Would You Let Your Son/daughter Drink?

My parents did a beautiful job of modeling responsible drinking. They would have the occasional drink together on a Friday night when no one was going anywhere. At family dinners at Thanksgiving and Christmas there was usually wine with dinner. When we were little and said, "Can I have a sip?" My dad always said, "Sure!" knowing we would immediately say, "Yuck!"

When I was in junior high or high school, I was allowed to have a little wine at those family dinners. (The glass probably held no more than 4 oz, and it wasn't full!) It was never considered a big deal, so I never thought of it as a big deal.

When I went to college I just did not get people thought it was such a big deal to go out and get drunk. I think there were 2 times that I might have had a little too much to drink, and I never drove!

I think making alcohol a big taboo is a mistake. So, to answer your questions, absolutely I would let them have a drink. They will more than likely have had drinks (very small drinks) on multiple occasions by the time they are 18. This would just be the first time they would be able to have a drink in a restaurant.

It's just such a good opportunity to relax and model responsible drinking.

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I agree with the other parents. In this country I said goodbye to my son for six years, to go into the military. Age eighteen.They are allowed to vote- age eighteen. I was allowed to drink at age eighteen but then they changed it to twenty one. The parents in that case, in my opinion are right-it doesn't sound like they said 'go get drunk and sick and get into accidents and hurt people emotionally and physically'...they basically said 'we respect the rules and you should, too' and by golly if we are allowed to send young men and women to possibly get killed for their own country I think a sip every now and then is truly not a bad thing.

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I would let them drink if they were with me and it was legal. But then, I grew up in a Sicilian family and had a glass of wine at the dinner table from the time I was 8. I was one of the only people I knew not getting completely trashed every night at college and I rarely drink now. Never saw what the big deal was, because it was never a "forbidden fruit" for me. There was no mystery.

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I went to Mexico when I was 18 and drank there, but didn't when I came home until I was 21. But then, my friends, I went nutso and drank like I needed it to breathe.
I agree with the European mentality that the drinking age should be lower than the driving age. Kids should be able to drink, get it out of their system, and THEN learn to be a responsible driver. Not the other way around.
My inlaws had an exchange student from Germany stay with them a few years ago. She was 16 and could not believe kids could not drink here but could drive. She was horrified at all the kids sneaking alcohol and then driving home afterwards. She said things like that didn't happen back home.

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Neither of my kids drink. They are aware of the laws here, and they are fine with that. When we were overseas, there was not a law about it and we offered them a taste of wine. Neither of them liked it.

The reason we did it is because the biggest problem with young people drinking is the REASON they drink. The problem is when they drink to get drunk. Young people who drink with their families don't get drunk. When they are used to family dinners together, responsible drinking, etc, then they learn that drunkenness is just disgusting. Have you ever been the ONE sober person at a party with falling down drunk people? Yeah, disgusting.

If you lived overseas where there is public transportation and young people start drinking wine with their meals (usually watered down) in their teen years, you would see that these are the kids that are so responsible. Here, they aren't allowed to drink until they are 21 and they go hog wild.

So, I do agree with your friends. I have family members who live overseas and adhere to that. That said, the law is the law here, we have much less drinking under the influence and fewer dead kids after having changed the legal drinking age to 21, and my kids and I go by the law when we're in the US.

D.

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If we were in a Place where she was of legal age, she wouldn't need my permission. But I actually allowed her to drink at home at 16.

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Sure I'd let them drink.

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When in Rome.............

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We went to Germany when my son was 18 and that was the legal age. We let him have an occasional beer. But at home, no.

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I would probably allow a drink or two if we were in a place where drinking was legal at whatever age they were but now way would they be getting drunk.

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Yes even though I don't drink. It's the legal age and I think making it to much of a "forbidden fruit" makes them sneak and drink.

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Well, first of all, I'm in Canada, where the drinking age is 18. Before I turned 21 I was unable to drink when I visited the US even though it was legal for me to drink at home, and I lived with it. In my house growing up I was allowed beer or wine (small portions) with a meal from the time I was 12. When I turned 18 I felt no urge to run out to the bar and get hammered like many of the kids who didn't drink at home did. I think allowing the kids to drink on a family vacation to Mexico is a great way to model responsible drinking behaviour and they aren't breaking any laws...

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I completely, absolutely agree.

