You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!!!

Updated on November 01, 2011
ღ.. asks from Detroit, MI
27 answers

Ok, so I posted yesterday about my friend trying to hook up with my husband Saturday while she was drunk (see my previous post). So, I did talk to her yesterday, I wasnt mean, didnt say anything vicious, just basically told her what she did and that she owes me an apology. Her apology was "If this is something thats going to break our friendship, then Im sorry." And the whole time she denied even doing anything or being wrong. Fine, Im done.
Her husband comes over this morning to pick up my husband, and he tells me how she was crying all day and how she couldnt take her kids out trick or treating because she was upset, and she still doesnt think she did anything wrong. He acted like he was all sad for her, and HE doesnt even think she did anything wrong.
I KNEW I was going to be made out to be the bad guy!!!

Come someone PLEASE explain to me how this is my fault???

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So What Happened?

Wow, this is just too much for me. I HATE DRAMA!!

Just wanted to add that my husband 10000% supports me on this, he talked to his friend and told him exactly what happened and that we were both upset about it. His reaction was "Oh, well I didnt see her do it." My husband came back with, "Yeah, welll you know how she is."

Good luck to them really. My husband and her stupid husband will remain friends, but both of us agree we wont be around that sloppy drunk ever again, drunk or not.

I cannot have people in my life like this! Its wayyyy too much! Toxic for sure!

Oh, and shes 35 btw. :)

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K.H.

answers from Reno on

Just drop it. If someone tried getting my man-drunk or not, I would be done with them. Don't let it bother you it will not get you. They are not worth it.

4 moms found this helpful
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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

It's not.
She's an a$$ and you're not.
She's feeling what it feels like to be responsible for her own choices and actions.

3 moms found this helpful

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T.K.

answers from Dallas on

I think at this point, is is time for your husband to stand up and handle this. He needs to tell his friend, "hey man, your wife is crossing the line. She's making me uncomfortable and upsetting my wife." If your husband would admit, yes, she's making me uncomfortable, than the spotlight will be shifted back to where it should be. If this guy is fine with his wife flirting like that, whatever, but HE should be the one to make it clear yall dont roll like that.

11 moms found this helpful

J.B.

answers from Houston on

Are these people in High School..?? If I were to guess, all persons involved could not be over 30! And the drama..... I would have removed my 'family' from this interaction a LONG time ago.
You know you don't need her or him in your life. YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT!!!!!!
She is an irresponsible cheating drunk and her husband.... well, they deserve each other. MOVE ON. Good Luck

6 moms found this helpful

J.C.

answers from Columbus on

You know what my first thought was when reading this? That she is so self involved that she couldn't take her own kids trick or treating because she's so sad. I mean, really? You suck it up and go, ya know? What a lunatic!

Don't feel any guilt. Don't waste one more thought on this train wreck of a woman. Decline any more outings with her in a polite manner and move along with your life. And get your husband on board! What on earth was he doing when his buddy came in with the sob story? Does he back you up at all or does he go with the flow because he doesn't want to stir the pot with his friend? I think your husband could diffuse A LOT if he just said to his friend, "I just didn't like her hanging all over me - neither did my wife". Make it your husband's problem now and wash your hands of this woman.

5 moms found this helpful
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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

They're all in denial about her behaviour and that's tragic, but it's not your responsibility. I remember someone posted about taping her behaviour next time you're around? That's probably all you can do if you're stuck in a situation with her.

It's your "fault" because you aren't in denial about it - you're dealing with it in a mature way, you brought it to their attention and they don't want to see it.

5 moms found this helpful

R.D.

answers from Richmond on

Remember what I said yesterday? If she tries to turn it around on you, that says a lot about her character, and it's not a good thing.

It's not your fault, and shame on your husband for not standing up for you. Tell him that he's being disrespectful by taking her side vs yours. HE needs to be the one to say something to her, preferably with you present.

Let her be mad! She messed up in a disgusting way! She has no respect for her husband, your marriage, you, your husband, and certainly not for herself.

WRITE HER OFF, don't look back.

I know it sucks, but you don't need someone like that in your life.

And I still would have bitched slapped her ;)

4 moms found this helpful
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G.S.

answers from New York on

Oh I missed this. Your friend made a pass to your husband while she was drunk? Finally, you confronted her wrong doing and now you're at fault. The truth must have really hurt her, then. Sounds too common to me. She knows exactly what she did and can't face you. People like that are not worth having friends. I don't believe in "I was so drunk, I can't remember what I said, or did" comment. She remembered everything and probably didn't expect you to come forward, and put her in her place. Good for you. End of story, don't be too close with people of that sort.

