Soon to Be 3 Year Old Doesn't Sleep Thru the Night!!

I am a mom of adult kids. I did not sleep through the night for 7 years (we had 3 kids within 5 years). If we had a newborn, when they finally slept through the night (over a year old), then my 2.5 year old would start waking; we called it "musical beds" - we too would lay down with our kids to fall asleep most of the time. My husband would end up not getting back up and be there till morning sometimes. OR before we practiced the family bed (out of sheer desperation) we would always go to them when they woke up. We believed and still do that by meeting our kids needs when they are young, you build a good foundation of trust for when they are old. At some point, we ended up doing a pesudo family bed and stacked a crib mattress on some crates on one side of our bed next to the wall, so if somebody climbed in, they had a spot to go and we had a sleeping bag on the floor on the other side of our bed - one of our kids really didn't need to lay right next to us, as long as he could hold my hand, he was fine. Like I said, this went on for 7 years and enventually, they all slept through the night;) I too, tried all the gimmicks and tricks and even them crying it out - crying it out ripped out my heart and I could not do it, it just felt so wrong! And the gimmicks didn't work either - perhaps I did not try them long enough, I don't remember. I really don't think it's realistic to think that kids sleep through the night. I think doctors and friends set us up when they have expectations for that - I had to change my expectation to meet my baby's need - I just didn't have kids that did that.

Not sleeping when they are little as a parent, trains us for when they are teens and college age and you are waiting for them to get home - even if you are in bed, you are not sleeping; if you happen to fall asleep, you wake up in a startle when you realize that they aren't home yet.

I did not work full time and I am sure that sleepless nights make that even harder; on top of having a 4 month old. It is hard to be at our best when we are sleep deprived. You sound like you are a good mom trying to do what is best for your child as well as getting some of your own needs met. I wish you luck.

2 moms found this helpful

My daughter isn't even 1 yet...but I have read alot on this topic. There are many people out there who do believe kids just naturally do not sleep through the night. They will wake to check in with mom and dad, or because they have to go to the bathroom, or any number of things. If you think about it... we adults rarely actually SLEEP through the night. We wake, roll over and fall back asleep...or get up to go to the bathroom as well.

There is a belief by many that says we 'teach' our kids to 'sleep through the night' by teaching them we aren't available for them. This does not build confidence that mom and dad will take care of them. I know it is tough. BOY do I know it is tough... right now I get 1.5 - 2 hours of sleep at a time. However, you can try teaching your daughter to soothe herself ... as do. Check on her...and comfort her...but maybe don't lay with her.

You may also try an earlier bed time. That sounds a bit odd...but it often works for many kids.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi M., Both of my girls never slept thru the night at 2 yrs, until I followed the doctors advise. They told me that it is just a habit for them to awake during the night. They told me I just needed to let them cry, once they realize that no one was coming they would go back to sleep. By the third night they would sleep thru the night. It's much easier said than done. They would cry mama for 20-30 mins the 1st night, I was allowed 1 time to go in and lay them down and tell them to go to sleep. The 1st night is hell on the parent more than the child I think, to hear them cry for you. The 2nd night gets better, and the magical thing is that on the 3rd night they sleep thru the night. You do need to be strong to do this,but to be able to get a good nights sleep is your reward. Good luck if you decide to do this . D.

Hi, it sounds like she is waking up to have you close by. You may want to try reading her book to her and then just tucking her in so she can fall asleep herself. Your nightly before bedtime routine is just awesome, but she's getting used to you coming into her bedroom whenever she wakes up. So, you just need to train her to be a big girl and go to sleep on her own. My son cried for about 30 minutes the first 2 nights, but now he just tells me night night and I love you mommy. I even put a gate in his doorway just in case he wakes up and decides to wander the house. Whatever you decide to do, just be consistant. That is the key.

