37 answers

First Sleepover : / What Is a Mom to Do?

My 6 year old daughter was invited to a sleepover which will be in a few weeks. I am very hesitant to let her go! NO, I'm not one the those mothers who keeps her child in a bubble, but I do teach at the same school that she attends and am not sure that this particular little friend is the best choice for a sleepover! I wouldn't mind if she goes to the party but as for a sleepover I'm leaning on the "no" side! When did you feel comfortable letting your child go to a sleepover? I'm very unsure with the world the way it is to let her go anywhere without family or close friends. I can't very well question the little girl's mother without worries that she may feel judged since I work at the same school, but I don't want my daughter punished for my fears! Any good advice would be greatly apperciated!

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I have three girls, now 14, 19 & 21. I think 6 is a little young for a sleepover. I would allow her to go the "party" until 10 or so, and then pick her up. That way, she has got to spend time with her friends and you are not the bad guy. My girls started true slumber parties in 3rd grade, and there isn't a weekend that goes by that I don't have at least 8, last weekend 17 spent the night!! :) Love it, and love knowing where they are! I have a feeling you won't be the only parent who doesn't let their child stay.

2 moms found this helpful

Dear J.,
Unless you know the family well that has invited her, I myself would advise you not to let her go.
Or you could just let her go for the evening, maybe until 10 or so, and then pick her up.
That is what I did for my granddaughter last year.
As for you "judging" her mother, you have every right to know exactly what environment she will be in.
And, if it does not jibe with what you feel is appropriate, then so be it.
Better safe than sorry.

1 mom found this helpful

Let her go, She may have the time of her life. Or by bedtime she may be calling you to pick her up. If she does, thats ok, sometimes it takes several sleep overs for a child to get used to being away from home.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

You are exactly right to feel protective....and it is good to have your standards and stick with them. Others may not agree with you...that is their choice! You don't need to apologize for not allowing your daughter to participate in the sleepover. Giving made-up reasons is not being honest...such as saying your family is going out of town. There may be another similar invitation to deal with down the road. So, be honest and direct with the mother..."we do not participate in sleepovers." If you and your daughter feel inclined, send a small gift. It is o.k. for your daughter to learn at a young age, "I can say No"..."I don't have to do everything others ask...especially when there's a question of safety!" After the initial disappointment has worn off, you may find out that you have relieved your daughter of fears and anxiety. This is a great teaching moment!

3 moms found this helpful

I have three girls, now 14, 19 & 21. I think 6 is a little young for a sleepover. I would allow her to go the "party" until 10 or so, and then pick her up. That way, she has got to spend time with her friends and you are not the bad guy. My girls started true slumber parties in 3rd grade, and there isn't a weekend that goes by that I don't have at least 8, last weekend 17 spent the night!! :) Love it, and love knowing where they are! I have a feeling you won't be the only parent who doesn't let their child stay.

2 moms found this helpful

That is about the age my 11y.o. daughter was asked to her first sleepover. I will say, sleepovers are a common occurance in this day and age...I've told my daughter I can remember 2, maybe 3 slumber partied I went to in my youth - and she gets invited to 1-2 "slumber parties" (more than 1 girl)a month.
I have on a couple occassions told our daughter that she can go for the evening festivities and picked her up as late as 11pm. (esp. at this age) She also knows if for ANY reason, she wants to come home, she just needs to call us and we will be there immediatly.
She knows our ground rules...and she learned them at a young age...a parent MUST be in the home, (no older sibling in charge)and no sleepovers in a home where there may be a male IN THE HOME that is not related to the family. There is one family we deal with and mom has "rotating" men in her life - luckily, I am not the only parent feeling this way, and the mother has been asked by us on slumber party nights to have no "friends" in the house, and she has obliged. Also, at that particular home, our daughter can only go if it is a party - not by herself. I ALWAYS call and talk to a parent if I feel the need or have any ?'s - and have never felt like they were insulted in any way. Responsible parents understand our caution in todays world.
It is a great time to socialize, make friends, gain confidence in ones' self, and just have fun. BUT ALWAYS TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! I am willing to bet that there are other moms feeling just like you...and there may be more than 1 mom picking their daughter up before bedtime - esp. at this young age. Good luck, and trust in yourself! S.
PS Has your daughter ever had a friend over to her house to sleep - that is a great way yo introduce the whole event?

2 moms found this helpful

hey J....

I don't know what ya do... but...because of this day and age and PEOPLE in general... how well do you know the parents?...how about the Male members of the household... are they close friends...

my girlfriend has 12yr, 8yr, and 3yr... NO Sleepovers !!...just house rule due to todays Society...and you never know what may be lurking in "sheeps clothing".....

I am Single Mom of a 4yr old and 2yr old. My daughters have had plenty of sleepovers...but with all Female households or my immediate family.

Just another thing to think about in todays world.

Good Luck... E.

1 mom found this helpful

Go with your gut. If you feel this is not a place for her to stay all night, make other plans that your daughter will prefer and do that instead. If you have time, plan a get together with the parents. A night out with some other parents from the same class and get to know them so that, in the future, you will feel better about the time they are together or know for sure that this is not where you want her to be but have a solid reason for it. The more you know about the family and their beliefs the more comfortable you will feel about what you decide...
Best of Luck!!!
I still use this logic and my daughter is 17. But, I feel much better when she does go with families for weeks at time and out of the country.....

1 mom found this helpful

Trust your feelings.
My mother never let me or my sister stay with a family that she didn't trust completely. If she didn't know them personally she would ask around and if she heard one bad word the answer was NO. She also worked at school so she had a broad base on who to ash about other families.
Honestly most sleepovers were here at our house. Then my mother got to know the girls better.

1 mom found this helpful

Let her go, She may have the time of her life. Or by bedtime she may be calling you to pick her up. If she does, thats ok, sometimes it takes several sleep overs for a child to get used to being away from home.

1 mom found this helpful

J., I am a way old Mom with adult children, but I don't think the world has changed So much that your instincts are not dead on! I believe that six years old is just too young for a sleepover...regardless of the situation. And if you do too, that is all you need to say to the mother and your daughter when you RSVP.If your daughter can still be cool with just going to the party and not sleeping over...then fine. Just tell her how much fun it will be when she finally gets to have her first sleepover.(And you'll be in charge!) K.

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