4 moms found this helpful

L._.

answers from San Diego on

It's all way too much drama to me. I'd never hang out with someone drinking. I grew up around a lot of drinkers and I would never expect them to be accountable the next day. That's why I don't drink, EVER!

It's not worth all the fuss. If you are choosing to make this kind of drinking a part of your life, either doing it yourself, or hanging around people that do, then just accept all the crud that goes with it.

4 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

You did right.
They are in deep denial.
This drinking problem of hers is going to catch up with her sooner or later.
All anyone needs to prove it to her and those around her is for someone to video her while she's doing it and play it back to her and her husband when she's sober.
But it's not your job to fix her problem.
If her husband has anything more to say about it, tell him he needs to start attending Al-anon meetings.

3 moms found this helpful

G.T.

answers from Redding on

She obviously has a bad drinking problem.
I remember the ol' days, and some girls that would drink too much and become lap sitters cuz they can't handle their liquor. It's not uncommon. You can still be her friend, just dont hang out with her at places where alcohol is going to be served now that you know she can't handle it and will do embarrassing things. I don't think you should take it personal. If she's a good friend of yours you should just tell her that she needs to get help or not drink in the future, she will get worse.

3 moms found this helpful

⊱.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

That friendship would be dead to me now. You simply DO NOT hit on your friend's husband EVER. And continually! Move on, Molly. Lots of potential friends out there who respect boundaries.

3 moms found this helpful

L.W.

answers from Dallas on

It's not your fault. Just another example of someone not wanting to take responsibility for their actions and someone in complete denial that something their SO is doing. Just tell them that you are sorry they feel that way but this how you feel. Be done with them. Do not associate with them any longer. Put as much distance as you can between them and ya'll. Your husband needs to be on the same page as well. Compromise if need be. He can still be friends with the guy but ya'll will no longer do things together anymore especially if there is alcohol involved. Time to set up some major boundaries. Good luck!

Just Added: I also agree with what Tracy K. said. Time for your husband to say enough is enough.

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A.R.

answers from Dallas on

I said this yesterday, and I say it again, your husband needs to step up and handle this. If I were you I would be much angrier at my husband at this point than at the other woman, she's acting exactly like she has all along just like you expected she would. She's a drama queen and your husband is allowing her to feed off of you - he needs to shut it down. Continuing to allow the behavior and put up with the 'poor me' from both her and her husband is disrespectful to you.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

People who blame drinking are often not accountable when sober, either. And it suits her to be the victim vs taking accountability for her actions. Then she gets sympathy (undeserved) and woe be her kids who didn't go out because she couldn't put on her big girl panties about it.

I think the follow up tells you where your friendship stands and I would just let it go.

I had a friend who, when confronted with her behavior, first was apologetic and then said she had nothing to be sorry about. She turned it around that we were out of line with her. We dropped that friend and haven't worried about her since.

I didn't see the other question, but long-term you and your DH need to talk about what went down because in the end there are lots of women and only one DH. He needs to be accountable for what he allows around himself.

2 moms found this helpful
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3.B.

answers from Cleveland on

I would be P*SSED if I were you! She's lucky you didn't get up and knock her teeth out lol. Drunk is NOT NOT NOT NOT an excuse for being a slut. PERIOD. And I agree with 8kidsdad, if her husband doesn't care that's a HUGE red flag. I have ran into couples like that in past and was mortified when the husband would ask if his wife could have a crack at my husband while winking at me.....WHAT?????

Disquisting. This girl is not your friend as you well know. And I would make it crystal CLEAR to your husband that if he wants to remain friends with the husband that is fine, but he is to be no where near Mrs. Skank bag. Because even if your husband does nothing wrong, women like her can make him look like he did, and jeopardize your marriage. That's the danger in people like her. This happened to a friend of mine. Her husband and a "friend" of hers joined a dart league together, and the one night she stopped up at the bar they were playing in, and saw this "friend" lean in to kiss her husband. He pushed her away but obviously my friend was FURIOUS. ANd her husband tried downplaying it by saying she was drunk, don't let it ruin a friendship........uh no, you try to kiss my husband losing my friendship will be the last thing you need to worry about.