Get this book: "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Weissbluth. http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp...
pediatrician recommended it for us since our boys (2 & 4) don't sleep well. The book is wonderful and helped us break our bad habit of laying with our child to fall asleep as well. In a nutshell, you slowly progress from their bed, to a chair by the door, then in the door, then outside the door, until you're not by the door anymore. I also do 2 minute checks by poking my head in the doorway so they see me and then don't get up. The "silent return to bed" is great also. We returned to bed 100 times the first night, then 45, then 3 times. It's not going to be easy, but the time and effort is well invested in the long run when you get some sleep! Pick a weekend or vacation day to start so you don't have to go to work the next day! Good luck!

M., I have a few suggestions (my now 4 year old used to do the same thing:

Make bedtime between 8 and 8:30 and make her bath later ( it relaxs them.

Does she get a nap/rest at preschool? I find that when my son takes that late of a nap, it is harder to get him to bed on time.

Finally, you may just have to let her cry for a week until she learns to stay in her bed.

You can try a reward system... a sticker for each night she stays in bed and a treat at the end of the week-- it worked great for a friend of mine.

question....have you taken your 3 year old to the doctor? perhaps there could be an underlying reason for waking. for example. ear infection? My son didn't sleep thru the night for at least the first 2/3 years. as it turned out it was due to ear infections. though they were not always full blown, he was always stuffy, sooooo anyhow, laying down would bother his ears after a few hours, as it turns out, he is allergic to cats, got rid of those, there is a genetic factor in how his sinus paths are. they told me that babies do not have developed sinus' therefore allegies were not a factor, hmmm, as it turns out the specialist proved them wrong, anyhow, sugar never made a difference, naps, etc. he is simply built to have drainage, which at a very young age caused ear infections etc. if this is your problem, then precautions to consider, pets in the house? how old is the house? live in the city? all in all my son did better when we ensured that his room was his solice, kept dust free/animal free etc.

another factor to consider of your daughter, does she really need such a long nap in the middle of the day? perhaps she is getting the sleep she needs and is simply not tired in the middle of the night? some people/children don't require as much sleep as others. I definately hear you on the broken sleep pattern for yourself, especially with having 2 children so young, and working full time. you have many jobs! best of luck, my apologies for the rambling. S. (Montague)

I had the same problem my daughter woke up all the time it wasn't sugar or t.v. we figured that out. we basically had to wait it out she is going to be 4 in June and its still only been one month since she started sleeping though the night we had two night in that month she didn't sleep but she also had a really bad cough. Good luck i know its stressful. But on medical look at it have you checked how she breaths at night

You always need to rule out physical problems that may be causing her to wake. Children can also experience sleep apnea which occurs in different parts of your sleep pattern, maybe this is why it is close to the same time each night. The other thought is that when she wakes, she knows that you are coming in her room and sleeping with her to get her back down, at 3 years old, who wouldn't want mom with them every night. Comfort her, put her down, and leave the room. Once she knows that you are no longer sleeping with her, she will learn to put herself back asleep without your help.

My guess is that she's waking up because she realizes you are gone and gets upset. Could you try laying with her for a few minutes, but leaving before she's asleep? (Tell her ahead of time that you are going to do this.) It might take a couple of nights before it works, but that might do the trick. I know that if I snuggle with my 3 1/2 year old daughter and she falls asleep, she wakes up just after I leave. (and she's a great sleeper) Hope that helps!

You have to stop laying with her until she falls asleep at night. Right now she thinks that you have to be there for her to go to sleep and when she wakes up without you there she cries. Once she learns to go to sleep on her own, she can put herself back to sleep if she wakes up at night. Also a night light might help if she protests about you leaving her to sleep on her own. I would start out sitting in a chair or on the floor for a few minutes when she goes to bed and gradually make the time shorter and shorter until you give her hugs and kisses, tuck her in and leave. Its tough but it works. Good Luck.

The only thing I can think of is your laying with her. We all wake up at night and shift and what not. But if your laying with her until she falls asleep she might just be adjusting and finding out your not there and that's upsetting her so much that she is fully waking up. I would start weaning her from you laying with if you have to . stay in the room and every night creep closer to the door and eventually you'll be able to walk right out of the room and she will soothe herself and it wont scare her in the middle of the night when your not there...hope this helps...

Okay so I understand where you are coming from!!

