2 Feet of Destruction!!!

My first thought is to show him how to use his tools properly, and then put them away when he's not working on his "workbench". You can take a chunk of styrofoam and have him pound golf tees into it. Find some wood he can pound on, or maybe some bubble wrap he can pop the holes on. Tell him it's okay to work on some things but he can NOT break things. Find an ECFE class and you will learn all kinds of fun activities he can do.

Take away the toys he's using to destroy things would be my first act.

The second would be to get a lot firmer in my disciplinary tactics and start teaching the child about consequences.

Hey B., I am a 27 y/o SAHM of 3 just like you! My son is the oldest (3 1/2) and is a wild child too! Here's my two-cents... My whole family feeds off of eachother, emotion/mood wise, so I notice that when I'm stressed about things like laundry, dishes, finances, you name it, my kids (also have daughters 2 1/2 & 10 mos.) pick up on it. It's only human nature to get stressed, especially with 3 little ones around, it sounds like you might be setting the tone around your house... That comes off really mean, but that's not how I mean it to sound. I mean, you are the center of the universe for your family and your posting seems to express some of the stress within your household. I am not trying to be judgemental, (I hate the responses that are negative, or attack the mom seeking advice). I cannot imagine doing what I do and trying to go to school full-time, I can barely work part-time outside of my home. I have made alot of friends through work with kids close in age to mine. It is my lifesaver, we go out just us moms once in a while, and spend a lot of time doing activities with our kids, it's crazy but such a break from day in and day out activities. We also help eachother out when needed with child-care, it is very convenient. Maybe you need some time for you, is what I'm getting at. It sounds cliche but it's true, trust me. You will need to figure the details out, but try it.
So my response is nothing like the other ones, but our family situation is similar, so I felt compelled to respond. Take a look at what mom needs, and how to get there, before wondering what "correcting" your son needs! I really hope I don't sound too judgemental, because I understand the chaos of having 3 kids so young. I am thankful every day to be able to stay home with them, we often struggle financially with me not working outside the home, but there will come a time when I am back in the workforce and I know I will miss my time with the kids. Good luck, J.

I would HIGHLY recommend "parenting with love and logic" There website is loveandlogic.com. They have a variety of books, tapes, cd's, video's etc.... out of all the parenting information I have been given this adivce is the best. I have two destructive little boys and it has changed our lives. It is practical and easy parenting. We have a lot of fun with our discipline now... you will really really enjoy the reading and the help is unbelivable. Check out the website. They also have a toll free number with help on the other end. I have called a few times. They give a lot of great advice without making you feel like an idiot. Good Luck!
K.

P.S. I think the parenting with love and logic program should be read by all parents. They should hand them out like car seats. Since you are going into the psch. field you will really enjoy the program! Hope it helps. The library also carries a lot of there books if you don't want to buy them.

It just was on a Super Nanny last night that 4-12% of kids have ADHD. Is this a posiblity??????

Boys are walking destruction zones, some more then others. One of the keys here is to figure out why he is doing it. Is he trying to be destructive, or just curious about what would happen? Does he want to find out what things are made of? Does he just want to use his tools?

If the answers to the above questions are no, then he may be trying to destroy on purpose and that is much more challenging to deal with.

I have a boy who loved screws, everything he touched came apart. So we decided to give him old VCRs and other junk to take apart. It fulfills his need, while saving our house.

I also have another boy, who was just plain destructive- still is most of the time. As a youngster he wasn't trying to destroy, but that is how he played, now he destroys to get attention. It turns out he has autism and seems at a loss to get attention in positive ways. I wish I could focus his attention somewhere good.

Good luck-before my autistic boy was diagnosed I read every parenting book in the stores and nothing worked. Some kids are just different. At least now I have a name for that frustration.

Whew! I have been there, but thankfully we haven't lost anything as huge! This is probably not going to be isolated to this age, unfortunately. He is probably a very curious child and will want to know how things work.

