When You Were Pregnant with Your Second Child, Were You Ever Scared?

This is definitely normal. At least it was for me. I has my second 9 months ago now and things are ok. The worrying helped me to prepare though in some ways. I get one on one time with my oldest when the baby naps. It is nice. I ge tone on one time with the baby when he eats and stuff. You will get used to things. Just don't worry too much.

I was scared, yes. I always knew I wanted at least 2 children, but when it actually happened I was freaked out for a while.

My son is two (3 next month) and his little sister was born 8 weeks ago. The first time scared me more then this time, but I too was worried about jealousy, favoritism, anger. I mourned that my darling little guy wouldn't be our only focus now.

Right now, things are great. When I was at home for a while I kept my daughter with me and slept when she slept. I would put in a video for my son and sort of napped with one eye open. I tried to encourage him to nap with us so I could get more sleep.

The first few days and weeks were hardest as an adjustment for everyone. It was sleeping when the baby slept, even if it was just dozing in the same room with my ds, that helped me tremendously. I'm not big into schedules or routines, I just went with the flow according to how the kids were doing and adjusted any plans as I needed to

Right now he adores his sister...kisses her, gives her hugs, is protective of her, but as she grows that will likely change to some degree, especially when she can start taking his toys. He's starting to understand that I can't necessarily do something for him immediately if I am nursing baby sister or changing her diaper, so he's started developing patience a little more. I bought the book Siblings Without Rivalry to try and help give me some ideas as they grow up on how to try to keep things on an even keel, as I don't have any sibling experience to fall back on.

When I was pregnant we tried to get him to understand what was going on....I don't know how much he got lol. We make an effort now to spend alone time with him as much as possible, especially since we're both currently working.

I felt exactly the same, and came to find out some of it is true. Life with two is very different from life with one, but there is nothing to be scared of. You are obviously a capable mother, organized and looking out for your children's best interest. Just be patient, and go easy on yourself if you cannot be in control like usual. You will adjust, but it will take some experimentation and time. Many of your concerns are worthy, but since you are thinking of them, and preparing for them, when they arise you will be much better able to handle them. Congratulations!

I have those same fears and my first is only 6 months old! I am constantly wondering if I will love my other kids as much as I love him and I am always worried that when we do have another baby he will suffer because I won't be able to give him as much attention as he's used to. I think all of these feelings are normal. I think it's hard to imagine that it's possible to love another as much as you love the first and that there isn't enough time in the world to give devotion to more than one...but once your little one is here, I'm sure you'll discover that none of this is true...at least that's what I'm hoping! Congrats on the new baby...try not to stress. If it were really impossible to have a routine, enough love, and enough attention for more than one kid...there'd be a lot less kids with siblings :)

I remember feeling the same when I found out I was pregnant with #2 (now 7 months old). I was bursting with excitement that we had finally conceived again, but suddenly felt incapable of taking care of 2. My daughter was 2 1/2 at the time, but still needed a lot of attention. What I found after having number 2 is that although it is more work for my husband and I and less one-on-one time with my daughter, the joy that our son brings to us and his sister is worth it all. When I see them interact and our girl elicit smiles and laughter from her brother, I'm glad we took the risk. Congrats on the pregnancy and best wishes. Please try to relax and enjoy each stage. Life with 2 is beautiful! R. (nurse-midwife turned SAHM of 2)

Well, our 2 are 16 months apart. if I had 2 that were 4 years apart, I think I'd view things SO much differently. 16 months apart is the hardest thing I ever did in my entire life. I went through a period like you. I actually felt that I hated the baby I was pregnant with. Our daughter was so young and still needed so much more attention and I hated the fact that the baby would take away attention from her. I also worried about how to handle 2. I could barely handle one at the time and 2 seemed impossible. I worried that the new one would "break up" the happy family of 3 that we had because we were happy with what we had.
Our second was planned, so it's not like he was an oops or anything. These were just fears and worries I had. I also didn't want a boy, so I didn't like that either.
But at about month 9, all feelings went away. The day he was born, I fell in love with him and never regretted having 2. Yes, it was hard at times. MORE than hard. Impossible. But now he's 18 months and our daugher is nearly 3 and they are best friends. Having 2 close together was the hardest, but the best thing we ever did.
Your feelings are normal and will pass. Just don't dwell on them.

