Bedtime Has Become Extremely Challenging

Hi C..

I've been where you are. My daughter is now 2 and used to have the same sleep problems. I tried everything, like you and it seemed like nothing would work. Then a friend gave me the book "Healthy sleep habits, happy child" by Marc Weissbluth, M.D.

I started reading it and learned that my daughter might have been fighting the sleep because she was overtired. So, I tried putting her to sleep earlier than normal. She did cry a little, but in a few days, she went to sleep by herself without a peep.

I highly recommend getting a copy of that book. It helped me.

Good luck!
K.

Hi C.,

My son went through the same thing when he was about 8 or 9 months old. We tried everything under the sun - bedtime routine, lullabies (which kept him up, he's a light sleeper), and we finally let him cry it out even though it was so hard for me. Other family members had to keep me from going to get him, but in the end it worked extremely well and he goes to sleep without a problem now. I would not let your daughter cry for more than an hour though; that is excessive and not good for your baby. Many people told me that it would only take a couple of days, but it took about a week with my son. We have friends who didn't do cry it out with their first son and finally ended up doing it when he was about 3 years old, which was horrible! They tried getting him to go to sleep with one of them in his room and he would not go to sleep without one of them there. Needless to say, they were extremely tired! When they finally did cry it out, he would scream that his arm was broken, or something else horrible had happened to him for hours because he didn't want to go to sleep on his own. You definitely do not want that kind of scenario - the older your child, the harder this can be. Something else that really helped my son a lot was an earlier bedtime. I put him down around 6pm or 6:30 and he gets up around 6am or 6:30. He wakes at the same time regardless of when he goes down for the night, but putting him down later just makes him overtired. Many parents inadvertently keep their babies up too late. I recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" - it was great for us. I guarantee that she's not sleeping as well at night because she is overtired. Good luck!! I hope that you find a method that works for you and your little one!!

We are big fans of Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Weissbluth and the cry it out method worked for us. Our daughter is now 13 months...it's possible you might need to take a look at how much overall sleep your daughter is getting (naps + nighttime sleep). She might require more/less sleep. Weissbluth's theory is sleep begets sleep.

Doing the same routine for naps and bedtimes is a huge help. Room darkening shades (home depot), lots of activity during awake hours and now that the weather is getting nicer, more outside time will help too.

Good Luck

My daughter did the same thing around that age up till a few weeks ago. It was her teeth and she just wanted to be with us for comfort. She is 13 months now and still teething a bit (all her teeth came at least two months late).
I made the mistake of trying to let her cry it out (going against all I believe but I was at my wit's end) and I regret it. Big mistake. I only let her cry for 20 minutes and since that night, she was deathly afraid of her crib. Even if I put her in there asleep, she would wake up and grab onto me and cry. We got rid of the crib and got her a mattress. It's a twin sized and we just set it on the floor. She loves it and sleeps pretty good! She does still wake up at night but that is because she is still nursing and is not eating regular food too well (that's a whole other issue).

I recommend that you be very careful with the cry it out. If it bothers you and makes you cry, why do you want to do it? Go with your gut feeling. I highly recommend getting some books by Dr. Sears or going to his website. www.askdrsears.com. Definitely look into his reasons why he doesn't believe in the cry it out. I tend to believe him.

I also recommend "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. This was a wonderful book and had a lot of good advice. There is one for babies and one for toddlers. I read the toddler one because mine was just turning one when I got it at the library.
I hope things work out for you. And always remember that everything is a phase. This too shall pass!
K.

