What to Do with a 'Helicopter' Mom Friend

I have a sister somewhat like this and I have had to confront her. I tell her very pointedly that I will discipline my own child, and when she does the tattle stuff I just smile and say-"Oh kids are so funny" or something equally benign that lets her know I am not going to jump up and reprimand my child every time she sneezes without covering her nose.

But my sister is also very young and inexperienced and has always seemed to be easily irritated by everything my daughter (the oldest ) does-so it was uncomfortable when I finally lost my temper with her over some minor incident because I had been bottling stuff up. So-if you are friends and if you want to keep the relationship be candid with your friend. Just ask her' "What are you so worried about? Do you really think that doing...(whatever)... is so terrible?" And tell her that you wish you could help her feel more comfortable at your house, because it seems like the kids are stressing her out so much-and ask her what would help her relax.

I believe that if the friendship is real it should be strong enough to handle some honesty. Even ask her "Does it bother you that I don't seem as worried as you are about how the children are playing?" then explain to her why you aren't so you can both talk about it.

I have been in your shoes, and it is rough. Unfortunately, her kids are probably like that because they have learned the to be hyper sensitive from their mom. I am much more of a mom like you describe you are (our kids are about the same age as well, i tell people my sweet little girl is a 'tough chick').
I honestly think it will just be a situation where you have to decide if 'you are up for company like that', and sometimes, you just won't be.
Saying something is soo risky. All of us mom's are doing our best, and what one of us can 'handle', another mom, just can't. That is not to say we are right and she is wrong, it is just 'how God made us'. (that is what i tell my kids as to explain the differences in people all the time)
Good luck!

That sounds super annoying. I would probably just curtail how much time you spend with this family. I've noticed that some kids are super sensitive and don't want to be touched, hugged or played rough with AT ALL. What's going to happen when these kids go to school? You might mention something about that next time this mother says something... Sounds to me like your child is behaving normally for her age. I have a 4.5 year old boy... same thing. He can be rough and obviously we don't allow hitting or pushing or anything like that, but sometimes at the park I notice other kids cowering away from him when he's just trying to play with them. It's weird. Every kid is different, I guess. We've just always kind of forced our son (and even now our 1 year old daughter) to be kind of tough. And we never react when they fall down or get hurt. We just pick them up, dust them off, give a kiss if necessary and let them continue to play. I think our son is super outgoing because we've always had that kind of attitude, even when he would play with our friends' kids who are a couple of years older...
I say if it's too irritating, then spend as little time around them as possible and get some other playmates for your little ones who aren't so afraid of everything (and who's mother isn't such a busy bee. LOL)

Unfortunately it will get worse as her kids get older. She'll start interfering with her kids' friendships, party invites, sports teams that they are on, etc. Those helicopter moms do not stop!

I'm not saying that we should ignore everything our kids do, but they have to learn how to do things themselves as well as know how to act in certain situations.

You said she is a very, very, good friend. Maybe you could try to approach it by saying that you are concerned about how sensitive her 4 year old is and ask her if she's taught her child how to deal with situations she doesn't like. For example, what does she do if someone is taking away her toy? Does she know how to tell the child to give it back or does she just run to her mom? She should try to talk to the other child first, then talk to her mom. 4 years old is only 1 year away from kindergarten and the teacher is not going to be around to problem solve everything!

Maybe if you have that type of coversation, it would help. I would be careful, you know how people are very defensive if they feel like you are questioning their parenting skills.

I think you'll just have to keep it bottled up. I'm sure she is driving you crazy and will continue to but if you were to consider the opposite it is better to have that than someone who doesn't watch their kids at all.

It's probably best to just do your best to ignore it or just occasionally blow off her comments with a casual response implying that you are fine letting your kids play without interference. That will make you feel a little better and hopefully let her know gently that you don't share the same thoughts.