Some People Are So Rude!

I hope with the new year having arrived that the new mama overprotective way you feel will at some point subside. A family friend showed you how excited she was about your baby, and you bit her head off.

You seem to think this woman was rude, but she only saw a wonderful baby she was dying to hold. If the baby was feeling that bad, indeed, perhaps you shouldn't have gone to that party if you felt that no one but "special people" could touch him. Perhaps no one else at the party was interested enough in your baby to bother to try to hold him. However, she really wanted to. How much goodwill you would have brought to your family if you had sat down with her for a few minutes, sat right beside her, and let her hold your child. Instead, you made it a competition that she didn't figure out until you and your husband blasted her. It would have been better if she had realized that you meant real business and that you would have been ugly to her for holding the baby. Then she might have held back that strong desire she had when she saw your dad with the baby. But she's not that smart and gives in to her real feelings - adoring that baby and probably every baby of her friends and family.

When you go somewhere, you have the right to say "No, you can't hold my son. No one can hold my son but me and my dad and husband." But you don't get to dictate that someone won't fuss about you to others. They will most likely feel that you are overprotective and jealous against others having the opportunity to enjoy your baby. It can cause problems within your family's circle of friends and hurt others' feelings.

J., every child cries. You say you don't let him cry, but at some point you will need to learn to let him, or you will end up with a child who cannot bear to be said no to, and that will end you up with a very spoiled child.

You call this woman a family friend. If she is an odious, drunk or nasty person whom you cannot stand and think that she could possibly hurt your baby, that is one thing. But to treat a family friend as if she is awful because she cares enough to be excited about your baby, is actually rude of you.

I know you won't like my views on this, and I don't mean to offend. But I really think that it would do you and your family, as a whole, a lot of good for you to think about how you appear to others, instead of just thinking about your own feelings.

D.

34 moms found this helpful

Okay you are probably going to hate on me but in that story you were the only rude person. She wanted to hold the baby not take his soul.

If someone asked to hold my baby, and that was all she did you read into her tone, I would have politely said he isn't feeling well and prefers to be worn, not THE HELL YOUR NOT! Sorry but that is crazy rude.

32 moms found this helpful

I think you were very tired and stressed.. I think in a way you were both a little over the top..

Today is a New Year. Start over.

19 moms found this helpful

You will most likely consider me rude...

A New Years Eve party is NOT a place for a 6 month old who is not feeling well. PERIOD. Sick kid? Stay home. Especially a fussy 6 month old.

While I don't believe the woman was rude - it was the way you heard it - as your instincts told you you should NOT have been at the party - you were rude to her by snipping back and cursing at her. What a way to end 2011 and ring in 2012!! You took a BABY to a party. Who does NOT want to hold a cute baby?!?!? EVEN a fussy one? You owe the woman an apology....she was not rude - you were.

As to not letting your baby cry? Girl you are going to end up with a spoiled rotten child. It is OKAY to let a child cry for a few minutes. They NEED to learn how to work things out on their own - adjusting to their environment...learning how to sooth themselves. Does this mean you let them cry for hours? of course not!! But a few minutes will NOT hurt them.

Back to your story - you owe the woman an apology. You bit her head off. You should NOT have taken a sick kid to a party.

17 moms found this helpful

I don't understand if he was CLEARLY not doing well, why you would drag him to a party??

You don't Let him cry? You are in for one spoiled roller coaster.

15 moms found this helpful

I am always amazed at people who come to this site for advice or support, asking people's opinions, and then chastizing them for (god- forbid!) disagreeing with the poster. Either you want to know people's opinions or you don't. If you do, post. If you don't, keep it to yourself.

But since you asked, I think you were way out of line. 1) Sick babies don't belong at parties, 2) People who like to hold babies are going to ask. Maybe she didn't necessarily "ask" but I do not think her intention was to cause any harm to your child. 3) Giving your child to someone else to hold, and not allowing another person to hold him would seem to give the impression that there are "favored" people present or that you simply didn't trust the lady. Either way, it was a hurtful situation. 4) "then i warned my husband to not let her hold him." Really? You sound really over-controlling.

You took a situation where you were probably overwhelmed (I am giving you the benefit of the doubt) and turned it into something really uncomfortable and most likely not without long-term repercussions. Do the only thing you can to remedy this situation...call the lady and apologize. You owe her one, at the very least.

12 moms found this helpful

Yeah, if your baby was fussy & not feeling well, why would take him to a late night party, most likely full of drunk, loud people?

If you bring a baby to a party, I think it's a given that people will want to hold them. If they aren't feeling well, and it's a late night, I think it's better for everyone to keep the child home. I can't imagine that you or your child had any fun.

