What Would You Do?? - Hoffman Estates,IL

Head them off at the pass... if you have the time see if you can 'reserve a block of rooms' at a local hotel (no card needed, just means people get a group rate) & send an email out to the fam for those who haven't made other arrangements yet. If she contacts you about staying with you "Sorry, we're full up."

I would tell them that due to the enormous task of hosting this event that you just can't have many houseguests any longer in conjunction with it. Tell her other family members are already staying, and between working full time and trying to get ready for the reunion, you just think it would be better if they stayed with someone else or at a hotel. It's TOTALLY up to them to make their own arrangements, and anyone who thinks they need to stay with family longer than 3 days TOPS (unless it's a mutually agreed upon situation) is misinformed. Especially with 4 kids, they have to realize that many people don't have the room or the situation for them. Since you're hosting the reunion, someone else can put them up.

Beat her to the punch and provide a list of reasonable hotels in the area ASAP. That is waaaaay too much to ask!!

I would send them a list of hotels in the area with pricing info.

Don't even allow the option. Tell them with all the preparations (or fib and say your house is already promised/booked for other family members) that you will send them some hotel or camping options.

Don't offer to help with the price of the hotel...if they can afford to take a 10 day vacation...they can afford a place to stay...if not...shorten the vacation to fit their budget.

Don't even offer a few days - make plans with others, go out of town.

Whatever you do - if you give an INCH, they WILL TAKE A MILE! It is a ridiculous imposition on their part, and don't play into it. Just apologize greatly and state you don't have the room, but would be happy to find some other options they can review - rent a camper, camp ground, hotel, motel, whatever (don't even offer your backyard for tents).

This is way too much to take on for anyone...especially someone who is hosting a huge event.

ADDED ~ Best Bet: Be proactive. Before she asks...Research local hotels, motels, campgrounds, church retreats (our family rented this church retreat in South Dakota for our entire family reunion on a lake, living spaces, private rooms and bathrooms) with lodging which is usually really cheap, and will feed families some meals if scheduled. Get a block of rooms at a clean affordable motel/hotel. Make the list up with costs and amenities, and send it out to a whole passel of relatives stating that "as much as you would love everyone to stay with you...it isn't possible, so you thought you would provide some options for those traveling from afar, since you are already booked up solid."

At that point if she asks, tell her you don't have the space due to other family obligations made, but luckily she should be able to find one of the options you provided to meet their needs..

I have four kids and never, ever, ever would I expect anyone to host us. Ever. We do have an aunt and uncle with a vacation home who did host us for a weekend, but we made our stay as short as possible (2 nights) and only accepted after they extended multiple invites and assured us that their vacation home is built for guests and the more the merrier. We brought our own groceries, cooked breakfast for them, cleaned up after ourselves, etc. They also have no children, which makes thing easier for them. I would never ask to stay anywhere, that's just ridiculous.

If and when this question comes up, just state firmly that you hope they can come but you cannot host them. Period. She and her husband are grown ups and can make their own travel arrangements!

how about no one stays at your house since you are hosting it? that is way unfair and frankly they will be even worse now. i personally am getting sick of people trying to take advantage of nice, helpful people.
I would be prepared with a list of hotels in the area. I would NOT host them.

I don't think you really have to explain yourself to them except to say with all of the chaos of hosting, you are not in a position to have houseguests this time around and do they need some names and numbers of some reasonable hotels in the area. Maybe even head it off before they ask, and e-mail them some places so they get the hint. I am very direct and would have no problem stating what you just posted if you need to, but you really shouldn't have to explain yourself.

If you are the one hosting and there are other people needing a place to stay, I would send out an email saying how exicited your are for the event, how all the planning is coming underway and that you wanted to give everyone plenty of time to make arrangements so you went ahead and got a block of rooms at a local hotel for stated price. THEN when she calls you to ask if they can stay, let her know (and sounds disappointed lol) that auntie em already called and pretty much said they were staying at my place, offer an apology and sound like you care :)

one word:
HOTEL.
they need a hotel. i cannot imagine occupying someone's house with 4 children in tow??? how is that reasonable? one night? sure. two nights: well, ok. three nights: HELL NO.
I am sorry but how are you going to host overnight guests and a reunion with over 100 people? simple answer: you can't. so don't offer. and when she hits you up with 'can we stay' just be frank, say: "susie" you're more than welcome to stay one night, but I cannot have overnight guests, be in charge of a reunion, take care of my family, and not lose my sanity. say, i hope you understand, plus I think you guys will be more comfortable in a hotel, don't you think?
Honesty is the best way. Don't do it to yourself. Be honest.

