Working Mom

I have been in the same situation since my first daughter was 3 mths old. I have a 25mth old and a 6 mth old now and it is a struggle. I feel so guilty over not spending time with my girls so I could never leave work early and leave them at daycare to do stuff. The fact is my house is a mess I try to pick up and clean up when the girls are in bed but sometimes exhaustion gets to me. I always make quick easy meals and I am trying to find some healthier recipes. The less time in the kitchen the more time with my daughters. I get everything ready the night before i.e,. clothes, bottles etc. It is a hard adjustment and I don't think it ever gets easier. I have to juggle so much especially when the girls are sick. What helps is I work through lunch so I can get off at 4pm. Just remember you can't do everything and quality time with your children is way more important then a really clean house. If you have the money see if you can afford to have someone clean your house for you. My husband doesn't do a whole lot of house stuff either. He works outdoors all day and with the heat he is too exhausted to do much. Have your children help when ever possible. My problem is my daughters are way too young. My oldest makes more of a mess then helps. Sometimes she will clean up and then turn around and throw it everywhere, which makes it harder on me. One thing I am looking forward to is my girls being younger so we can spend some quality time cooking together and bonding. Look for stuff you can do with them that is a big help. I got my older daughter to play basketball by throwing her dirty clothes in the laundry basket as well as the baby's clothes, which is a little bit of a help and a lot of fun too. Be creative and find fun ways for them to get involved. Good luck

I want to suggest a book to you for both your husband and yourself. It is called "His Needs Her Needs for Parents" by willard F. Harley. We are studying it at my Sunday School and it has been a wonderful thing! I, personally, have benefited from it and I thought my hubby and I had it made already. There is a lot about marriage counselling, but if you take the suggested steps as a preventative measure, you will feel closer to your man, more relaxed and well-rested. I can't say enough about the positive effects of doing just what the author suggests in each chapter.

I hope this is helpful for you!

May God bless you!

I wish I could remember the poem, but it says something about your children not remembering if your house was clean, only that you played with them and that they were important to you.
I think that its easy to get caught up in the daily grind of work, home and life, and to forget about why you do it all in the first place......for your children. So I say, let go, play with your kids while you can and while they want you to. There will be plenty of time for cleaning later.
I can tell you in my own experience, I have never regretted letting the chore go for an extra day to spend quality time with my children. I have however wished I had spent time with them when I didn't.
I am a working (full time) mother of 2 as well. Find a balance that is good for you. A little mess might not be so bad.
Know that you are not alone, we all struggle with this! Good luck.

Dad needs to help some, what does he do? My husband helps me out some, the deal was if I go back to work, he helps me because now the two of us have to balance. Thats it in the nutshell. Goodluck, Talk to hubby

I know it's hard to juggle work and family. I'm a working mom myself and still struggle with it. I have a 3 1/2 yr old and 19 month old and work full-time. I aggree with other posts about not trying to do it all. Pick one to two major projects to accomplish every week, every few days (depending on your schedule). Also, enlist the help of your husband. It helps my husband and I to write down all the projects, chores, kid's scheduled activities and set up a shared task plan on who does what and how often each week. If you like control, you may want to try that to have "some" control over your schedule. But alow for some deviation and don't over-schedule everything. Allow free-time to spend with your husband, yourself and your family.

Also, I would love for you to join St. Pete Working Mom's Group. I started this mom's group in August 2006 and we have 80+ members and still growing! Our website is http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StPeteWorkingMoms/

You have to make sure that your husband also takes on some of the load. I am a single mother, I have very little me time, but you have to make sure you get some ME time. Split some of the house hold duties. Split picking and dropping off the kids. Try to find a median to help you both out. Let us know how it works out.

Hi P., I can relate to the energy level! I am a grandmother who is taking care of my 4 yr old granddaughter. She attends day care while my husband and I work at our home business - we are accountants. This happened recently and I am 59 years old. My suggestion would be to make sure you are healthy - sometimes if you are iron poor or if your thyroid is underactive that can cause a lot of problems with energy. I happen to have both those problems so as long as I take my iron and thyroid meds I am fine. However, taking care of a 4 year old and staying on a schedule is very difficult at first. It has been about 3 weeks and I feel like we are finally getting to a point where things are settling down. My sympathies are with you. I also like order and control and sometimes to a fault. Since having our granddaughter with us, we have been so blessed by her. So enjoy your children and don't worry too much if everything doesn't get finished at the end of the day, there is always tomorrow. Keeping the little ones on a schedule is most important for them to learn obedience, etc. Best wishes to you.

Hi there P.:

It takes some time to adjust....but this is what I do...every day after work and dinner and baths, etc. I do some sort of housework....be it a load of laundry, dust, clean bathrooms whichever. That way by the weekend I have barely anything to do and CAN rest some. I get up at 500 so I can have about an hour alone (coffee, news) I have to be at work at 700 so this is a little boost for myself....You will be surprised how after you get yourself in a routine you will feel....I get tired usually at about 900 and usually go to bed between 1000 and 1100....Just give it time and put yourself on a schedule...it helps.

my advice don't try being super mom. if you have gone back to work dad needs to help do things around the house. being a housewife/full time mom is a tough job that is 24/7 no days off. you add a 40 hr job onto it and we run on nothing. we have got to have us time. even if its just a nice hot soak. try making a written schedule for yourself. its what i try to do. but don't make it so it can't change because as im sure you know with kids nothing can be set in stone. my life is very routined because of my 5 yr old who is autistic. bed time is pat. bath time is too. altho the last few days i give them in the early evening late afternoon which is driving her nuts:P have hubby rotate some of the kid related things with you. bed time so you can soak. that kind of thing. just take it one day at a time.

