Why Am I So Testy? Why Can't I Just Be Happy?

Kind of late in the answer department here, but I just wanted to say YOU GO GIRL! sounds like you are becoming upbeat and ready to face the world. Motherhood is definitely tough even if you love it and lack of sleep, eeeigh well you know the repercussions. You sound like fun!

I make a point to get away 1 time per week if only for 1 hour. It helps, and I appreciate my family more. You deserve to get out and enjoy your alone time, and keep your sanity. Having more than 1 child is hard because you feel guilty for leaving the responsibility to someone else. Sometimes, I leave the house with 1 child, and do something simple yet enjoyable, like go get ice cream, and sit and talk. Although I'm not alone, I'm able to relax a little more and focus on 1 of my children, and I've learned that those one on one moments are priceless. Try that sometime.

When I want to exercise, I go out in my neighborhood around 8:30-9 when I've got the kids in bed. I know they're safe with dad there, and I get my ipod, and listen to my favorite music and just release my stress with a long walk. That is alone time, just in a different way. But is does clear my mind and I sleep better.

Don't be so h*** o* yourself. You're normal. The moms who are able to function with a smile on their face and never complain are the minority.

I could have written this! Take fish oil to help with moodiness (taken during pregnancy it wards off post-partum depression). Your hormones are probably still off a bit as well. My baby is 9 months, and I started turning the monitor off at night if he wakes up more than he needs to (over a couple of months - because we were preparing to take a trip for our ten-year anniversary and were planning on leaving him with family). I've been trying to fill him up with infant cereal before bed, and I let him sleep through the night until I get up around 6. He's usually awake by then and ready to eat. Will baby take a bottle at all (of pumped milk?) You definitely need to get out. If you get a mature baby sitter (an adult) and have a date around the kids' bed time, it shouldn't be too bad.

Ditto, ditto and ditto. I don't have an answers for you... just support that you are not alone.

I feel like I am finally coming into myself, ever so slowly, now that my kids are older (8 year old in 2nd grade and 5 year old in 5 day week half day PreK program). I have mornings to myself where I can finish a thought, shop, run errands or simply enjoy a cup of tea while watching Oprah. I decide how I want to spend that time. Another wonderful thing has been fabulous friendships that are filled with laughter, understanding, and grace. I treasure these friendships more with each passing day. Friends that just "get it".

You are in the thick of it especially caring for a nursing infant. You are on a short leash. Give yourself time and this will seem like a distant memory. Try to imagine what your life will be like next year when your baby is 19 months. Developmentally that is an entirely different phase with its own victories and challenges.

Maybe try to plan something for yourself. Last summer I set out to do some more reading, particularly mysteries. I planned out my reading list by doing research, placed holds on these books from the library and enjoyed the quiet time to delve into a good book. Maybe find a book club at the library or find a friend to join you in reading the same book. Discuss it afterwards over coffee. Swap recipes with a friend and compare notes on your successes. Research crafty holiday gifts for teachers to get ahead of the holiday rush. Something to stimulate your mind/outside interests rather than diapers and dishes.

I hope that helps.
{{{Hugs}}}

Please read over your letter. You ARE depressed! You have all the answers in your letter, but you can't find the energy and strength to do anything about it. We have ALL been there. Sit down with a pen and paper, and make a schedule for yourself, and post it where you can see it. You need regular meals, a time for exercise (walking is free,easy, and you can take the baby), read or sleep when it's naptime(no housework),and ASK for what you need from your husband. If you've been snapping at him, he'll be more than willing to help you change things. Maybe he can wash dishes and supervise baths after supper while you take the little one for a walk. Do what you need to do to get your baby on a schedule and sleeping through the night. And absolutely have a date night or a girl's night once a week. This will save your sanity, not to mention making your whole family happier and less stressed. I know you've heard that old saying, "if Momma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!" It really is true. Good luck, and if you can't do this by yourself, talk to your OB/GYN for some short-term medication to help you out of the hole that's swallowing you up. This isn't just for you---it's for your whole family.

Have you thought about getting a part time job or joining some clubs? When I had my first staying home totally threw me. I got a part time job at a healthclub childcare center and it was great! i only worked like 8 hours a week, so it really didn't take up too much time, but I was around other moms who I could vent to and get advice from. I brought my kids to work with me, but I had a free membership, so I would leave them at the daycare for an hour or so while a got in a workout, too. It really helped me! Hope this helps!

