Pregnant with Second Child and Feeling Scared...

Hi S.,

I have been in the situation before also. Those are totally normal feelings. When I got pregnant again I was so happy but I also kept thinking "how can I possibly love another child the way I love my first?" You will.... It's hard to explain but every child has their own personality and their own way to capture your heart. Their is enough love and attention to go around. And it's really good for the siblings. I have a 4 year old, a 2 year old, and a 9 month old. They each have a close bond with each other in their own way. I was scared back then before my second child but now I can't imagine my life before them. With each child your life completly changes again, but it's a wonderful change. I think most mommy's have these feelings and because you are feeling this way shows what a great mom you are. Your going to do fine and the older sibling will love the little one. Have (him or her) feel your belly and get ready for the new addition. At the hospital after giving birth to my second child my oldest was two, my husband took our oldest down to the cafeteria. He turned to the person behind them in line and said "my mommy baby" I'll never forget that. Their will be jealousy and tuff times but they will have a close bond!

Congradulations!!!!! Take Care!! :)

Hello, I married a man that already had 2 children from his previous marriage (they are 7 and 5). When we found out that I was pregnant with our son which is 5 1/2 months now, it scared me because I had only been married for 8 months and I didn't want to feel like I was pushing the other kids out of the way with the new baby. What I did was keep the other kids in the loop with what was going on and bought a heartbeat monitor for home so they could listen to it when they wanted to. It made them feel like it was a special treat to listen to or feel the baby move. The only advise that I can give is to make your 1st born feel like they are apart of everything that is going on.

Hi S.,

I can totally relate to your feelings and concerned and please be assured when I tell you that it is absolutely normal in my opinion for you to feel this way. I have two boys 19 months apart and I was terrified. In the end, you find abilities you never knew exsisted and you balance it all with great style and grace. Or at least, that is how it feels most days. So not to worry, chin up young person, all will be well. Congratulations and have a great day! :)

It is normal to worry with any child. I know two seems overwhelming. You're thinking "But I just got the hang of this one!" Trust me, it's going to be fine with two. For one, they will eventually play with one-another and give you some peace *L*, but, with a three year old, he/she will relish being "Mommy's little helper" as long as you remember to give them lots of praise. (i.e. Wow, thank you so much for giving your brother his bottle! You're such a good helper!) This works with mine even though they're only 10 months apart.
Most of all, try to relax (I know it's hard) and remember how nice it is to have one that's so small.

Well S. I myself was recently remarried and already had 2 children. when my husban said he would like one of our own I was a afraid myself. But even though I find that 2 children is 3 times harder than one and 3 is 3 times harder that 2 the feeling of joy and fulfillment are equal to the struggle. The only advice I can give is no matter how crazy thigs may seem sometimes just take a step back and take things one minute at a time. Children are often times verry over dramatic and chances are even though they may seem hectic everything is really ok. Oh and always always take time for yourself.

Hi S.. I had my 2nd in April and your feelings are totally normal! I got over them faster than my husband, I can honestly say it wasn't until we actually had her that he was "happy" about it. And, now we can't imagine our lives without 2. Someone told me when I was pregnant that it isn't like having a 2nd means you have to take something away from your first, it's more like each kid gets their own account and they start fresh and full each time...it is true. Good luck!!

When I went from 1 to 2 ( and from 2 -3) I felt the same way. We tried for about a year to have our 2nd daughter and when I finally got pregnant I was ...oh, my goodness what did we do. My daughter are 4 year apart, about what your kids will be. I found that my oldest really wanted to take on the mommy role, it was really cute. She was so helpful. My advise is to make sure your husband take an active role in taking care of the oldest. My husband and daughter really bonded during the early months after our second arrived. It was a wonderful experience going from 1-2 and looking back the age difference (what I was worried about) turned out to be great. We spaced our 3rd kid that far apart because it really was a nice gap. Your feelings are really normal, and once you have your baby you will look back asking yourself what you where so worried about. Good luck

I was pregnant with my second child when my oldest was 3 years old. I made sure to involve him in the pregnancy. He went to all the doctor's appointments with me. He got to hear the baby's heartbeat. When he found it he was getting a little brother, he was so excited and couldn't wait. We had many talks with him about a new baby coming into the family. When his little brother was a baby, I had him help me with him. He would get diapers and bottles of milk for me. I would even let him feed him. I would make sure when the baby was asleep that I would spend time with the oldest one. He even enjoyed it if I read him a book and took a nap with him. All of these little things did not make him feel like the baby was more important then him. They are now 8 and 5 yrs old and have a very close relationship. You will be a good mom to both children. It is hard but you can do it. :)

I have 3 kids and let me tell ya, it is a big adjustment and the oldest one will have to learn that they are # 1 anymore. And it is scary and hard on the oldest one, but at the same time, it is a learning expierence and once that new one comes along and starts crawling and walking, makes things alot easier.... But it is challange and learning expierence

I parented an only for 4.5 years before being surprised with my next child. When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to make sure my older one was involved.

We didn't have the gender until the day the baby was born, so we would sit around discussing names. My daughter threw out some names (they were TERRIBLE!) and we told her we would think about it, but that Mom and Daddy were going to decide. When we picked a name, we asked her what she thought.

When the baby would move, she could come feel my tummy. She came to talk to my bump. She helped pick things for the baby. She was very involved. I wanted her to feel involved and not threatened. There are still some jealosy issues sometimes, but mostly it's all good.

