21 answers

When Do You Know Your Ready for Baby # 2?

I have a huge question I hope you ladies can help me with... My daughter will be 3 in September and I want to try for baby # 2, but the problem is I am so scared too.. I am afraid that I have forgotten everything, and then I worry about how my daughter will react. So tell me how do you know when your ready for baby # 2.

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So What Happened?™

Well I want to thank you all of you for your wonderful and encouraging responses. My husband and I have decided to try for baby #2. Our daughter will be 3 in a few weeks. Thank you all for responses, because of them I feel like I can do it now..

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I had my girls 3 1/2 apart. I talked to my fist and asked if she wanted a sister or brother. she was about 3. I explained what would haooen and she was thriled. She was such a wondeful big sister and they are still close at 22 and 25. I couldnt be more proud!!!!!!!!!

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Hi L., I am having this same problem. My son will be 14 months old next week and everyone- friends, family, peers, are pressuring me to start trying for # 2. I always thought that I wanted my children close together, one right after another, but the truth is- It's hard having just one and I'm just not ready. (plus- my husband travels and is gone Monday-Friday!) It sounds like even though your daughter is close to 3, that you're not quite ready either? Some people will tell you to just "go for it" and that there's "never any perfect time to have a baby" but I like to say this: don't do it if you're hesitant. You don't want to end up resenting the baby. We are the ones who have to carry child and then deal with all the hormones before/after the child arrives, so if you're even just a teensy bit resentful, that could affect your family in a negative way. I know that despite everyone's best efforts to get me pregnant again, I'm going to wait until I know I'm ready. (oh and also, ignore the ones that say that the further your children are apart in age, the more they'll dislike eachother. I've got siblings ranging from 3 years to 10 years apart and we LOVE eachother dearly!)
That's my advice! I hope that helps. Good luck in deciding when to start trying again.
Lynsey

1 mom found this helpful

Try talking to your daughter about if she wants a baby brother or a baby sister. Get a feel for what she thinks about it but don't let that be a deciding factor if she says no.

You won't forget about what/how to do it. My youngest daughter is 13 years younger than her brother. I thought I would forget...a few things I "overlooked" but it all came back to me.
Worrying is easy to do...trust that if God has another child in your future, all will work out.

Nanc
Independent Sales Representative
http://www.youravon.com/nancybagley

Hi L.
I think I can alleviate your fear.
My story:
When my boys were 13 & 17 I found out we were having twins. I can tell you, you don't forget, and everyone adjusts.

As far as when you are ready -- no one can tell you that.
Those are decisions better made with your husband before the Lord God. Ask Him for wisdom in your decisions

God bless your lovely family
K. SAHM of 4 -- 37,32 & twins 18(homeschooled and headed to college in the fall). Our younger son and his wife made us Grandparents yesterday for the first time. What a blessing!

PRepare your daughter for a sibling before the new arrival comes. You will know when you are ready and you will not forget everything. It comes naturally.

When baby #1 is potty trained!!! LOL!!!

No, seriously, I just went through this myself. I questioned myself for a few months about having another baby and then, I just got this desire that I absolutely needed another baby. I let that desire last a couple of months to make sure I was ready to commit, and then viola! baby #2 was here. You will know when you are ready.

My kids are 3 1/2 years apart and it's wonderful!

Hi L.,
Good Luck for one. I have 4, 6 years from beginning to end. I don't regret it one bit, and I just knew it was time. You don't forget what to do, and if you do, it doesn't matter. Every baby is different. I stress that!!!! As for your older child, they just seem to fall into place. They will have their moments, just like now, it will just be different moments. I came from a family of 4 kids, and I loved having my brothers and sisters around.
I hope you stay with your heart, and have fun doing it. We needn't worry about life!
Teri

i remembered something a friend with children told me when i was debating getting pregnant with my first. she said "you're never going to be 100% ready -- wait until you're more than 50% ready, then jump right in!" its now 4 years later and i have 2, and life has been wonderful! my daughter adjusted beautifully, and loves the baby to pieces. really the best gift you could ever give your child! good luck with your decision

L., if you feel in your heart that you are ready for baby #2 then you are ready and trust me you haven't forgotten anything because it will all come back. It's the natural instinct of being a mother. I am a mother of two myself, my son just turned 8 years this July and my daughter will be 4 this August. She was a planned pregnancy because I felt that my son was old enough to have had his time with mom and and he wouldn't be jealous of the new baby. Turns out I was right. Besides one incident in which he took the scissors and chopped her hair (that wasn't funny at all because it took all of two years to grow what little hair she had) everything worked and is working well. Josh was always a big helper with the baby and there was never any jealousy on his part. It is also always good to have a two parent household so you both can share the responsibilities. What I'm saying is you're in control of the situation because you are planning your own timetable and you'll also be amazed at how big your heart will get when you have two children because the love just keeps growing. Trust me, get ready for your little helper pitching in and wanting to do everything. That's how my daughter is and I knew if I had her first she would have driven me nuts because she always wants to do everything. Good luck!!

Don't worry, you won't forget how to take care of a second child.

You will have approximately 4 years between the two children which means;

A good enough space that when they grow up you won't have an empty nest too soon.

You have 4 years between one going to college and the second child starting college (if they finish within 4 years) but this should help.

When you have your baby, have your daughter help you. And give your daughter some special alone time when the baby is napping. You will do fine and so will she.

D.
I'm 60 years old, been married to the same man for over 38 years, I have two grown sons and one daughter-in-law.

I would think that it's just like anything else in life, when you know you just know. You have to also take other factors into consideration. i.e. Are you financially able to handle the extra load. If forgetting things are your only set back have no fear. Being a mom is like riding a bike you will remember it like nothing. It will be 2nd nature. Good luck.