We went to South America where there is basically no legal drinking age. If you can pay for it, you can have it. I let my underage children have a drink.

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IF daughter was legal age in the area, I would let her have something if she wanted it .

At home, we do enjoy fine wine, she has tasted it... never had a glass, just a taste and said "Ugh"

I am fortunate because she will not go to a party if she knows alcohol is involved. At prom after party this past year, she and her boyfriend did not attend because the parents of the house were taking keys (good thing) but serving alcohol. Daughter and bf said they did not feel comfortable in that environment so their after prom party was at our house with no alcohol.

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Yes, I would. I went to France twice in high school and studied there in college before I was 21. They have no drinking age, and I drank legally there. In the U.S. I knew the rules.

In Texas, kids are legally allowed to drink in restaurants with their parents at age 18. I think that it's a good idea to teach kids how to be responsible social drinkers.

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I wouldn't have a problem with it, in moderation..."When in Rome". I personally think it is crazy that an 18 year old can join the military, fight and die for this country but can not have a beer if they want it (I persnonally hate beer and can't stand the taste of it or other alcohol so I am not much of a drinker but still).

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I'm sure they weren't driving, so a drink or two probably wasn't going to have disastrous consequences. I went to Europe when I was in high school, and was allowed to have beer in Germany. Nothing horrible happened.

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In that country, they weren't underage, so I don't see an issue. I think it's better to teach responsible drinking and not make it into something wonderful/forbidden. Personally I don't drink much - I don't like how most of it tastes. Hopefully my son will feel the same way as he gets older.

EDIT: Don't preach, just teach and model.

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Yes, I would, as long as I was with them and making sure it was done responsibly. Not drunkeness, but ok with a couple of drinks over the course of a day/evening.

When I was in high school I went on a pilgrimage to some churches and shrines in France, Spain & Portugal. I was with my aunt and cousin, and my favorite memory of the trip was drinking chartreuse with a world-famous Catholic apologist at a little tavern in Burgos, Spain, while listening to stories. Such a beautiful memory.

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my mom is also a great model for responsible drinking. her two daughters were the oldest...although i do remember (as the oldest) being shocked and thrilled when i was allowed to drink at a family party at about 19-20 years of age. fast forward 15 years, now with the youngest two (boys) it is nothing at all for them to drink around us - at age 19-20 also. i think if we had ever gone to mexico i doubt it would have been an issue. she feels that if you are old enough to die for your country you should be allowed to have a beer. i can't say i disagree (although i am many years from having to worry about it). i don't think it's a huge deal. following the law of the country you are in seems perfectly legit to me.

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If it was legal where we were and they could be responsible about it, then I don't see why not - it's not like 18 year olds don't drink when they go to college, it's just not legal. My cousins took their kids on a trip to the Bahamas and 2 of the boys (there were a total of 4) were 18 and 20, and the legal drinking age there was 18. So they got to have a beer if they wanted to - the 20 year old was in college and had done some drinking already, while the 18 year old was going later that year. So in their parents minds, it just wasn't a big deal. It wasn't like they were getting totally wasted - they were with their parents on a family vacation.

A friend of mine got married at 20 and we had her bachelorette party at a club in Windsor, just across the river from Detroit. In Canada the legal drinking age is 19, so naturally, we all had some "girly drinks" but also had a designated driver. My parents did not have an issue with it - what we were doing was perfectly legal where we were and they figured that again, I was in college, it wasn't like I had never drank before.

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honest, honest answer: it doesn't matter what you want or how you choose to live your life. If your teen/young adult wants to drink, they'll find a way.

During our older son's informative years, we did not drink socially, nor at home...other than a glass of wine at Christmas. It was simply not a part of our lives. But by the time he was 16, he'd been drunk many times.... never when with us or at our home. We suspected it was happening, but couldn't prove it. He'd make sure it was only when he spent the night at friends' homes.

& then we have the night when the police picked him up. He was walking thru our little town with a friend, past curfew. Our police are great about taking truants home & letting parents deal with the issues. & that's what the officer did...he took the boys home to the "other" parent....because he knew my son's car was parked over there. He'd already commented on the car to the other parent, & she'd told him that the boys were "out walking". My son's fav part of this story is that he had a bag of chips tucked down in his shorts when he was picked up. He was feeling generous & social (hmmm, totally drunk would be more accurate).....& offered the officer some chips. I have such an image of him reaching down into his shorts & pulling out chips! OMG, I'm just thankful that I know about this story....& that we can all laugh....9 years later!