Ugh...that's like reliving months of my daughter's babyhood and then again with my son. My daughter could scream until she was hoarse and my son would have a completely different voice the whole next day because he cried so hard. My other daughter was never as stubborn, but for the other 2 we wondered if they actually finally just passed out from exhaustion. We were certainly ready to some nights! I read Jodi Mindell's sleep book, Sleeping Through the Night: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night's Sleep. It was great, and worked well for us with our daughter and later our twins. It worked quickly, and her methodology didn't leave us feeling like DCFS might call any day because we were torturing our kids at night. The main focus is to set a consistent bedtime routine that you use every single night and to teach your baby or toddler how to soothe themselves (as opposed to relying on you coming to comfort them) and fall sleep alone. My twins are now 23 months old, and when bedtime comes, we still have the same routine we've had for well over a year now and they literally try to climb in their own cribs because they want to go to bed! No fights, no crying, no problems. It's not magic, though. You do have to do your part in maintaining a consistent bedtime routine, but once it becomes habit it's as easy as any other routine you've got - it's a given, you hardly even realize you're doing it. For us the routine is just bath, pjs, book, brush teeth, and then bed. In the beginning, she runs you through the checking method of going in at intervals to let your baby know you're there and she is ok, but you're not going to pick her up and soothe her. That is always hard, but the intervals are reasonable and my kids "got it" in just a few days, then each had a brief relapse, then they were fine. All of it took place in about a week, and we started with our twins at around 8 months. It was later with our first daughter, and if I had only known, I would've saved myself a lot of grief, stress, and sleepless nights by starting sooner! A pediatrician friend of ours is the one who originally recommended it to me, and I believe the author has a revised version now. Check it out at your library!

A few questions:

Is she sleeping well during the day? She's 8 months and should be getting at least one good nap during the day...like two hours or two one or two hour naps...then bedtime around 7 or 8pm. Now every child is different, but that is what I did with both my girls. If she's over tired from not napping during the day, she won't want to go to sleep at night and she will be restless.

What time are you starting bedtime? If it's too late, she's wound up and won't want to go to sleep. When they get over tired they just fight it after that.

Have you tried a warm bath before bed?

I know what you mean by crying when they cry. I was a wreck with my first. I trained her to need me from the beginning. She slept by the bed and I patted her bottom and stuck that pacifier in her mouth every time she grunted. As a result when I finally decided she need the crib..she couldn't sleep on her own. If she woke up, she couldn't lull herself back to sleep. I was a walking zombie.

At some point you have to realize that you need your sleep. This is what I did with mine at about nine months or so....when I finally couldn't take it anymore and was hallicinating from sleep deprivation.

I took her to her room, read her a story while I nursed her with a soft gentle voice...lights low. Then I put her down. I patted her bottom a minute or two and then I walked out. During the night when she woke up and started crying I went in, put her back down, patted her bottom a minute or two, told her it was night-night time, and walked out. I let her cry for 15 minutes then went back in and repeated the process.

The first night it took about four or five repeated trips to the room...I was exhausted. The second night maybe three trips. By the third and fourth night it was maybe two times. After a week she was sleeping six hours straight.

Do not pick her up. Lay her down, pat her bottom, shhhh her, maybe sing a short song. Talk quietly, keep lights low or off, don't pick her up. You give in and she will scream until she gets her way.

On one occassion my daughter screamed so long when I wasn't home (had gone back to work part time at night) that she threw up in her bed. She was hoarse all the next day. I cleaned her up when I got home, cleaned her bed, rocked her a minute and then put her back down. She never did it again. My hubby has a stronger constitution than I do.

At any rate, I had to train her to go to sleep after training her for months to need me. It was awful.

I didn't make that mistake with the second. She got nursed with the lights low, got her story while we nursed, maybe I would sing her a song and then she went in her crib....at three weeks old. She immediately fell asleep and has never been a real problem when it comes to bedtime. She's three now and after we do stories we lay her down. She sticks her little bottom in the air and most of the time I swear she's snoring before I get out of the room.