It does sound like for now the tools need to GO. Just for your safety, lol.
As hard as it is, I would keep him in your sight at ALL times he is awake. I know, it is nearly impossible, been there.
I do what is called "Tomato staking." When you want a vine to grow up correctly and straight and tall, you tie it to a stake. I tie my kids to me. They have room to play near me and I can still work. But they do have to move their stuff around and play where you are. If you need to do more movements, like cooking, connect their tie to a door handle WHERE YOU ARE, and set them up with some fun things to do. If you leave the room, he needs to go with you.
It will be horrid at first, but he will get used to it. After he learns to focus his play, you will be able to leave the room for short periods of time.

It is hard, hard, hard, but it works.

Call me crazy but I really think sometimes they just don't get they are destroying things. This is what I am learning with my son. I can put him in time out for throwing stuff ect. but when he is playing sometimes it is rough and things get broken. This is what we did...he kept playing with the t.v. and almost pulled it over on himself(yikes) we now have a flatscreen mounted on our wall. I know that is a pricey investment but we thought our T.V. would not make it through our son's toddler years if we didn't get it up and out of the way. He also used to run away alot...so we built a fence. Someone just gave us a play tool table set. He loves to bang on that and hopefully is releasing the hammering urge. I would suggest to look at what YOU have to work with. Good luck and I am sorry to hear stuff in your life is be damaged. Really...it is not fun.

If you are still checking this . . .
Try not to yell--your son will feed off it.
Try this book: From difficult to delightful in just 30 days: How to improve the behavior of your spirited child by Jacob Azerrad.
It may sound like a dream, but it does work!!!

Take the toy away. Tell him when he can learn to play with it properly he can have it back.

While it may be too young to treat medically for a possible diagnosis of adhd, bipolar, austism, etc, it's not too early to seek a good child psychologist to get help for yourself and your son on how to curb the behavior and maintain sanity. Do yourself a favor and get the extra support and help you need. And don't be afraid to medicate as he's older (I started my dd at age 4 with remarkable results). If something doesn't work you'll know quickly. If it does, <<ahhh>>

I think more outside playtime is in order- especially at the park. That will tire him out and should help him listen to you a little better. As soon as you see him doing something destructive, firmly tell him "no", take the item he is using to destroy things away (or the book, etc. that he is destroying), and put him in a time out for a couple of minutes until he calms down. When you let him out of the time out, have him come directly to you, tell you that he is sorry, and ask him what he did wrong. It's okay if he can't tell you. Use that opportunity to tell him exactly what he did wrong and why it is wrong. For example- "It's not okay to hit the T.V. with your toy. You could break it, or hurt someone, and that's not nice. I love you, but I can't let you do mean things. If you keep hitting things with your toy, I'll take it away." Then give him a hug and a kiss and let him go play. Then, follow through. If he keeps it up, take the toy away. You could put it outside for him to play with the next day, if you felt that would work. Kids are smart. If you always follow through, it will work. They really want to play with their toys, so they will learn after much repetition, that they need to be nice. I had to take my daughter's baby stroller to the backyard because my daughter kept trying to run over the dog in the house. Now that it is outside, the dog has enough space to play chase, and it's no longer a problem. Unfortunately, 2 year olds have a short memory, so it will take a lot of repetition. You may want to take some of the nicer or more sentimental books and put them where he can't reach them until he gets past this stage. Good luck! My daughter is almost 3 and was incredibly destructive at that age, but is doing much, much better now.

Run the child ragged at the park. Here is a real boy! Can you make a sandbox where he can wreck and build forts??? My instinct is to get him outside, blowing bubbles, walking, swinging from a jungle gym. Also I would suggest a certain phrase or way to explain to him that he is playing rough or hurting mommy and daddy's things. If he needs special attention, buy him his own box of special popcicles and sit together for ten mins. and have a mother and son popcicle date. ???? Good Luck. He sounds like a good kid.

