2Nd child...when Did You Know You Were Ready??

Well my question is this...if you weren't being pressured to have another child would you be even thinking about it? I have one daughter who is 29 mos old, and honestly we feel like our family is complete. Of course people ask "when" we're having more as if there is no other option. But I say it just as I did here..we feel our family is complete. I don't have the same want to have a second child like I did for the first. We love having our princess and unless God has other ideas for us it will stay just us three. You gotta make the decision because it's what you and your husband want not b/c grandparents want more grandchildren!

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J.:

I knew with my husband, we wanted 4 children, we were pregnant 5 times...God blessed us with two. For me? I was ready right away...that's me..I had already had a child from my first marriage, she was 14 when my first son was born...

You will not have to worry about having enough love... you will.

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I knew I wanted my kids to be close in age. I wanted them to grow up playing together. So, other than that, we just fit it in where we could. #2 managed to be born 3 weeks before he left for deployment #2. (He left for deployment #1 two months after baby #1 was born.) :)

My girls are 28 months apart.

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I was ready when my son was 18 months, but my boys are three years and a week apart. The spacing was perfect. The older son moved out of the crib, potty trained, and a week after his third birthday the baby arriveded. He was the right age to assume the role of big brother, he was becoming independent and able to entertain himself. He started nursery school two afternoons a week that fall, which allowed him time away from the baby and I, and time with other kids. It allowed me time alone with the baby. They were still close enough in age that I was able to use all the same gear, and they liked to play together. It wasn't so much that I felt it was the right time, but more that I knew I wanted two, and I didn't want them spaced too far apart. Everything is just as special with the second, and you can enjoy it a little more because you aren't as worried about whether or not you're doing it right.

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I don't know how "ready" you will ever feel. I think we all feel resentful of that unknown child that will take away attention from our first. Looking back on those attitudes with all the knowledge of knowing and loving your second child though is going to make those fears seem so unecessary . You will be glad you didn't give in to them. If only you could already know and love that little person, you'd be jumping in with two feet!
Also, as you dilly dally, consider that things may not go as planned. A miscarriage (which occur in 1 out of 3 confirmed pregnancies) can easily set you back 6 months or more.

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I knew that I wanted the kids to be approximately a three and a half years apart, so we started trying for our second according to that schedule. Our kids are three years and five months apart. It's perfect.

I was never afraid that I wouldn't be able to give my first as much love if I had a second. If anything, seeing him as a big brother gave me a whole new reason to love him even more.

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You go for the next one when you feel ready and only you can answer that. My husband and I were ready when we could discuss a second child without hyperventilating at the mere mention of the topic. I am six weeks away from delivering number two and there are still days my husband and I look at each like 'what were we thinking/we must be crazy.' I think it's natural jitters and we'll find our rhythm. Ours will be just a little less than two years apart.

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Our daughter was 2 in April and we started trying this summer. Hasn't happened yet but we both knew we were ready. I wanted to make sure I could enjoy the special little moments with my daughter and newborn and had we had another one any earlier, I'm just not sure that could have happened. This way, my daughter will be at least 3 by the time we have another. I think it's also taken me this long to get comfortable with the idea of going through those first three months again. All those sleepless nights are a little hard to get over!

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We have one child, DS is nearly two. Before having him, I ambitiously claimed to want three kids. A few nights ago, he woke up at 4am, and I knew right then and there, that I am not yet ready for a second, and now totally humbled at the thought of a third.

Hubs on the other hand is showing signs of baby fever. Takes two to tango though, we've agreed to revisit the decision in a year.

If medical science makes untold advances, and Hubs can bear our second child, and do the night time bf, I'd happily support a second child tomorrow.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

My first was 11 months when we got pregnant with #2. :) We thought it would take longer since I was still nursing... But, we were ready. My boys are 20 months apart... then #3 came 23 months after #2.

It was busy having them close together, but I never questioned my ability to love them. In fact, for me, it was fine to just do all things baby at one time.

I was ready when my son was about 3. I actually had my second when he was 7 1/2! Sometimes things just don't work out like you think they would!

Somethings were easier having a big age gap. He was old enough to understand that sometimes the baby just needed more attention. Somethings are harder. Ever try going to a water park with one that is raring to go on the huge water slides and one that is just barely walking? Hard to balance!

I think the key is making sure you are making the decision, not others. I know that as soon as I had my son i started hearing from others that it was time to have another. Not really from family or close friends, but from strangers! Sheesh! I also went back and forth about not wanting to share the attention I was giving my son, so that was always the reason I gave for not having another. (Not that I really needed to explain to ANYONE mind you!)

I think that in an ideal world I would have had my children closer in age. I was about 2 1/2 years older than my brother and I do feel sad at times that my children will not have that bond. They will have a bond I know, but not the same kind that I had with my brother.