She needs to cry it out. She needs her rest, you need your rest. Crying it out will not hurt her (or you). You need to be strong. It pulls on your heartstrings to hear them calling out and feeling unable to help. Make sure to look at the clock frequently so you have a good sense of time that's gone by. I have 3 kids, all wonderful sleepers, but they all had to learn to be good sleepers by crying it out. It's tough. With my first my husband and I sat crying in the front room together listening to her. It was hard. But after three nights the problem was solved. I'm a huge proponent that kids need to learn to sleep. You are doing her a disservice by not allowing her to learn this important lesson...the first of many difficult lessons you'll have to teach your child over the years. A few GREAT books to read... "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" ...you MUST read it if you haven't already. It was my bible when my kids were young. It is a must-read for all young moms. Also, "Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems" has some good nuggets as well.

Dr. Weisblut's book "Healthy sleep habits, happy baby" is great. my baby did start doing some of that around 8 months. She had the base of her mobile and knew how to turn it on and so she would be in her crib playing for ever, singing to the music. Eventually, I took the mobile base out. At 8 months, crying it out is likely to be one of the only solutions that will work but you may need to leave her there for an hour or two. After a few days, she will stop. I know that sounds terrible but it won't hurt her long term, it will actually benefit her and you as you will all sleep so much better. If you keep coming back in to get her, then she will keep doing what she is doing. You can come in, pat her and then leave her - eventually she will be exhausted. Learning to fall asleep and to unwind is hard but babies need to learn how to do it. I know my daughter does it as I hear her with the monitor and she kind of makes this droning noise to herself, sings a bit and then eventually drifts off to sleep.

I just heard this program on the radio. It was about a book that 2 pediatric nurses wrote called "Moms on Call" They write about ways to get your baby sleeping through the night by 6-8 weeks of age, no that is not a type weeks, not months. One thing they said was that those aquarium things are TERRIBLE for babies. They provide too much stimulation for them. The basics they talked about were white noise machine, swaddling (don't know if that would work with an 8 mo old) and feeding them right before bed. The website you can find out more about it is www.familylife.com HOpe it helps.

C., if there is nothing medically wrong with your daughter then you have to let her cry it out. Little ones are very smart and she has figured out that you will come to her. She knows that she will get her way. All she wants to do is play and you have to show her that you're "mom" and she will listen to you. I had similar problems with my son and I let him cry it out. I would let him cry for as long as 2 hrs at the beginning. I would go in there periodically to make sure he was fine and would comfort him, without touching him. Let him know I loved him but it was time for him to go to sleep. It was extremely difficult and very painful to me but as the nights progressed he got better and eventually he realized that he had to got to sleep and that mommy and daddy weren't going to let him out. It will get better. Good luck!

Ditto on the Weissbluth book! It's hard to listen to CIO, but it's worth it. If you really follow the book, you will have a good sleeper for life. We have used it for both kids, 4 & 1. It's not always easy, but it makes for a rested family.

Instead of just letting her cry until you can't stand it anymore, start with 3 minutes. You can handle 3 minutes. Use a stopwatch if you have to. Go in after that time, pat her back, reassure her that you're still there, and then put her back down. If she starts screaming/crying again, wait 5 minutes. THen 7, then 10. There's a really great book by Ferber called something like Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems. It really helped us.

We had to start sleep training our son when he was 4 months old. I still use it for nap time, but now I wait a minimum of 5 minutes before I go check on him.

If there's nothing medically wrong you have to just let your daughter get angry and work it out. She's old enough now that she knows full well what she's doing. And you're right, the last thing you want to do is reward this behavior.

Try a white noise machine instead of the lullabies. A humidifier works well too, and is a whole lot less expensive.

Good luck. Stay strong. It could take about a week for her to get with the program, but ultimately she will. And you'll both be better off for it.

I know it may not be popular, but you really do need to let her cry it out. She is testing you and so far she is winning. You & she both need to get your sleep. IMHO, 15 minutes of crying is not long enough. Be tough and don't feel bad! If she is fed & dry, she doesn't need anything but sleep and it is up to you to let her learn how to get it. Establish a bedtime routine (if you haven't already), and stick to it. In my experience it should be simple and short (no more than a 1/2 hour). Then lay her down and leave the room. Period. I highly recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. I used the techniques for both my kids and they are great sleepers (ages 2 1/2 & 12 months). Good luck!