As for the re-adjustment, well it does seem like so much to deal with. My Mom came down for a week after daughter #2 was born. That let me get back in the swing of being a new mom and also kept my older daughter busy and feeling important. She would go with my Mom to get things and again help pick thing out.

I was terrified when Mom left, but I got it figured out - you will, too. And, I kinda think the more excited your older child is over baby, the easier.

You can do it - I have faith in you!

It is very normal to worry...I have 3 children and they are all 21 months and a few days apart...it was hard! When I had my second daughter- my first was a little over 1 and it didn't go so smoothly! The day I brought her home, my 1 year old threw a cup at her head...once she realized that I love them both equally and that I am there for all of them...they adjust a little better...some adjust quicker than others...there isn't much you can do, just make sure you involve your first child, no matter what it is. Let the child help you get the diaper or help when you're dressing the baby...and if you are going to use a bottle...let them feed the baby...the biggest challange I had was with my last child...I breastfed and he was the first of the 3 to get breastfed...it wasn't the easiest task with 2 other children wanting to help...but we all learned to adjust...just be patient!

I just had my second child 5 months ago. I felt the EXACT same way you do. I was afraid that I might not love the second as I do the first. My older son is 3 and I didn't know how I was going to do it either. I tried everything that I could think of to make my 3 yr old ready for a baby, but in the long run he didn't understand until we brought the baby home. I now know that I have enough love to give both of them and I have plenty of time with the baby and my 3 yr old and my husband. You'll have to see first hand, but believe me, you will find time and love for your whole family.
If you need someone to talk to, I'm a SAHM and I'd be glad to lend you my ears

Hi S.,
Welcome to the never ending guilty feeling of motherhood club! I think we are always going to be scared about adding another to the family regardless. I have three kids now and I went through all that with the 2nd and 3rd. How is my first going to adjust? I got sad thinking that she won't have my undivided attention. Got scared to think what will I do when they both need me at the same time. Even now I get scared to think what if something happened and who will I save first? Okay, get that out of the way and I know that having siblings are the best thing for them. The 3 of them are the best of friends! They would not trade anything in the world for each other. You are building this secure loving foundation for your child. Your child will now not only have you and daddy's unconditional love but also of another. It is a great thing for him. You will also be fine. You will be surprised at just how much love you have for all that comes from you. Children are great blessings and it is one of our most important venture in life, so enjoy!

Hi S.-
I can totally relate to your anxiety and fears about this because I went through the same thing. My husband would laugh at me because I would cry because I was so scared I wouldn't be a good enough Mom to "deal" with two, or that my first child would suffer because I couldn't spend enough time with her when the new baby came. It is all very normal, and you will be surprised the way things just seem to work out. I am not saying that sometimes it isn't VERY difficult, (when one is crying the other insists THEY need your attention that very second!!!) But it does seem that it is the way that things are supposed to be. I couldn't imagine life without my Son, and he brings a great balance to our life. (And sometime a great IMBALANCE!!) But he is now my daughters best friend and playmate. I am fortunate enought to have a husband who is very involved in the child rearing, so that helps tremedously too. Try to keep the oldest one very involved, and to be your big helper. My daughter always seems to brighten right up with she is sick of her brother, when I let her "help" with a big person project (dishes, vacuuming, getting diapers for me, etc.) I am not sure if your 3 yr old is a boy or girl, but my friend with boys say the same thing. If you give them a little special "privledge" to do something with you it is a big deal, and they seem to respond to it.
My daughter is now 4 and my son just turned 2. It seems like things are justing starting to "settle". We have our routines, and if you have them, stick with them. It is a great source of comfort to them to know how things are going to be. Be patient with yourself, if there is anything I can stress, it is that. If someone would have just told me that I need to be patient with myself and my children, and not feel the pressure of "KNOWING" how do to it, it would have been a great relief. It is a learning process for everyone in the house. Good luck - I do know that loving them is the easy part. Happy Holidays!! M.

Hi S., I have 2 children 6 yrs old and 3yrs old so i was once in your spot! YOu are normal everyone having a second child will go through this! I was scared because my daughter is hearing impaired so i thought how am i going to give her my undivided attention when i have a baby, Well after the freak out and the baby comes you realize that it takes time but you end up in a groove with everyone. make sure your not stressing too much. I know your first child is only three but try and expain in simple terms that a new baby is coming, also when the new baby gets here have someone take your other child to get a present for the baby so she can have a way to introduce herself with the new baby, make sure to include the child when you feed or change diapers also if your husband is home have one one time with both children and both parents make the first child feel like the bigger brother or sister. My daughter tend to ignore my son until he could do things, i also had her help with making bottles, lunch, setting the table,
I put my son down first and then spent time with my daughter. One day you will wake up and you wont hardley remember how it was with one child it will feel "normal" to you. good luck but i think we get freaked out cuz you have a hard time thinking how will i love another child like i do my first one or how will i spread my attention, Those are all normal feeling but if it does seem to be a little more than overwhelming dont be afriad to ask someone for help.good luck

I can so relate. I have a 3 yr old son and an 11 month old daughter. I really considered adoption before my daughter was born. I was so scared that my son would feel left out or would no longer be my buddy. I wasn't sure I would know how to share myself with 2 children evenly. I couldn't imagine loving another child the way I love my son. As I previously stated....my daughter is 11 months old, and she fits right into our family of 3!! Loving them is different, but comes so natural. They are 2 different people who require different love from me. My daughter completes me in a totally different way than my son does. Your fears are very normal...and will work themselves out when you first hold baby #2!! Best of luck!!