You HAVE to stop staying with your daughter until she falls asleep! That is a HUGE problem...she is relying on you, and she knows you will do that so she know's if she cry's you will come and comfort her. She needs to learn on her own!

My husband and I have a 15 1/2 month little girl and up until a few months ago she was still waking up once a night...we give her a bottle, change her diaper and then put her in bed, say "night night" shut the door and go back to bed. Then we realized that she does not need to be waking up at all....she is only doing it because she know's we will come...it was a routine! So we let her cry it out the first night...she woke up about 2-3 times...cried for about 10-15 min and then went back to sleep!

NOW...she never wakes up and sleeps right through the night! It is hard at first to hear them crying, but it is the BEST in the long run!!

You really need to break your daughter of that and let her learn to fall asleep on her own.

We learned that from friends of ours, kids are hard to figure out....we got this advice from someone else, so hopefully this has helped you too!!!
A routine before bed is GREAT...but she needs to learn to fall asleep on her own!!!

Hope it goes well!!!!
S.

the cure is simple, but will be hard on your nerves, i'm sure. you just have to let her fall asleep ON HER OWN. in the end, you will all be sleeping better thru the night, you'll be in your own bed and she'll be in hers waking and being able to fall asleep all on her own. you being there with her is only keeping her from learning that she can go back to sleep all by herself. she's a big girl now and will probably resist even more than if she was younger, but kids are surprising and it may only take a night or two. good luck!

Have you just tried letting her cry? Seems to me that she wakes up so that you can go to her bed and sleep with her. It usually only takes 3 days to break a child out of bad sleeping habits (i.e. sleeping with parents). Once she realizes that you won't be there to sleep with her, she will either start sleeping through the night, or if she does wake up, she will just go back to sleep without needing you there in the bed with her. Also, a child that young needs at least 12 hours of sleep at night, and will continue to need that much sleep until around the age of 11 or 12 years of age. Try getting her into bed a little earier since she gets up so early. Seems that she doesn't know how to sleep all night, since she isn't getting enough sleep. She needs to be retrained on how to sleep, meaning, the difference from a nap and actual sleep. I hope this helps!!!

Hi M.

I would put her to sleep MUCH earlier...7-7:30pm. That sounds crazy, I know...but try it.

Sleep issues are the WORST. Hang in there and give this a try. I think it will work.

A.

Hi...I have a 4 1/2 yo and a 3 yo and they have JUST this week started sleeping all night..I have been exshausted for 4 1/2 years!!! My oldest woke up crying 4-5 times a night always starting after I went to bed. I tried everything, the thing that worked for me was this...they takes baths, we read a couple books on the couch, I do give them a snack right before bed, a yogurt or applesauce, then brush teeth and then when I put them in bed I have a music box that I turn on (it is the one that was in the crib, I kiss them goodnight, sing them a short song, usually rock a by baby and turn on the nightlite, reset the music box and go downstairs. At first (cuz I did used to lay w them till they went to sleep but then they woke up right when I walked out and I never got anything done..or slept!)they would call for me like every couple mins and I did go up there but I told them they needed to sleep like big girls so we could have fun the next day and be ready for school, reset the music, kisses and leave. After a couple days they were goign right to sleep but still waking up late in the night. I talked to them about it during the day, about how big girls sleep all night so everyone is rested and how the need sleep to grow..to make it shorter, finally this last week I bribed them...told them if they slept all night I would get them a prize, they wanted Hannah Montanna hairthings, and they did it!!! I was so realized I got them their prize and did it again, this time they wanted bubble gum, they slept all night, I go them the gum..next night balloons..they did it again!!! So last night I told them that if they slept the rest of the week we would go to a museum that they love this weekend...they slept till 7 this morning!!! I know ur frustration...I also know u shouldnt bribe but I was desperate!!! Maybe this will work for you!!