NO. Don't let them stay at all during the week---- that will open the door to 2 days turning to 10. When they are planning the trip simply tell them that you would love for them to come and visit sometime during the reunion but you are not able to host them. They will have to find other arrangements. Offer a list of good hotel/motel in the area and send it to them. They are mooching off of family and since they now have expanded their family even more--- they don't get it. Plus, they are rude! Telling you are out of milk and to go get more?? She should have said, oh, I noticed the milk is out---where is the nearest store??? I would love to go get some! Or pay for some groceries etc. for the house while they stayed. Best wishes and stay strong!

M

Uh no. You're super nice for even considering it. I would just tell her that b/c your house is the central location for reunion activities you just aren't up to additional company. Tell her the names of the hotels closest to you and leave it at that. She can look it up on line herself, this is the technology age! ;) If she asks you to do more just simply tell her that you aren't sure what she's really looking for but all the ones around you have websites and she can check them out. I wouldn't even offer a few days, just say no to the whole trip. You'll have more fun just visiting with them and maybe if things are going well the kids can take turns having a sleepover at your house one night...IF it's going well! ;) Sounds like a fun time otherwise, though!

Yeesh! I think I'm getting hives from just READING about that family! They seem very presumptuous and rude.

You have gotten great advice so far. Don't even give them an open door to ASK if they can stay with you.

Hang in there! You are being very generous to host this event. Don't let anyone take advantage of your family!

I agree with you, it would be just to much. You are not obligated to have them stay at your house. It sounds like there wouldn't be any room with the other family members already being there. If they ask to stay with you, just tell them that you already have a full house. It is there responsibility to find their own accomodations or they shouldn't be coming in my opinion.

I dont have an answer or suggestion for you as to how to tell them that they cant stay with you but I would think that any family member would see that it is ridiculous to take in anyone considering you have the task of hosting the 100+ ppl for the reunion at your place. You have enough on your plate that you dont need to be worrying about house guests. Maybe you could send them a long list of hotels, motels, or B&Bs in the area. Even if they choose not to use it, it might give them a hint that 'hey you aint stayin here'
Good Luck

just tell them that you suggest xyz hotel - it has a nice pool and suites and free breakfast and you are sure they will enjoy having that to go relax at after the daily activities.
If they then say they planned on staying with you say, "with so many people coming to the reunion it just isn't feasible for us to host anyone personally."

I'd just tell them that you don't have the room for them to stay there at all this year because others are already rooming there and you are hosting the reunion...afterwards, I would think you will be trying to get your house in order so it wouldn't be wise to have them stay then either. Be nice but firm...sound sure of yourself and your situation and there shouldn't be any legitimately hurt feelings. Best wishes.

1) it is THEIR responsibility to make other arrangements. NOT yours.

2) GOOD you and Hubby are on the same page. STICK TO IT.

3) Just say NO.

4) Do not let them guilt you

5) It is insane, for them to expect you to house them and their 4 kids. Plus ALL that other people coming in and out of the house. 100+

6) YOU are not a Hotel.

7) You have a family of your own and their own daily activities/schedules etc. KEEP TO IT.

8) It IS expensive... with all their 6 bodies to feed and keep up with household wise.
Thus, just say NO.

9) AND you both work full time. You cannot possible entertain them nor put your lives or your children's lives on hold, for them.

THEY, need to be more responsible. THEY are a family of 6.
That is half the Brady Bunch. Plus you and your family. That IS the Brady Bunch. AND you have no 'maid' to help you. Like they did.

10) Just say NO and stick to it.

I personally would not even let them stay for a few days... after the party.

If you and your husband agree they will not stay with you, then just tell them that you are unable to host them this time. If you can or want to for a day or 2 then tell them what you can do for them. If they don't accept your offer then it is up to them to find their own accomodations. It is very simple. Just stand by your guns and don't let them make you feel guilty. Don't allow that to come into play.

Since it's such a large reunion, I would talk to nearby hotels/motels about reserving a "block" of rooms much like you would for a wedding. Find a place with a pool and/or continental breakfast then pass the details along with your reunion information/invites. That would give each family plenty of space.

You need to be upfront and honest with her and tell her that hosting the reunion is going to be very stressful and time-consuming as it is and that you just can't add on the task of playing hostess for over a week as well. If she offers to help, just tell her that she has enough on her plate just getting her own family ready for the reunion that it would be a huge help if she can make other arrangements for their stay. You are not obligated to work out their arrangements. You have enough on your plate. Good luck!

