What to Do About Disgusting Pictures Sent

I have read th responses and to be honest I have to disagree with them. First of all, he is a senior in high schoo, soon going off on his to college. He has already made the choice to keep the picture and not delete it. At his age which is probable very close to 18 he sees himself as an adult. I am guessing the girl does as well. You may be shocked to discover that he and she have done more than send pictures.

If you called the girls parents or talked to the girl you would start a process of alienating your son at a time when most boys his age cant wait to get out of the house any way.

That does not mean that what is happening is right, but you may be shocked to find out how common it is. What you find disgusting is now seen as a way of flirting by those that have already been intimate with each other. Girls and boys alike do this type of thing without realizing how public the pictures could become. I am not sure that either of them would call the pictures disgusting. We live in a different world with different values now. The kids today have friends with benefits, they hook up together without feeling any kind of connection to the individual. It is more about the sexual experience than a committment. That is why the call it friends with benefits. You can have a group of 8 friends, 4 boys and 4 girls, with no romantic involvement. however they may have no problem hooking up for the night, there are no strings attached for any of them and they go back and forth between one another.

I am not saying this is what is happening, and I am not saying it is right, i am just saying it is what happens in a lot of cases.

your best bet is to talk to your son, openly. He may not be as open with you, but he may. Ask him about the relationship, find out why she would send that kind of pic. If you are willing to talk about and find out about what may be going on he may be willing to discuss his relationship openly. At that point you can try to reach him with common sense, but most kids at this age go through a stage in life when they know it all and their parents live in the stone age.

My youngest is now 21, and I have one who will be graduating college soon. The ideas and lifestyles of young people are very different today. It takes constant communication to make a point and keep the lines open, constant.

id march the camera and son over to her parents house

I respectfuly have to disagree with everyone telling you to call/involve the girl's parents. I think your issue is with your son. You don't say what kind of relationship you have with your son, but it sounds like you don't trust him or you wouldn't be going through his phone. You said he is a senior in high school so I'm assuming he is 17 or 18- I have a (almost) 17 year old son myself. He has a cell phone that he pays for and I've never felt a need to go through it, but my son and I have a very open relationship. In fact I was the first person he told that he was having sex, and we discussed protection, emotions, and so on. He has gotten a few "quetionable" pictures on his phone that HE, himself showed me, that one of his guy friends forwarded him. I think you should have a discussion with your son, though it may be difficult for you (I realize that I'm very lucky to be able to have this kind of communication with my son). After talking with your son if you still feel the need to involve the girl or her parents then that's your call, but I would deffinately start with your son. Good luck to you.

you can block her number from the phone or have all texting and pictures blocked. That is about all you can do. I myself think kids text way too much so I blocked texting on all our phones. They aren't supposed to have them at school anyway so by having texting available is too much of a temptation to get in trouble at school as the kids will get their phones out to check their text messages and end up having them confiscated from teachers. My 16 yr old son has a cell phone and although his friends complain a little about him not having texting he still manages to be fine without it. In fact he barely uses 100 minutes a month talking on the phone. Most of his calls are a few minutes long as they call to see where they are meeting or ask a quick question and doesn't talk. Usually they do their talking over xbox live or on the house phone. He is really responsible and knows if he runs the minutes over he will be paying for them plus most of his friends are on the same network so he knows he can talk to them longer than the friends that aren't on the same network. You can also just have pictures blocked if you want them to keep the texting.
My 13 yr old daughter wants a cell phone but won't let her have one until she can prove she is responsible and also has to keep her grades up and if she does well in 8th grade she may get one in 9th grade. She really doesn't need one right now as she isn't involved in a lot of activities on her own. Most of the youth events she is there with her older brother and can use his phone if she needs it. If you have tmobile you can also have their phones limited to how many minutes allowed each month, # of texts, and have your numbers as emergency that can be called even if they have used their allowed minutes.

When something like this happened with our middle son, I took him to his favorite eatery. This way neither one of us could raise our voice or walk away. Trying very hard to be nonjudgemental we discussed all the pros and cons of dating someone who would send photos. My standard phrase turned out to be: "Yep, that a possibility and what could happen if..." He still made an irrespondible choice, but the lines of communication were open and he came to me stating he needed to see a doctor. Thankfully we never had to discuss baby issues, we just sweated medical tests for several months. It was a very hard lesson. Years later he thanked me for the uncomfortable lunch. Don't know if I would have done anything differently it seemed right at the time
Good luck and prayers.

This is a growing issue that I think parents and teachers need to get a hold of. My sons school focus's on "bullining" but should switch to self esteem and sexual activites. We recently had a 7th grade girl send pictures out and then return had them forwarded, teaches ended up with the pictures. A slap on the hand was given because of the wide spread humilation recieved. Its scary crazy what kids today are doing. I hope to tap into your request and learn alittle.

