Why Do Men Act like This?

All I know is that from the time my son was very little, he opened doors for me and his sister and let us in or out first. His teachers have commented on him opening doors for women at school. They're like, "What kid does this these days?"
Hello! That would be mine. My son, now 15, gets out of the car and opens my door for me. It's not because I'm lazy, but I want him to have manners and be a gentleman. It started with me, but he's carried it out and will continue to do so. He was invited to a very upscale business dinner with some of my colleagues and he held the door for the women and entered last. He did not eat until everyone else had their plates and began to eat. And, his napkin was folded on his lap as I taught him when he was little. He knows the difference between a salad fork and a dinner fork, a soup spoon and a tea spoon. I got so many compliments on what a refined young man he is.
I have tried opening doors for plenty of elderly gentleman and they wouldn't allow it. They held the door for me and allowed me to enter first.
It's just manners.
Some people have them and some people don't. None of my son's friends open doors for anybody. It's everyone for themselves.

If my son is with me, I never open doors and if he's not, I open a door and go in first if the man behind me doesn't have a clue. I won't slam a door on anyone, but I'm not going to stand there and hold the door for a man. Like I said, elderly gentleman, I will, especially if they have a cane or a walker or something. Strangely enough, they don't let little things like that stop them from being chivalrous.
Chivalry isn't dead. It does seem to be getting phased out however.
Mothers have to teach their sons manners from the time they are young, just as little girls need to know their manners as well.

That's just my opinion.

My dad never let a woman hold a door open for him. In fact when he was in a wheel chair for a short time he hated that I had to push him through the door. My grandpa was the same way, just how they were raised. However there are times I hold the door for my boyfriend and he says "thanks babe." So I don't think it's all men. I also think some of the other posters are right, its people in general. Yesterday I was at Target and a woman saw her son bump me hard and didn't say anything. A few minutes later a man was walking with his teenage soon, noticed he was in my path and moved him and his son out of my way and said excuse us. It's not everyone, but a lot of people these days forget (or were never taught) basic manners.

Its manners. Wives disrespect their husbands. Husbands disrespect their wives. Children take note of that and act accordingly. Thousands of parents teach their children how to have a bad marriage and to think that is the norm.

I personally feel uncomfortable when women try and be the man and open the door for me unless my hands and arms are full of packages or kids. I always try and say thank you or at least make eye contact and nod in appreciation.

When I was dating, I always opened the doors for my date. Now I open doors and offer my hand to my wife (37 years later this month). I try and give her flowers or a gift or a love poem at least once per month. I try and find something she has done to thank her for weekly. I've taken her flowers and given them to her at work.

Love is a verb, not a noun. Manners is the showing of respect and appreciation for those we meet. If you look at what we have taught our kids in schools and recognize mis-guided parents have outlawed corporal punishment, bad manners and a general disrespect is the result.

I do what ever I can think of to let my wife know I value her and her contribution to our family. When my kids made disrespectful comments to my wife, I always came down on them like a ton of bricks. AND I always told them that "No one talks to my wife like that. Not you. Not anybody." I wanted them to know how valueable she was to me. I was also teaching them how to value their spouses.

Good luck to you and yours.

V.,
I answered your last question suggesting you needed new friends. I have to tell you men do say thank you to me when I hold a door open.....most of the time. I gotta ask......do you avoid eye contact or look away when you do something like this. I'm wondering if body language is part of it.

Next time you decide to hold the door open for a man, I suggest you smile and face him. See if you get a thank you.
:)

This is not just men, it is people in general in today's society. We are so wrapped up in ourselves we forget common courtesy. If we all make sure to teach these basic kindnesses to our children maybe the next generation will do better than the current one.

First of all, don't open doors for men!! Just kidding, sort of. If it's someone you know, say "you're welcome" as a gentle reminder. If it's a stranger, try to remind yourself that you were being helpful because you're a nice person-- not because you expected thanks.

Their mothers didn't teach them properly.

Honestly, I think no matter male/female, holding a door open for someone should just be a common courtesy. A nice gesture as we pass one another so quickly :)

Lets think about this for a minute. Why would we open the door, step to the side, and expect the man to walk through first, as if he were the woman and we were the man?