NO! Dont let them stay with you, tell them "im sorry, but we cant accommodate the number of children you have in our home." Dont let them stress you out in your house just because they are family... Good luck :)

I would say that we don't have any room because someone else already asked to stay with us during that time. Life is all about choices - they are making the choice to come for 9 days - sounds like a vacation for them. Where do you get to go on vacation and someone else picks up the tab?
They made choices to have 4 children. They have made choices about their jobs/salaries that dictate the money they have available. They didn't ask you your opinion about having 4 kids. They need to live within their means and with their choices.

M.

I agree it is too much. I asked my mother similar question about my in-laws coming to visit out of state (long story about my husband and I having to give up our BED when they would visit, and I refused to do it again). She said to politely give them a list of nice cost effective hotels in the area where they could be taken care of. It worked for us, although I could feel the attitude when ever they would make passive-aggressive comments about "how nice the hotel was", I would just smile, and say "Oh that's nice".

No, no and hell no. I would maybe say 5 days max, and they can make arrangements for the other 5 days or go back home.

If they were gracious guests, I would have no problem hosting them for 9 days. But it doesn't sound like they are.

And no, when we visit family, I help cook, clean we take turns watching each others kids, I always go grocery shopping and pay for food and our own entertainment as well.

I think my response to her request would be, "I'm sorry, we've already agreed to let another family stay with us. We truly don't have room for another family to stay here too. Can I help get you a list of nearby motels?"

Tell them, when they ask, that you will be hosting more than 100 people over the course of a weekend, and will not be able to have them stay before, during or immediately after the reunion due to this fact."

Offer to give them a listing of hotel/motels or camping places nearby. :)

Say no. Wouldn't it be nice, at the end of the event, to give kisses and hugs goodbye and close your door with no one but you, your husband and kids on inside of your home? Take your clothes off and get in the bed without providing, food, bed, blankets, towels, transportation, etc.... for all of the family you will have to accommodate? I wouldn't provide a list of hotels, call other families or anything on their behalf. Say no and be done. We as people must stop being afraid to use the word NO. Do YOU for a change.

I don't know the size of your home... but with that many people coming, maybe you can "fill the space" with someone else... before they ask. If not, simply say that the house will be too crowded with people coming in and out and the stress of preparation, that maybe they would be better off staying at a hotel.

With so many people coming for the reunion, have you called the local hotels to see if they do group rates anyways? You could get rooms at a discount for each guest, not unlike you would for a wedding or conference, and save everyone money. With that many people coming for this event, it might be worth a few phone calls... and then all you do is tell your neice to make a reservation as part of the "group" at that hotel.

No, you are NOT obligated to take her in. If she can't have her family stay with you. she'll have to go elsewhere. Be polite... but be clear about the fact that they cannot stay. If she wanted a guaranteed room at your house, perhaps they should have been better house guests the first time!

If you do for some reason end up having them... ask for a little help in the money department (for extra groceries etc) ... it is NOT being rude, it is being practical!

Good Luck!
-M.

Do some research? Who lives in the area that would be will to host someone from out of town? What hotels are available, at what costs? Send this information to her.

If you and DH agreed they could stay a day or two after the party, then let her know upfront, what you can and cannot do.

Remember - they are also incurring an expense by traveling, so I'm sure even if you can provide a meal or two, it would be appreciated.

You are hosting this huge thing and you have no obligation to be their hotel. I think it's just too much to ask.

Often a local hotel will offer a discounted rate if you book a block of rooms. I'd do this and send an email to everyone who communicates that way, including your husband's niece. She may not ask anyway if she began to feel they were wearing out their welcome at the BILs last time - they may have realized they are not being appropriate. If you get the email out before she asks to stay, you may be able to avoid the awkward conversation of having to decline them.

I think you are awesome for hosting such an event!

I am with RJ and JB. I had promised cousins that they could stay here with
there three children at the end of the month for a few days. I had a kidney
removed in Feb and thought I would be OK and had to call them and tell
them I am just not up to it. The were very gracious and understanding.
We will get together just not 24/7. Stay strong.

I would tell them no. If they want to stay during the reunion, well, you already have the other family. It's not your responsibility.