Ooh my??? Are we related? My son did the same thing. I went out and tried to look for some kind of book to read. My son would do the same thing. He would have to be rocked and everything. Get a routine going. Winding down time...soft play, then bath, then book, then bed. I started to do that. My son NEVER slept. He would take 30 to 45 minutes naps, and be up. It was a nightmare. There is a book out there called, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" By Marc Weissbluth, M.D. That was my bible for understanding the sleep habits of a baby. Go get it. It is wonderful. My 2 year old, now, wakes up at 9 in the morning, goes back down at noon, sleeps until 3, and then back to bed at 8pm for the night. Every night is not perfect, but he is a great sleeper because of that book! I hope that it helps, because the good Lord only knows, it helped me. Good luck!!!!

Right around 8 months I started doing a bedtime routine with my daughter. I did the exact same thing every night at exactly the same time. Bottle, stories, songs, bed. Same stories and same songs too. It took a few weeks to really settle in, but now she is 14 months and when I take her through the routine it's like a sedative. Even if she's relatively wide awake, as soon as stories are over and I sing the first few notes of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, she will put her head down on my shoulder and start to relax. Also, I switch the stories up now, but the songs are always the same. That's the critical point for my daughter, but obviously you will have to experiment and see what does it for yours.
Good luck!
Mary-Claire

It looks like a lot of people are telling you to let her cry it out. My 3-year-old daughter always had a hard time falling asleep - to this day - and we've _never_ let her cry it out. In my opinion it sends the child a message that s/he is upset but no one is going to attend... There are alternatives. First, like others have said, make sure she's not sleeping too much during the day. Second, she's probably an evening person (some people naturally wake up in the evening), so do all you can to keep her mellow - no playing, no noises. The music may actually be stimulating, so try not to have it and get a sound machine or humidifier for the white noise. Have a mellow ritual. And have her get used to falling asleep on her own, gradually. She may just be one of those people who tosses and turns for 20 minutes before falling asleep. I'm that way! And so is my daughter...

Good luck,
R.

How much is she sleeping during the day? She might be overtired or not tired enough?

Looks like you've received some great advice -- and from both ends of the spectrum! I have two teenage girls, five years apart, who both had sleep challenges at different periods. With the first, I took the easy way out sitting in the rocking chair in her room until she fell asleep and then moved her into our bed every night at about 2 a.m. when she woke crying. Not sure that I did her (or our love life) any good as she was still coming into our room in the middle of the night at 8 and 9 years old!

With my youngest, I was more disciplined. Establishing a calming, soothing and loving bedtime routine as others have suggested, utilizing Dr. Weissbluth's strategies helped tremendously.

One suggestion that I did not see in other responses would be to include some aromatherapy in your daughter's bedtime routine. You might want to try spritzing her crib linnens and blanket with an aromatherapy scent that will help you create a relaxing sleep environment for your daughter. Go with and herbally and botanically based spray. My youngest, who is now 14, last year started having trouble falling asleep at night -- lying awake, tossing and turning for hours. She found that by spraying Arbonne's Unwind aromatherapy mist on her pillow and around her bed helped to relax her so that she could fall asleep. There might be similar products from other brands/companies that you could use, but I'd stay away from ones that use chemical fragrances. I am an Arbonne Consultant so if you'd like more information about our products, feel free to contact me. Or you can order the Unwind spray from Arbonne's Aromatherapy line directly from the website at www.arbonne.com. When ordering from the website, you'll need to input a consultant ID # so feel free to use mine -- ID #15333187 -- if you don't already know another Arbonne representative.

Good luck!

Mary

Hi C.,

I have a six year old and a one year old- I know it's tough but if you have feed and changed your daughter and she is not sick- then you need to let her cry it out. If it takes a few hours than that is what it will take!