If you get to the door first way ahead of a man coming up behind you, step inside and then hold the door open behind you so that it does not slam in his face. But if you get there at the same time, step to the side a little bit, or slow down, and allow him to get there first... and allow the man to take the role he naturally wants to take.

Men WANT to treat women as the gentler sex, but women have been deprogrammed to feel as if it is almost insulting. We have been deprogrammed by the liberation movement to work like men, think like men, dress more like men and take over the roles/jobs of men. Now the media and national consensus encourage males to act more like women (be emotional), look like them,(emo) and accept the female role (stand back while the female takes the lead and makes all the decisions.). I"m tired of movies that show males as passive voiceless whimps while women are the heroines and save the world. While I enjoy having equality in many things, I hate the breakdown of the male/female model that GOD setup. He set it up so that man would nuture and protect women, and lay down thier life for women. It has all been deprogrammed. Is it any wonder why a male doesnt even know how to act anymore? Maybe men arent the only ones who need to be retaught in social manners. The whole system needs to be examined.

The society in general has become terrible with general manners- even more so in metro areas. My husband said he feels guily when a woman holds a door open for him, he is busy thinking in his mind that he should have been doing that for her.

Bad parenting - just kidding!!! I think it is a product of our times - men seem much lazier to me these days ----

Could you be a little more general? I don't have a problem with whomever it is saying thank you.

I actually don't have this problem. After walking through a door, I almost always step aside hold it for the person behind me. And I always get a thank-you from men and women. I'll admit that, unless the man is elderly or has his hands full or something, I don't stop before going through the door and hold it for him - that's awkward and it holds up the natural flow of walking through the door. But it is just common courtesy not to let a door slam in someone's face. Next time you do it, make direct eye-contact and smile cheerfully at the man. I'll bet you at least 8 times out of 10, you'll get a thank you.

Personally, I think too many boys are taught "men are tough" rather than "people should be good to each other." Then people shrug and say "boys will be boys" and "men are like that" when boys & men fail to be considerate. If your *worst* behaviors are accepted as "natural", you are unlikely to do any self-reflection about it!

I like to believe this is why God gave me a passle of boys. I certainly let them play hard, but being rude is never excused as simple "male-ness."
And I never forget that my Grand-daddy was incredibly polite and gentle - and all the ladies in town loved him. : )

Of course, it's possible that it's just a regional thing. Plenty of men thank me in the conditions you describe. Men over 70 ALWAYS do.

I like the way Gailski B. thinks! I used to be T.-man as I was nick named years ago, I have since discovered that I like being feminine, and when I allow myself to be men almost always step up to the plate so to speak, especially my husband! Once I changed my behaviour and allowed myself to be feminine and be proud to be, our marriage of almost 10 years got soo much better and the sex has never been this good! I got flowers sent to me for my birthday from my husband, he has never in the 12 years I have known him done that! I am a female and I want to be, doesn't mean I am not still who I have always been, I just changed my mindset a little. Now I slow down a little and let the men get to the door first. I have never had one not hold it for me yet!

I'm betting that he doesn't think about it in order to acknowledge it. If it's a particular man, I would suggest communicating that you have expectations of respect and that a "Thank you" would be respectful in this situation.

In answer to both your posts... Its because people are SELFISH and SELF SEEKING. We ALL struggle with this, though some people just give in and become downright nasty. The only thing we can change is ourselves, so keep a smile on your face, hold open doors and make a cheerful comment to the man or woman passing through it. And the snobby women...be friendly, pay them a compliment, and ignore the insults. If you get caught up in the drama then it just feeds it. Keep the "heaping coals of fire on their heads (with acts of kindness)" concept in your mind.

Best wishes!

I find it's women who are less likely to say thankyou - especially at the mall, so I just say Thank You to them as a little reminder.

I really don't think it's a male/female thing.

Women do the same thing - worse even.

Because some of them are jerks. :)

I think it is just a lack of manners. Both men and women do this and it makes me wonder about the world in which we live. In my hometown pretty much everyone says thank you and smiles if you hold the door for them. When I moved to the "friendly" Midwest I found virtually no one said thank you if I held the door. Maybe it is a cultural thing. I have also found that people are pushy when passing through automatic doors (such as at Walmart). Wait your turn, people! I have to tell my 3 year old to wait patiently. I shouldn't have to tell grown men and women. Fools.