Not sure I have alot of advise for you, but I feel the same way. I have two boys, 3 1/2 and 8 months, I work full time and have my house on the market. I feel like I'm just about to pull all of my hair out, if I could just get 5 minutes with out someone asking for a snack or something I would be great. Oh well I guess we might get our identities back when we move our kids out after high school. LOL. Hang in there.

You are right that you do need to have some time for you. Many things could be factoring in including some lack of sleep and hormonal changes. I have found that walking outside in the fresh air several times a week is very uplifting and good for you too. The other thing I love is reading self improvement books and encouraging quotations. Jim Rohn is one of my favorite authors - he says things like "we all have the same wind in life - it's how we set the sail that makes the difference". In other words..decide to be happy for starters. There are some great supplements that support hormonal balance also that I truly love. I think with our fast paced lifestyles and modern food challenges we all can benefit from supplements - we just need to make sure they are high quality and not synthetic garbage. Hang in there -take advantage of what time you can get away and practice smiling cause that will lift your spirits even if you don't feel like smiling.

This may sound crazy, but for me the answer was working out at 5:30am. I know, how could that possibly be fun?? (And I HATE working out, and I'm NOT a morning person, I'll just start with that!) I finally decided that I needed to do one thing for myself, consistently, and for a long time I'd felt like I missed being in shape, and I was starting to get that "mommy butt" thing where my jeans looked all weird...) Anyway, I signed up for Adventure Boot Camp at 5:30 in the morning, when my kids are asleep and so is my husband... so every morning I'm out there watching the sun rise and sweating like there's no tomorrow. I can't tell you what an enormous difference it has made in my whole life. I feel energized and ready to go every morning, and it has made me feel so much happier in general (endorphins or stress relief or what, I don't know). It has helped to be signed up for the Adventure Boot Camp because the trainer takes roll every morning (so I know she will notice if I'm not there!) and she really pushes me to get better every day, so I really put my all into every workout. Even though I have always hated working out before, I find that I'm waking up before my alarm goes off in the mornings and I'm eager to get out there and do it!

Anyhow, for me, it was the "magic bullet." Maybe it will work for you as well! I hope you find something that works for you.

Hi, I work full time outside the home so I felt like this too sometimes. My husband and I stumbled across some liquid vitamin/mineral suppliments and have been taking them and really have noticed a difference. It helps with the following:
Memory and Mood Enhancer
Vision Support Formula
Immune Enhancer
Multi-vitamin and mineral formula
Cardiovascular formula
Natural Energizer
Super Antioxidant
Stress Formula
Digestion Aid
Bone and Joint Formula

All this in a 1 ounce serving that costs about $1 per day. Totally worth it! Check it out on the website: http://www.YummyLiquidVitamins.com You'd be amazed at what a good nights sleep can do for you! Let me know if you have any questions! Good luck to you!

From the posts... you or I for that matter are not alone in feeling this way. I am just like you, just snapping at the people around me for no really good reason. I do notice a HUGE difference when I exercise. Maybe with the weather getting nicer, you can get the 7 mos. old in a stroller or bike carrier & hit the bike paths. The fresh air will do you good & clear your head. I'd talk to your hubby about watching the kids for a few hours on the weekend, and get out by yourself. You shouldn't feel guilty, your giving the kids 'daddy time'. Things will get easier as your kids get older & you'll find yourself with alot of 'me time'. Hang in there & get out of the house at least once a week, it will do you a world of good!

I think you answered your own question in your last sentence. =0) You HAVE to make some time for yourself. It doesn't even have to be something extravagant. Sometimes, I relish just getting to do our shopping at Super Walmart ALONE! lol Do you have any girlfriends who live around? I have 3 best girlfriends who have been in my life for 20 years. We all lead totally different lives, but we make time for each other about once every month or so. We call it "Girl Day". We'll go eat, run eachother's errands, or see a movie, or just go sit for hours at a coffee shop. I have learned that after spending a day with them.......and listening to their everyday problems, etc. Makes me come home with a whole new appreciation for my life. I love my husband of 10yrs even more and I'm even more greatful for my two great kids. =0) Even if you don't have the time to dedicate to girlfriends, you should try to squeeze in some simple "me time" as often as you can. You sound like you have a great husband. When he gets home, jet off and get a 30 minute pedicure and indulge in a stupid Us Weekly magazine or something. Go to a coffee shop and drink a yummy coffee and just sit and talk on your cell phone to a friend. Just do anything............ It will make a world of difference. =0)

Hi, sounds like most moms. We have our hands full! First of all does hubby help out? I insisted my husband be total hands on! We took turns getting up to feed my daughter. After all its our child not just yours. When my husband came home form work its my time after dinner. I shower, read, veg. its me time. He puts away dishes , does homework with my daughter and gets her ready for bed. Dads have it easy, our work is never done. We need help, dont be afraid to ask him to share the parenting duties.

