When 1 Child (But Not Others) Is Hyper and Difficult

Camp is a great idea. The average six year old requires a lot more stimulation than you are able to provide if caring for a baby, a toddler and a pre-schooler. I remember when my older son was three and I had a newborn at home. It wasn't fun getting an active, non-napping three year old to sit around the house and be quiet because the baby napping. Back when people had big families the older children could take the younger children out to run around while mom tended to the babies and toddlers at home. As for evenings, it sounds like he probably needs to get outside for a bit after dinner. I know the minute my kids started jumping on the sofa I sent them out to the backyard. Good luck.

TV is not bad ifyou let it be educational. Give him consequences as well as responsibilities. For example, let him do what he likes as a condition after doing what you want him to do.

I am the oldest of 5. I don't know if you treat the oldest differently, but my mother only paid attention to me when I acted out because she was always spending all of her time on the littler kids. I'm not saying that's what you do, but if I wanted my mom to say something to me other than "bring me a diaper" "watch your sister/brother" or "bring me the wipes" I had to misbehave.

I don't have suggestions for you and I hope you will answer this question because I often do wonder this. Why, if you have your hands full with your three children, especially with the 6 year old are you having another child? I don't really understand why you wouldn't focus your attentions on helping your eldest who like you said, if fine if by himself or occupied at camp. I am not trying to be offensive or insensitive, I really do wonder...

parenting is not "simply having to go through the early years". the work does not end as they get older. your 6 year old is showing you that now.

what your oldest needs is some back-to-basics, in-the-trenches, super focused attention from you. he needs parenting. how's he going to get that, i wonder, with all these younger siblings and a brand new baby coming? summer camp, 8 months from now? okay...

it always gets me riled up when people with more kids than they can handle try to justify it by saying how much they love their kids. yeah. THAT'S the difference between you and me.

it sounds to me like you got in over your head, and rather than admit that (which i can see would be hard since you're not even done having kids yet) you're putting this all on your little boy's shoulders. get into a parenting class, get some counseling, do something. he deserves better than what you're giving him.

Your kid is behaving badly at home and at school. I think you have bigger issues right at this moment than deciding about summer camp which doesn't start for 8 months. Have you consulted with his teacher and the school psychologist/counselor/social worker? Is he getting enough of your individual attention at home? Is he adjusting from half day kindy to full day school? Is he getting to run and play outside when he gets home, before starting his homework? Does he have a place to get away from his various younger siblings, and does he gets one on one time with mom and dad?

My kids did go to day camp (my daughter starting at age 4, my son at 6), even the summers that I didn't work because they needed activities and I felt it was better for them to spend their days with other children. I certainly didn't have the money to take them on fun outings every day.

However, before thinking about summer camp for next year, I'd spend that time and energy trying to figure out the cause of the problematic behaviors at school and home, and work with a behavioral specialist on how to improve them.

Good luck

So you can't control him. I am thinking as your others grow you won't be able to control them either. Children aren't for controlling, they are for loving. You can't forbid everything they might enjoy or eat or do or love and think you can grow a happy child. Throwing money at the problem won't help either. You need family counseling now. You are majorly unhappy and this won't get better without therapy.

In advocating for our children, children may be misdiagnosed and all professionals are not equal in being able to help our kids. If I were you, I'd talk to his pediatrician again about visiting a developmental pediatrician, pediatric neurologist and/or occupational therapist for a full evaluation. Children's brains develop very rapidly between ages 4-6, and there are additional evaluation tools that begin at age 6 that are either not as accurate or not available at earlier ages. A child who is literally bumping into things and literally bouncing off the walls is engaging in sensory seeking behavior which aids the vestibular system to help a child organize himself. You describe your child as "wild," "vulgar," and "hyper"...it sounds like it's really hard for him to be in his own skin a lot of the time. Please continue seeking the right professional to help...talk to his pediatrician about having him re-evaluated including OT evaluation, visiting a play therapist, and possibly a behavioral therapist. There's a reason why your child is struggling, and advocating for our children in the system can be very challenging.

It sounds like you have several children so my first thought was he needs more one-on-one time/attention. It sounds like to me that he's constantly trying to get attention. You need to "fill his attention tank" so to speak.

I also agree with Adansmom - you're overwhelmed by the number of children you have and you are looking for your 6 year old to be more self-sufficient than he is ready to be simply because you have your hands full. Don't you think he can sense your feelings and sentiments about him? Of course he can!