Neither does mine if that makes you feel any better, some nights I can be up every 2 hours, others he sleeps, but I am also exhausted. Saying that, not sure I should give advice, but kids have and adults have certain things they use to help fall asleep, (we like 2 pillows, like it dark, quiet, etc). Kids also have this and it sounds like you are her trigger to go to sleep, so when she wakes and you aren't there....she doesn't know how to fall back asleep. I would read the sleep books by Ferber and use some of his ideas. I would start reducing how much time you spend in her bed, then sit on the floor, then by her door, etc. Then she can learn to fall back asleep without you. My son does the same thing, he falls asleep alone, but if wakes in the night, wants me to stand by his crib...if he notices I am gone, cries again. Unfortunately I am the victim most of the time. Now I am trying to reason with him and tell him that I am going nite nite and he needs to too. If you get too desparate, try liquid Melatonin, it is at health food stores, it doesn't keep them asleep all night, but if you give it about 1/2 hour before bed....they are out. It is safe and natural. Good luck.

Hello M.,
I had a similar problem with my son. He is now 7, however when he was younger he would wake up 2-3 times during the night. A lot of times he would be sleep walk into my room. I had discovered since he had always shared a room with a sibling he didn't like being alone. I was given advice on getting him something that provides white noise so he doesn't feel alone. I bought him one of those lamps that look like a fish tank. I was also told to talk to my son each night and let him know that if he will stay in his bed through the night for one night I would have a surprise for him. I gave him something small. Then we would work on 2 nights and then three, etc.. We would talk about it every night. Each time he accomplished this the prize would be a little bigger. Whether it be that he got to pick out a special movie we would watch together or a special toy he really wanted. You know your child best on which will work for her. Eventually the number of nights he had to sleep in his bed became more and more, the prizes were forgotten. This does take some time, but it is rewarding when it is all done. We started this when he was 4 and he has been sleeping in his own bed for over 2 years. He still walks in his sleep every once in awhile, but I just walk him back to his bed without talking to him. I think once you start talking to them they wake up more. I heard that on Super Nanny.
Good luck
Tammee
Mother of 3

I think it may be because you fall to sleep with her. She may be waking up and finding that you are not with her and she has become ucustomed to falling asleep with you.

when my friends daughter was doing that they found out she had fluid in her ear that was not draining it was not infected but never the less she would say ther was a swush sound when she layed down it a thought

I wish I could help. We have 3 1/2 twin sons who barely started sleeping through the night and it is still not consistent. The only suggestion I have is to quit going in when she wakes up. That's what we did and it FINALLY seems to be working. Of course my husband and I were still woken up everytime one of the boys yelled for us, but we quit responding and eventually they figured out that we weren't coming. It's hard at first, but in the end it is worth it. Good Luck!

Is she potty trained? If so, she may be waking up to go to the potty. My 2 year old son does this. For a while I didn't know why he was waking up so often. But everytime he woke up, I put him on the potty.

Hi M.,
You have never taught her how to go to sleep on her own. You lay with her until she falls asleep so when she wakes up in the middle of the night she doesn't know to go back to sleep by herself. I hear my kids wake up sometimes at night but they go right back to sleep. I would start by setting a timer for a specific time and then lay with her. When the timer goes off give her a hug and tell her you love her and then leave. She needs to learn to fall to sleep without you there. Good luck.
Chris

I never had that problem, but I have a twin sister who has a four year old who is just now sleep through the night and she was doing exactly what you are doing which is laying with her till she falls asleep. She is using you as a security blanket and when she wakes up and you are not there she can not get herself back to sleep. At this point it is going to be a hard road, but it can be done. What my sister did was stop laying with my niece and got her a night light (it was a really big night light) and left her bedroom door open so that she could hear them moving around. It may take you trying a few things like a night light and/or a teddy bear for security and comfort. Go to build-a-bear and let her make her own bear protector. It will not be easy and it will get worst before it gets better, but your will has to be stronger then hers and you have to keep telling yourself that you are doing it for her own good.

I don't think this problem has anything to do with the type of food you are giving your child or the amount of tv she is watching.

All people wake a few times throughout the night but we have learned to fall back asleep on our own. It becomes so that we don't even realize that we have woken up. Your daughter needs to learn to soothe herself to sleep. She hasn't learned to soothe herself to sleep yet since you lay with her.