I wouldn't give her another thought. If she calls you, I'd tell her you and her obviously have totally different ideas as to what is appropriate behavior as married women. So it's best that you don't hang out anymore.
You'd hate to be "drunk" one night and punch her in the face :)

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J.K.

answers from Sacramento on

Sigh... it's not your fault. She's just a mess, and I feel sorry for her kids. What does her husband think about her falling all over other men when she's drunk?

I'd say good riddance and not waste anymore energy on this one...

Good luck~

2 moms found this helpful

J.P.

answers from Lakeland on

You are not the bad guy and it sounds like her and her hubby are nutty. Don't let them make you feel bad. I would have a long talk with your hubby and see how he feels about it. I personally would not stay friends with this woman and I would have a problem if my hubby were hanging out with the guy and his wife.
You mentioned that your hubby doesn't like her acting that way toward him so maybe it is time for you both to cut any ties. They both sound like drama hoarders.

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

You are not the bad guy.
She's a mom and got so drunk she didn't know what she was doing? Really? Who does that?
Or maybe she did know what was going on, but still?
You do not need that kind of friend.
Cut ties with them, or let your hubby deal with the husband since they are carpooling buddies.

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S.Q.

answers from Los Angeles on

It is not your fault, obviously and I would cut the relationship off. In reply to Bev J, I am a woman, and I am a woman of integrity. We are not all like cats, and are not all looking to get away with whatever we can. It is down to an individuals' character.

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C.J.

answers from Dallas on

I had to go read yesterday's post - DANG! (as joe dirt would say). Not your fault and even if she was "too drunk" to remember it doesn't mean it didn't happen and she needs to realize that actions - while drinking or not - have reactions.
As long as your hubby supports you that is what matters in this situation, from my standpoint. I agree with tracyk. May be time for hubby to speak up to his buddy, too.

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K..

answers from Phoenix on

Seriously, how old is this couple? And what kind of idiot is the husband? Sounds like that whole family's in denial.

You AND your DH need to cut this relationship off. I didn't see your other post & you mentioned that her husband came to pick yours up, so I'm assuming they work together? Your DH needs to a) defend you and b) take a step back from that friendship, IMO. Sounds like a whole lot of addiction & drama that you don't need to be a part of.

2 moms found this helpful

✪.P.

answers from Chicago on

Hi Molly~

Some friends stay in our lives for our lifetime while others are only in our lives for part of our lives. Do not hurt yourself anymore by keeping this person in your life. You have grown from it and learned something from it. Now move on.... close this chapter and continue on without her.

1 mom found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Not your fault. This woman is a drunk and alcoholic if she honestly cannot remember her behaviors.. It means she is blacking out. Could be she remembers, but is embarrassed to be called on it.

I also agree your husband needs to be the one to speak with his "friends" and explain what happened and stand up for you.
Right now all of them are making you sound and seem like crazy person.

Because she cannot remember, next time use your phone to video tape her..

Still does not let your husband off the hook, he needs to say something..

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A.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

maybe she really doesn't remember a thing, you said she was drunk? I am not saying what she did is right...but hey, my mom was a huge drunk and would do awful things and never remember them.. in part, this made her feel ok in that IF she didn't remember, then no apology needed.. I think the bigger issue here is that your friend might have a drinking problem? you won't get any type of real apology if ever if she , herself doesn't think she drinks too much...let alone, may black out...

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B.J.

answers from Kansas City on

Sometimes women drink so they can have an excuse for bad behavior. "Oh, I'm sorry, I was drunk." Yeah, Bull. Women KNOW what they're doing. I had a friend bend over in front of my husband with a low neck dress. I said, "Your tits are falling out of that dress." She said, "Oh, I didn't even realize it." I said, "Sure you did. I'm not stupid. From now on you can bend over and put your shoes on outside." We were very good friends. She didn't say one word because she knew I was right. Women get away with what you let them get away with. You need to read the book WOMEN WHO RUN WITH THE WOLVES. Women are like cats...you can't turn your back on them for a minute...:) You were not wrong in this case and good for you for speaking out...good luck

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P.B.

answers from Spartanburg on

Why would she drink enough to get drunk (or even tipsy) like that? That's stupid...Did you ask your husband if he felt uncomfortable and if HE thinks she was flirting with him? Even so, if she was "drunk" (whatever), couldn't you both (or your hubby alone) just step away for a while to stop her making a fool of herself? I think you are being too harsh on her and she completely disrispected herself. Ask yourself if you blew the thing out of proportions and, especially, if it was worth it. Sometimes we need to be more compassionate to the people around us. She sure sounds she needs some compassion to me!

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