He wants/needs/deserves to have his mama take care of him just like she does the younger children. I think he resented the fact that he had to go to summer camp and the other kids got to stay home. You can't keep treating him differently and think anything is going to change.

My oldest is my son and he also is a very high energy boy. I don't know if this will happen with your son...but my son really matured the last year and a half. He is 8.5 years old now. So, hang in there! Things that help in our house is to give him one on one time. I will take him on a mom/son date now and then...just the two of us. Or I will have dad amuse the toddler and I'll sit down to play Risk or Monopoly or some other game he likes. It gives us a chance to talk. This does wonders for his behavior. He is in sports (soccer right now) and cub scouts and this helps get out some of his energy. Host a cub scout meeting at your house and you will see that a large number of boys this age are total spazzy balls of energy! We have a big trampoline that he jumps on ALL the time...I highly recommend getting one. We also have a lot of neighbor boys he can ride bikes and throw balls and pretend with. My husband will take him out after dinner to play soccer or baseball in front of our house. This helps too. I do recommend one on one time with you too though. Your son sounds similar to mine - a handful! My son shows much less empathy than his sister. He is much more bossy and "rude" at times. He struggles with doing homework and we have to keep on him about it. It's really important to give your son the love and attention he craves even though it seems like he does not need as much help as his younger siblings. As for camp, my son loves some down time in the summer...he just loves it. He plays with neighbor kids, relaxes, works on his "fort" in the woods near our house, etc. Have you thought about finding him a half day camp or a camp that is 3 days a week instead of full time? That is what I would do. I think camp is an excellent idea though for a child this age.

Did you notice that you didn't say one single positive thing about your son? Not one. You used positive, glowing descriptions of your other children but not your son. You sound as if you dislike him intensely. He's a first grader, so he's only, what... 6 years old? Almost 6 years old? Yet you described him as selfish (no kidding, really? he's a little kid), wild, vulgar (what?), and hyper. Clearly you think he's "bad" because of his behaviors on "yellow" at school and hurting his siblings, as well as the toileting issues.

You're looking for there to be something wrong with him and have taken him to specialists who say there's nothing wrong with him. That speaks volumes. It means it's not the child that needs fixing. It's the parenting.

He has to share time with how many siblings? and now he's going to have to divide that time further with yet another siblings. The only attention he gets is negative attention, but it's still attention. Therefore, he's going to keep on keeping on with what works for him.

If it's not working for you, then YOU have to be the one to change. Change how you spend time with him. Change how much time you spend with him. Change how you discipline him. Change the words you use to describe him and try to make them less negative. Don't let him hear you describe him negatively. Don't let him hear you express that you believe there's something wrong with him. Positive language and positive parenting can make all of the difference in the world.

And remember that just because he's the eldest of your children that doesn't mean that he should automatically "know better." He may be bigger than the other children and more verbally capable, but he's still a small child who needs his mommy. He needs her love and attention and understanding. I would strongly suggest family therapy, parenting classes, and perhaps getting together with the school and requesting a Behavior Plan. Advocate for your son so that things are more positive for him. He sounds miserable.

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My toddler and preschoolers are calm and well-behaved, usually. The girl of the bunch shows an impressive amount of empathy. My first-grader, however, is selfish, wild, vulgar and hyper. He is usually on yellow at school for talking during class. His academics are so-so as he doesn't ever want to do any. He makes no effort to use the potty at night and soaks through even his pillow (how, I have no idea).

At home each evening he literally bounces off the walls and crashes around the couch, panting. (A full evaluation by various specialist at the hospital showed no issues). These days the kids are always getting hurt or fighting, and it's the 6-year-old! When he's at school, they play well.

If it's just him alone at home, he's fine (though often bored)! But reality is he lives with his siblings.

Last year he did summer camp all summer (switched it up so he did biking, fishing, swimming, nature hikes, sports, etc.) He said he didn't really like any of it and would rather sit home.

So, summer camp again this summer? We have a new baby on the way so I won't be getting out much. I figured a summer camp with friends would be more wholesome! During the school year, it's 3 to 8pm that are tough, but summer it would be all day, every day. It's like he loses it each evening, and eating or not makes no difference, but he can't go to bed at 6pm. I also don't want to stick him by the TV all evening, which would make him super calm (I think he's the type to get addicted to electronics).

Note he fits in fine at summer camp (isn't expected to sit like in school, obviously) and I feel guilty when he's at home all day bouncing off the wall getting in trouble. He enjoys being with friends, too (despite him saying he'd rather sit home). His siblings, on the other hand, can play for hours, color, do crafts, make forts, etc.

