Would This "Spend the Night" Scenario Make You Uneasy?

Wow. Not all boys are bad or out to take advantage of young girls. My husband's job all throughout highschool was babysitting, and he was wonderful at it. I don't put any stock in James Dobson, though-- at all. I think he has a very narrow view of the world. I think if you know this family, and you know this boy is a good kid, then don't worry. If anything, it would probably be the young girls (friends of this sister) that would crush on him-- and not vice versa. Most 15 year old boys are not into 10 year old girls! Every now and then you hear of tragic stories (like the one you mentioned), and I personally feel like society perpetuates a stereotype about teenagers, boys in particular, that is both unfair and unwarranted. If anything ever came up specifically to make you question inappropriate behavior in the home, then perhaps you should repost then.

I think your daughter will be fine if you talk with her first before she goes over there. I don't really think it's fair to say "one should never let a teenage boy (even good Christian ones) be alone with young children b/c their hormones can convince them to do things they know T. morally wrong... Teenage boys are not animals that have no control over their actions and if you come to that mom and tell her keep your animal teenage boy away from my daughter I can assure you that you are going to offend her. Of course I know you would try and find a tactful way to make the request but bottom line is there isn't one and she will be offended. How would you feel if someone asked you to keep your sweet little 3 year old twins away from their daughter?? Just keep your daughter informed and prepared so that she is equipped to make good decisions on her own.

While I agree with those other mamas who suggest you can't stereotype boys based on JD or someone else's experience, I think you need to trust your mama instinct. If you are uncomfortable with the situation then just say no, period, you are the parent here. You have earned the right to make decisions regarding your child's well being.
Like you, I would feel uncomfortable with this situation. The fact that girls seem to develop so early nowadays definitely creates an entire set of issues that (most of) our parents didn't have to deal with.

If you ask me, your completely doing the right thing. Some people who have never met anyone who has been molested or raped or never went through it themselves see your fears as a little over the top. But as someone who was molested by a member of my immediate family (who is supposed to be a Christian), I think your right on the money with your feelings. Stick with your gut. Two of my friends who were also raised in Christian homes were molested as well, one by a teenage friend of her older brother.

Not to make you freak out about your daughter going to slumber partys because I used to love those! ;-) But the reality is that things happen that we have no control over. The decision not to let your daughter stay at a home with older boys? THAT is something you DO have control over. And I think that decision is a great one. ;-)

As far as voicing your concerns to the parent my advice is go right ahead. Be delicate, but honest. Use wisdom with your wording and pray before you do it. Be Blessed, not stressed. God is always in control and watching over us...

Unfortunately that is the culture in which we have to live these days. It really is too bad that we can't let our responsible children play in our own front yards without our direct supervision for any length of time these days! No wonder kids are getting too fat...they can't get out and play like we used to as kids! I would listen to my gut and not let her stay. Just tell the mom that you are not really comfortable with her spending the night. You don't need to go into details about why. If you let your child visit with her she won't think that you think your child is "too good" to hang out with them. Good luck. hd

Yes, you should be concerned. Unless you know this other family and their teenager son really well (so much that this young man truly respects your family), I wouldn't trust the situation at all. Your instinct is RIGHT! I'm not really sure about how to defer the sleepover without hurt feelings for the other mom. I'm hoping some of your responses will help with that.

I have had a wonderful teenage boy in to babysit our two girls. We never had any problems. He was a sweet, polite boy from a nice family...Also, I would have no qualms whatsoever about letting your daughter sleepover at her friend's house. Like my daughter pointed out, if he has a little sister already, chances are that he is not the least bit interested in girls of that age in "that way!" I think this raging hormone scenario is quite rare. Most teenage boys CAN control themselves. I would not be so worried. Have a chat with the mom if you need to voice your concerns, but I say - go ahead and let the girls enjoy themselves on the sleepover!

I think it's great that you're concerned.....our children are too precious to do otherwise! Do you know the parent well? If not, I would recommend you getting to know the parent. To me, it should be more of a matter of knowing and trusting the parent. What do they do at home that you might not want your child exposed to? watching dirty movies in front of children? drinking to excess? smoking? using bad language? Get to know the parent and by doing that, you can find out what the "house policy" is for sleepovers! good luck!

I totally agree with you. My mom never would have let us spend the night with someone with an older brother she didn't know. She also never let us have a guy babysitter. This is your daughter and you have a right and responsibility to take care of her. Tell the mother or whoever that you'd rather she didn't stay and there's nothing against her kids you just would feel better if she didn't. You don't think it's right. You don't have to give any excuse at all but explain it to your daughter of course. There are too many sickos in this world and you'd rather your daughter not be a statistic what's wrong with that? You're a good mom.

i think you need to go with makes you feel comfortable.
If red flags are going off, maybe there is a reason. we sometimes have mock sleep overs where the kids come over till midnight or so and go home. it's fun.. It is your responsibility to protect her body till you hand her over to her husband. Whatever you are feeling, I am sure isn't over reacting, but you may not want to share your fears with that little girls' mom :)

Hmmm... I totally see where you're coming from, since I have a daughter, too. My husband and I also read James Dobson's books, and use many of his principles (I believe his book, "Bringing Up Boys" is what you're quoting. BUT... I do think that if you limit your daughter to being able to sleep over only in homes without older brothers, she will eventually have very few homes that she would be able to stay. I also agree that it is a HUGE assumption to make that a teenage boy would be inappropriate with your daughter. If it were me, I'd look at a couple of things- 1)How well do you know the parents and trust their ability to monitor what goes on? 2)What is the general situation of the home when these sleepovers happen? Do the boys have free reign to socialize with the girls, and are their bedrooms far apart from the parents? (My parents had a rule, whn we were growing up- my brother and his friends were not allowed in my sister and I'd bedrooms when we had friends over, even though he was younger). 3)Do you have ANY reason to feel uncomfortable, based on something you know of this boy, or something that your daughter said? If ANY of these things send up a red flag, by all means, put a stop to it. You are charged with being a protector for your daughter. But I would really see this as a case by case issue. Also, just to clarify in regards to James Dobson's book- he actually says nothing about sleeping over w/ friends who have brothers... he talks about the trend of teenagers having same sex sleepovers, which is an entirely different issue. He does also mention what you quoted about having a male babysitter (which I agree with completely). However, he is speaking to the audience of parents of teenage boys, referring to how we as parents can protect them from temptation and from wrongly being accused. Something to think about.... I know its a hard issue! Good luck!