To me, it sounds like you already didn't want to be there and were not in a good mood & were overly sensitive. It sounds like you over analyzed something that was innocent & not rude, in most people's eyes. I think you were being a bit unreasonable. You say she was pushy, but based on your dramatic tone, I'm thinking you might be overplaying it a bit.

And, good luck with the not letting your baby cry... that will turn your child into a spoiled brat later on down the line when you will do anything to avoid a tantrum to have your child upset. You might want to rethink that one a little. Not saying that you should let the kid cry for 1/2 hour for a few minutes isn't going to do any damage.

12 moms found this helpful

If your baby was not doing well after his shots he should have been home not at a party.

Motherhood lesson number one--baby is sick --mom stays home with baby. There will be other parties.

11 moms found this helpful

You know, a New Years Eve party, is not a good place for a baby. People drink, act stupid, and it's an ADULT place. On top of that, your little one wasn't feeling so hot. I don't think your little one should have been there, in the first place. When babies are this little, we have to sacrifice things like News Years Eve parties, it just comes with the territory!!

I could say more, but Dawn B. said everything I wanted to...and much better then I could!!

11 moms found this helpful

I think she was trying to be helpful in an inept way. I think you should not be offended by it. Of all the things people do, holding your child isn't the worst thing in the world.

11 moms found this helpful

I understand your need to protect your child, but I am in the same camp as a few of the other posters: Why didn't you stay home with him if he was doing so poorly? Was the party that important?

I agree with you- that woman did seem really rude, I hated it when people DEMANDED to hold my baby, but I usually took the high road.

I think a nap today would be good for both you and your baby! Happy New Year!

10 moms found this helpful

i don't think she was trying to be rude, just a bit strong. i have a family member that is similar to this. i can completely see her saying the 'i'm going to hold him' line. I just think her approach was wrong. She should've started by ASKING you if she could hold him. It was completely rude of her to take him from your father like that.

hind sight, if you had let her hold him, maybe he would've thrown up on her :D
that would've taught her...

9 moms found this helpful

Hmmm, my babies always cried whether I let them or not. How do you stop him?

Some people love to hold babies and maybe she didn't understand he was sick. However, you let your hubby and dad hold him but she couldn't? I'll bet she just didn't get it. Actually, I guess I don't get it either.

9 moms found this helpful

Sorry, Mommy, it seems you are overly protective... Because if you didn't want anyone to hold your son, including his own family members, then you should have stayed home and took care of him, as you wanted without the interruptions, from people, because when you have a baby near it is "normal for people to want to hold them!" Also, why would you take your son, into a "Mixed environment," After he had gotten his immunizations? I think you should talk to oyur physician, because many parents know, NOT to take their children into risky envirionments for at least 24 Hours after the child recieves their shots, because the way the vaccinations work is to open up their immunity system so that the antibodies can start to build in their body... That is a layman's method of explanation of how vaccines work... Your doctor should have told you to keep him home for the first 24 hours, because their immune system is in an upheaval, which affects their body as a whole, that is why they are cranky... Imagine having a migraine headache or a very sore back, you just do not wish to be bothered and a dark, soothing room, is better than a noisy, bright, many person party... I do not understand, why you did not schedule the shots, two days before or after this party? Every vaccinantion has about a thirty (30) day window that is open before you are too late for the next shot. that is why you should schedule the next vaccinantion at least one week before the thirty day period closes. that allows you one week to make plans, as the shots as priority, but, to do so while YOU attend a party, seems a little over the top... I would have hired a sitter, so you could have relaxed, vice chewing everyone's heads off because the child was fussy... the woman didnt mean harm, just wanted to hold your son, for a few moments, but, if he wasn't up to it, it might have been better if you could start learning how to effectively communicate that the child was very fussy, due to his shots, and though you would like for her to hold him, maybe she could do it later, or at another gathering, when he felt better... you are now a MOther, the teacher or your child's communication, social, and future behaviors, and though your actions, even at the young age of six months, cute little faces have big ears, and infants DO learn from the vibes you give off as you hold him, and interact with others... Even if you do not say a word, but, demonstrate your dismay through body language... and that includes the content of your milk that he nurses... Beautiful thoughts, words, behaviors, and actions, are even more important now that he is out of the protective pooch of your womb... I beat if you could have been a fly on the walls, you might have saw that many of your friends and family were trying to "tolerate," you and your new Mommy rudeness, as well... so, please do not be offended, but, I think that not only was the well meaning woman, but, you were out of line, as well... I know you are new to the mothering game, but, the one thing, you have got to realize, having a baby (A sign of new life, growth and new beginnings, especially at a New Year's Party is symbolic, as Old Man 2011, gave the reins to the New Baby 0f 2012), when people see him, they just like to feel the essence of a child's birth means, Rebirth... I have a now 10 month granddaughter, and just as I did with my own daughter, I allowed people to see and hold her, there is a magic to babies, now, don't walk away, if you don't know them, but, allow your son, to see and learn that there are many different people in the world, and the smiles, are different, too! The one thing that hinders a child is a overly protective mom, that does allow the little one to fly... that is the hardest job of being a Mother, knowing, when to defend, release, reprimand, and allow them to flutter their wings... Don't worry, they do not go far... Because your love for them, remains in their hearts, and your life lessons, should prepare them to be able to fend for themselves, and be a positive, productive, contributing individual, who cares for others.... Now, that is a goal to reach... Kiss the Baby... I have to change a diaper, now... Good Luck!