I highly recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habbits, Healthy Child". The author will give you a few options of how to teach your child to sleep on her own. Expect some crying involved, but what are a few nights of crying compared with your child learning how to sleep properly for the rest of her life?

The best part of the book is that it provides personal stories from people who have used the author's methods. It is great for motivation.

Good luck.

That's happened to our kids a couple of times...waking up at the same time every night. We do what we call "resetting their clock". It involves putting them to bed at a different time, preferably earlier in the night so they they fall asleep at least a half hour before their normal time. (Notice that it's fall asleep, not just be in bed). Example our 3 year old's normal bedtime is 7:00pm. If he gets "stuck" waking up at 1am every night for no reason we would put him to bed at 6pm or 6:15pm (so he actually is asleep by 6:30). It might take a couple nights to re-program their internal clock but it has always work for my kids, and even myself on occasion.

Also, just my opinion, but I think 8:45pm with such an early wake up might not be enough hours of sleep, unless she takes an awfully long nap during the day.

Hope that helps, L.

I had a similar situation with my daughter who is going to be 3 in 2 weeks. She would wake up in the middle of the night and only go back to sleep in our bed. So I stopped laying down with her at night and she is doing much better. Your daughter probably is so used to you laying down with her when she falls asleep that when she wakes up and you aren't there she feels the need to come and get you. I recommend that you don't lay down with her anymore, it sounds like the rest of your routine is great. Just put her in bed and leave the room. Since I leave my daughter in her room awake, I have put in a nightlight so she isn't worried about the darkness and being alone. It may take a week or so for her to get used to it but it will be worth it to you in the long run. You definitely need your sleep. Good luck.

Great idea on taking the sugar out! That wakes me up if I have it too late in the day. Perhaps try getting her outdoors in the late afternoon after her nap. The fresh air coupled with plenty of exercise ought to help. Some say she should go to bed alone and not be allowed to get up except to go potty (tough love). I couldn't do that one.

I've had the a similar problem with our three year old. We were told that WE needed to set the expectation of night time sleeping from our doctor. He said that if we wanted to get up with her whenever she woke up (she would sing or talk for over 90 minutes every night) then that was fine - but don't expect her to break that routine that we set. If we didn't want to get up with her, then what we needed to do was remind her that it was night time and she needed to sleep - but don't touch her. We just went to her bedroom door. It took a while, but she has broke it. Now she only wakes up when she has a bad dream. Also, he said that she should fall asleep with what is going to be there all night long. If we aren't going to sleep with her, then we shouldn't lay down with her until she falls asleep. She may be waking up and is scared when she finds you not there any more. If she falls asleep on her own, then she knows your not there. Maybe give her a dolly or stuffed animal to use as a comfort object (after all, that's basically what you are) that can help get her to sleep. As someone else out there recently told me, remember that it can take up to 21 days to break a routine and replace it with a new one. Good Luck!!!

M.,
You have to stop laying with her. I know it's tough, but that's the reason why she isn't sleeping through the night. She falls asleep when you are with her and when she wakes up and doesn't feel you next to her she panics. Maybe she has a special stuffed animal or blanket that will help her, but until you stop laying with her she won't sleep through the night. My nephew was 8 years old and still needed someone to lay with him until he fell asleep. He got teased a lot by his friends and refused to go to any sleepovers.

If you are the one who is always putting her to bed, maybe her daddy can take her and give her the tough love. She obviously doesn't have a problem going to sleep at daycare and I'm sure they don't lay down with her.

Another factor could be her sister. Is her sister's room close to her? Could she be waking her up? Maybe you spend more time with the baby than you do with her (which is very easy to do) and she feels left out.

I would try tough love first (she's going to have to get used to sleeping by herself eventually) and then if that doesn't work, look into the envious child theory.

Hope this helps!

F.
Mom of 2 girls
3 yr old Ella
2 yr old Valerie

I am going to go against the grain here. My wonderful sister who has raised two brilliant daughters is a firm believer that kids do not sleep through the night... some stop asking for you because you have taught them that you are unavailable for them. I happen to agree with her.

