When You Were Pregnant, Did You Have a Sense of Your Child's Personality?

Updated on April 23, 2013
E.D. asks from Olympia, WA
12 answers

I'm now in my third trimester of pregnancy (time flies, no?) and I'm typing from bed, where I'm laying down with my belly out. The baby is big enough now that as she moves around, my tummy changes shape. Her back is a bulge to the right of my belly button now.

If I remember correctly (and I'm not sure I do), my daughter didn't move around quite as much, or her movements were slower. She was strong and stubborn, and wasn't as much of a kicker. Both babies were conceived during October, and both are girls, yet my pregnancies feel very different.

When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I pictured my daughter as a curly headed naked baby, standing on the beach. I had a vague sense of who her personality too. It felt a bit like how it feels when you know you're forgetting something, but you can't remember what it is. The harder you try to fix onto the thing, the farther it gets, but when you relax it sort of washes over you. That was how it felt to be pregnant the first time. I didn't trust the imprint I had of her, because I didn't know that someone so beautiful could grow inside of me. It's still hard for me to picture my children as adults, even though I really feel I know their spirits. I can picture my little one laughing, and my eldest sitting cross legged with her back bowed over and her head leaning on her hand, hair in the face. But I don't know what they will love, or who they will love, or what words they'll use, or any of that sort of thing.

With this baby, I wonder what she'll be like. I wonder what she'll look like, and sound like, and what she'll think is funny, and what foods she'll like to eat. I wonder if she'll like to get dirty, and if she'll like the ocean, and if she'll get along with her sisters. Also, I think she has a strong personality, and I can't describe it, but I do feel connected to her. And excited to meet her. I'm dying to find out who she is.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I wanted to know what your experience has been.
When you were pregnant, did you have a sense for who your child would be? When your baby was born, could you immediately tell what their personality would be? Did it all feel a bit of a mystery? For those of you with adult children, do your children surprise you? Do you look at them and still see them running around naked with peanut butter smeared all over their face? Does it ever kind of knock you over, to realize they are all grown up? Do you see their baby face at the same time as you see them grown? Or is it hard to remember them little, like it was a dream? Or something completely different? I'm just curious. Time is such a funny creature.

Anyway.

Hoping this finds you all well.

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D.D.

answers from New York on

I didn't know their personalities but I did know what their cycles would be as far as sleeping and being awake. Oldest daughter moved constantly and after she was born she was up all the time only taking cat naps lasting 15-20 minutes at a time. 2nd daughter very lay back with slow gentle movements and that's exactly how she was after she was born. The twins were hard to gauge.

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

with both of my sons, I knew they'd be active children. My younger son pushed a lot, & after birth....he hated being held. He was so tightly-contained in the womb, that he just needed freedom. & he's been independent & confident his entire life! My older son moved...well, it felt like nonstop....& that's how he was the first part of his childhood. Developing a degenerative hip disease at age 6 did slow him down some, but not much....even with using a hip brace/crutches, he still managed to ride bikes/play some sports/etc. :)

Personality-wise, I expected (not imagined/felt) the boys to be like their Dad. I have been pleasantly pleased by their diversity in appearance, build, & personality. I see both of us in them. I also see my parents & grandparents in them, too. Love how this carries thru the generations!

With our daughter, pregnancy was different. She was a slug, & it wasn't until birth that we discovered she had multiple heart/lung defects. Towards the end of carrying her, I had several premonitions....which worried me. Each time I tried to prep for her arrival....loading the changing table/laundering her clothes....I experienced a "wave" of sad emotion - to the point of almost blacking out. With the 1st go-round, I blamed blood sugar/blood pressure. (sigh) But with the 2nd round, I knew better. I said a lot of prayers, I thought a lot of thoughts....& I was scared.

When speaking of our daughter, we like to say that "for 19 days, we held an Angel on Earth". That's how I wrote her birth/death announcements. To me, that's "who" she was....an Angel. She had a headful of curls, she was beautiful, & staff came from all over Children's Hospital to visit her. We were blessed. :)

As for personality thru childhood into adult years....oh, yes! It's one of the great pleasures in being a Mom! To be able to look at your child & see his past, present, & future all in one! It's fascinating to be able to witness the changes thru the years....to be able to see the continuity....& to applaud/mourn the milestones.

Ephie, I always enjoy your questions. You have such a rich soul, & I'm always thankful to hear from you! May Peace be with you as this Joy of Life continues on her journey! Please keep us updated....

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J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

How they looked, not so much. Their personality, oh yes!!

Even as adults they do stuff that you can still see the small child in them. Maybe it is easier since we don't seem to fully let go of our childhood in our family.

