13 "Teen" Yr Old girl..help

It sounds like she seriously needs some love and attention. If there are that many people in the house... she might be feeling like she doesn't matter and so what does it matter what she does. I know that when I was a teenager I felt completely abandoned because I wasn't raised by my parents. I did some things that I wish I could take back, but now I look back and it's part of what made me who I am. The difference is that I had someone stand in for my family who I figured didn't care about me. You're busy with your dad and your boyfriend. Her father left her behind and now has a new family who he loves more than her. She is hurting inside and has no one to turn to. So she is going to take it out on herself. If she hurts you...she might feel badly, but in the long run she doesn't care because she's only focused on her pain. At that age teens have a hard time "feeling" someone else's pain.
Give it some thought to scheduling a certain night to be with her and do NOT break it. Also, get her involved with Big Sisters. She needs people to talk to!

Teens are difficult. If you push too hard, they rebel. If you don't seem to care, they rebel. If you are the perfect parent and do everything right, they might still rebel. You have to weigh your options carefully. She is trying things that maybe don't make you happy, but at least she seems to be trying them and then deciding that it isn't what she wants. Keep a careful watch on who she associates with and what her friends are doing. If she is using myspace or facebook or whatever, make sure to monitor that as well. Invite her to share what is happening in her life, but don't push too hard. Be willing to step back if she doesn't want to talk, but be there for her constantly. Share her sorrows and disappointments, applaud her acheivements and good choices. Be an example of sharing, kindness, and responsiblity. Talk to her about her dad, ask her if she thinks it would help to be able to talk to someone else (a counselor or clergy) about her feelings. If she won't share them with you, say "That's okay, you don't have to talk to me. Just remember that I am always here if you need me for anything." Keep asking questions and being interested in her life. You don't have to be her friend, she probably doesn't need more friends. What she needs is a mother who is there for her. In other words, do what you can and pray for the best. If there is another man (your boyfriend, uncle, grandfather) who might be able to help her feel a father's love and influence, that would probaly help her too.

Hi N.,
Sounds pretty much like a normal teen to me, unfortunately. Many of them experiment and thankfully she has shared that with you. You just have to do your best at teaching her the repercussions of these things, including being to serious or intimate with a boyfriend too early in life. Many moms don't have the luxury of their children sharing with them and overlook things to the too common, "Not my child".

Anymore, many parents are apart and the other parent has moved on with their life, leaving the situation you are in. Of course it is painful, but atleast today there are others in her same situation, unlike when I grew up. My mother threatened my life if I ever told anyone my parents were divorced. Kind of funny to hear today. But, talk about harboring feelings.

Best of luck. Remember, she will grow up and be your best friend soon enough.

C.

You need to rescue this girl NOW. If you live with your boyfriend why should she not have one of her own? You have a lot going on and she needs to be a top priority. The example you are setting looks very different from her point of view. There is a hole that she is filling with what ever comes along. The boyfriend of yours has no real investment in her and she has no strong father figure and SHE WILL find a male to be adored by. I come from a family of five girls, dad was gone and mom was busy working and had her boyfriend. She was a hard worker but we were not on her radar and we ended up a mess that we had to suffer to clean up ourselves.

Tough one. It seems that she is "lost" dad has his new life and mom is so busy taking care of grandpa, that maybe she is trying to fit in somewhere. Your at your job in the evening and it seems she gets bored or maybe reaching out for attention. Yes there are a lot of people in the house, but who is paying attention to her. Is there a friend that has a child around the same age that you can tag team. Maybe a couple of nights she can hang out there under adult supervison or get her into some activity. I have a 13 old also and idle hands make idle play. do you make her accountable for her time, do you know all her friends. Maybe you could find some alone time with her and nobody else around, even if it grabbing some sandwiches and sitting at the park in the evening for dinner. Give her some one on one and talk to her, she sounds like she is reaching out. Take a day and tell everyone else, that I am on my daughter time. and run away for a day. Just you and her. Take a drive out to Bonnie springs, that will give you a chance to talk, she just needs her mom. good luck

hi N., This is a tough one, thr teen years shoulcome with directions, i believe her behavior has to do with her dad laeving, girls need their dads, my daughter has needed her dad more than me since she got into her teen years. Is she your only child? also with you working nights you can't really monitor her at night. or keep her in, Maybe you and her can do some more mother daughter things, maybe even a weekend away and just talk, a new inviroment may help her open up. let her know daily that you love her and want what is best for her. the full house is not a good idea, you and your daughter need a place of your own, even if it is a small apartment close to your dad so you can still help him. if it feels like a 3 ring circus to you, how do you think your daughter feels. Hope this helps. I help with my dad who will be 83 this year, but i live on the next block over, and i take him dinner every night, but keep my family life seperate. J.

Hi N.:
Looks like you may have answered your own question,in your first sentence.

"She's outspoken, confident, relatively athletic, and smart. Maybe too much."

It appears to me,that your daughter, pretty much has herself together.She still has an open line of communication with you,and she is more honest than most teens,as far as telling you what her experiences have been.Certainly you don't expect to hear it all. There is no doubt, she is feeling rejection in regards to her father, and I'm sure that tears at your heart ,watching how it has effected her.The living arrangment,at present, probably isn't ideal for her right now, but,i'm sure shes able to cope with that,assuming your new relationship is a (healthy one)My sons were abandoned by their father at an early age,and I don't know who it hurt more...me or them,regardless, they grew into wonderful young men.They both told me,in order to live happy, productive lives, they decided it was best to put that behind them and (Move on)Your daughter,is not unlike any other 14 year old teen. A boyfriend is not unheard of at that age now adays. You know N., I believe, that theres a place, for therapy, but I also believe, that sometimes, It can be more stressful,to continue to discuss over and over some things that you'd rather just put behind you. I think,as long as you and her,have a good relationship,and spend some quality time together inbetween your hectic lives,she will be fine.The very best to you and your darlin daughter.