Working Moms with Stressful Jobs

Oh, I soooooo hear you. My husband lost his job last year, so I had to go up to full time teaching from 3/4 time before that. He has a job now, but he's working crazy hours and making very little money. (He's working on commission). So I have to leave the house with my son at about 7am, and by the time I pick him up, walk to get my daughter from school and get home, it's normally just about 5pm. Every morning my 3 year old says "I don't want to go to school." (Nevermind the fact that when I to pick him up at 4 he says "I don't want to leave!") I hate the fact that he's at daycare for so long, and that my daughter spends both the morning and the afternoon in the afterschool care program at her school. They're both happy and very well taken care of, but I feel bad that I'm not around more.

And I hate that I'm working so hard and we're still broke, the house is a mess, and while I know it will get better "at some point" I have no idea what the point is. And I also hate that I can hear in the back of my head as I write this some other moms on this board saying "You've made the choice to be away from your children so much. I would never work. What's best for the kids is to be home with their moms." Even if I truly believed this, which I don't, it makes me feel bad to be judged for trying to make sure that my kids have food on their plates and a roof over their heads.

So I'm not sure that this is encouraging, but know that you are not alone. We'll get through this, I'm sure. You're taking great care of your family, you love your kids lots, and that's what matters. For practical tips, give yourself a night off from dinner 1/week - order a pizza ($10 - totally worth it). Give the bathroom a quick wipedown while the kids are in the bath.

Good luck!

OK girl JUST BREATH..... I have one question. Is your job always like this? It sounds like it is not. So I think it will pass. So stay focused and it will pass faster than you think. Hey sometimes you have to do what you have too,to provide for your babies right. You are not negelecting them by provideing for them. Just because you are not "RUNNING WITH THE CROWD" does not mean you are doing anything wrong. If your friends can't understand that. They are the once with the problems and they are being swallow. You just keep on doing what you can and SCREW THE HOUSE. It will be there little by little when "YOU HAVE TIME!!!!" If you hubby has a prob w/it he can do it!! Or ask your mom to pick up alittle for ya.

So DO WHAT YOU NEED TOO AND SCREW THE REST
You are only ONE MOMMA IN YOUR HOME
Stay strong and focused
C. C

I hear ya sister!

I am the primary breadwinner and I feel a lot of stress from that fact alone. Heaven forbid I get hit with a lay-off in this economy.

I don't really have any practical advice. Though, just yesterday, my stress level at work peaked. I was still mumbling to myself as I left work...Contemplating the commute, getting an oil change, making dinner, doing laundry, helping with homework...ARGH!

So I made an executive decision to postpone a few things on my list and go for a run when I got home. I was literally chucking my shoes, undoing buttons and peeling off my tights while I was barely in the doorway. I surely gave the neighbors a show. I am not a professional runner...Not even amateur. But 30 minutes around the neighborhood gave me a respite and some perspective.

Kimberly,

You are definitely not alone, but you are lucky. I don't have any family near by, my parents live in Michigan and my in laws live 7 hours away from us. I have to work full time and I have my baby girl in daycare and I also like you feel really stressed. I don't get to spend as much time as I would like to with her. When I get home I have to get dinner ready, do the dishes, do some laundry and try to play with her. Some days she will just sit by the kitchen counter top and watch me cook. Some days are better than others, but there are those days were when I realize it it's already 9 and I have to bathe her and get her ready for bed and I have not played at all with her. But you know what she tells me she loves daycare and some days she will cry when I pick her up from her big girl's class. I love my baby girl and my hubby works all day, he does not have a set time to get home as he is a local truck driver. So this leaves most of the housework and cooking to me. My house is not as clean as I would like it to be and the doggy needs a bath, but I just try to relax and breathe and take one day at a time. I know it's easier sad than done, but we have to hang in there. I only have one friend here in Houston and right now she is a STAHM and I envy her a lot for that. But then I realize that all they do all day (she has a little girl and herself) is sit around the house all day not going out, because they are money short. I think to myself well at least I can take my dd out and get her things on weekends. So I guess some people have it harder than us and we just need to hang in there. It's hard, but it's doable, my mom was a working mom for all of our school years and we turned out fine. I guess I needed to vent also, if you need to talk more personal or just vent some more you can send me a private message. Hang in there girl, you are not alone and as another mom said right now we have to be grateful we have jobs, and I mean you have a job I would like! To work from home that's awesome it would cut my daycare expense! ;) Big hug to you from me!

I am working my booty off with no end in sight too. I have also done it pregnant. I have guilt because sometimes I feel like I am trying to do both but not doing either one very well. I have learned to cut myself a little slack and prioritize at work and at home. That means some stuff just doesn't get done or only gets done when absolutely necessary, and that's ok. In the end, my headstone will not read "she kept a spotless house" or "she always volunteered for extra work at the office." And that's ok too!
There have been a lot of tears on my part but a lot of joy too.
It's a good time to count your blessings. Your job is fullfilling, and you still get to be with your children. that's great. You get to pick up the financial slack for your husband right now so he can pursue his dream of owning his own business. That's great too! I am sure he loves you even more for it and maybe his business will take off so he can return the favor soon.
Cut yourself some slack momma. Even if you weren't working, your feet and back would hurt too much to paint the town red. You're doing one better - you are giving them a new family member. Everything will be fine. Everybody is happy and healthy and you love each other. You have enough to eat and a roof over your childrens head. You are giving your sons a good life and a great role model. I am proud of you. Congratulations on your new blessing.