Added: Adding to the family is a wonderful thing so I don't mean to sound like I wouldn't add another child simply because one tends to be high energy. Each year gets that much easier, with more joy!

Send him to camp. The last thing you need is a brand new baby and a whining sibling at your back carrying on about how bored he is. If he is the wild child WITH camp, can you imagine him WITHOUT camp? He will also come home tired, which is what you need him to be for a full night with a new baby. It's not about what he likes, as much as it's about what he needs. All kids will tell you they'd rather be home....watching tv and sleeping. You can love your family all you want, buit the reality of the situation is that you do not need the "spark that always starts the fire with the other kids" to be home to upset the balance, when he can be at camp expelling that energy. You've got a new baby to get on a schedule and oh yeah....perhaps you'd like a minute to yourself? Good luck.

It sounds like you are thinking and planning ahead which can be a really good thing. I understand what you are trying to do and think it's a great idea that you are addressing these concerns. I know that your post is about summer camp, so I'll stick to that. I say GO FOR IT. Put him in summer camp. He will have fun, you will be able to take care of the baby, and then when he comes home, you will have more patience to deal with him. I'm not saying that you don't have patience overall. I'm aware of how hard it can be to manage behavioral issues on top of everything else. Our pediatrician once said to me, "When you take care of yourself, you are taking care of your children." I love that.

It sounds like he may needs some more 1 on 1 attention --please ignore Adansmama. I find her comments rude. Kids go through stages, that doesn't mean you don't have more kids. It just means you are having a rough patch....for a moment!

Do you have a tampoline in your yard or something like that? I'd think there has to be a good winter alternative to that too. Do you have space for a bounce thing in the house? I think what your son needs is an obstacle course or some place in the house where he can bounce and get it all out --by himself. I wish I had some links, but in the unschooling community, it is common for people to turn rooms in their homes into bounce rooms --for those kids that just have a lot of energy.

How about a karate class or something like that?

My oldest is an energy ball. She swims and does gymnastics, and will soon be doing Judo. I think doing a martial arts will help her learn to control her energy some.

How was your son when he was a preschooler? Or when he had less siblings (3 sibs and one on the way)? Did he exhibit this same exuberant behavior? Was he fully night-time trained and has regressed recently?

Two issues to comment on:
1. It does sound like he is feeling lost and is looking for attention. Do you make time just for him, and if so, how does he act during those times?
I do notice that when I don't make time for my guy he gets into the negative behavior. He gets stimulated by being with friends at school and then comes home to me rushing around doing things and wants me to entertain him because he's not fully expended (like your couch jumper). This is normal *for my household* (I try not to make assumptions about others).

2. I asked about the regression in dryness because 6 is still in the range of accidents (so I've heard more for boys than girls). If he was fully trained before and reverted back to consistent wetness, something happened that he's having trouble dealing with - perhaps something at school given that we are into a new year. Bullying, insecurities and such all can manifest itself with regression. If, however, he was on the cusp of dryness and never fully mastered it, he's still working on it (that's also *normal* I've heard).

My advice is to encourage more friends that are his age. Or maybe even getting involved in organized sports where he spends less time couch jumping and more time involved with peers. :) He is in a whole different world than he was when in preschool. Also, he needs more one-on-one time, either with you or with your husband (here I am making an assumption when you have one on the way) to show him that although he's the oldest, he's still a little kid that needs to be babied at times.

Wow! I can't believe how many parents are being so judgmental on here. Obviously none of them have been in your shoes. Your child sounds so much like my daughter. It can be SO exhausting parenting these type of children. While I know you said that there wasn't anything they could find during testing, but I'm wondering if he might have Sensory Processing Disorder.Once you learn more about it, parenting becomes a little bit easier and once the child understand more about themselves, they can learn to verbalize their needs to you. We have a trampoline, a foam pool (kinda like at a gymnastics place) in our basement along with other sensory things that she can do at home when she is just "seeking" that extra thing.

Mention it to your pediatrician and see what they have to say. Have more questions, feel free to PM me. I feel your frustration. My daughter is 8 and we deal with these things on a daily basis. It does get better, but you have to have the resources available to you and your child. Thinking of you.
~K.

Definitely ignore adansmama. Funny how you can judge a persons situtation by just one post. Rude, rude, rude.

I would go ahead and book him in the summer camp. I would also try and perhaps do one activity with just him once a week, if you can swing it. This is such a tough age and when you have more than 2 kids at home your time and attention is just divided. This happens to many families. Best of luck.