I had my girls 3 1/2 apart. I talked to my fist and asked if she wanted a sister or brother. she was about 3. I explained what would haooen and she was thriled. She was such a wondeful big sister and they are still close at 22 and 25. I couldnt be more proud!!!!!!!!!

Hi L.,
Only you know when you are ready to have another baby.
What are you afraid that you've forgotten? You did this the first time around without any prior knowledge at all and when you have a newborn, you'll know what to do with him/her.
As for your daughter, all kids whose parents have another baby make this adjustment. For some, it's tough and for others, it's a very smooth transition. My daughter had just turned 4 when her brother was born, and that 4 year spacing was excellent. There was no jealousy, no regression, no acting out. She was thrilled with him. Once you are pregnant, let her be involved as much as she would like. Let her spend some time around a newborn if possible so that she knows what one is like - most kids are surprised that the newborn does't do anything, they think of an older baby, sitting up, laughing, clapping hands, and may be disappointed that the baby can't play with them. Also be sure that once you've had the baby, that you set aside time for just you and your daughter to do special things together.
Good luck! Seeing the sibling relationship develop is a special joy of motherhood.

Have faith in yourself and go for it.....
If you talk to your daughter in a positive way about being blessed with a baby sister or brother I tend to think she'll be just fine with it...

I don't think that you're ever truly ready 100%. Every baby is so different too. You'll just figure things out as they come, you'd be surprised how quickly everything comes back. Now would be a nice time for you to have one, your daughter would be able to "help" out and prob. enjoy very much having a sibling. I have three, my first two are 19 months apart and my last is 3.5 years younger than the second. I love watching my two older ones with the baby, they love him and dote on him all of the time. Good luck whatever you decide.

Your daughter will adjust to a new sibling as long as you don't make the baby off limits so I say go for it. My daughter was 22 months old when my son was born and everyone told me that she wouldn't understand anything. But she did when i started showing I would show her my belly and tell her that I was going to have a baby and let her kiss and rub my belly. Well when he was born she was little mother hen. She was a wonderful big sister she loved to help with everything and when I was breastfeeding him she tried to pull him off my boob b/c she thought he was biting me...lol I think things get worse once the new baby can crawl/walk thats when things got tough for us. Good luck if you and your hubby are ready go for it.

You know you're ready for #2 when you look at a pregnant woman and wish you were her. Don't worry about your daughter and how she'll react, she'll be just fine! It's very normal to be alittle scared, but you really do just "know" when you're ready...trust your gut!

Hi L. -

Trust me, everything will come flooding back to you. You did fine with your first daughter and that was a complete learning experience.

IMO, have your kids close in age...Our first 2 are 16 months apart...it was tough then, but a dream now...(They are 4 and 5). The baby is almost 15 months...3 babies in 4 years...

As for your daughter...she will be fine, but I personally think it will be harder the longer you wait...

Best wishes to you!!
J.

We didn't plan to have our #2 daughter, but we found out we were pregnant when our #1 daughter was 9 mos old. SURPRISE! I was worried too, but, to use a very tired analogy, it was just like riding a bike: I didn't forget what to do. Also everything has been easier the 2nd time around: delivery & recovery was easier, BFing has been easier, knowing how to care for the baby has been easier--its easier because you have a clue! :-)

By the time #2 arrived, #1 at 19 mos was walking and was pretty independent (she could play by herself for a little bit, feed herself, etc), which made it easier when I had to tend to the newborn. The first month with both girls was the hardest and the hardest thing to adjust to was not sleeping. But once #2 started sleeping through the night, things have been much much easier.

I am very happy to have both girls (despite the fact that I'm referring to them as numbers right now) and I'm glad we didn't plan it. The girls get along very well (now #1 is 24 mos and #2 is 5 mos) and #1 likes to entertain #2. And #2 loves to laugh at #1. I see them becoming fast friends as they get older.

There really is no "right time"; you can help things along (more mommy/daddy time, no birth control) and just let mother nature decide for you. But once the decision has been made, you'll be ok and you won't forget.

Please do not worry about how your first child will react.She will definitely slowly adjust and love her sibling's company.
Once you have the child in your hand,you will remember everything that you had forgotten.So please do not postpone your pregnancy due to unnecessary fears.

Hi L.,
I am a mom of a three year old and a five month old. I can tell you that you don't forget everything, but it is very different with the second. My three year old is a boy and when the second turned out to be a boy I thought I had it made. I knew what to do with a boy. Not so much!! Everything I did with the first didn't quite work with the second. Basically it is the same but little things had to change. I think you know when you are ready. If you are having second thoughts then wait. It is a big adjustment going from one to two.

As for the way the older one will react, I can tell you that we have our moments, but for the most part he is thrilled to be a big brother. He helps out alot and he loves his brother. I think the longer you wait the more "moments" you'll have, but if you include her in everything she'll be fine.

Do you ever know that you are ready for a baby period??? My daughter was 4 months old when I found out I was pregnant with #2, and I was scared to death!!! I cried for a month, and my husband was overjoyed. Now, they are 16 months and 4 months, and I think it was the best thing ever! fortunately, your daughter is old enough to talk to about it. She will definetly show some mixed feelings, but I think that will happen no matter what age she is. I think it has more to do with what you are ready for. If she is 3 now, she will be 4 when the baby is born, and I think she will be wonderful for the baby. Like I said, my daughter is only 16 months, and she loves her baby brother!!!! It is the greatest thing!

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