My husbands family has a reunion every two years and we are responsible for finding our own accommodations. The host(ess) always sends out an email with the hotel numbers and rates and the distance from the main reunions sites (parks for the bbq, restaurants for the fancy dinner). They also always choose a specific hotel and will reserve a whole block of rooms for a group discounts and most members coming to town take advantage of that. We have never stayed with family members, even if they were in the area (our reunion jumps around the W coast depending on what member steps forward to volunteer). The last one we went to (2 years ago) was in Oregon and we stayed at a camp ground about 30 min away (it would have been closer but my husband screwed around too long and didn't get our reservations in soon enough; OUR fault.) and the kids had a lot of fun there. The one 4 years ago was in Seattle and we stayed in a hotel then.

We have 4 kids too, and I know how much they eat and how much of a pain than can be to be around, especially all the time. NO WAY would I ask another family to put up with that or even expect them to pay for it unless there was just no other option and even then it would only be for one night. If a family member that had a BIG house offered to let us stay with them, I might consider it but I would certainly still expect to pay for the food my offspring consume.

If this family was messy before, how are they going to be with twice as many kids now? Especially the little ones? And they certainly can't expect you to pay for their grub as well as put them up. It's just totally unreasonable, especially for that long. I'm big on family, but they still have to help carry the load. Even when my siblings & their families drop in unannounced and eat whatever they want, they still run to the store and pay to replace it themselves. They don't demand that I do it for them. I'm not the one that ate it! We don't have a huge food budget although, we certainly don't starve.

I also wouldn't want to let them stay even a couple of days afterward. You'll need time to relax and get your house back in order after having that many feet tromping through it. I would tell them they're certainly welcome to stay in a close motel and come and visit when you're not at work. And if they don't really have the money for that, then why are they planning on staying for so long? We have to travel too (none of the reunions have been closer than a 6 hour drive and this year, it's in CA!) but we're never gone for more than 5 days, including "travel" days because food, lodgings and travel would just eat us alive.

I would let them know that a block of room had been reserved at a nearby hotel and that they should make their reservations. I don't understand why theis family reunion is 9-10 days. Family reunions are usually a weekend event. If they are trying to have a family vacation at your your expense let them know up front in these economic times you and your family can't afford to take care of another family and that babysitting will have to be arranged in advanced and not last minute. With 4 children they should understand and if they don't oh well.

I'll second the 'provide them with a list of hotels in the area' idea.
If you have a large enough group, you might be able to get a group rate at a hotel so lot's of relatives can stay there (and out of your house).

I would be pro-active so you don't feel on the spot when she asks you and you have to turn her down. Call or write and say something along the lines of, "we're really looking forward to seeing everyone at the reunion! Not sure what your plans are, but if you'd like to stay at our house Monday thru Wednesday, that would be fine with us. Just let us know!" If she pushes, I would get nicely honest with her. That given your work/life schedule, house guests for 9 days will not work for you, and honestly, they wouldn't enjoy their time either as it's just too long to all be under the same roof. You could even bring up some of the things that didn't work for you last time and let her know you value your relationship and don't want to put that much pressure on everyone. 9 days is too long with even the best of house guests. Good luck working this out!

I find the easiest thing to do in these situations is turn it around a little and make them kind of feel bad for you "You know, we would love to have you stay, but we're kind of going through a hard time right now (say whatever you want without going into it - financially, in our relationship, with our kids, etc). Add that to the stress of the family reunion and we just can't handle anything else right now. I'm sorry." If they persist, just keep turning it around so it's about you and not about them "I really just can't handle it". "I don't want to burden you with our troubles, but it isn't a good time for us." Be vague.

I would send a family e-mail to all coming. I would put in it information of 2 hotels in the area that you have personally talked to and have seen and their amenities, pricing and a link to their website and the name of a contact person at a hotel. Also include the information that while you'd love to be able to host everyone for overnight it would be impossible and that you want to have plenty of time to make this reunion everything it should be. Also if cornered and specifically asked, just say several have asked and you feel it would be unfair to say yes to any one family over the other so I provided information of close by hotels with good amenities to help you find a comfortable place to stay. Never make an excuse like a broken toilet or shower as it is something if all family will be in and out of your home that can easily be checked on. If once again asked just say it is a very stressful time having this many family members in town to play hostess to and you hope she understands. Above all don't give in as if you do you will regret it the whole time even if everyone is perfect angels and she brings in her own 10 gallons of milk and groceries for her family.

Remember if you invite someone into your home you are the hostess and there for their needs. So don't invite them as this would be a costly undertaking.