If he is using his toys to destroy your home, sounds like he should not have those toys. Our son used to destroy things, hit kids, jump on a chair and yell, try to hurt me, etc. Our kid has ADD, and now takes meds that are extremely helpful. He is 13, but mostly a sweet, helpful kid. He apologizes for his extreme behavior in the past. It does seem like you have an awful lot on your plate. When we adopted our son, we knew he was violent. We stopped any war play, war movies etc., and took away any toys that could possibly be used for hurting. Recently I have let him have Nerf gun-toys (he's 13, remember, but immature). We are very involved with our two kids and they know we are there to work very h*** o* their behalf. Good luck with this! It might help to talk to someone who has had experience with this behavior. Getting a degree in psychology really doesn't have much to do with handling a problem child. It may save your sanity.

Have you tried consulting your child's pediatrician? I would start there first. Two's can be hard. In all reality all ages are hard in these days and times. When in doubt consult! Good luck!...T.

Sounds like you have a very smart and energetic child. You've gotten lots of good advice. Just try not to squash his energy and curiosity too much if possible. Hard I know. I have 2 1/2 and 5 1/2 year old boys. I'll be living with broken items, colored walls etc. for quite a while. Is there a room you can strip down and let him have at it? If you really think he's outside of the "normal" box of behaviors, then have him assessed. But my guess is he's just a smart boy with lot more energy and time than his mom. You could try a reward/consequence program. He's old enough. Good luck.

My first thought is that he isn't being supervised closely enough if you know this is his behavior. But I also know that I am not in your shoes and don't know your full situation. But my immediate next thought is to take away the toys, put them in the garage in a tool box for him and have daddy(or Mommy) teach him the appropriate use for the tools, so he can use them constructively, I hear Home Depot has projects everyweek or so.

Darn those plastic tools and other toys that can be used as hammers, saws, or worse! When our boys were young, each one had his phase where they damaged just about every piece of fine wood furniture we have by leaving unsightly marks and marring, and by pounding dents in them with their tools. However, remember, boys will be boys, and it's in their genes to "fix" things, to "pound" things, and to "see what happens if". The good news is this is a phase, and has nothing to do with any failure or mistake on your part. This is an experience thing that only a mother could acquire. Be patient and wise.

I was a little slow on the get go, but finally figured out the solution is as simple as banning any toys that can be used to damage things. Don't allow anyone to purchase them as gifts, and if you must appease the little Bob the Builder in your house, invest in foam tools, which you can purchase from distributors that cater to preschools and pediatricians. They have a wide array of soft toys that appeal to the tiny builder in your life. One place to check out is www.discountschoolsupply.com.

While this may seem unfair or limiting, you will find it is worth it, since often the children who find enjoyment in being somewhat destructive are also the ones who may experiment with doing these things to another child is just as fun. Before it gets to this point, you need to reinforce that it's important to respect property and if necessary other people. They also need to be taught how to find alternative activities that give them same gratification and learning experience (hard to believe they're learning something, but they are, these are the hands on learners who get alot out of cause and effect activities. My boys, now older are both very technically minded and enjoy complicated building sets etc.)

So back to what to do now, the minute we saw them trying to use something like a "tool" we'd say "No!" and take the toy away from them indefinitely. We would first give them a chance to prove they won't misuse a toy by first reinforcing that these toys could only be used to pound on other "workshop" type toys such as their plastic tool bench, or special toy cars made for tools. We would further explain that if they used the tools or any toy in a way that it was not meant to be used, it would go away permanently. After sticking to this, they started to shape up tremendously. As I mentioned earlier, I think finding toys that fulfill that need to explore in a technical yet hands on way is a great way to distract them.

If the damage they caused was bad enough they would be punished with time outs and small chores to rectify the damage they caused such as help dad clean the walls or furniture they marked up etc.

Bottom line patience and creativity. They will come around. Just remember he's probably really smart and needs that intelligence focused.