8 moms found this helpful

I am in the camp that says you were irresponsible to take a sick child to a party. End of discussion. You were wrong.

8 moms found this helpful

You sound like you had a bad day. Everyone wants to hold the new baby. It is one of those things. If you don't want to share don't take him out.

I would have stayed home with him.

7 moms found this helpful

Had the woman been drinking? This doesn't sound like a party your baby should have attended.

I wonder if going to a party was the right thing to do with a baby at all, much less one who wasn't feeling well. New Year's Eve parties may be fun, but you may have to plan one at your own house next year, with a select invitation list and a family-friendly party plan.

7 moms found this helpful

You set yourself and your baby up to be uncomfortable. Did she know he was sick? Did you tell her? I can get that you were being protective of your son. But you brought your sick baby to a party. Why would you do that?

7 moms found this helpful

its only clear to you weather your son is doing great or not, as a mom only you know and feel your childs needs. If you were unclear to her, its kind of your fault, also i don't think she wanted to abduct him, some people just love holding little babies. For some its clear when the baby is in a sling, not too touch the baby, for some its not. i don't think she was trying to be rude. You are just being sensitive and overprotective about your baby, its natural. in that case be more clear to others, and don't pass him around, making her think - ok now its ok to hold him, because others do.
Also if he had shots, you should try to limit contact with everyone else includung close family friends at a time of virus' and sicknesses going around.
I really don't see a big deal here! unless she was sick or drunk

5 moms found this helpful

I've gotten upset with pushy people wanting to hold my baby. I've upset people and had them talk bad about me too. I'd look back later and think I probably over reacted but at the time, I felt truly upset. I just think~ "Hey, I was tired, hormonal, extra sensitive or extra protective, they'll get over it!" And they do. You have every right to get upset and protective of your little guy! That's our right as a mom! And people who don't "get it" ARE rude!! LOL I've got your back on this one! Good luck with your little one.

4 moms found this helpful

I understand how you would feel and I would have felt the same way but on the other hand if my baby was sick from shots or something else I would have stayed home. I bet the loud noises and just not having the comfort of having his home surrounding didn't help matters. I know what it is like to want to go out with friends especially when having children and I know that it would have or may have been hard to say that you couldn't go to this party but it probably would have been better if you had stayed home...

4 moms found this helpful

You certainly don't owe anyone an apology!
You're the mom, the parent.
What you say goes.
If his crankiness was because of the shots--you obviously had it covered by using the sling.
NO ONE has a "right" to demand to hld your baby. Ask? Sure. Demand? I don't think so.
Nor do you need to stay home. Obviously the baby was just fone with you wearing him.
Be strong and stick to your convictions. No matter the locale, situation, etc.
If this is your first baby, better to learn now that YOU decide what's best for YOUR child.
As for the "letting him cry" issue -- again, this is a SIX MONTH OLD.
Parents are all different with what they *think* is *normal* and right.
Frankly, what seems right for YOU, is the RIGHT thing to do.

4 moms found this helpful

Whos' baby was it? Yours. You get to decide who holds him or not. If people don't like it screw em. If your not comfortable with something, you have the right to not allow something when it comes to your children. If they don't understand that then they are the ones with the problem.

4 moms found this helpful

I think there are some people in this world who don't understand "baby wearing." I think they think it's weird, or a way for the parent to avoid touching the baby, or they think it's uncomfortable for the baby.

This woman was out of line. Period. You ask - always. I was always more than happy to let others hold my daughter because she was sooooo needy when she was little - she HAD to be held. So when I could get a break, I welcomed it.