When I had my first child the charge nurse at the hospital told my husband and I that as long as we could hear the baby crying we didn't need to run in every 15 minutes (or whatever time frequency) to check on him. She was right.

Some kids are just harder to get down to sleep then others.

I know you probably won't believe this, but kids (even kids that are 8 months old) know what they are doing. They know that if they cry harder enough, long enough that eventually you will come to their rescue! You are setting yourself up for sleeping troubles later on!

Just my opinion, make sure she is not napping too much during the day, make sure she has been up for at least three hours before bedtime, feed her dinner at a regular/routine same time daily, put her pjs on and then put her to bed. Leave the closet light on with the door open a little. Kiss her good night and let her be.

If you have a video monitor you can watch her on that to make sure she's okay.

Hope it all works out for you. Trust me, if you don't get this under control it will only get worse! Bedtime will be a nightmare! Oh, one more thing- Have you tried giving her a bath and bottle before bed? That will usaully knock my son out all night!

Hope you get some sleep soon! :)

MV

P.S. My younger son has an aquarium that we had to take off the crib because it was more of a distraction than a help.

I don't know how old she is but more exercise during the day might help and a warm bath before bed always helped my 2 fall asleep.

It looks like you got a wide range of opinions.
so I will add what we did with our daughter.
she is now 14 months. she also went through this tough period.
we would let her go to sleep with us and when she was totally out, transfer her to her crib. We were doing this so much that we put a twin bed in her room so the spouse wouldn't loose sleep. We always started her off in her bed to see what kind of night it would be. We would let her cry 10-15 minutes. I found my daughter's time was 12 minutes. If she cried longer than that then I would cuddle with her. This was not encouraged by her ped., just to let you know. We did what worked for us because we needed sleep. The other thing we found out was she didn't like the soft music, I know very strange. So we found a cd call kids first praise songs. It is upbeat music but she likes it. I could never fall asleep with it on but she does. There is no book telling us what works for our child, bummer! I was a nanny for 15 years and thought I had it figured out. Being a mom is very humbling.
keep trying different methods out for a week at a time and see what she likes
Good Luck!!

I didn't read all of your responses, so sorry if this is a repeat. Anyway, my son did the same thing...for him, it was just a phase. It lasted about 2 weeks. I'd let him cry a little (because I can't stand to listen to it), then comfort him, and repeat. Eventually, he got back on track. Good luck!

You may be putting her down too late and missing the sleep window. Her being overtired can extend that bedtime until 9 or 10 p.m. I remember going through this with both of my kids and someone suggesting an earlier bedtime. If she usually goes down at 7:30, try 6 or 6:30. It really worked! I started putting them down really early (6-6:30p.m.) This was hard since it meant there would be days when they did not see Daddy, but they got the sleep they needed and I got a very nedded break. I also recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child." If you decide to do the tough love route, you need to have a good guidebook. Remember also, babies need sleep. You don't help them by letting them be in charge. You're the Mom and you need to be confident with your choices. If you try "tough love sleep options", it usually is only difficult for 3 days (not weeks and weeks)and then you'll wonder why you waited so long. Good luck! It does get easier.

Could she be teething? My daughter did that around your daughter's age. She would just toss and turn all night long after she finally fell asleep.

I feel bad for you! You mentioned that she will play a little in her bed and then go to sleep. You might want to take any toys that are in her crib out. She might be confused that it is not play time, but sleep time. You also might want to put cd player in her room to play lullabies when it is time to sleep. You need to create a routine for her bedtime so she knows it is bedtime! Hope this helps!

My oldest child, a girl, was a great sleeper, never any problems. Then along came our 2nd and it was horrible. By 8 months of age he was not sleeping through the night and his naps were only 10 minute cat naps. Needless to say by 8 months I was exhausted and he was always crabby.

I went to my pediatrician seeking advice. He recommend a book called, "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems". I am not sure of the author anymore but I believe it was a Dr. Shaw. The book came me a lot of insight into children and sleep, and a strategy for helping my son.