Have you taken away his toys that he uses for destruction?
I would say have him checked for a behavioral disability, my six yr old granddaughter has a lot of behavioral issues. She was recently diagnosed as Autistic, but she is so low on the scale that she barely meets the symtoms. She also has ODD and ADD/ADHD. I have learned that if I am gently forceful with her she does what she is told. Time outs work and so does reward/punishment. I have a friend that is a musician and my granddaughter loves him. I tell her I will take her to go see him but only if she is good and does what she is told, if not she can't go. It works. There has to be something that your little guy loves to do that will be a good reward for good behavior.
It is very difficult to deal with a child with issues especially when you have other children. Get together with teachers and behavioral specialists at his school, through the doctor's office and social services. Do a lot of reasearch on line and look for a support group for parents. Get all the information you can, sift through it and use what works for you and your family.
It's funny that sometimes someone other than the parent can more easily work with your child, but don't feel bad about it. I think that even with your studies and expertise you are still the parent and emotions get involved.
Good luck with him and getting your degree.

It sounds like you have a very high energy child on your hands. I have one as well. I would make sure he gets outside and runs around a few times a day. Wear him out and see if that calms his actions indoors.

I also think he's experimenting to see the consequences of his actions. He wants to see what will happen if he hits the TV with his hammer and he wants to see what your reaction will be. After he does these things, does he look over to see your reaction?

Children come into life as a clean slate who need to learn a lot during the years. He just needs to learn the action/consequence bit yet. He doesn't see it as being distructive, he sees it as he is "fixing" things. Hammers are for pounding, he knows this. What he doesn't realize is the consequence of hitting something other than a nail, it can break it. Take the tools away and tell him when he is older and can use them properly he may have them back. When he breaks something, have him help fix it, even if it is just holding something when dad is fixing it. If he breaks something that can't be fixed, don't replace it, just let him know that it was broken and now we don't have one of those... including the TV. It doesn't seem fair that everyone would have to go without one for a while, but you want him to know what it is like to miss something he broke. This is the consequence of breaking something. Remember that this is a normal behavior to a point and how you react to it is going to determine how long you will be going through it. My oldest son would break a toy and his grandma would replace it for him. He learned that he could always replace what is broken and he is 26 and not taking good care of his Pickup, home and properity. My youngest son never broke things on purpose but he did take apart all my kitchen chairs before he was even walking, when he found a screwdriver my husband left in his reach. We laugh about that now. Some things are just natural for boys.

B.,

Instead of taking away all the destructive toys, maybe they need to be moved to a different play space. My son has tools, but most of them are outside in our front porch or outside in the yard. That way he can still have access to them, but not in spaces of the house where they can cause damage.

Maybe he needs more outings, or more structured time away from home. MN has a great program through the school district called ECFE, classes start in Sept., and I would highly recommend them. Also, our local parks and rec department has a class for that age kids, which is another great low cost outing at the nature center (Roseville).

Another idea is to take him to the local park daily. Maybe he just needs more activity! Some boys are very active, and he may benefit from that time outside.

It sounds like you are busy, but if you try to make a schedule that includes mornings out and afternoons in the yard, you may find your son is tired, and better behaved when you need to be inside.

Good luck!
J.

SAHM to Charlie (3) Joey (20 months) and Baby Girl due Nov. 16

Is he just bored? I've heard that very intelligent kids get destructive when bored.

Hang in there - he's just 2 years old. Take the pliers and hammer away from him and monitor him constantly (I know it's hard) - put gates up to keep him in the same area where you need to be. Make sure he has soft, age appropriate toys to play with and when he gets into something you don't want him to hurt or when he does something you don't like stop what you're doing and tell him "no, we don't ___________" (you fill in the blank - hit walls, tear up paper, etc.). Stay calm but firm. It will take time, but he will learn. Your other children can be in the area, too. It doesn't have to be one-on-one except for the correction of which ever child misbehaves. The situation will get better as he learns but you need to teach him for him to know what's good and what's unacceptable behavior. Blessings!

What a variety of responses! Hopefully you'll find something that helps. I have two boys, but neither of them has been all that destructive. If anything, it's been my daughter who's destroyed the books, broken the toys, etc.

