2 Almost 3 Year Old Not Slepping Through the Night

HI!

I had problems with my first not sleeping through the night, then I found a book called Babywise. I've heard a wide range of views about this technique, but I've used it on 4 kids now, with absolutely no ill effects (it's just scheduling feedings, and making sure that instead of nursing baby to sleep, you feed them when they wake up, then let them fall asleep without eating) and it's worked on all four. THe last three, who I used it right from the beginning with, all started sleeping through the night at about 5-6 weeks. It works great, and I think it may have saved me from hanging myself with the first one--He started sleeping through the night within a week, even though he was older. TRY IT!!!!!!

Hi M.- I am also a stay at home/nursing mom with an older child. - I have an almost 5 year old and 1yr old twins. My daughter who is almost 5 slept in my bed for about 3 years. She still comes in at night sometimes and what I started doing (starting when I got pregnant with the twins) is putting a special sleeping bag or one of those small fold out kid sofas on my floor next to my bed. She got to pick out the sleeping bag and a new stuffed animal just for this. I also have a sippy cup of water on my night stand. I make her little bed in my room on my floor with special blankets and her new stuffed animal. She knows not to wake me up and she will come in, get a drink and crawl in her special bed on my floor. She gets rewarded with little things if she does this quietly without waking me. It works really well- she knows she is always welcome to be close to me- but not to wake me since us nursing moms need every minute of sleep that we can get! I wouldn't recommend radios or tvs- this will actually disrupt the dream cycle and he will not sleep as well.
I hope this helps.
C.

I was going to recommend a sleeping bag on the floor too :). He's probably just feeling left out and wants some comfort.

It probably has to do with your new baby. He knows that she's sleeping in your room, and he wants to too! We went through a similar situation with our middle daughter when we brought our youngest daughter home. She had been sleeping through the night since she was eight weeks old, etc. and all of a sudden when the baby came home, she was popping out of bed for about two hours before finally falling asleep. We finally figured out that if we put a child safe doorknob lock on the door that she couldn't get out of her room. (My husband would remove it before he went to bed, in case of fire.) A baby gate might work, too. If it is the baby, he will eventually get used to staying in his room (maybe once she's in her own room), and hopefully grow out of it. Good luck! :)

My 4 year old had trouble tansitioning to the new bed too at that age. Luckily my husband is great about that. He never woke up with babies but he seems to help when the 4 year old wakes up. Our plan was just to take him back to his room. My husband slept with him for quite a while (a few minutes until he fell asleep each time he woke.) Actually my husband is a sound sleeper so sometimes I would wake up with the baby and then go have to go get my husband back into his bed. It is not ideal but you have to stay strong! If you don't want kids in your bed then DON'T give in. You will have to battle that one then too. I know you are tired, because we all have been there. But just remember eventually he will get it figured out and you will be sleeping peacefully again!

Dear M.,
I know how exhausting/frustrating this situation can be! My experience teaches me that whatever works for your family is the right thing to do, so don't worry that you're doing something wrong.
When your son wakes in the night is he able to express what he needs or why he wakes up? Is there something waking him? Sometimes doing a very long or involved bed-time ritual every night helps with getting the body and the mind ready for sleeping, so...bath, toothbrushing, reading, cuddling, singing the same song or lullaby, etc. But make it a ritual that is the very same every night.
Is your 7 week old sleeping with you at night? If so, maybe your son is feeling left out and needs some extra reassurances or something special for him at bedtime so he feels he's getting some of that nurturing attention for himself too. Depending on how mature he is for his age, you may be able to make a deal with him that you will lie down in his bed while he falls asleep, and then he will stay there until morning. You might even have some little items that he really likes (stickers, little toys, etc.) that can reward him each morning that he stays in his bed all night. Maybe put them in a basket that he can pick something out of every morning that he stayed in bed all night. So it's a positive reward that he'll want to work toward.
Unfortunately some children do have a difficult time sleeping through the night for various reasons. I have an eleven year old who still wakes in the night 1-3 times per week. It's not at all uncommon, but in your son's case there may be some things you can do to help him develop habits so he can self-soothe in the night and fall back to sleep by himself. A special stuffed animal, blanket or toy? You can even try granting his favorite stuffed animal with magic "powers" that will help him fall back asleep if he wakes in the night.
Sometimes the noise of a radio or tv can actually wake kids up in the night.
I am a psychologist, not a physician, but there may be some homeopathic remedies or even warm milk before bed that would help him sleep through the night.
Even though you are very tired, keep in mind that most of children's behaviors are trying to tell us something, and our job as parents is to decode the message. Also, they grow so fast that most of these phases are temporary.
Keep your positive approach, and I wish you the best!
J.