I also work full time and have a newborn and at 19 month old. First you need to learn to live with a mess sometimes. Also, every night ask for 15 minutes from everyone in the house. Have them pick up toys, dust, and do a quick clean up. You would be surprised at how much you can get done in 15 minutes if everyone pitches in, this will leave less for you to worry about later.

Also, learn to love fast and easy meals. I love my crock pot and it allows me to have more time with the family since I am not spending my evenings in the kitchen.

Another thing that could be a possibility is, check with your boss and see if you can shorten your lunch breaks during the week and leave work one day early each week. This is what we do at my job and I love it. One day a week I work until 1:00 p.m. and I keep the kids at day care. This allows me to catch up on sleep or the housework. I get a lot of the heavy cleaning done on my half day.

Hi P.. I think we are a lot alike. I tried working full time after I had my daughter 2 years ago (she's 2 1/2 now). It really didn't work for me. I was sick all the time and just exhausted. I found a home based business and was able to scale back to part time with my current company and make extra income from home during naps, nights and weekends. I work about 8 to 10 hours a week on my home business and it fills in the gaps from my reduced employment and salary. This may not be an option for you now but you might want to consider some opportunities that don't require you to be at the office 8 to 5 everyday.

Hang in there and see if your hubby can pitch in on some small things. I am very organized and like lunches packed a certain way, want to dress my daughter a certain way, etc. It's hard but giving up some of the little things helped a lot. It has taken me almost 2 years to be ok with letting go of some of the control, but life will be more fun if you do.

If you're interested in getting information on my home business, it only takes about 30 minutes to review. Check out The MOM Team in the directory and contact me.

Good luck.

P.,
I went back to work part-time after my 4 year old started preschool and I had a hard time adjusting. You can't do it all. Don't be afraid to ask your husband for some help. Why should you do all the work? I still do the majority of the housework but my husband does the dishes after I cook dinner. And believe it or not that, just that little bit of help goes a long way. Have your husband do laundry or at least help with it. have him help with the dishes. You're 4 year old is old enough to atleast help with keeping his/her room clean. It takes some time to adjust, so just hang in there. Good luck!

Hi P.,

I am in the exact same situation. I began working again about 3months ago. I felt that exact same way at first. I have to say that I agree wih Gael...because this is what I do as well. My hubby tries but sometimes I feel like its a bigger inconveience for me if I ask or even if I ask and he does it half heartedly. So everyday after dinner and baths and bedtime routines I do one or two chores before I relax and go to bed. For me, if I spred it out little by little, it does help TONS on the weekend. Of course I cheat on somedays when I'm just extremely exhausted and can't pull it together to do anything extra, but even a little helps on the days you can. And if u dont get it all done on the weekday, who cares...I do a LITTLE on the weekend too. The routine itself helps me keep my mind together and my life organized (I too need order to function!)....hopefully it will help you too! Unfortunately I don't have any easy tricks or quick fixes....but if u find any....please share!!! Hope it helps!

Hi P.

I was a stay at home mom for 7 years and just went back to work this past year as well. It is a very difficult transition for all - you, kids and husband. I think it was hardest on my husband and he had a hard time with helping out more with kids, errands and chores around the house. It sounds like you are in the same situation I was and might need to get a little extra help from the hubby? It is hard for them after they have had you pretty much to take care of everything for them for the past 4 years. If he is already helping out as much as possible maybe you can elicit some help from an outside source such as a maid service once or twice a month? Just some ideas...

Good luck to you
K.

Here's my suggestion. :) Don't try to do it all. You'll run yourself down, and then no one will be happy. Enlist some help with the house. Get your 8 yr old and Husband to help out. Do a 30 min clean-up every night,(with your husband and 8 yr old, and that's it. Make simple meals. Have husband help with bedtime routine with the little one. Rotate nights. You don't have to do everything, the house won't fall apart if you leave dishes in the sink. Remember the old saying, "If Momma ain't happy, then nobody is happy." There is no simple answer on how to balance it all, just try not to burn yourself out. Hope that helps. Hope you get a break. :)

Hmm. I wish I knew. At least your house is clean! We have a working moms groups which may help you. Search Tampa Families in Yahoo groups. I think perhaps you have to let go of some of the things that used to get done in order to have fun. I used to spend all weekend cleaning but where is the fun in that? I cut back on housework and yes my house is not as neat as it was before kids, but hubby and the kids have a much happier mom. YOu need down time too so perhaps you aren't taking any for yourself. You know how we always come last. I have a 10 mo old boy and a 4 yr old girl and I work full-time in IT, and my job can be stressful and sometimes I work a lot of hours.