I definitely had the same worries. My son is 2 1/2 and we are finding out that we are having TWINS! When we first found out we were pregnant, I thought the same thing, "Will Camren hate his little brother or sister because we can't spend as much time with him as he's used to?" Then when we realized it was going to be 2 babies, I felt sad for my son even more. I'm 3 months into my pregnancy and already he's feeling the pressure of Mommy not being able to carry him anymore or wrestle and play roughly with him anymore. But my husband is trying to bond with him more and more so that when the babies do arrive, he won't need Mommy as much and he won't feel a HUGE difference. We have been spending a lot more time going to the park, riding his bike outside, playing ball... with him. As far as chaotic-ness, i try not to think about it so much. I already expect a little chaos but you don't want to stress and worry about something that is bound to happen. But I do still have those worries. I'm not so much scared like you said, just worried about how I will be able to handle things and with the economy the way it is, I think about our finances. For me, personally, I was 5 when my younger sister was born and I don't have any memories of feeling left out or unloved. I loved playinng the role of big sister and help a lot with daiper changing and feedings. I make sure I talk about "babaies" a lot with my son. Since he's just 2, I'm not sure he understands what's happening yet but I'm already calling him my "big brother-helper" everytime he helps (or tries to help). I praise him for doing things independently so that he get's used to brushing his teeth or washing his hands by himself. I'm just currently working on his self confidence so that he won't be so depended on me when the twins arrive. Worrying is natural, it helps us be prepared, just don't use too much energy worrying, you'll need the extra energy when the baby arrives!

I think that's pretty normal. I was afraid I couldn't love anyone as much as my first child. I was wrong, and things kind of fell into place the way the were supposed to. I now have piles of kids and it's great. As far as time for your first, get the 4 yr old to help you with nap time and make sure that nap time is special time for the two of you. As soon as the baby is asleep we can.... color, watch a cartoon, eat cookies... whatever. Just make it seem like you are in it together, and you will get more help than you know what to do with. Soon enough you will be dealing with school, and things change so rapidly, enjoy your time while it's still there.

Hello G.,

Just a few months ago or so, I was in your exact same position. I am currently pregnant with my second, to be due around March 7 while my first just turned four years old a couple of weeks ago. I felt so bad about neglecting my son or leaving him out of anything that I actually went into a slight depression. Now, I've made sure my son is included in absolutely everything that has to do with the baby (which is another little boy), including coming to every single appointment and helping us put things together (like the crib and such). I let him feel his baby brother kick and even let him help us pick out a good name for the little guy (which happened recently). He is actually so excited about having a baby around, that he talks about giving the baby his cars and he even gave him his little pillow that he used to use when he was younger (it has an allergy protector case over it, which I do with all of our pillows). He understands that mommy is having a baby and the baby is inside mommy's tummy. At first, he was a little scared when he heard the baby's heartbeat, but when we came home, (I'm in nursing school), I took out my stethoscope and let him listen to his and my heartbeat so he could understand. I've just made sure I've included him in absolutely everything that has to do with us and the baby! He now is okay with the heartbeat and actually enjoys going to the "baby's doctor" to see or hear his baby brother.

Also, keep in mind that since you are newly pregnant, your emotions are going to go wild due to all the hormones and you are worried about the most dearest thing in your life, your first born. Once you hit your second trimester, those feelings seem to level out a bit and both you and your child will be way more understanding and accepting of the fact that a second child is on the way. Also, know that if you are worried and upset, your child will surely sense that, even if you don't allow it to show. So, just know that it's all perfectly normal and go ahead and look at my previous post to see what I wrote and what others responded.

What area do you live in? Since we have children in the same age group, who knows, maybe we can meet up and have playdates with the kids or become friends.

I hope my advice has helped you at least a little and please, feel free to write me and ask me any further questions.

Have a soon to be Merry Christmas!!!