I feel for you. Most importantly, try to find a good babysitter (or a moms group) so you can get some time away. You're in a really intense period of life with their ages. It really will get better, especially as your son starts talking and your baby starts sleeping through the night. I was a total nutcase when my kids were your kids' ages. They survived just fine. :)

I think the idea of keeping the tools in a certain area is a good one. Boys like to bang things and make noise. It sounds like he really understands how to use the tools - he just needs a better outlet for them. Having a play room where he can do that (and gates to keep him in or keep him out of certain areas) is a great plan. I have that - we made our dining room into a playroom and my kids love it!

He probably does need more cause and effect training - two year olds are smarter than they look. He shouldn't be allowed to touch a tv at all. He sounds really curious and maybe a little bored. A toddler who's quiet is usually up to no good. Probably more activity (either outside or inside) and a good sense a humor will get you through this phase. Fortunately, they don't stay two forever!

How does your daughter do with playing with him? My daughter is 4 and my son is 2 (both their birthdays are this fall) so I have a similar dynamic, although I have an older boy (just turned 7), too. But he's in school so he's not home during the day. My daughter keeps my son entertained quite a bit. We have a semi-fenced yard and a playset. When they start to annoy me too much, I send them outside and my daughter is capable of keeping an eye on her brother (I don't send the boy out alone - although he can be on the deck alone and we have a little sandbox on the deck). Will your kids play outside without you? Can you fence in your yard to keep them safe? I've also had good luck with the mini-trampoline keeping my kids tired and active.

Good luck! And take care of yourself! You'll feel much better about your ability to handle this if you're eating right, drinking lots of water, getting a decent amount of rest and taking your vitamins. :)

Have you tried designating one room of the house to be his "free zone", where he can destruct to his heart's content? A friend of mine had a kid with Asperger's Syndrome (not saying your son has that, of course!), and he loved to take things apart. She got him his very own (very used and very broken) VCR and telephone and radio etc and he had loads of fun taking apart and putting back together these items. Maybe if your son had a specific set of stuff he was allowed to beat on, he would be more willing to leave the rest of the house and its contents alone.

My own son, who is two and a half) was on his way to becoming a destructive dynamo when luckily, his great grandpa made him a wooden peg bench with 6 pegs and a wooden hammer to pound them with. From that day on, whenever I saw him start to hammer anything, like, say, the windows! the dog! etc, I would tell him if he wanted to bang on something to go find his toolbench. (We also have allowed him to bang on the floor, since that translates well to other people's homes- I get their permission first of course). Having the toolbench has seemed to deter him from wrecking everything else, it just took a couple of weeks, maybe a month or two, of calmly redirecting him to his toolbench before he started to self-regulate, and catch himself about to bang on something but stop and go find his toolbench without being asked.

I think part of the success we had was due to not making a big deal out of it when he was hitting other stuff, and just calmly redirecting. I don't know about your son, but with mine, if I make a big deal out something he is not supposed to do, that is the garenteed way to make him immediately do more of it.

Also, or alternately, can you direct his passion for destruction towards something like auto mechanic work or rough carpentry? I just mean to scale it way down to his size- like let him "work" on a beat-up car of yours, or let him help "build" a doghouse or something, anything that involves a lot of constructive use of a hammer. These are passions and skills that could grow into job opportunities eventually if he seems to like them. Any idea that you have that would be a constructive use of his destructive energy should work the same way.

Bottom line: calmly redirect over and over until he gets it.
And I don't think he's doing it for attention- I think some kids are wired to behave in that fashion. They just need redirection to more constructive uses of their energy.

Best luck.
Jen

I am certainly no expert, but maybe this would work. It sounds like he i a very active kid and just needs to do that kind of stuff. Instead os squashing that need, maybe channel it by giving him a place where it is acceptable and trying to teach him that it is not acceptable in other places. I picture setting up an area where you ut stuff he can beat up, break, etc.... maybe a corner of a room, basement, garage, etc. Try to fence it off some way that he feels it is a finite space. Put some cool stuff in there that he would like that you do not care about, ie, old phone books, boxes, construction toy and "real" stuff like wood, etc. Then teach him he can only do that stuff in there. It may help...?

Sounds like he needs some serious training. Read What the Bible Says about Child Training by Fugate ASAP. It's the best thing I've found on clearly laying out limits and how to enforce them appropriately.