Hi, My girl did the same thing. We finally just slid a little mat and blanket under the bed that she could pull out and lay on whenever she needed to come sleep in our room. we told her she could come in anytime she couldn't sleep as long as she didn't wake us up unless she was really scared. It was a nice solution for the kid who had a lot of changes going on in her life and for us to get some sleep.

Trust me they wont be little for long, and i think some people make way too big of deal about kids not sleeping in the same room as parents. Do what works for you and your family. Nobody knows your kids better than you. good luck.

Hi M.,

I have a little boy who will be 3 in February, and a 4 month old baby girl. My toddler started doing the same thing, and I don't know if it is an age thing or because of his new sister. However, one of us (usually DH--if I have to get up with the baby, he can get up with the toddler) gets up and puts him back in bed. Sometimes he will rock him for a couple minutes, but then put him back in awake. For a couple weeks, he was waking up almost every night, but now it is maybe once per week and he goes back into his bed no problem. Good luck!

I M.,
I am a grandma. My daughter swears by Dr. Sears books and advice. When our 4 year old was not sleeping she went exactly by the book and it worked like a charm! Dr. Sears gave instructions for day by day training. (you have to be willing to let them cry alittle). go to www.askdrsears.com
S.

I have been through this with both my kids. They are 16 mos apart and sleep wonderfully now at age 3 and 4. But my son especially who is the oldest slept horribly at 2 and wanted to sleep with us. The best way is to keep putting him back and be consistant. I know you are very tired but once he adapts and know this is where I have to sleep it will be alot easier! My son would actually scream so it was a transition. I would not put a radio ot TV in his room because then he if he gets use to it he will never sleep without them. Maybe buy him a cuddly toy that he helps picks out. Be sure he has some type of light near him so he is not totally in the dark and with my son we also give him a flashlight. We do a fun bed time routine so getting ready is fun and both my kids love story time. Its their time just before bed they get with me. GOOD LUCK!

As trivial as it sounds have you tried a night light that he has picked out? Also maybe try a blanket that he has picked out to go into HIS new room or I bought my child a toddler bed that she picked out and when we moved this past couple of months she got new posters she picked out. And maybe try talking to him and explaining that it is HIS big boy room because he is a big boy. Just some ideas that have worked with my daughter.

dear M. - i have the same problem (w/out the 7 week old)Chalrie will be three in February and every night he slinks in around 2 or 3 am. I went to the pediatrition to see what he thought and he said the only way to get him to sleep in his own bed is to keep taking him back in to his own bed. Well this is a great idea if your aren't so tired that you can't see straight and don't feel like fighting w/ a toddler at 3 in the morning...so I/we haven't tried yet and just let him sleep w/ us. I guess when it gets to be too much we will do what the dr. said to do. best of luck to you both, i'll let you know if it works for us - A.

Has he told you what is waking him up? My 3 yr old wakes up occasionally wanting to be with us, but really he is just thirsty or hungry and once we give him a little something he'll go back in his bed. Try giving your son a little snack before bed and see if that helps him sleep through the night better.
You could also try laying in his room with him. That's what it took with my daughter until she stopped waking up. I'd have an extra pillow and blanket and just lay on the floor next to her until she fell asleep, then I could go back to my bed.

When my youngest daughter started doing the same thing, I finally started getting up and taking her back to her own bed and laying in there for a an hour or so. I figured it was better to lose one hour of sleep than to have her in our bed kicking us the rest of the night. After about 2 weeks, she quit waking up in the middle of the night.

