My daughter turned two on May 6th. Almost to the day, she has made some major changes in behavior. Suddenly, she is throwing tantrums that consist of crying, screaming, keening, rolling around on the floor, and pushing. We think that she has learned this behavior at school because when she is in a "good" mood, she'll sometimes "pretend" to throw a tantrum. Also, the past couple of nights, as soon as we mention bathtime she throws one of these fits. She has always LOVED her bathtime and this is a new and perplexing behavior. Finally, we've also been struggling with bedtime. We've always had a beautiful routine and now she screams and cries and doesn't fall asleep until at least an hour after we put her to bed. She also has been getting up earlier and not napping well. I think she's definitely not getting enough sleep and that probably is adding to the tantrum problem, but it's the bathtime behavior that is really blowing our minds. Any advice or similar experiences?
As far as the tantrums go, we ignore her unless she comes up and pushes us, and then she gets a 2 minute time out *we basically follow Nanny Jo's advice on time-outs from "super nanny" and that works well*.
A bit about my daughter--she is soooooooo smart and funny, talks in full sentences and has a great imagination, is empathetic to the point of crying if someone in a book is "in trouble" and is above the curve in everything. (If I sound like a proud mom, I am, but she really is scarily smart...) This behavior is so unexpected. :( Help!
Terrible Two's is what that is called and it is just a phase, she will work it out. Then there is the Trying Three's! I have a 2 1/2 year old boy and we have days where I feel like he is out of it then there are days they are not. Ohter issue is they can't get out the words they want to say so they get very frusterated and do all kinds of crazy things!
As my mother-in-law always says .. This Too Shall Pass!
My daughter is 20 months and has def hit the tantrum stage. I have found distraction works very well. I scoop her up and start to sing or read a book and this calms her down and gets her ready for bed. I also use time outs for 1 1/2 minutes all while explaining that this is unacceptable behavior and that when she calms down we can have fun. Usually she cries and then I hold her after the time out and 9 out of ten that is what she really wanted anyway my undivided attention.
S. F
They don't call it the terrible two's for nothing!
Hi H.
Have you ever heard of the terible TWOS well it is not a myth stay consistant with her and she will get through it there are othere ages this happends in also. good luck
Hi H.,
Your daughter sounds just like my 21 month old! She is also scarily smart (can do all the things you mentioned) and has major tantrums. I think sometimes it is due to her being bored and just wanting my attention. I also think sometimes she is trying to understand something or learning a new skill and gets frustrated so she'll act out. It sounds like you are handling it appropriately and it may take time for these behaviors to just run it course. Have you tried introducing some new activities or toys especially ones that may be challenging? This might distract her and give her the added enrichment she needs but obviously can't communicate to you. My daughter wants to do all the activities her big sister does (older daughter is 5 years old). She loves to "write" but only with pens and magic markers, be pushed around on a scooter (luckily she loves wearing a helmet) and play on the big equiptment at the park (scares the hell out of me). She also enjoys the company of older children. I think she just needs more stimulation than a normal 21 month old, your daughter sounds the same way.
Best of luck.
J.
Hello, first I have to say "I feel your pain,LOL" Unfortunately I am on my third two year old with another on the way and in my experience it is fairly normal for a two year old to act out, as long as it isnt exreme( and it doesnt sound extreme) ( mines screaming as I type). I think you are handling the melt downs the best way you can, There isnt much you can do to a 2 year old that is all that effective. Trust me I have tried. They so far have all grown out of this and do understand right behavior from wrong. I think when they are little they are being taught right from wrong it can be frustrating for them. I happen to know a few adults who dont deal well with life, so to expect a 2 year old to handle life with a smile all the time is unreasonable. So I guess my advice is to hang in there it does change back just a quickly as it changed the first time. I have also found for us and our house the best method to make the tantrum as short as possible is to ingore the behavior. I do try to mention a few things that might catch his attention and snap him back into reality, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. Good luck and enjoy your little girl.
Tantrums are definitely one of the most challenging things to cope with. Sounds like you have a good approach. Two can also be a time when the child starts wanting to exert her own control over her world, so, depending on what is triggering the tantrums, maybe introducing some choices would help. Which toys to put in the bath, which pajamas to wear to bed. I don't want to sound simplistic, but "win-win" choices can help. Just be sure the choices are all ones you would be happy to comply with. Even "do you want to take a bath now or in one (two, five, etc) minute?" gives a little control. I know this won't eliminate the tantrums, but hope it helps.
K. (SAHM of 4 year-old daughter and 1 year old son)
I think having a smart child is not always easier. My oldest (of three boys) is extremely intelligent...but that also means he knows exactly which buttons to push, how to manipulate a situation and avoid detection. I love all three of my boys immensely...but he is definitely my biggest challenge. For your immediate situation I would not do bathtime every night for right now. (She can't be that dirty!) And as for nighttime let her maybe have a toy in bed to quietly play with while she settles in. My oldest would take his cars to bed and play with them very nicely and then nod off to sleep. Now he does this with books (although he is 4 1/2 now and going through his new and improved challenges when it comes to bedtime.)
Good luck! Remember routine is key...but breaking it up once in awhile won't hurt either.
H. (SAHM mom to Spencer 4 1/2, James 3 1/2 and Wilco 11 mths old)
My oldest is almost three and she started with this behavior when she was about 19 months! It continued until just a few months ago, so hang in there, as they work through year 2 it does get much better. Like your daughter, my oldest is also very smart and has spoken clearly and lengthily since she was very young, in fact, I felt like I was reading about her when I read your decsription! Anyway, I found that it helped to put her to bed with a few little toys or animals and books. My daughter loves to read and even "reads" books to herself that we have read together. I'd let her pick two and she would calm down when we put her to bed. It still works to this day. We also use time out if she is rude and screaming out of control, or if she hits her little sister. We tell her to sit until we say get up, wait two minutes or so, and ask her if she's "ready" (she usually is), then make her apologize to the baby or us if we were the target, though unfortunately the baby usually is! Finally, I read the book 1-2-3 Magic and I use the counting to 3 ideas he outlines. It gives her a chance to correct the behavior before you hit 3, then if she doesn't, the consequence has been outlined and you MUST follow through. For example, if she refuses to go upstairs to get ready for bed by the time I hit 3, if she hasn't moved, I carry her up. I have to say - when I do that she ALWAYS cooperates. She knows I mean it! You might want to read that book, it's a quick read and it outlines strategies for different ages. Good luck and remember, it will pass!
I totally understand. My son did it and now our daugter (2) is doing it. What I do is let her know I don't deal with it and her behavior must change. It is my way or no way. It is a bit harder for me b/c hubby doesn't always follow the same way I do. So I would get him on board to follow the same disiplining as you. Let it known that you are the bosses and she must follow you at all times. You know what ways that work better than others with yor daughter. It sounds like you are doing a great job to begin with but their behavior wont change right away. I am in the middle of reading "Parenting By The Book" and really enjoy it. It is about doing things the way "Gramma" did them.