It's funny because I was just thinking about a friend who offered her services to me. She is a Certified Parent Coach and when she explained what she did she gave me a similar situation to yours. She told me that recently she had a client who was snapping at her family. The client felt that she was being unfair to her children because she took her frustrations and stress out on them. As a Parent Coach she was there to talk her through tough situations and encourage her to work to make her life easier and better. All her consultations are by phone so you wouldn't need to find one in the area necessarily. It's an idea for you to think about and look into if you want. I hope that you get through this tough time sane. Good luck to you. K.

Hey there!!
Do not feel guilty, that happens to ALL moms sometimes at certain time in their lives. You DO need a "me time". Being a mom is a 24/7 job, and is not easy raising kids neither. You need to find some day, may be a couple of days a week to do things by yourself and for yourself. If you do not have babysitter or someone reliable to take care of your kids, talk to your husband and ask him to stay home after work for you to go out, exercise, go shopping, meet with friends or just go to Barnes and Nobles and read some books!
Sometimes you will have to let things go at home, (perfect cleaning and spotless kitchen, etc) and stick to the priorities. It is great that your older children help a lot; try to nap with the baby whenever is possible and forget about other things; napping will help you to recover energy and feel happier.
Just talk to your husband and plan something for you, I am sure he will help you. Most of the times they do not realize about our needs as women or just human beings even if they are wonderful husbands. TALK to him and just ask him to help you, as I said, find together a couple of days and a day during weekends just for yourself.
I have been there. I am a homeschool mom, and I have my plate full, and that is the way I avoid to feel unhappy and tired.
DO NOT feel guilty because you are taking "days off" or because you feel that way. It is NORMAL! You seem to be a great mom and what you posted reconfirm it.
Take care of yourself..If you do not feel happy (you are happy!!!) and if you feel exhausted you will not be able to do what you are supposed to do and do what you love to do. Find good company, nice people to share your things with..positive people. Laugh a lot, enjoy the wonderful things and people you live with. It will pass!

You have GREAT advice already, but one thing I wanted to add was get TWO babysitters. Two high school kids (find two best friends not old enough to drive, maybe, who want out of their parents house for a night!)- they could sit for your three kids and you can go out on a date with hubby.

I feel the same way you do sometimes. I am also a SAHM and get tired of the mundane tasks as well. I suggest trying new recipes, getting outdoors more and exercising/walking, date nights, and also being open and honest with the family - maybe a 'family meeting' about the kids making sure they get those little things done.

I think you have answered this. You need to get out of the house. Can you pump some milk? Can you leave the kids with your husband? Even if it is after your 7 month old is put down so that only one feeding is missed? Go to a movie, go for coffee, whatever, just get out. If the baby is on any sort of schedule, you should be able to get out for about 3 hours, and not even miss a feeding.

Don't feel guilty for getting out (easier said than done). You know how you can get when you go get out. You are doing this FOR your kids, not just for you.

It's hard to be happy and fun when you are sleep deprived. And that infant stage isn't very fun when it limits your freedom and all you are doing is taking care of others and not yourself.

Date nights outside the home may not be possible until your youngest one gets to be a little bit older but that doesn't mean that you can't have a romantic date night at home after your children go to bed. Light some candles, order take out, rent a video and let your husband rub your feet and take care of you for a change.

Exercise definitely will help elevate your mood and, the more in shape you get, the more empowered and proud of yourself you will feel. Find a gym that offers childcare and use it at least 2 or 3 times a week, if only for a half-an-hour at a time.

Do you have a mom's group near where you live? If so, join it if you haven't already and start joining in on some of their activities. This may be enough of a social outlet for you for the time being so that you don't feel quite as stir crazy.

And, lastly, don't be so h*** o* yourself. I think each one of us here have felt similar feelings at one time or another and most probably, more often than we would like. I know that for me, I am a definitely someone who needs my fair share of personal freedom away from the kids and even away from my husband. I get grouchy and cross when I am not taking care of my social and emotional needs so I have learned that the best thing I can do for my family is put me somewhere at the top of the list. It's not easy but achieving this balance of personal life vs. family life is really the key to my whole family's happiness.

I hope this helps.