13 Year Old Boys - HELP!!!!

You might want to consider taking him to a counselor. My son was withdrawing from everything and his grades have taken a nosedive. I am hoping we can really pick them up this last semester. Otherwise he will not be in a special class next year. This class is for students that excel in school. I have taken my son to a counselor and she said it sounds like he could be starting into depression. She mentioned that when kids' attitudes change to be very different from the norm or they suddenly don't care, something is going on.

He might be bored out of his mind....do you think he needs more of a challenge?

Mine waws impossible in 7th adn 8th grade. We moved to VA and joined a church with a huge youth group adn he started acting a tad more humanlike. He wanted to hang with these kids and they were a good influence on him. My son waws bored out of his skull in school adn never bothered to do any homework. He actually ripped up a math test because he thought it was stupid. But if asked anythign on that test he could spit it out, almost word for word what the teacher had taught him.

Is he depressed? Have you seen the doctor and relayed all that is happening? I don't think you even have to have your son in the room at the time. You could make an appt with Doc then the next day bring the boy in.

There are so many hormones raging though his body. He wants to fit in but everyone keeps yelling at him and everyone is negative. How are his peers? Does he have any good friends or are these only the other kids who are having trouble with self control that he hangs out with?

Maybe start letting him take an online class. THey have homeschool classes out there, Virtual high schools and such. He could try somethig he is really interested in.

Try & find an older guy, possibly high schooler who is on the straight & narrow and offer them $ to tutor your son. this gives him a role model & someone he can relate too. When I was in college, I volunteered to tutor in junior high & it was rewarding for me to help kids go from failing to A's in just 6 weeks. i usually met the kids 1 hour on tuesday & 1 hour on thursday. Big difference for those kids! Hope this helps you.

I remember well my only son being 13, seemed like a world of trouble!. I realized after yelling and fighting and definitely not getting thu, that he was smart ,he knew the stuff they were teaching, he was BORED. Today in his early 40's he is a whiz kid especially with the computer, he finally learned how to put things back together and I'm glad I left him to figure it out. Because I was a single Mom I got him a big brother who worked wonders for him, he graduated, not with all A's a B or two and probably a C or two, but he graduated! Give yourself a break Mom, he'll like you more if you let up a bit.

Does the county have a work program or trade program for students? Back in my parents day everybody got to learn a trade in high school.... These days they usually reserve these programs for the kids with the lowest GPA's... A work program may be just the thing... that way they'll get to learn things "on the job." (solve real world problems, apprenticeship, learning in an authentic context instead of formal schooling) They may either appreciate work or it may motivate them to work harder in school so they can do something else. Honestly, I am almost finished with my Ph.D........my job prospects still look pretty grim and I am pretty disillusioned with higher education. If I had it to do all over again, I would have entered a trade program or career college with a guaranteed job at the end of it. (nursing, ultrasound tech., etc....) Most of my friends with bachelors and even master's degrees are having to go to nursing school or some kind of trade program to get a job. So, it's not the end of the world if formal education doesn't quite work out for them. My cousin never went to college... is really into computers and found an awesome programming company to work for. He then was teaching computer classes at HARVARD!
You may want to find other programs for your sons besides traditional formal education. Some counties have 'magnet' schools with various programs like technology where kids learn computer programming, etc..
Good luck!

Hi, K.,
You are indeed insightful about the situation.

Contact the Family Group Decision Making Conference Facilitator and see about
a Family Group Decision Making (FGDM) Conference to help your son at

###-###-####

Good luck. Hope this helps. D.

Can you find out what he IS interested in and try to support/immerse him in that so that he can see a reason for doing all of the other stuff in school. (For example, if he's into cars find some museums/mechanics/special classes so that he can really become interested in one subject. If he likes it and can get into it, maybe he'll learn to get into other things or at least understand why it's important to do well in school, so he can pursue a career in something he loves.)

I don't have a teenager yet (just a three year old) but I've been reading a good book which seems to be relevant for whichever age. Its called 'how to talk to kids so they will listen and listen so kids will talk' by Adele Faber; Elaine Mazlish. Its available on Amazon. Its terrific. The empathy and the problem solving ideas seem pretty good - especially the problem solving for that age I'd imagine.

Its ultimately up to your son what he wants to do, as he's getting older and more and more independent. But, you can help him to figure that out, make the choices available to him and give him some support with whatever he's finding difficult. Punishing him is probably not helping, and may be making it worse. It seems time to try some different and more empathic approaches to work out what's going on for him. You can offer incentives or 'goodies', trips, outings etc he can work towards if he makes little bits of progress. He may need some extra help with his homework etc - do you take the time to work with him on school work everyday ? I'd say that's probably what he needs (more attention, support and praise) more than anything. His self-esteem may be really low, and if none of those ideas help, it might be worth trying therapy. Also, has he been tested for learning disabilities such as dyslexia? Good luck, I know its not easy!

I think you need to get professional help, fast. This sounds so much like my brother when we were growing up, and 20 years later he still has no education, no job, no life-- despite a 140 IQ. Make an appointment with his teachers, principal, and guidance councilor. Find a councilor who can help you figure out what to do about this situation. Talk to his pediatrician, find your son a councilor. Come up with a plan with your husband and follow through with it. Failing school is not an option-- if you have to go to school with him and sit there to make sure he 's doing what he needs to, then let him know that you will do it. Or you will homeschool him. Or send him to military boarding school. Something to make him realize how serious the situation is. Make sure he's not depressed/learning disabled. This is going to be your job (or second, or third) job for the year!!!

Sorry you are having to go through this. I remember what this was like for my parents, and I wish they had found a way to get through to my brother.

This women has done foster care and most of them were able to come off medicine. (Not saying your son should just letting you know how effective this is:) )

I have done this method with my out of ontrol destructive son and he has done a 360! She was even featured on the BBC.

http://teachingselfgovernment.com/

Denise could be right; your son might be terribly bored. For whatever reason, intellectual or emotional, he's not finding his schooling relevant. I hope you'll look into the practical techniques in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. You can learn how your son can be drawn into becoming part of the solution.

You can read part of this wonderful parent-workshop-between-covers here: http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/038081.... I think you'll be impressed with the possibilities.

K.,

It is parental intervention time - overdue for your son. You as parents are his advocates/voice for getting him the help he needs.

You as a family need to consult with a therapist/behavioral /educational consultant and seek professional help.

Since what you and your husband have tried so far has not worked so far with him, please take professional advice and learn new communication skills/techniques that might help.

PS: Behavioral issues are not equal to ADHD, I am not sure I understand why he's put in the same group setting for children with diagnosed learning disabilities.

Please help him.