You definitely have some added stress in your life right now, but you aren't alone. You have been very lucky to have your mom help out and be able to spend the afternoon with your kids. I don't have family near by, have to go to an office and put my kids in daycare. Do to that, my son goes to bed so early, that we only get about an 1.5 with him a night. And everyone around me is a stay at home mom so I hear all the fun things that they get to do with their kids.

I think that you need to focus on your work so that you can keep your job during this difficult economy, and be thankful that they have a loving grandma that they can spend time with. Also, relax about the housework. Okay, it may not be perfect, but isn't the time that you have with the kids more important? I'm not saying live in a pigsty with no laundry, but let the little things go and think about what is important right now. You may not get to go to the cool park, but all they really want is your time, even if that is sitting on the couch reading a book.

This won't last forever, even though it feels like it now. As the business gets up and running, things will loosen up and you will get to breathe again.

I feel bad on weekends when all I can think about is how much I should be doing around the house (I do not have the energy to clean after work--I barely have the energy to bathe my boys), but I am trying to make sure that as soon as my kids wake up we do something, even if it is just playing outside for a half an hour. My husband and I trade off child care and work shifts, so Saturdays are our only family day to begin with. I don't have quite as stressful a job but we are very busy and it can be frustrating seeing so many families with a full-time stay at home parent enjoying things we can't.

Yipes, I do 26-30 hours from home (but with no child care help and only 1 child) and I can not imagine doing full time, even with help.

One thing that might help is hiring a cleaning service to help with the heavy cleaning - I know you said finances are tight, but if it frees up time for you to do work so you can keep your job then it would be worth it. (We haven't done that yet, but it may happen if I have to work longer hours...)

I am sure hormones are playing a huge roll in your emotions right now - try to balance with logic. Sort of acknowledge that you feel that way (and it is OKAY that you do) but then temper it with an understanding that for the stress etc. you have a wonderful opportunity that a lot of Moms would give their right arm for...

Anyway - GO GIRL! YOU CAN DO IT!! One day at a time and look at the benefit to your kids for having you around. Even if you have to work, they know you are there for them.

Good luck!

Welcome to the club! I work 50 hours a week and commute an hour each way every day, sometimes more depending on my assignment. I report directly to the Deputy Commissioner of Education, so he's not really all the interested in why my reports were/were not filed!

We did hire a housekeeper b/c I just couldn't do it anymore. You may want to consider it. It's not nearly as much as you think ($20 hour) and you could have someone come in twice a month to do the "heavy cleaning". It has made a world of difference and has literally given us "our weekends back". Talk with your husband about having someone come help in lieu of exchanging gifts for the next year. Clean laundry is way better than jewelry!

During the week, we carve out an hour after dinner with the t.v. off, phones off and spend time as a family. We play games, read books, do puzzles and talk. B/w work, dinner, bath time, bed time and trying ot find some time with my husband, an hour is the most we can do, but we do it each day. I also signed up for a monthly "toddler night" at our local library. It's late enough that we can have dinner and head out for a story before bed! See if you can find something that has a low time commitment, but big reward.

I would also suggest that you try not to over-schedule your weekends. If there's something cool going on in your area, go. If not, play outside or watch a movie at home. One weekend a month, turn off the computer and GO DO SOMETHING with your family. If it's on the calendar, it will happen. If you don't carve out the time, it won't.

You seem overwhelmed at the moment which is understandable. You are pregnant which seem to be adding to the stress, because before you mentioned you had things under control, but now (maybe an extra busy time at work), things have spiraled out of control. I would not worry so much about having to rely on your M. more now. Look at it this way Kimberly, you will not be pregnant forever, you will soon have the time again to fit your kids in as before (with the extra one too :-)) Take a deep breath, write down all the priorities and do those first. What didn't get done can be tackled the next day. Explain to your PM your workload and see if they can delegate to someone else. Leave the household chores until you are off the clock or ask your M. to come to your house instead and help out with the chores. I hear your frustration but take it one day at a time and know that it will get better soon. Easier said than done, but if you don't look at the pros of the situation, the negative cons will get you worked up more than normal, and then that is not healthy for you or the baby.

I know how you feel. I don't get to work at home, but I work pretty close to home (just a mile away). I do customer service and it is so stressful. My daughter is baby sat by a friend who lives about 30 minutes from us. It takes an hour to get there in traffic. I drop her off at 7:15 in the morning, pick her up by 6 and usually don't get back home until almost 7. By that time we need to start her night time routine and get to bed. I am lucky if I have an hour with her. My hubby also is not home (he is working and going to school) and I am 7 months pregnant. It is a really tough life, but you just take it one day at a time. For a while there I was really stressed out with finances because I was the only one working. Things are getting better, but we still have stuff that is outstanding and is just staying that way. I just try to think positive and hope and pray that it changes soon!!

Hang in there and good luck. There is a clear sky somewhere on the horizon!!

C.

YOu will be fine. I know when I was pregnant, emotions run high with all those hormones going around. Just keep up the good work and you will blink and all of sudden the baby will be here. Make a little quiet time for yourself too either am or pm so you can relax - take care of yourself.