I lay with my 3 year old every night, first we read books, we talk about our day, and then she cuddles me and tells me how much she loves me (my favorite part of the day).

My daughter crawls into bed with me almost every night. She wakes up between 1am and 3am and comes to cuddle with me. I love being near her and she will grow out of it. I am there for her all day when she needs me, I feel that being there for her at night is the same as being there for her during the day. This time will pass and she will grow up and I know I will miss lying beside her and listening to her sleep. She will be a teenager in a blink!

Follow your instincts... remember 3 is really not that old.

My son also would not sleep through the night. We eventually brought it up to his pediatrician and he suggested rearranging the bedroom. He said that waking in the middle of the night had become habit for our son and if we do something to change his habit he would probably sleep. So, we rearranged his room. Nothing big, just switched the bed and dresser to opposite sides of the room. The first night he slept without waking. I was so amazed! The next two weeks he woke almost every night but the times were different and the "routine" of going back to sleep was easier (maybe my mind set). He sleeps all night every night now.

Hi M.,

I too had this happen with my daughter who is now 8 years old. The problem is when her body starts to realize that your body is not next to hers. Her body responds to your body not being there and she wakes up. Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. I had to get my daughter use to me not going to sleep with her. Bevieve me, once you break her of this habbit you'll wonder why didn't you do it sooner. She will eventually sleep through the night. It may be hard at first, but it will get better. Good luck.

L. M.

My daughter slept through the night as a baby and toddler, but as soon as we broke the pacifier habit (at age 3, much later than i wanted to) she began waking 2 to 3 times a night as well. The pacifier is what lulled her to sleep and kept her sleeping. It does seem like your laying with her is what is lulling her to sleep, and when she wakes she doesn't know how to fall back to sleep. She had to teach herself a new way to fall asleep.
Both of my kids sleep with a fan, as do myself, and my entire extended family! The fan is a lifesaver, it gives a constant calming background noise, that drowns out other little nighttime noises that might wake you (the furnace kicking on, outside noises like cars and planes, household creeks, etc)
I find that if I am somewhere trying to sleep without a fan, these little things wake me up...but with the fan, I am out.
Also the circulating air in the room is soothing.
My kids are 15 and 8, and I find that when we have a busy weekend, and I feel a nap is in order...all it takes is to draw the shades, and turn on the fan...and I can still get a nap out of them.
It's worth a try...

I agree with the others about not laying with her to go to sleep. From anything I have read they say kids need whatever was there when they went to sleep to be there when they wake in the night, in this case that is you. You may want to try and get her to attach to a blanket or stuffed animal that can stay with her from bedtime until morning.

There is a book called something like "Healthy Sleep Happy Baby" I'm not certain of the exact title. It is written by a pediatrician and father. This book was a lifesaver for my daughter. Look on Amazon.com for it, I don't know if the local library has it. Read this book. One thing is I think the child is going to bed too late. Another thing is you have set a pattern for her which she now expects. The Dr. says that everyone wakes up in cycles, the problem is getting back to sleep. A three-year old should be able to go back to sleep by herself. This book will explain all about sleep.

From experience I would say she is waking up because you lay with her until she falls asleep and then she wakes up and you are gone. SO she is checking to see if you are still there or have returned. She is not used to sleeping by herself. Also try laying her down by 8:00-8:30 so she has time to relax prior to falling asleep because she is up early and has a busy day at school, which she may nap there but it is not good sleep, I would assume. Of course she will cry when you first try to have her sleep without you there but eventually she will get it and be okay.

Sounds like to me you need a little tough love. Don't go in and comfort her. Let her cry it out.

I dont think the problem is that shes waking up at night its that she isnt able to soothe herself back to sleep when she does wake up. At her age I would suggest you talk with her and work away from laying down with her to go to sleep. When she wakes up she needs to you lay with her to get back to sleep. Its very soothing and comforting to her but shes unable to soothe herself and go to sleep. Tell her mommy will lay for awhile when shes relaxed and sleepy but still a little awake, leave. Keep working backwards until you dont have to lay with her. She will learn to soothe herself and go to sleep without you having to be there. Then at night when she wakes up she will be able to go back to sleep without you. Good luck and I hope you get some good sleep soon!