You WILL be able to love them both SO much. Love just multiplies! And it will all be just as special the second time around. Also remember, that when you do decide to get pregnant, your son will be almost a year older by the time you have the other baby.

Do what feels right for your family. Don't have a baby sooner because others are pressuring you. It is YOUR family. YOU make the final decision. Whatever you decide, it will turn out to be the perfect decision :)

Well it took me a long time to be "ready" since I have two kids and when I had my first I waited until she started Kindergarten to have another so I wouldn't miss all the milestones or be distracted while she was growing up. With the second you know what to expect and it's still special but I won't have the sad feeling of not being able to enjoy all the "new" things that she did for the rest of my life since one kid is pretty simple and they have all your attention which you are happy to give!

My daughter is 6, #2 will be born on the 3rd. It's worked well for us. She's older and seems to understand the change that's going to happen, plus she started school so she's not home during the day so I will be able to focus on new baby with out her directly feeling pushed aside.

We knew for sure after I miscarried. We weren't trying, I was on the pill. Last November I was 2 weeks late, I tested and had a positive home test. I got off the pill and home tested ever other day, about mid- week it was negative and my period started 2 days after. We were just getting used to the fact that we were going to have another, that negative made us reconsider and we decide to actually "try". I was pregnant by January.

Before this, we took time every year around our daughter's birthday to talk about having a second. I've always wanted more then one, my husband was less sure. My daughter's always been high maintenance. So , we asked ourselves, could we handle two, emotionally and financially? Did we even want to handle two? Is "N" still needing my attention nearly full time?

Each family is different, but I think talking about it every year may help you too. Good luck to you!

I knew I was ready when the test showed positive! LoL
Oh, hello, my Gift from God!

My short answer - you just know! For us, I knew I wanted two children (I'm an older mom) so after my son was born I knew I didn't want to wait too long. I had my daughter almost exactly three years later. Both September babies!!

As for your statement "we are starting to get pressure to have a second" - that makes me wonder....WHO is pressuring you? If it's not your husband (and that would be a whole different issue!) then I would tell people it's none of their business!!! You can't let anyone pressure you into having another child if you're not ready and/or you don't even want another one!! That is a personal choice between you and your husband and no one else!!

Good luck!!

For me I knew I wanted my kids close together so the decision of when I wanted another was easy. (My girls are 2 years and 2 days apart)

As for the feeling of not being able to love both the same or as much and/or being able to celebrate the firsts...do not worry about that at all. You definitely WILL love for both of them and celebrating the firsts will be unique to that child.

Have your second child when you feel the time is right though, don't let anyone pressure you into a second. However, do know when the time comes you'll be fine and your kids will be fine.

You know the love you have for your son, then the love you have for your husband when you see him being a dad. Well just wait until you see the love that will grow for your son when you see him being a sibling. Its really a great thing to see!

go for it if you're ready=) i only have one and honestly have spent more time arranging playdates then any mom with 2 close in age. i wish at times I hadanother before my ex and I divorced so that my daughter wouldve had a sibling close in age.

Purple Mom is right... you just know! We "knew" we were ready for our second one when we both starting openly discussing it with eachother without reservation. For us, this was when our son was about 1.5. At that time, I took a promotion which meant putting that off for a year and we were both really disappointed to have to do so, but when that "year" was up... we were more than excited to have another!

Some things that were important for us when considering our readiness:
- Really didn't want two in diapers at the same time
- Wanted 3 years (at least) between them
- Make sure that our incomes were stable enough to sustain a second child

My son was potty trained a few months before his third birthday and my husband's contract at work was settled at the end of June (three weeks after my son's birthday). We were pregnant at the end of July.

If you're questioning it, then you're not quite there yet. People start pressuring couples to "have another" quickly because let's face it... babies are PURE JOY and people love welcoming newborns! What they "forget" (often because their "babies" are adults) is the stress and fatigue associated with having young children.

You and your husband will know that you are ready when it starts to really feel like "someone is missing" when you're cuddled up on the couch with your little boy.

Oh- and the "firsts" are just as special with the second one because they experience them totally differently!!

When YOU (not other people pressuring you) start wanting another, you know you're ready. Just like with the first.

Well for one, the love you can give him will only grow as you see him becoming a big brother. It's such an amazing way to add love to the family!!

I just had my 3rd. I know I'm ready for another when I get a nagging feeling that we need to add to our family. Not a day on, day off thing, but when I really start having a longing that isn't just baby fever. Some days it's hard and I wonder if it was too soon, but when I see my boys play together (they are 2 years apart almost exactly) than I know that for our family, the timing was perfect b/c they are best friends!