Heck, I have only known Troy four years, talk about flying time, yet I have a very good idea what he looked like as a small child though the beard kind of messes me up. :)

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A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

i think that some people are more intuitive than others. and i think that to have that intuition you have to have some sense of calm and quiet and listen to those feelings. it probably helps a lot that you've been here before.

with my one (and only) pregnancy, i was still very naive and nervous and just trying to get through day by day. we were dirt poor, having marriage problems, and i wasn't sure what the heck i was doing. i was still in a selfish phase of my life in many ways. i had no true concept of what motherhood was going to be about.

no, i had no idea about the little person inside of me. i had a flawless, quiet, effortless pregnancy. i suppose looking back, since i didn't really crave anything specific- just FOOD - lol - that was telltale, my kid is a champion eater and has no off switch! lol. but if you had told me that my peaceful, textbook, easy pregnancy would have led to the super tall (past my armpits in kindergarten), lanky, energetic, goofy, adhd off the charts wild child - um no. lol. never would have thought it!

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P.K.

answers from New York on

For sure!!!!' If I knew I was right I would have never let him out lol!

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J.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

Not how they looked, but who they would be. I always pictured a daughter with bouncy blonde curls and blue eyes. That is my son (although he cuts it short so no more curls). She has straight brown hair and hazel eyes. They both have my smile. My son is 17 and my daughter is 15.

They will both have expressions or moments that take me back to when they were little. We played hide and go seek in the dark in a snowstorm last week and laughed a lot. I can still see my son in his newborn pictures. It still looks like him. My daughter could be anyone's child as she has changed so much, even in the last couple of years.

I love the moments when they're taking a nap on the couch and I can watch them and then I really remember them as little. Take the time to appreciate it all. There have been moments that in the middle of it I stop to relish like when I was driving them both and my son's friend to school and "Wake Me up when September ends" came on the radio and they had their arms around each other's shoulders and were singing. And on the first day of school I take a formal stand with your backpack photo and then a fun one. those are some of my favorite pictures.

I digress, I do still see some of their young persoanlities in them almost daily. Life was so simple when they were little. It was so defined and within the lines. It's gotten so complicated with affairs, divorce, marriage and step-sibs. The only constant is change.

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I.X.

answers from Los Angeles on

I had no sense of personality in the womb, but I did have a sense of their sex and physical attributes. Looking back I can see some things in infancy that indicated their personalities, but not on a large scale. I think this is why I like the toddler stage the best of all, because thats when you really discover their personality.
In fact, their movements in the womb actually mislead me on their personalities. My second was so wild in the womb, I feared she would be more high energy and physical than my first. But she was not at all and thank God for that! My first remains my spirited, high energy, active child. My second did however have a double cord around her neck from all the twirling.

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J.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

Not how she would look but her personality. When she was inside M. she would have periods of no movement no matter what I did, I was high risk so they would bring M. in for tests and then she would wiggle so much they couldnt get a heartbeat with the one on your stomach and we'd have to do ultrasounds to make sure she was ok. They called her stubborn from day one. She is very much stubborn and laid back but also has spurts of huge energy. Exactly like when she was in M..
Her presonality has stayed the same. Very inquisitive from day one, everyone always commented on how alert she was and how she seemed like she already knew so much. She was always cuddly and needed to be hugged or held, she is still like that at 6. She also loved to make people laugh from one on up and she still does impersonations of people and is silly...she is very shy now wih people she knows like always but then if the right music is on she'll dance and sing in front of hundreds of strangers. I remember when she was one and we were in a very diverse area and a band was playing on the street and Emmy walked right up to the band and started getting down...the whole crowd cheered and she turned and thanked them, yet a friend could say hi and she'd hide behind my leg.

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

i did, kinda. and i well remember the strange lonesomeness i experienced when they were outside of me, no longer part of my body.
my sense of them as people wasn't as well-developed as some because i didn't find out the sexes before they were born. but i still did absolutely feel that i knew them.
weirdly, though, they didn't actually turn out to have the personalities i expected from their pre-birth gyrations!
can't wait to hear how it works out for you.
:) khairete
S.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

My DD was a mover and a feeler of things with her feet. She pushed out all the time and I could feel her slide her foot along my belly. She still does some of those things as a preschooler. I didn't get any sense of WHO she might be, though. That came with time once she was sprung.

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A.K.

answers from Bloomington on

I'm a couple weeks from having my 4th baby... So, this question intrigues me & makes me a little sad at the same time. Just because my oldest son has special needs & I could've never imagined how hard his life or ours would be before he was born. Now, I mourn the person he could've been. That experience has kind of tainted any "normal" hopes & dreams for my consecutive children. To answer, your original question, I have had absolutely no clue about my child's personalities before birth or during infancy and toddler years.
I'm very interested to read others answers, very interesting question.

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M.H.

answers from Chicago on

My two pregnancys - My son was a mover all the time, pushing the limits inside and now ver much so outside.
My daughter laid back, looks before she leaps..

Yep looking back I can tell .... not sure if I knew it at the time.

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