Have you tried playing some music softly in her room?
My children always responded well to that. Music can bring
peace and comfort.
Some Mozart or Bach, or some soft Christian worship music
works well. (If that fits your family).
Sometimes it's too quiet. A little background noise can
be distracting enough to help lull your little one to sleep.

Hi,

From what I have read and in getting my kids to sleep through the night, the problem may be that you lay down with her as she falls asleep. We all go through sleep cycles where we wake up a little bit every so often. If our surrounding are different than when we feel asleep, it is more disruptive. Especially for little ones. You have become her security blanket, so when she wakes up and you are not there, she wakes up more fully and wants you there. You might have to bite the bullet and use the Ferber method. Its really not that bad and did the trick for us. There is an excellent book on the subject by the person who developed it (Ferber). I don't remember the exact name of the book, but if you look up the author, you will find it. If you haven't heard of it, it is pretty much what Super Nanny recommends as well. In a nutshell, or if you don't want to get the book it works like this. You put them down, read snuggle, then tell them it is time to go to bed and leave. When they get up to get you, you take them back to bed and say goodnight and leave. If they get up again, you take them back to bed and say nothing. If they get up again, you do the same and say nothing. The important part is not to give them any attention and let them know you are not going to change the pattern. You keep doing that, as many times as it takes. It is rough the first couple of times, and breaks your heart to hear them cry for you and keep getting up, but after a while, they give up and fall asleep. If they wake in the middle of night, you do the same thing. No cuddles, no talk, just back to bed. You might have a couple of long rough nights, but in a night or two, they get that its not going to change and start falling asleep on their own. Once they do that, they can better manange themselves when they wake up in the middle of the night. You might also want to start the process by buying her a special cuddly doll or stuffed animal to be your night time "replacement". Her special snuggle buddy since she is such a big girl now. That way, over time, she can rely on it when she wakes up. Anyway, the book does a great job or explaining why it is so important for children to learn how to fall asleep on their own and the science behind it. Its not just important for you, so you can sleep better, but for her, too. You may feel like a mean mom for a while, and your husband has to be totally on board with it, and use the same method, but in the end you will all be very glad you did it. Good Luck and if you go ahead with it, stay strong!

If you continue to let her fall asleep with you, she probably hasn't learned how to fall back asleep without you if she wakes during the night. I would suggest letting her fall asleep on her own for a week or so - this may take some work at first, but she needs to learn how to get herself to sleep. My daughter takes a doll to bed, I know she plays with it before she goes to sleep, and I know she sometimes wakes during the night, but we rarely hear her. Also, does she have a blanket that has textures? I have found my daughter several times in her half-sleep, just playing with her blanket, which I think lulls her back to sleep when she wakes.

Good Luck!!!!

I went thru this with my daughter when she was around 2. She would wake up everynight screaming. The minute she saw me or I would pick her up she would stop. My mother gave me some advice that was hard to follow...but worked.
She said not to respond. If I knew it was out of habit, just to let her scream it out for a few nights. So....I did this for 5 nights..sitting outside her room crying myself..on the 6th night, she slept all night..and everynight from then on unless she was sick. It did not traumatize her or ruin her for life. As a matter of fact she has grown up to be a beautiful, compassionate young lady. ( I would definately do away with the laying down with her to go to sleep. Rock her, read her a story, lay her down, cover her up, kisses, hugs, and goodnight. Like the nanny on TV says, it takes awhile to help the child realize that mommy and daddy are in charge)Good luck!