However, your response probably didn't help the situation (well, we don't actually know what your response was, but based on your response here, it probably wasn't the most graceful...). If she demanded to hold your baby and you didn't want her to a simple response would have been:

"I'm sorry. He just had shots yesterday and isn't feeling his best. He's finally content in the sling and I just really don't want to mess with that. Thank you for understanding. I'm sure the next time we see you he'll be feeling much better and will be up to being held by someone other than immediate family."

I also completely understand about letting the child's GRANDFATHER hold him but not a "family friend" when your baby isn't feeling well.

The woman was definitely in the wrong. I would, however, recommend you work on how to handle situations like these with a little more tact - they're only going to happen more frequently...

3 moms found this helpful

Well you got a lot of rude responses here too. It is your child you have every right to take him to the party it is New Year's Eve and you wanted to be out with friends and family. You didn't write you were drinking and partying so I am sorry you got those responses. I would never just expect to hold someone's baby just because they were there geeeessssshhhhh! We are not back in the stone age and you have a right to take your child with you to me that is being a good Mom wanting your baby with you so you can take care of him instead of leaving him home with a teenager. I hope he is better today and use this site as I do take the responses that help you and ignore the ones that don't.

3 moms found this helpful

she was probably super-drunk. just remind yourself that next party - steer clear of her!

2 moms found this helpful

There are lots of different kinds of New Year's parties - some just family and friends, some loud, some big, some small. I don't know whether or not he really should have been out - but a lot of that depends on the kinds of party. We can be very protective of our babies, especially if they are our first. Generally if someone is wearing their baby, it kind of means "hands off". You can gently tell someone that the baby does not feel well and is best off where he is for now, but you would love for her to hold him another time. As far as not letting him cry ever - that is a pretty tall order. We have never used the cry it out method for sleeping, etc. - BUT I have three kids. Sometimes the little one has to cry because I am doing something for one of the other two. Sometimes they need to cry to let out exhaustion or frustration or because they have an upset tummy. It is okay if they cry - a little bit. I don't think you are going to spoil him at 6 months old. Actually, there have been studies that have shown that the sooner you respond to their cries and meet their needs in the first 12 months reduces the amount they cry when they are older. Whisking him out of her arms kind of sends the message that your dad is worthy to hold him - but she is not. Better probably to let him stay with her for a couple of minutes, then say "Oh, he must have a dirty diaper. I better go check." Then remove him.

2 moms found this helpful

Was she sober?
Next time she gets pushy, the first time just tell her politely "No".
If she asks again then "What part of 'No' are you not understanding?".
When she complains to everyone, explain you don't hand your child over to obnoxious people whether they are drunk or sober (although you don't have to explain yourself if you don't want to).
When my son isn't feeling well, we stay home so he's as comfortable as he can be.

2 moms found this helpful

J., it doesn't matter where you are, how your baby is feeling, how drunk some idiot is, or how badly she wanted to hold your baby, SHE was out of line. You did exactly what I would have done.
No one has the right to demand to hold someone else's child and then take the baby from someone else without permission from the parent.

I hope that woman gets a clue and realizes that she was definitely overstepping boundaries!

1 mom found this helpful

I don't know your history with this person or if she knew why you were wearing him vs passing him around. My nephew got passed around at Christmas, but when he got upset, I passed him back to Mommy. It was hard because there was something about me he didn't like most of the night and I just wanted to squeeze him. Maybe her delivery was bad, but her intention was good.

Now, that said, there are people I would rather fend off with a sharp stick then let them interact with my child. If she's generically like that, then I can understand more why you were upset. Most any time I wanted to keep my child away from people, I put her in a carrier so they were bothering MY personal space to bother her, and they were much more likely to back off.

Hope he feels better soon.

1 mom found this helpful

It's probably just a learning experience for you. You are clearly a mother who has a very limited comfort level when it comes to not being in absolute control of your child. That's fine, we all parent differently. However, if you go to a social event, you should probably understand that people want to see your baby. You can either A) stay away from events that make you uncomfortable, or B) learn how to POLITELY let people know what your comfort zone is. You seem to demand that everyone understand your parenting and how you interpret your son's "needs". They don't. It's not rude of them to not be in your head about this, but your intolerance with them kind of is.

I totally hate it when people invade my family space and want to hold my babies in this fashion. What was she thinking? Argh! I wouldn't worry about it, she just doesn't get it.

Hi,
The interesting thing about asking a question on a website is that people read it with their own background and experiences. I think I understand what you felt because I remember feeling the same way. I never felt I had the right to hold someone else's baby and I never felt anyone else had the right to hold mine. So please know I immediately felt your pain when someone who felt differently practically whisked my baby out of my arms. I hope you are having a good mama day today. Peace.