P.S. with your first born being four years old, he'll be the best little helper around there is to be! I think four years is the perfect gap between siblings! My son's at the age to being so helpful, but not to the point of forming his own opinions and NOT wanting to help. He loves helping mommy and daddy (and soon to be baby)!

G. - I know this is late - I read alot of my mamasource e-mails all at once because I do have 2 kids!! Don't be afraid!! you are going to love 2! It will be better for your son and for your family - and "yes" to all that things you said, it will be hectic and your schedule will go out the window, just let it go....at first your son may be resentful but it will be good for him, builds character and he will love having a little brother or sis later on. And yes, the reward is much greater, not to mention he will have another best friend all through life! You won't have to bring a friend for him everywhere you go, or on vacation. Trust me my friends with one have alot more problems dealing with one child then I do with my 2!!
Good luck and look forward to all the fun you will have with 2 (I will cross my fingers for a girl!)
L.

I am a mother of 2, a 3 year old and 1 year old. I felt the same way before having #2. It was difficult for the first little while for the whole family. Learning to share mommy's attention is not easy but the good news is they do learn. There are some big adjustments for everyone and it takes some time but life does get easier. Some things are more difficult to do with more kids, like getting out the door and going places. There are also some things that become easier the more kids you have, like kids entertaining eachother. It does take a little time to get a routine established again and figure out how life works with two kids but you will, I promise. I now wonder how we ever got along without both kids. My kids are best friends and play so well together. They have both learned a lot from eachother. You'll love it!

I know you've received many responses to your question but I wanted to add my 2 cents. ;-) I felt exactly the same way when I became pregnant with my 2nd (he will be 1 in January). My older son was 5 when the baby was born. It was all my idea to have another child. I was the one who told my husband it would all be ok and then when I became pregnant, I paniced. I wouldn't let him tell anyone I was pregnant for 2 months. I saw an article in a magazine about PREnatal depression and I think I had it. Anyway, after a few months of panic and worry, I settled down and everything worked out ok. Of course at first a new baby needs constant attention but when one us was attending to the baby, the other would spend time with the older one. We told him that when he was a baby we cared for him just as much but he was lucky, he didn't have to share us with anyone like his little brother does. My older son is in kindergarten and I work part-time so I help out in his classroom when I can and go on fieldtrips with his class. (Because I work, I have daycare so I take the baby there and work at the school). So much of our attention is spent on the baby when we're at home that I try to do what I can at school. Husband and I also try to do something special with my older son one-on-one every few weeks (today, I took my son to the park while my husband when grocery shopping with the baby). When we first came home from the hospital, we let my older son help out with baby as much as he wanted. We let him hand us diapers, get the bottle, etc. It made him feel useful. I would also have the baby kiss him by putting the baby's lips up to his cheek, he loved it. My son and I got a little special gift for him to bring to the hospital and give to the baby and I picked something up for my son that was a gift from the baby. Sorry to be so long winded, I wanted to give you some examples of what we did to make our older child feel just as special and loved as the baby. Your feelins are normal and it will all work out ok. You will treasure the memories of your kids playing together. Good luck with everything.

Dear G.; Sure, everyone experiences that feeling like, "OMG, WHAT AM I DOING???" But don't get all in an uproar over it. Lots of people have more than one child. Remember that your first is now going into a stage where he or she is interested more in the world outside your home - playing with others, learning to be more independent, and so won't be jealous of a tiny little helpless thing who can't do anything for itself. Keep telling him/her "look how big you are and you can do so many things that baby can't. This will keep him/her feeling proud and capable. And you can capitalize on that by having the big one do stuff for you and for baby. You will end up with two kids who each have another person to love.
Mother of three and grandmother of three more, D.

First of all, CONGRATS!! Second, I think your feelings are perfectly normal...unless we're both crazy (I worry about EVERYTHING too, because of my mom). I am also currently pregnant with #2, and my daughter is about 2 and 1/2. I'm SO excited, but so scared too. I'm not only scared about how hectic and unorganized everything will become, but also a number of other things. How will I give my daughter attention too; what if I bond more with this baby; what if I bond less....? The list goes on and on. Also, I've been home with my daughter since she was born, but with this baby, I'll be going back to work when she's about 4 months old, and I'm scared to death!
So anyway, my point is I think your feelings are perfectly normal. I think, just as with the first, things may be unorganized at first, some adjustments will need to be made, and things will fall into place. At least I hope that's what happens! I wish your growing family all the best!! And congratulations again!

