My daughter is 12 and some of her friends want to go shopping at the mall. They are planning to be dropped off by themselves and then picked up at a specific time.
So far she's been dropped off at the movie theater with friends, but I do feel better about it because I know where they are supposed to be (as in which room in the theater) and I know that the theater is small and there is slightly less chance of something happening. Our mall is just huge.
So far we've said "no" until she can be more responsible about the time. As of right now she has a very bad sense of time and we want to know that if we say we are going to pick her up at a certain time, she'd better be responsible enough to be there.
When did you drop your teens off at the mall with friends, and what "milestones" did you look for to see if they are ready for that kind of responsibility?
I know I took the bus to the mall with friends at age 12 and of course we didn't even have cell phones back then! But I also think it was just a different time.
Advice is welcome!
Good idea, I will check with mall policies! I did just find out that we, as parents, can get in trouble in Illinois if a child under the age of 14 is put in a "dangerous situation" so I guess maybe age 14?
Thanks for the insight!
At twelve, I was willing to drop her with friends at the mall, with the understanding that NO ONE was to EVER wander off alone. I had a specific location and time when I would pick them up, and if they weren't ALL there ON TIME, then mall privileges were suspended.
We live too far from the mall for any of that!
So - my kids are 18 and almost 21 and I have yet to drop the at the mall! We do go shopping, but as a family...
Better check with the mall. I have a friend in mall management (Stratford Square) and they call the parents of 12-year-olds who are unsupervised. They can't be there without an adult. My daughter was in high school when we allowed her to go there with friends.
12 (7th grade), but we live in a smaller(ish) town, my daughter is SUPER responsible and very timely and it was with just one or two friend(s), NOT a group (so they wouldn't get rowdy, which will get them kicked out).
She has been a handful of times either on her own or with friends. She has always been right where she was supposed to be at pickup, so that gives her points in her favor and why she keeps getting the privilege.
I will say we did a "bridge" when she was 11 or just turned 12.... which is there were a handful of times when I was AT the mall, but she and her friend went off and did their own thing and then we "met up" every hour to check in. That made me WAY more comfortable and set up the expectations.
If she's going to be making financial transactions on her own, you need to establish a few things up front:
1. Does she have the money management skills to make sure she is getting back the correct amount of change (not just can she count... can she stay aware and check).
2. Does she have the good judgement to know what she can/can't purchase.... for example, early on my daughter found a top on sale that she wanted and that she had enough money for. But because it was not agreed upon ahead of time, she texted me a picture before buying. At this point because we've had several other "clothing" interactions, I trust her judgement and if she had the money she could buy the top without approval.
3. I track her phone. She wouldn't be able to leave the mall without me knowing it.... unless she LEFT her iPhone at the mall. She'd sooner loose her HEAD than her iPhone, though, because that would mean no music and no texting friends.... fates worse than death at this point.
Ther were crazy people running around when I was growing up, when you were growing up and they will continue ue to exist. We just did not know about them. Thanks to cable, we know everything. So since cable and the stories, people no longer let their children become independent. My DIL won't let my granddaughter who is 11 wait on front step of house for bus. It picks her up at the driveway. My kids used to walk to the bus stop.
This is the way I look at it. If someone is "lurking around" do you think it will matter whether she is 12 pr 15. If someone wants to grab a kid etc etc. they will. You know what I mean.
Now maybe it is a good time for your daughter to learn to be more responsible. Maybe let her go for an hour. If she is not where she should be at the specific time you agreed on that's it for six months.
My daughter was around 12. We are in the Northern burb areas of Dallas and the malls are huge and crowded.
Daughter has always been responsible. We did have regular "check-in" via the IPhone.
However, daughter is now 18.5 and many of the malls around here have established new rules about teens being at the mall unsupervised or without a parent on the premises. I would check those rules with the mall first. A local outdoor shopping area has a 17 after 7 slogan and no one under 17 can be there unsupervised or parents will be notified. Some ages are younger for some of the malls.
Time flies!!
When I was that age, 12, I was dropped off at a mall.
I was in 7th grade.
My friends were too. We went as a group. My parents were in REGULAR contact with my friends parents, too. We all knew each other. It was a small town.
But it is really up to you... and how you know your daughter.
We don't know her.
ALSO as a side note: just because a kid is going to the movies, it does not mean they are at the movies, the whole, time. When I was that age, we went as a group of friends. There were boys too, our friends. Some of the kids, would go off and do other things. Pairing up/making out, etc. Then when it was time to be picked up by their parent, sure, they went to their pick up spot. Right on time. The parents didn't know, what their kid was doing while at, the mall.
Not all kids are this way, but that is what I saw amongst some kids that were at the mall.
It is up to you, totally, on when you allow your daughter to be dropped off at the mall. Some kids have no parental boundaries. Some do.
It is up to you and your Husband.
And only you, know your daughter.
And please, don't get swayed by the "well all my friends do that..." sort of griping that kids do and tell, their parents.
YOU make the rules.
YOU decide.
YOU decide when and where she goes and what time she gets picked up.
AND only you know, if your daughter knows appropriate protocols per emergencies or whatever, and per safety.
Does your daughter wear a watch?
Does she have a cell phone?
What are the laws in your area? Per unsupervised kids? Curfews etc.?
DOES your daughter, even know those things?
I think my mom allowed I me to go alone once I hit high school. I too was allowed at the movie theater by middle school, and the mall was high school. Honestly, what is she going to do at the mall with out you unless you are leaving her with money?
Our son is 14.
So far - never.
My son went to the mall with my friends 14 year old son when he was 10. I would probably let him go at 12. I was taking the bus to the mall by the time I was ten, and the crime rate was much higher back in 1980 than it is now!
12 when we were in another part of the mall. 13 or 14 as a "come back and get you". It also varies on the kid and their friends. Some friends I would NOT set loose at the mall.
13 (8th grade) and my daughter is very responsible.
Try to determine what "going to the mall" means to her.
Hanging out in the food court with friends? Basically playing dress-up in clothing stores that will allow her to do that?
I think 14 is a good age for the mall, but I would not want a large amount of money to be spent without me being there.
12 or 13 latest. They had to stick together, and they had to have cell phones. They were not allowed to leave the mall.
If they stay in the mall, they should be safe.
My friends & I were 14.
I would wait until then.
They seem to "grow up" a little bit more between the ages of 12 & 14.
Able to take better care of themselves.
There are a lot of people at the mall & things have happened at malls
lately. Yes they happen everwhere but still......
Better safe than sorry is my motto.
My poor daughter is 15 & w/her father working at both the local PD & Sheriff's Dept, I doubt it'll be anytime soon. I was about her age when I was allowed to go alone, but things are way different today, it's not that I don't trust her, it's the people out there that I don't trust.
And to be perfectly honest, not many of her friends are that interested or allowed to go either.