SAHM of seven

Tough age especially when you have such a high energy little guy. Be outside as much as possible. Does he have ride on toys that he can scoot around on the driveway. You might also want to start him on a trike soon as I know many high energy, very physical kids learn to pedal early. Get him a pounding bench where he can hammer wooden pegs as much as he wants and teach him that if he hammers anywhere else he will lose that toy for a day. Let him have some extra pots he can take outside and bang. Start a box of things that he is allowed to take apart (if you don't hav anything, check for free items on the internet or pick up cheap stuff at thrift stores). Beyond that you just can't leave him alone during this stage. I know that is tough with the number of kids you have but adjust things so you can (change the baby's diapers in the same room where he is playing or bring him along, have him spend some quiet time in his room while you put the baby down for a nap, hire a mother's helper, etc.).

Good luck and hang in there.

Ah yes! First, let me tell you that you are not alone. My 2.5yo took his little plastic craftsman hammer (that I thought was HARMLESS!) and broke our fish aquarium.
We just took the things away that he was being destructive with and redirected him. It's taken awhile and he still has his days but he seems to be getting better.
Good Luck. I'll be interested to see what everyone else says too.
S. :)

You could try setting up a work area just for him. You could go to Lowes of Home Depot and pick up scrap lumber really cheap. You could also try Hobby Lobby for smaller peices of wood or wood items found in their craft department. Then let him have at it. You could alos but a real tool boxes to keep his tools in with a lock so that they would only be available when you and your husband were reeady for constuction not destruction to begin. Good Luck

Two year olds are very smart little creatures and don't fool yourself thinking they don't have a memory. I am sure yours know what candy he likes and when he is near McDonalds. Take all the tools away. Any other toy he uses to destroy things also needs to be removed. Then find yourself a place where you can put him in a timeout that is safe. Make it where he isn't near anyone and there are no toys. Each time you find him begin to destroy something place him in it. Then once he has done his time the next five things he asks for are also a NO because he tried to ruin something. If he like a certain cup, give him one he hates because he misbehaved. Take his blankie for one nap because of his behavior. If he chooses a certain pair of shoes, make him wear a different pair. If he wants to play with a certain toy exchange it for a different one. He will get the hint. I have done this with all my kids. I have far to many kids so when this type of behavior creeps up I don't want to deal with it forever or I wouldn't have anything. One more thing, reduce the area he gets to roam in. If he is left on his own for to long of time, he will get himself in trouble.

Look up Dr. Ray Guarendi. http://www.drray.com/ His books are excellent. He has raised ten kids and is also a psychologist, author, public speaker and radio host. He keeps you in stitches as he lays it out there.

www.loveandlogic.com

I'm sorry about your destructive son. It can be just so frustrating when you try different techniques and nothing seems to work for your child.

I'm also sorry I'm going to be a bit vague with my response, because I am not 100% sure where and how this works, but here it is. We had "trouble" with our 3 year old mouthing everything in sight, including items at stores, playgroups, etc. I mentioned it to our pediatrician and she said there is a behavioral clinic, I think in Bloomington, that deals and helps with changing behavioral issues in children. I have no clue what it's called or where exactly it is. We decided to just wait it out a bit longer and eventually, with the start of pre-school, he got a lot better about putting things in his mouth.

If you are truly at your ropes' end, see if you can find out about it, maybe from your peds, and if they can help you develop a strategy on how to help your son stop this.

Sorry I couldn't be more specific, maybe some other mom reading this knows the name of the clinic.

Good luck!

You shouldn't feel horrible about not being able to handle it when you have psychology classes under your belt. I too have a degree in it and my 13 year old has me at wits end. You are too close to the problem and involved in it to be able to use your psychology influence. The best of psychologists get help from others when they need it. If you think you need help get it.
Your little one may be into the "cause and effect" stage. I have one that is around the same age too. Everything is repetitive. She hits something and it makes a noise so she does it again and again. She figuring out how things work. Your little one may be doing the same.
If your little guy is being destructive with his tool set you may want to put it up for a while.