The first night of training my son to sleep was horrible. The 2nd night was not much better but by the 3rd night he was on his way. By night 4 I slept and so did the rest of the house all night long. After that my son became a good napper and was a much happier child because he was getting the rest he needs.

You might want to look into this book it was very helpful to us. Good luck!

Sounds like your daughter is getting too much sleep during the day. Maybe she needs to skip one of her naps. I had to make sure my kids didn't nap past a certain time so that they would be tired again when it was their bed time. Also you need to do a bedtime routine with her. Maybe after her bath you could read some books, sing a song, say a prayer and then put her to bed at the same time every night. Kids love routine. My oldest son had no bedtime routine, but we had a routine with our other 3 kids and it was wonderful. They look forward to that special time with you and they know what happens after the special time is bedtime. I read "Good Night Moon" to my kids almost every night for years.

I am sorry that I don't have any advice. I am having the exact same problem with my 9 1/2 month old. If you get any advice that sounds good, please let me know. This is my third daughter and experience is not helping!! :)

Hey there.. my question and suggestion is to make sure she's good and tired when you put her down.. perhaps she's outgrown one of her naps or make sure the naps she has are shorter. I know for my 10mth old I'll let her sleep for 60-90mins in the morn and then 90-120mins in hte afternoon.. but no matter what she's done by 3 so she'll be nice and sleepy and ready to share a bath, brush her teeth and off to bed at the same time as her big sister (btwn 7-8pm). Good luck! :D

i know its a big taboo woth some...but how does she do sleeping with you & your husband? all 3 of ours have gone in phases of sleeping with us & then when they're ready they go to their own beds...just seems to work for us...but i'm a wimp in the "ferber" arena : ) and need sleep so we take it anyway we can...with or without little people...
good luck!

I know sometimes my kids do this during a growth spurt, or change in the weather, or even a drastic change to their schedule. Could also be that she's now getting too much sleep at naptimes and just isn't tired. I would try not letting her sleep as long, or getting her to nap earlier. Also, when my guys get this way we usually let them sleep with us - everybody wins, because we all sleep and no one is exhausted. I know people have some pretty strong views about co-sleeping, but often that closeness is all your child is looking for.

Good luck. Like everything else, this too shall pass!

Hi C.,

Like mamas everywhere, I can sympathize with the difficulty sleeping! Man, oh man (or should I say baby, oh baby)!

I see that you've had lots of helpful suggestions so far, but I wanted to add a little different advice. There are, of course, as many different parenting tactics as there are children, but one of the tricks that has worked for our daughter is not letting her "cry it out." We've been researching sleeping a lot, and one of the biggest lessons I've taken from all of the opinions out there is that babies are not tiny adults, or even tiny eight year-olds. They are babies and they have different needs. Your daughter is probably not thinking "let me drive mama crazy," but "I'm confused/I'm upset/I need something." It's tough now, but remember babies are babies only once, and they require lots of love and attention and your assistance in helping them to live in this world.

That being said, it doesn't follow that one should never let her baby cry - but as a parent, you know when your daughter's at her limit. Crying until she's hoarse, however, doesn't teach her any lessons - her voice is her only way of communicating, and she's letting you know something is wrong.

Nevertheless, you still need to address the sleep issue (and you are the greatest testifier of this fact - you poor thing!). Sleeping is not something that you can force your baby to do - the best thing that you can do is to provide a safe environment where she feels that it is okay to go to sleep (even pleasant). I would suggest this site (31 ways to get your child to sleep) from the Ask Dr. Sears website:

http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300.asp

I hope that you have found this helpful (and not preachy!). Whatever you decide, it will be the best for you and your family, of which you are the greatest judge. Good luck to you!

Warmly,

~L.