Did this start with the new baby? It sounds like he might just be adjusting. Yes, put him back, or better yet, have your husband put him back. We so allow our 4 yo to sleep with us when he is very sick, same with the baby. This is very rare and started with the baby since he needs monitoring at night when he's sick. It's a hard habit to break if you let it form. Does he have a special bear or something that might work? Our son was not allowed to bring it to our bed, so that gave him incentive to stay in his bed. A few extra hugs and kisses may be all he's wanting. It's important to get your rest so you can care for him better during the day. You can explain that to him, even if he might not understand, he'll appreciate your concern for him. Tell him it helps you to play with him later in the day if you can sleep by yourself now. Have fun with those precious little guys!

I have a 2.5 year old, and 1 year old twins, and all 3 of my kids have slept in their own beds since they were 4 months old without waking during the night. I think your son has a habit of waking up and expectig to sleep with you at that time every night. You need to break him of it! A 2 or 3 year old doesn't need a tv or radio in his room, I would give him a stuffed animal or favorite toy he can have but that is it. You will have to work at this, since he has come to think it's okay to go in your room at 2 or 3 in the morning. Everytime he wakes up and comes in your room, you will have to get out of bed and walk him back to his room. The first time tell him to go back to bed, tuck him in, kiss him goodnight and leave. 2nd time, tell him to go back to bed...be firm. 3rd time don't say anything and put him back in bed. You will have to be consistent and keep doing this until he falls asleep in his bed. YOu're not going to break him of anything by letting him come in your room because you are too tired. Good luck, you will break him of it, just be firm and stick with it! Really, it should only take a few days to break and you will be able to get your rest!

You just have to muster up the energy to put him back to sleep. Have a chart and for every night he stays put give him a sticker then after so many stickers a reward of something special. I know you are tired but a 3 year old does NOT NEED a TV or radio! Period. He has formed a habit and you are enabling it by letting it continue. Maybe even have your hubby get up and put him back to bed!!!:) Hang in there, kids go through sleep disruptions a lot on and off and it can be broken pretty easily especially if he is just falling back to sleep with you. I hope you get some rest soon.

hi M.,
just wanted to let you know that our son, who will be 3 in feb., is in the same pattern. we consider it an improvement over one of us sleeping with him the night thru, as we were doing until this last month. like so many things, i believe our son (and yours, too), will outgrow this in his own time, and likely more quickly the less of an issue we make of it. we praise him for going to sleep in his own bed, and we tell him that if he wakes up, he's safe and it's ok for him to just roll over and go back to sleep in his own bed. no success on that part, yet, but the more positive discussion and reinforcement we have regarding the steps he is making, the better. it really does seem to be the way to handle things...reinforce the positive, and anything that is "negative" try and give a constructive solution to. it all just takes time...their development is such a personal and continual effort! good luck!

I know you are tired but it really is as simple as getting yourself out of bed and putting him back in his room, every time he gets back out put him back even if you have to stand outside him door till he stops. It may take 12 times the 1st night then 8 times the next but if you are consistant he will eventually tire and decide not to wake up only to be put back in his bed. TV is NEVER a good thing to have in a 2 or 3 year olds room because it will wake him up but if you have some music or sound that is repetitive that may help but it sounds like you just need to teach him to stay in bed.

You can try putting a baby gate on his doorway. I know how exhausting it can be to get your sleep interrupted on a continuous basis. Maybe let him pick out a cool night light. It is hard to stop a bad habit once they get used to sleeping with you.
Good luck!

Hi Mel-
Try making a little bed on the floor in your room with a quilt/blanket as a mattress and a kid's sleeping bag (don't make it TOO comfortable, though!--you want it to be temporary!) That way he can toddle in, be near you & go back to sleep, but you won't be crowded out of your own bed! I'm sure he just wants to make sure he's still 'your baby' too--but you need to get your rest! i'd make it his 'job' to clean up his little bed each morning so it's out of your way, and eventually he'll want to transistion back to being the 'big boy' who can stay in his own room! take care--
C.