But like I said, we were NOT drinkers....he knew what we believed....& he still found a way to do it. (sigh)

Soooo, with our younger son, life is a little different. For the past few years, I have enjoyed an occasional drink. I like hard apple cider, & a 6-pack will last me a month or two. I like trying new drinks at gatherings, & we do have wine at holidays. I do allow my younger son to "taste" whatever I'm sampling. He will be 16 later this month, & I don't consider allowing him to taste my drinks an offense. He equates these tastes to being comparable to wine at communion. :)

It will be interesting to see how his late teen years will go...when compared to "his stupid brother", as he calls him. He is determined not to cave to peer pressure....& I pray for strength for him.

As for drinking at age 18: my vote is for....if you can serve your country & vote at age 18, then drinking should be your choice. Waiting until 21 simply feeds the legal systems coffers. I see no problem with how your friends handled their sons' choices. :)

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My brother lives in France. I took my then 9 year old daughter to visit. We were in a pub/restaurant with a group of my brothers friends. In France wine is considered food, and the procedure, at least at this place, was to order by the carafe and give everyone a glass to serve themselves. The look on my kids face when the waitress gave her her own glass was something I'll never forget. She looked at me and said "What's that for?" We all had a good chuckle and let her have a glass of wine. She didn't like it much, but every time we went out to eat she was offered wine, and I always gave her the choice. We were in France on a vacation and it is there way.

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Well, the kids are 18, so it's legal to drink in Mexico. They already know it's not legal in the states, but they will do what they want since they are 18 and the parents are kind of out of the loop as far as rules go. If the boys live at home, I'm sure the parents wont be supplying alcohol for them, but chances are they've already tasted it well before the mexico trip, honestly.

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If it's legal to drink, I have no problem with an 18 yr old drinking. Honestly, I think 21 is a ridiculous age, it SHOULD be 18. If you can get killed defending our country or vote for the next president, you should be able to enjoy a beer. But as long as this country says it's 21, then I'll abide by that and expect my kids to adhere to that. But if we take a trip to Europe or Mexico or Asia, where the rules are different, they can CERTAINLY enjoy a glass of wine or beer or tequila shot if it's legal.

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The thing is, they can go to war and get killed for our country, but they can't have a beer or glass of wine? I think that is wrong. When I was in high school, the legal drinking age was 18. It changed right before I turned 18. LOL Actually, the day before my now-husband, then-boyfriend, turned 18. He wasn't happy about that. LOL I would let him have a drink. I would not allow drunkenness though. I don't think it is appropriate at any age. ;)

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Yes, I would. I would let my kids have a SIP of something at home, too, if it interested them - but I only keep wine, and even then, not all the time. I want my kids to learn responsible drinking from their parents, instead of crazy drinking from peers. I agree with the idea that forbidden fruit tastes sweeter.

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We live just a couple hours from Canada... So most parents either take/let/or assume their kids will be doing an 18-birthday run up north.

Many others insis their kids get completely drunk BEFORE allowing them their drivers license (and stick them on a bicycle and film it).

As for myself? My son's 10... So I can't say what I would do.

May come to a head sooner, rather than later, since I have family in the UK, and a potential job in EnZedd. Ahem. In the UK the legal age for a person to drink at home with parental permission is 5-16 (16 in public to drink if bought by parent/adult, 18 to buy), and New Zeland it's also legal for teens as long as it's in the home.

At a wedding in the UK? I'd probably allow my son a small glass of champagne even now at age 10. But not here. Follow the laws, or change them... is my particular ethos.

Myself... I was military (and drinking) at 17.

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Our son is five. My husband and I have discussed that we'll likely let him drink at the dinner table, in very small amounts, when he demonstrates a certain amount of maturity in decision-making in general.

Personally, I'd far rather my son's first experiences with alcohol be at home with us and not out with a bunch of teens. (Kind of like teaching them to drive, right? We want to see how the kids do ourselves before they go out and drive with other kids, without an adult present.) We won't be supplying him with alcohol for his friends or for him to take out of the house, but at 16, I'd rather him have a beer with us at dinner/in the evening and take a 'moderation is key' approach than tell him to wait until he's 21. That could be five or more years of illicit drinking and that usually doesn't turn out so well...