Congratulations! I think being frightened about how things are going to change when the second child arrives is completely normal. My fears were doubled, because my second "child" was twins. Your first child will love being an older brother or sister, and will help you. People say that having two is more than double having one, and I'd have to agree. Yes, there will be jealousy from your first-born, and yes, there will be chaos from time to time. Every time you tell your first child "wait, I have to change the baby", "Mommy can't read you that book right now, because the baby has to eat right now", etc., you will feel guilt. There will be days when you feel like the new arrival has ruined your first child's life.
But you know what, G.? You have given your child the most precious gift of all - a sibling. A best friend for life. And it is all worth it. Congratulations again! Good luck and God Bless.

You are right to be concerned.
The honest truth is that it will be different.
But different doesn't always mean worse.

Yes, your oldest got much more "one on one attention" then you will be able to give your second child.
Yes, you will love them differently they will be different people.
And yes, it will be chaotic at first.

I seemed to crash and burn after each addition to our family (4 kids now). But it works itself out, it truly does!

Your second child will have the amazing experience of having another caregiver, another playmate (your oldest) and that is an experience that your oldest didn't have. They will be loved and adored by 3 people not just 2! Your oldest will have the beautiful experience of helping to raise a precious little sibling! They will feel the same paternal love that you feel and that is a gift too.

I will not lie you will have to make a concentrated effort to spend quality alone time with each child so that they still feel independent, strong and valuable, not just part of this anoymous group called "the kids".

That fact that you are concerned, worried and/or panicked just shows what a great job you are going to do! Your concern shows that you are an involved, present and nurturing mother. You will handle it spendidly! Blessing on your family!

I'm also pregnant with #2 and my daughter is turning 2 soon. I have the same fears as you, but I figure it's because I'm not worrying about the things I was worried about #1 ie feeding, sleeping, baby showers, breastfeeding, diapering, formula, nursery, traveling, weight gain, etc. All those things you worry about with the first pregnancy, but not your second, so you have to find something new to worry about! :)

This is totally normal and what's great about it is that you are aware so you will be able to make healthy plans to avoid any of your concerns. Take a deep breathe and find joy in the process every day. The best way to make sure your older child does not get lost in the shuffle is to make sure he is included in all the prep work for the new child. I got my son a t-shirt made that said I'm the big brother with an arrow pointing to my belly. He loved it and always wanted to make sure the arrow was pointing to the right thing when he wore it. You will do fine!!!

G.,
This is completely normal. I became pregnant with my first when I had a almost 4 year old daughter, AND SHE WAS MY WORLD! I was like, I KNOW my daughter will be left out and this baby will ruin all I'm striving for with school etc.
I had another daughter, and I loved her just as much (I thought I wouldn't!) I still took online classes. and we still have a schedule and a relatively clean home! ;-)
the HARDEST struggle is like you mentioned, nurturing both and feeling like they have plenty of time with you. which you think would be easy with 2 kids, 2 parents. but my hubby is gone alot, so it falls on me :-) good luck, you'll do great. read a lot on it, People who have gone through it and found a way to do it better/easier

I remember thinking something similar but once I had the second child it all fell into place. My children are three years apart and were going to share a room when I brought the baby home from the hospital. My biggest worry was that the baby would wake the other one up in the middle of the night. What I worried (for nothing) about and what actually happened were polar opposite. My older boy slept right through everything. You will adapt and so will the kids. Make sure to include your older child with the baby. They love it when they can be a part of it all.

