Not sure if this is a rant, or a who's right, but either way I am frustrated and really need some feedback. I am going to put this kinda generically, so I can get heartfelt replies as I know as mommas often stick together.
Between my SO and I, we have 5 children, ages from 14-21. the 18 year old and the 15 year old go to school together. one is his, one is mine. The 18 year old has a brand new car that grandma bought for her only about a month ago. She is licenced and on our insurance has been in 1 at fault accident and had 2 tickets within the last 6 months. The 15 year old has a permit, is only insured when a licenced driver, over the age of 21 is with her and that person has current insurance.
It seems the girls had this crazy deal going on, that the 18 year old would leave the car keys their locker they chose to share(they each have their own but one of the girls doesn't like the location of her locker), so the unlicensed 15 year old could take the car out at lunch since they had different lunch hours. Neither parent knew this. Monday the 15 year old was out at lunch time with the car, on a dirt road, speeding, lost control of the car, went into a spin, took out 2 mailboxes and really messed up the car (thank goodness it didn't roll). The property owners did not call the police. This happened around noon and nobody contacted either parent until 4pm. We found out later that night, there was another girl that was in the car during the accident that has some injuries.
The mother of the other girl of course wants the insurance information so the medical bills will be covered (again, the 15 year old isn't insured, but the car is with full coverage). One of us is saying to let the insurance company know what happened and the 18 year old has been letting the 15 year old drive, let insurance take care of it, and then take the 18 year old off our insurance, not get the 15 year old licenced til she is 18 and let them both figure it out as far as how to get insurance. Also the same person thinks both girls need to be held accountable for all copays, and damages to the property and the car.
The other one of us says, we need to contact the police, say the 15 year old stole the car, not tell the insurance company, pay everything out of pocket and pay all medical bills and car damage fees out of our pocket and not hold the 18 year old accountable in anyway.
So fellow mommas, what do you think? We are in the process of buying a house and the finances of that need to be taken into consideration as well. Please... Voice your opinion!
So, I will give the exacts now that I recieved replies and what the outcome is.
My daughter is the 15 year old. His is the 18 year old. I wanted to call insurance and have both girls be accountable, he did not.
I won the arguement for the most part. We did call insurance, the oldest did admit to giving my daughter the keys.They are paying to fix the car and all medical issues with the passenger (if that girls mom ever calls them back!) We are likely getting cancelled, but I have another policy because I have 2 cars, and we had 4 on the other policy, so I will just move my other car to my personal policy and he and his children can deal with the BS on their own.
He still doesnt feel that both girls should have to pay, so I will pay the decuctable, and my daughter will be getting a job as soon as she turns 16 and is currently having to volunteer with a dog rescue and with people with car related spinal cord and brain injuries.
Thank you all for your support. I feel much better knowing I had people that believe in my beliefs.
Why would one parent feel it is ok to say the 15 year old stole the car? Is one persons child better than the other? In my mixed family all the children are treated the same. We love them and hold them all responsible for their actions. Tell them actions have consequences. I would say make both the 18 and 15 accountable for their share. They both knew what they were doing.
I'm for the first plan. Getting the law involved is not helpful. Actually, it's likely they won't get involved. She didn't steal the car. She drove it with her sister's permission. Her sister owns the car.
Both girls need to suffer the consequences for their decisions.
Hi there,
Sounds like a big mess. Since you are in the process of buying a house, I would check with the insurance company & find out if the accident would be covered along with the girls injuries. I would bet that the girls injuries would be covered, but that the car would not be, since there wasn't a 21 YO person with your daughter while she was driving. If insurance will not cover any of it, then you are stuck.
As for the girls, I would ground them both (for an undetermined amount of time) & make them either get a part time job or do extra chores to repay you for your out of pocket expenses. This would probably take them the whole school year & then some, depending on the cost of the damages & injuries. Take the keys away from them. I agree in not letting the 15 YO getting her license until either she has paid off her part of the damages OR until she is 18.
If insurance covers everything & raises your rates, then I would make the girls cover the copay along with paying the increase in premium until it comes back down. Once you feel that they have been grounded long enough & plan to let the 18YO drive again. I would make her pay for her part of the coverage, & if she can't afford to do that 1 month, then she can't drive that month.
Also, if the 15 YO gf is unable to do her chores because of her injuries, I would make the 15 YO go over & do them for her.
I hope this helps.
Best of luck & may God Bless you all,
C.
Short answer - what happens when they do something worse next time b/c one parent wants to cover their a**es. My opinion is that both girls need to buck up and understand the consequences of this. The 18 year old is an adult and needs to learn a lesson about responsibility and the 15 year old shouldn't get away with it.
Why tell the police if you're not going to file a police report - or are you? Is her consequence legal action?
Think about it this way - where does your liability end if paying it OOP. Ultimately the injured could keep coming after you for money - if it goes through insurance they take the liability and you aren't further liable once that is done. I completely agree with the person that thinks both girls need to be held accountable for all costs that insurance doesn't cover. Its what I would do with my child.
Your insurance policy may include as part of it a requirement to report ALL accidents to them. If it does and they find out about this, then they could dump you for coverage.
The 18 year old is just as responsible for the accident. Therefore, she should cover the cost of at least some of the damage to the car. She lent it. She has to pay for it. And I would definitely we kicking her off to her own insurance policy.
The 15 year old needs to help pay for damages and have severe restrictions on when she can get her license. And when she does, she should be paying for the cost difference of adding her to the insurance.
Life teaches hard lessons. And there are consequences already in place for the actions those girls took. Trying to cover up for the girls teaches them that consequences don't apply to them, that they are "above" it, and that they are not actually responsible. OR that the rules are dumb and can be broken whenever you feel like it (cause that is what option 2 is saying).
I know that you said finances need to be taken into consideration, but they don't. There is never a wrong time to do the right thing.
Hi! I would call the police and the insurance company and tell them the absolute truth. Then I would have the car sent to the junkyard and tear up both the 18 year old's license and the 15 year old's permit. Then let the chips fall where they may. You can't stop the 18 year old from getting a replacement but it is in your power to not fund anything car related or allow another vehicle on your property.
Sorry--- my dad was killed by an irresponsible teen. A car is a lethal weapon and if they can't be responsible they shouldn't have the right to drive. And yes, my son did not get his license until we felt he was mature enough to not do the things kids do in cars.
Yeowch! What a nasty dilemma. No matter how you handle this, there will be some unpleasantness and expense. But, still, I think it is best to model honesty and maturity in how this is handled, which means going with something that looks more like the first option. Use the car's insurance to pay for the medical bills (Believe me, it is easily possible for the medical bills to cost more than the rise in insurance premiums that will be inevitable - why not let the insurance company handle it - that's why you pay them.) and hold both young ladies accountable. Tell the 15 year old that she has proven that she is not mature enough to get her license yet, and make her wait at least a year. Take the irresponsible 18 y.o. (who IS partly responsible for the situation, since she willingly gave her sister access to the keys) off your insurance and let her figure out how to pay for her own. Hold both girls responsible for any expenses related to the incident that aren't covered by the insurance.
Please do not lie to "fix" it - your kids will be watching, and they will learn how to handle future thorny situations in their own lives and with their own kids based on what you do. Lying to cover up trouble is not what you want the kids to learn from this, is it? And making the 15 year old take the fall legally for something she didn't do (steal the car) strikes me as just plain wrong and horribly unfair. She should be in trouble for what she did do, not for something she did not do. She should not be forced to cover up for her sister's role in this - that would just breed resentment between the sisters. And her sister should not get off consequence free - without her consent to give the 15 year old the keys, none of this would have happened.