Oh, and while we love our beer, we also model moderation as well. There's no point in drinking to excess anyway. You just feel crappy later on.

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I would have allowed him/her a drink. I grew up with alcohol and had a weak drink on Thanksgiving and Christmas and a stronger one on New Year's Eve. What it taught me was that it is just a drink and how not to go overboard as in the forbidden fruit syndrome. I also bought alcohol in New York 18 legal age and brought it back home to New Jersey 21 legal age. The drinks that were made at home stayed at home and so did we. My aunt would allow us to try out any drinks we wanted we just couldn't leave the house.

So it was no big deal to get drunk at 21.

If you learn how to handle yourself you can stay out of trouble. Those who have been told not to are the ones that do.

Be honest with your child(ren) about the rules and guide them appropriately.

The other S.

PS I remember my son bringing my daughter home on her 21st birthday. She felt really bad the next day because everyone at the bar sent her a drink and she thought she had to drink them all. Not a good idea. Hasn't done this and she is now 35.

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'When in Rome' right? So yes, if we were visiting a country where the drinking age was different I would allow my children the choice.

We also intend to allow them the choice to have a beer while camping once they are 16 or so...my husband was given this choice as a teen and he feels it is the best way to introduce it in a safe place.

~My oldest nephew is 17 now and he is allowed to have a beer or Mike's hard lemonade when he goes camping with his parents, he has also started to ask for sips or to try whatever cocktail his mom and I are making...now that it is summer we do some drinking by the pool and we allow him to try what it is we are having. We are also VERY blunt with him about calling us for rides if he ever finds himself in a situation that he needs out of. So far, he has called us once and we went and got him no questions asked, he hadn't been drinking but the people he was with were and they were driving! He had them pull over the car and he got out and called us to come get him! Good job kid!!

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When my dad was alive, he used to give us girls drinks of his beer. When he died and my mother was a single parent, she would allow us to drink, in the house, without driving or being able to leave.

Me and my sister never had to sneak out to drink. We never got a MIP. We never got into an accident involving alcohol. And frankly, kinda took all the fun out of drinking (i mean, most kids do it cause their parents say they can't)

Now that I'm a parent of a 23 yr old and a 19 yr old (and a 5 yr old) none of my kids really drink (especially the 5 yr old. that would just be wrong) I frankly would only care if I found out if they were doing it in access which is a whole other story.

I think it depends on the kid.

Now lets have have a margarita to celebrate our differences. SALUTE!

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It's legal, so in theory I would.

In reality...I don't know, honestly. Such bad things have happened to tourists in Mexico. If you wander just a little outside of perceived safe zones, it can be incredibly dangerous for tourists. I would be worried about reduced faculties, resulting in accidental bad decisions. But, I would be SO worried about them not-knowingly putting themselves in a vulnerable position.

By the time my son is old enough for this, I suspect there will be little safe tourism in Mexico...if any. I'm guessing I won't have to worry about it.

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Yes. However, it would be explained as to why there but why not here and it would also depend on the kid. Something like ordering a pitcher of sangria for the table is different than letting the kid booze it up in a bar unattended. I'm also not a "I'll buy the keg so I know where they are" parent. I was allowed ONE wine cooler at NYE when I was 18. Whoohoo. But I was also shown responsible drinking and show the kids responsible drinking. I know SS has not always been, but he knows better and is at a legal age. (My SS also did a semester abroad and I guarantee you not all their 18 yr olds are any more responsible drinkers than students in the US.)

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No, I wouldn't. I would never do anything to "encourage" my kids to drink. Ideally, I would like them to be non-drinkers. Realistically, that probably isn't likely. However, my husband and I don't drink at all at home, no alcohol is in the house. On occasion, we will have a drink when we are out, but hubs more likely than I to do that. We talk to the kids about drinking, smoking, drugs, etc. Regardless of what happens, I pray they are responsible around alcohol and even if they choose to not drink themselves, that they won't also ride with anyone who has been drinking. Its scary when you have young "adults" drinking, socializing and likely, driving. Just my opinion.

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Absolutely will allow my kids to drink when on vacation. Will I pay for them to get drunk? Heck no. But I will also allow my kids to drink at home with dinner when they're twelve or maybe a bit older. I don't see how restricting alcohol will help them grow up to be more responsible.

