, and remove themselves from the situation before they get out of control. It gives kids the skills to control their own behavior, rather than punish them AFTER they've lost it. Time out was a safe place. When you turn the tables, and make time out a punishment, of course she wants out. And it requires her to be able to think back to what she did and understand the connection, which she's far too young for. A better strategy is to come up with alternatives for her. If she throws her toys, give her a soft ball and tell her "We throw balls, not toys." If she hits a friend, show her that it hurts and help her to help her friend feel better (now you're teaching her empathy and to care for others). She's still learning what she CAN do, and testing her limits, and giving her these positive alternatives will help her find her way quicker. I'd be happy to help you come up with strategies and plans for her specific behaviors if you'd like. You can email me at ____@____.com.
Blessings!
H.

How long is she sleeping during the day? She may need to cut back in her afternoon nap, that may help her sleep better at night.

Did you try the domes for the crib. It worked for my friend, her son was going downstairs and watching TV in the middle of the night!

C.,

I would suggest to move her to a toddler bed or a full size bed. Explain to her that she is a big girl now and she can have a big bed if she stays in it. For the time outs I would do exactly what you are doing, you could possibly move her time-out spot to an area that has nothing that would distract her to make her want to get out of time out. Hope this helps.
J.
Mom-to Andrew 7 and Hailey 4, also Family daycare provider.

This is a tough age, my son is 23 months now and we've been having trouble with him a bit too though a completely different way. I agree that it would be safest to get a toddler bed for her at this point. As you said it will still be a tough thing to get her to stay in bed - my son has this issue at nap but goes down quite easily for bed. We have a very regular routine though - teeth, diaper and pj's, bible story, family prayer, kisses, and night night. I usually let him lay down with a small toy or a book - if he has one in his hand or indicates he wants a book. He stays in bed though and falls asleep quite easily. For naps he gets put back into the crib. He doesn't know how to climb out yet so safety isn't an issue there. If I did't have a five month old to tend to I would simply sit with him until he fell asleep because he would eventually fall asleep if he weren't able to get out of bed. Maybe you could try that. As for time outs, I put him in it, but he only has to sit for one minute so usually by the time he decides to get down he would be out of the time out anyway. I just sit him on a chair wherever we are. I think the time out is mostly to distract him from whatever he was doing that he shouldn't have been doing. Mostly I do try to change activities to stop whatever I don't want him doing but I mostly believe in natural consequences - though I wouldn't allow him to do anything inherently dangerous. Good luck and feel free to e-mail to vent, I am right there with you in this whole on the cusp of two thing the kids have going on.