I think being worried is stressful, yet human and normal. I vote to find some breathing exercises, yoga or something physical to do to relieve your anxiety. This will be a good thing for everyone in your family. Your 4 year old will feel nervous if you are, your husband may feel that it is hard to be around you, and the anxious feelings inside may affect the baby you are carrying.
Since you are asking this question, it is obvious you love your children and want to make good decisions. Let the decisions happen as they need to (stay present and enjoy being pregnant) instead of trying to look into the future of what's it going to be like.
I have four children (ages 9-13). They are all different and need different things. It can be challenging for them in situations such as having friends over because they can rarely be alone with their friend. On the other hand they are constantly playing with each other, love each other and wouldn't change the 'big family' challenges for anything.
I loved becoming a mother each time as I know you will too.
Congratulations and enjoy!

I just had my 2nd back in July and my oldest is 3. I thought the same thing, but when she got here back in July, my older little girl took some time getting used to her being around, especially since she was so used to it being just us 3. (My hubby, me & her) We told her that 'this is your sister...her name is Trinity'. And eventually she got used to it and now she is really a big help. Sometimes she keeps her entertained while I am trying to do things around the house.

What I can tell you is that it is important to show your oldest that you are all a family now and make sure to show him the same love and do not get so caught up with the new baby that you don't give him a hug and a kiss at least once a day or so. Do thing to include him so that he does not feel left out.

Congrats on number 2. I had those same exact feelings when I was pregnant. In fact, I still have those feelings today and mine are now 1 and 3. I feel like the most important thing is making sure there is time to take each of them out seperately. Knowing that you give each of them one on one attention helps a lot. I used to take my daughter to a mommy and me gymnastics class while daddy spent time with my son. I get some alone time with my son while my daughter is taking a nap. It's those times when you just really take advantage of the one on one time. Remember that the kids really need their daddy too so since you will have two children it's still a balanced household with as many parents as their are kids. It's when people have 3+ where I don't know the tricks to still get that one on one attention. You are outnumbered at that point. Good luck and this too shall pass.

I was also scared, but for different reasons. My second child is 20years younger than my first. I had fears of the health of my baby , wondering how my oldest would feel about a sibling that was so much younger than he , and how she was gonna feel having parents that were alot older than her friends parents. I was also worried that would not have the energy to keep up with her.

It turns out that everything was fine. I think that being worried about your children comes with being a mom. I think that you will worry about some aspect of your childrens lives always. The worries just change a little bit. So relax enjoy your kids and congrats. Everything has a way of working itself out.

I had these same worries when I was pregnant with number 2. It is not just you, it is normal. Once number 2 was here, I found it is hard, and is still well worth it. You will be fine and you will find time for both kids. One thing you can do is take your 4 year old to a siblings class. It is usually offered along with the pregnancy classes and all at the hospitals. It will help him/her know what they can help you with once their brother or sister is here. I would also take him/her to your appointments to hear the heartbeat and so he/she feels connected to the baby growing inside you. Make your first child feel involved in the pregnancy whenever possible. My first was 5 when I had my second, and now he still considers his brother his baby. My son came to the ultrasound and found out he was having a brother and got really excited saying he was going to teach him how to play with trains and cars and all sorts of stuff. Don't worry too much though, things will work out, they always do!! :-)

D. P.

Hi G.,

Congrats! My son was 4 years old when I had my daughter. I went through all he same feelings. I found that it was good that my little man was a little older. He seemed to know what was going on. I told him that he would always be my little man and that I love him so much, but that when the baby came she would need lots of my time and attention. I amswered all of his questions as well as I could. He was so excited to be a big brother.

When she came, he fell in love. He introduced her to everyone. He only had a couple of issues in the beginning. People would tell me how precious my baby was and not mention him. That would hurt him so much. I made sure to be very vocal about what a good big brother he was to the baby. Soemtimes it helped.

As for routine....that came. It's definitely different, but my daughter was a month old and I already couldn't remember what life was like without her. You'll do great. Just cuddle your son a lot right now. It's rare to have a great uninterrupted cuddle when you have a newborn.

Good Luck.

Congradulations on baby #2!!!
Honestly, I think there would be something wrong if you weren't a little nervous! My big question when I was pregnant w/ the second....can I possibly love the second one as much and as completely as I do the first!! The answer, of course, is yes.
As for routines and time....it will eventually work itself out, just have patience. Its all worth it.
Have a great time.

basic needs first...including your own. food, potty, sleep