She might be teething -- my 9 month old started the same thing about a month or so ago. He's now working on his 3rd and 4th teeth. He's ok during the day, but miserable at night. Motrin or Tylonel if your doctor ok's it seems to help. The other thing could be an ear infection. When my son had an ear infection he was fine unless he was lying down. You're not alone...each time you figure out one problem another one comes up:)

Hi C.,
This is very strange. We are hitting the same thing now that our little one is almost 8 months old. We use to be able to lay her in the crib and she would go right to sleep and sleep thru the night...maybe one wake up call. Now we nurse her back to sleep and she sleeps maybe 2 hours and we are back to the drawing board. She does have a cold and is teething, think this might play into our issues. But found it strange that she is around same age of your daughter and you are encountering same thing. She mostly wakes herself up when rolling on her tummy. We have after a night of this happening 5 times taken her into our bed. We regret this but cannot just listen to her cry and need our sleep since we both work. Would love to hear any suggestions people have given you.

Happy and tired mother of one.
A.

You probably feel terrible about letting her cry because your instincts are telling you to pick up your crying baby and you are going against them. Instincts serve us well when we follow them. Though your baby may have fallen asleep on her own until this point she is becoming more aware of her surroundings. Eight mo is prime time for seperation anxiety. Her instincts are telling her that in order to stay alive she needs someone nearby. By ignoring her communication you may be teaching her to ignore her own instincts. She may realize no one is coming so she may as well shut down. Is this the message you want to send?
I understand lack of sleep is very draining. I have 3 kids my self. Not great sleepers either. Sometimes we have to let go of our expectations and just follow our childs cues. This allows us to get sleep and meet the needs of our child.
When my kids were babies I always rocked or nursed them to sleep. This didn't take very long after thier routine in the evening. As they got older I would lay with them and older still I would sit by their beds until they were comfortable with me leaving for short periods. Gradually I lengthened those periods of my absence. My 2 older kids 5 and 8 fall alseep all by themselves after being tucked in. My 2yo old is still rocked or nursed to sleep. They were always welcome in my bed when they woke in the night. That is the way we were all able to get enough sleep. I didn't have to keep getting up in the night and I didn't have to listen to a crying baby.
Be gentle with yourself and your baby. Take the path of least resistance. This stage won't last forever. You won't have to comfort her to sleep when you send her off to college and probably not even kindergarten.

I am shocked at how many people are telling you that you need to let her cry it out. That is appaling to me. We have to look at the bigger picture. Follow your instincts and do what works for you. Others expectations should not matter when parenting your child! Here's some research links to back up why CIO is not a good idea.

The Dangers of Leaving Your Baby to Cry
By Margaret Chuong-Kim, M.A.
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-parenting.html

Crying for Comfort: Distressed Babies Need to Be Held
http://www.mothering.com/articles/ne...onnection.html

A MENTAL HEALTH EXPERT WARNS THAT POPULAR ADVICE TO IGNORE YOUR CHILD'S TEARS MAY CAUSE LIFE-LONG HARM
Amelia Hill
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/con...ioarticle.html

It's the age... she's becoming more active and afraid that she'll miss something. When my son was this age, we had to suck it up and let him cry it out for 2 1/2 hours one night. After that, it was smooth sailing.

we have been having similar issues! (same age and all). Is she teething? Also, at this age separation anxiety seems to really set in!

The best advice I can give is to
1. make sure nothing's wrong (no ear infection, etc). Consider teething tabs or motrin if you really think it might be teeth.
2. get the bedtime routine set - soothing activities in dim light
3. make sure she hasn't slept to recently (how late does that afternoon nap go? OR is she over tired? does she need to go down earlier?
4. YOU have to be confident about the "it's bed time now. I love you. Kiss. goodnight." and walk out. If you go in an check on her, fine, make it brief.

If your only trouble is her not wanting to go to sleep (vs waking up frequently, which is ALSO a huge problem for us), hopefully it will be a short-lived transition. We've gotten our daughter to go to bed fine now, but she wakes up every hour or two, and dh won't put up with her crying at night (and it wakes up ds who is 2.5), so I have NO idea when that is ever going to improve :-/

Good luck!
T.