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I would let my child drink. I think the trip would be a great teaching moment for the kids to drink legally and learn about what it means to drink responsibly. I think too often we preach to kids in black and white and forget to discuss the gray areas. I think this is a great question.

I was only able to skim all of the answers so I don't know if this issue was addressed. Normally, I would say yes with moderation under adult supervision. I was allowed to do that as an older teenager in my parents' home. However, both of my boys will still be seniors in HS when they are 18. They participate in school sports and band. Our state high school league has a zero tolerance policy for alcohol and tobacco use. There is no "my parents let me have it" exception. I doubt there is a "it was legal in Mexico" exception. For that reason, I would be hesitant to allow it. I would be concerned about a photo being taken and then texted, emailed or ending up on Facebook where it could be accessed by school authorities. End of baseball, band, speech, etc. career.

Yes, in that situation I would. I think the legal drinking age should be 18.

My parents let me drink when I was 16. They bought it for me. I followed their rules. At first we ( my brothers and I) could only drink it with them so we could see how it affects us. Then around 17 when we were going to a drinking party, we told them, gave them the money for it. We knew that once we got there there was no leaving at all no matter the reason. We also had to let them know who the DD was. If for some reason the DD drank anything we had to call them for a ride. They always came and picked us up ( usually atleast a 1/2 hour away).

It didn't encourage us to drink in any way!! We were already making that choice but we were being responsible doing it. They were teaching us the way to do it safely and responsibly.

Now at 35 and I have been drinking since I was 16, there is only one time I made the stupid decision to drink and drive. That was around the age of 26/27.. well past the legal drinking age because your more responsible.. my parents came over the next morning and I was hung over and they asked how I got home, I told them I drove. My dad chewed me up one side and down the other!! My mom looked at me and said if your dumb enough to do that you might as well give the kids up now at least the pain of you dying will be easier on them ( I was in the middle of a divorce) if their dad has them. I rarely drink. My kids never see me drink, we don't keep any alcohol in the house, and there is only 1 time my oldest seen me come home drunk. But that when I do drink.. that comment has always been in the back of my mind.

I know there is a legal age for it, but I also think that if you are taught the responsible way of drinking it makes a huge difference at any age. I know many will disagree with me on that.. but that is how I feel about it.

Now to answer your question...
my son is almost 16 and he has started hinting around about drinking. I have told him when he is ready for it then we will sit down with him and do it together.... the reasoning behind it is that I would rather the first few times be with us so we can control his intake instead of his peers pressuring him into drinking more that he should. He will have a feel for where his limit is. Plus I would rather him be honest with me what he is doing/ going than have him do it behind our backs. Im not going to keep a blind fold on by thinking there is no way my child is ever going to do that!

I would definitely allow my son to have a drink with me at 18 in a country where it's legal. I will not give him permission to drink at an age much younger than 18. I'm lucky. He's sipped and tasted beer and wine and he doesn't like the taste. Personally, I don't drink much and will opt for a full caffeine, full calorie Dr. Pepper most times over an alcoholic beverage.

I do allow my son to drink coffee, decaf when he was little, but now he drinks caffeinated. He's 13. You should see the nasty looks I've gotten for this, but put a soda in his hand and it's fine...

At home, when I was drinking a cooler or hard cider, my son was curious and I let him have a sip.
He said it tasted weird and he didn't like it.
He's 13, and he doesn't ask to taste anymore.
We've talked (and keep talking) about drinking and alcohol - why it was popular (in days gone by, it was safer to drink beer/wine than the water), alcoholics in the family and their various exploits, drunk driving, binge drinking, how teens want to be 'in control' and then paradoxically give up that control by getting blotto barfing drunk (and how some people never seem to out grow that behavior), alcohol poisoning, hang overs, etc.
I think if we visited somewhere where drinking were allowed for his age, at this point he would not want to try it out.
My sister, on the other hand, will order a mixed drink and then let her 12 yr old daughter drink the whole thing, and if child wants another, Sis will order another.
I've been present when she did this.
(Sis does not care what the laws are - she feels they don't apply to her. No stinking government can tell her how to raise HER child. Her words, not mine.)
Yep - looks like alcoholism is alive and well and continuing on in the family.
Some people serve no purpose but to be examples of how not to be.

I would do it, it's legal! Sometimes showing them things in moderation helps them be responsible, not the opposite. Or letting them experience things within the safe combines of their family takes away the excitement of forbidden activities.