I feel your pain! I don't have a lot of advice, but I empathize. My almost 5 year old has done the same thing for years. She started doing it at 18-months-old, so we moved her to a toddler bed at that early age thinking she was uncomfortable in her crib. We've since tried the Super Nanny technique that we saw on TV. You place her in the bed and let her cry it out while you sit on the floor. Everytime she gets up just place her back in bed until she gives up. It's hard, but it works. The key is to not talk, just keep putting her back in bed until she gives up and falls asleep. That will eventually get her to go to bed on her own without you having to lay down with her. We also use a night light and music of her choosing to help her fall asleep. Lastly, about 3 years ago we literally cut her wooden door in half. This way, she can see us, we can see her, but we can close the door to keep our youngest out of the room. My now 20-month-old daughter is starting to wake up a lot in the middle of the night. Be strong! We have vowed to not lay down with our 2nd child or bring her to our bed in hopes of changing things the 2nd time around!! When she cries I check on her, hold her for a while, and put her back to cry it out. Good luck!

I agree with a lot of the other moms, laying down with the child is a huge mistake I am a firm beleiver they need to go to sleep and go back to sleep by themselves. That said do you have a little radio in her room both my children sleep with night songs or certain calm night appropriate stories on boooks (like winnie the poo) on. My son used to get up for no reason and we would put him back in his room and turn his music on and he would go back to sleep relatively quick and stay asleep. My 2 year old wants to get up all the time and we return her to her bed and the next time return her again she likes to test and my husband and I know that so we don't want her to get away with it. Good luck!

Hi M.,

I understand your frustration but you answered your question in your question.(if that made sence) It is the number one rule that you can't lay with the child to get them to sleep. The child needs to be awake when put in bed and fall asleep by themselves.
We too were having this issue with our son. We got him a Twilight Turtle and play classical music while he goes to sleep and he's fine now, even likes to go to bed to see his stars. Our 5 yr old daughter also has a cd player in her room and listens to classical music to go to sleep. The Twilight Turtle is like a nightlight that projects stars on the ceiling and walls but it shuts off on it's own so you don't burn through batteries. As for his music we have a Leap Frog caterpillar that plays music, abc and 123 songs. It also shuts off on it's own. I really hope this helps! Just remember no more laying with her to go to sleep or your never going to get a good night sleep:)

S.

You can look at the Twilight Turle or Ladybug at
gr8mindinmotion.com
that's a store on Plainfield, where we got ours. Good lcuk!

Check out this great book: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. Full of excellent advice on getting a child of any age to sleep through the night.

I think you might want to put her to bed earlier. When my daughter was 3, her bedtime was 7:30/8:00 at the latest. She slept (and still sleeps) through the night regularly.

Sleep begets sleep!

You should read her her good night book and than say prayers and leave the room. She has to learn to put herself to sleep. She can not have you lay with you to go to sleep. It will be hard but you have to end that habit NOW. Let her cry it out for a while and go in and comfort her, do not lay on her bed. Tell her this is your bed Mommy has her own bed. Stop this now, my little brother slept in my parents room until he was over eight years old. When I had my three kids, I would tuck them in, prayers and lights out. They have always put them selves to sleep. So nice!

It may sound backwards but try an earlier bed time. (7:30 bath and 8:00pm bedtime) I read something about a chemical released in the brain when you become overly tired. It's the reason you may get a second wind when you are really tired. Then that chemical remains in your brain and makes it more difficult to sleep or interrupts sleep. Kids this age still need a lot of sleep at night. One study I read about said people who listen to soft classical music while falling asleep, fall asleep faster and wake less often in the night. I've also read about the stuff others have mentioned about teaching your child to fall asleep on their own so maybe some sleep training would help her.

Sounds like she is waking up because ur not there.... Try reading her story then saying goodnight and leaving BEFORE she falls asleep..Then she will get used to sleeping alone. It could be very trying for a while, and she will probably have to "cry it out" for a few days, but it will all work out. My daughter was 5 and still had to have me with her or the same thing happened. It took about a week of putting her to bed alone and she is now 18 and still sleeps alone lol...
good luck
T.

Hi there! I know how tiredsome it can be not getting any sleep and working outside the home!
My son is 5 and now sleeps well. A book you might want to look at is, "1-2-3 Magic" by Thomas Phelan. It deals with overall discipline and deals with a chapter on bedtime and night wakings. It is very easy to read and you can start using the techniques right away. I'll think of some more that have worked for me! Good luck!

M. D.