Ahhh, been there, done that! I feel your pain. Our first daughter always slept really well, but baby #2 came along and she was another story. Never slept well and when we would try to let her "cry it out", it literally lasted for hours. Since our rooms were connected, it was tough to ignore the screams. We finally moved onto an aerobed on our living room floor (no spare bedrooms in our house) and slept there with fans and white noise machines blaring for about 2 weeks. It helped drown out the screams a bit and helped at least us sleep. She eventually learned that we weren't going to pick her up and she learned to soothe herself back to sleep (that part was key since I had been using nursing as soothing). It was REALLY hard, lots of tears (on my part), but it worked. Babies can really manipulate you at 8 months old, so hang in there!!

There is another question today about sleep for an 8 month old, must be something developmental going on at that time that changes previous sleeping habits. First step is to rule out a physical cause, such as an earache, digestion problems. Do you ever watch Supernannny, one of the problems often is children who take two hours to go to sleep, imagine this going on for 5 years! I don't recall what she recommends, because there are usually other behaviors that she tackles at the same time. You are a very sensitive mother, 15 minutes is not long for a baby to cry and your instinct to soothe her is strong, however, look at the facts, you spend two hours trying to do what worked before and it no longer does. She is more aware of the world now and this will only increase. You are rewarding her not going to sleep, despite what many experts say, she may not be able to rationally manipulate you, but she can do it instinctivly, and I believe she is. I have a day care and have used this method (with parental permission)and there is a book about this method and it works. She must become self-soothing, let her cry, set a timer for 5 min, go where you cannot hear her (she senses your unease), pop your head in the door when the timer rings, don't try to soothe her, be non-challant and don't touch her or talk to her. Leave, set the timer for 10 min, repeat as above, set the timer for 15 min. Almost every baby will fall asleep before this entire proceedure is over. After a few times she will go back to falling asleep by herself. The next time she is sick and you have to tend to her during the night, you will have to repeat this process, but she'll catch on more quickly.

I think it is something medical why she cant sleep maybe reflux at night. it hurts to lie down with reflux and it keeps you awake and wakes you up though out the night. I would make an appt with the dr telling you ahve let her cry it out etc and you think ther is more to it. kids do not just do this on purpose. she is crying to communicate to you that she cant tell you in words.
good luck
J.

I really think this is a phase that little ones go through and a bump in the road. It's a tought month but my 9 month old is finally through it and back to her normal schedule. Continue to CIO. someitmes we had to let our daughter cry for an hour or more. But eventually they go to sleep. Next she'll be standing in her crib. Next month will be better! Keep her on a routine and keep working on her skills----pulling up and sitting down---in the middle of the day.

When she finally goes to sleep sit by her bed and tell her she is safe and tell her that any bad dreams she might be having are nothing and that nothing will ever hurt her, that you are there and God is there surround her in the white light of protection from God. Go to www.Jasonshields.org he is an expert on these things, any questions you can call me 12199876074..much Peace nancy Proud mom of a seven 7 year old Boy.. Had him at 43!!! My only!!

This may sound silly, but it actually worked for me. I have been watching the show Super Nanny and her bedtime rituals do work. You put the child to sleep tell her its bedtime. Since she is still young, I've seen an eposide where the mom/dad will sit next to the bed until she falls asleep and the leave. The next night you get closer to the door and so on until she just falls asleep altogether. When my son, now 2 and in a big boy bed, does this, I say night night put him to bed, when he gets out put him back say its bedtime and when he keeps getting out just put him back to bed without saying a work. Yes, sometimes it takes 2 hours for this to happen, but all of a sudden he now is in bed on the first try. Stick with it it really works. You may be frustrated but try and stay as calm as you can. I promise it will work. I wish I had this show when my 6 year old was going through the same thing. Lots of less fighting would have happend.