I agree with the previous posters about calling the kids/teenagers out in this situation. Parents don't do that enough these days. You might also consider replacing the phone with one that is not a camera phone. I might be wrong, but if it's not a camera phone, I would think it wouldn't be able to view pictures sent to it. Talk to your cell phone company about available options as far as phones go that wouldn't be able to view picture messages. Now that he knows you will check it, he's more likely to delete pictures than to stop the girl(s) from sending them and viewing them before deleting them.

Congratulations on not being afraid to be the parent to your child. Good luck and let us know what happens!

I've heard about kids doing that now adays. I would find out who she is and contact her parents. Wouldn't you want to know if your son was doing that? It could be very uncomfortable but I think for the best. Good luck.

Show them to her parents. Better to embarasse her now then having these pics, turn up when she's older,has a job or family of her own. Maybe if she see's that others will see them she won't send more out to others. She's probably just doing what all her peers are doing and not relizing that these pic's can turn up later and do harm to her future. Just call her parents let them know, if it was your daughter wouldn't you want to know and stop it.

D. F.

I put a block on sending pictures. They have text messaging but can't send/receive pictures any longer. I was checking sons text but now I find they have put a lock on and I can't read them, we are talking about that now. I pay for their phones and think we have some rights to know what is going on. Only did this after one son "changed" "withdraw" and we became concern about him.

First, let me start by telling you that I am sorry you are going through this. I've been there and dealt with it. Next, be a mother. Not a friend. Friends sit down and have conversations with friends. Parents set rules and regulations and when rules are broken (spoken or unspoken rules), consequences for their actions MUST take precedence.

You need to call the girl's phone or text her from his phone letting her know who you are, tell her you saw the pics she sent and don't appreciate her sending things like that to your son and that if you receive anything like that again, you'll contact her parents. (Yes, I've done this.Yes, it works.) Next, tell your son you called her (but only after the fact)and that if you ever find any text messages, pictures, or vulgarity on his phone again, service will be discontinued and the phone will be taken away. The phone is obviously in your name. You must follow through with this should the situation arise again. Don't wuss out because you are afraid your kids will get mad at you. That's a cop out.

DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU and/or YOUR SON CAN BE CHARGED WITH CHILD PORNOGRAPHY AND/OR CHILD EXPLOITATION should that phone ever get lost but recovered by the wrong person or people????

Good Morning D., I agree with the other 2 mama's. Get it out in the open and the Girls parents really Need to be informed. I would be terrified if she sent something like that to someone she might of met online, instead of someone she knows. Both are In poor taste and very poor judgement.

Get this done ASAP, before something terrible happens, to either one of them.

God Bless
K. Nana of 5

Wow that's quite a delimma. I would think you would want to have a conversation with him as to 1) why this girl is sending him these pictures (or if she didn't WHO did...remember, these might not have been taken with her permission) 2) why he felt the need to keep the photos.

There are some plans where you can have numbers blocked and I would certainly think you could have all the messages blocked from his phone if you so choose. But the bottom line here is why is he making these choices. As a senior in HS he is getting of the age where he is pretty set in his ways or the ways he wants to be. Chances are he was just flattered to have had the photos sent to him. At this age, curiosity kills the cat...is it a lesser evil to be looking at the pictures or actually doing what the pictures insinuate?

Another thing that might get through to him was that if the rolls were reversed and he was the parent, how would he feel about his kid getting these types of messages? Or better yet, what if the girl was his daughter...how would he feel about that? The reality of the situation is that many many HS seniors are sexually active and because of that may create their own children from these liasons...it's time he starts thinking about those possible ramifications.

As for confronting the girls parents. Well that is certainly within your perogative. There will, of course, be some kind of backlash towards your son...there always is. But you need to weigh out the backlash versus if it was your daughter would you want to know what she is doing? I know I most certainly would. Although what can be done to punish a senior in high school is beyond me...seems like if they are making these poor choices there is very little that can be said or done to stop them in this self-destructive behavior. I wish you the best of luck and will look forward to seeing how you resolved the issue.

Take away his phone for a month. During that time, sit down and talk to him about what type of woman he would want to marry??? or be with ??? Does he really respect this girl? especially after sending pictures like that? You may find out he likes the pic because of hormones, but in "reality" he doesn't respect her at all?????

were the pictures sent to your son or husband. i didn't quite understand. G.

The only other suggestion I have is to jot down the number they came from and call your phone subscriber and have that number blocked from sending anything to his number... If not doing it, at least a threat of such that you know what he received and that do not approve....