What to Do About Daughter Picked on by Boy in Kindergarten?

My opinion is let it play out at school. my mom always told me if a boy picked on me it meant he liked me... I was cool with that :) It sounds as if the school is handling it appropriately. Going to the other parents is over the top in my opinion. Kids need to learn to handle things on their own- the playground is the best learning grounds for that, even in Kindergarten

You need to get the facts directly from the teacher, not from your daughter.

No, you should not contact the parents of the boy. You don't have all the facts, and even if you did, contacting the parents of a problem child is a HUGE mistake.

Work with the school (teacher, principal, school psychologist) and make sure you are getting relevant reports in a timely manner. If your child is being injured, you have the right to be informed. But you must get your info from the staff and not from a child, even a reliable child. If your child has been hurt and has received medical attention from the nurse, you should be informed.

I would handle it on a "facts" basis to start, and go from there. "My child tells me she was injured in the knee. Please tell me what happened and what steps were taken to administer first aid and to protect her." Then stop talking (no matter how long the silence is) and wait for them to tell you. If you don't get an answer, repeat the question.

It is best to gather info (and "play dumb" if you have to) before you say anything You get a lot more info if you are receptive and not pushing back. There's plenty of time for pushing - but get the info first.

stay in contact with her teacher - make her your new best friend. seriously, she is your best ally in this situation. she's aware of it, she's on top of it. she's doing her part sounds like. if you have concerns or don't know what to do, ask her. ask if there's anything she needs you to do, any way you can help. keep in mind that if, at any point, you go above her head, you run the risk of no longer having that ally for your daughter. obviously in some situations that is warranted, but really it should be a last resort.

i would also be teaching my daughter things to say. such as, "that's NOT NICE and i DON'T LIKE IT!" and walking away.

you can't "teach" this child not to hit girls. he shouldn't be hitting anyone, #1. if his parents didn't teach him better, and the teacher is doing her best, it's not going to be you that magically makes it happen. work WITH your daughter's teacher and trust that she's looking out for her students - she obviously is.

also have to play devil's advocate just a bit here. i have a little boy in kindergarten. he is NOT mean spirited and is by no means a bully - but he is still adjusting. he was almost 6 when kindergarten started (is now), but was still emotionally immature. he has a very hard time controlling himself and is in the "safety seat" pretty often (i would say at this point we're probably down to once or twice a week - but at the beginning of school it was almost every day). this could just be an emotionally immature little boy who is still learning. yes, the comments are hurtful. but he is just a little boy. it's really on the parents more than the little boy. i can't imagine what my son would be like if we hadn't been drilling into him from day 1 how to act. just saying.

The purpose of the time outs is to teach him to not hit anyone, not just girls. Sounds like the teacher is handling this. Yes, talk with her so that you feel better about what is happening from her view point.

You can't contact the boy's parents unless you know them. I wouldn't advise doing that even if you do know how to reach them unless you know them well enough to know what their reaction is apt to be.

It sounds like you think that just talking with him will make him behave. I'm sure the teacher does talk with him. He has to know why he's getting a time out. Do you have any other ideas about how to teach him? What do you expect the teacher to do?

Have you talked with your daughter and suggested that she stay away from him? This is an opportunity to help her learn how to handle other kid's behavior.

If the teacher gave him a time out than she knows what happened. I would talk to her and ask what suggestions she has for dealing with the little boy. I am sure the teacher has talked to his parents since he is in timeout often but she may not have the support of his parents. I would just let the teacher know that you are concerned and are willing to do what is necessary to prevent his attacks from happening. Good luck!!

Is there a reason why she is around him? For example, the race at recess: she knew that he might hurt her, so why is she hanging around him?

I learned recently that kids may keep going back to a "mean" kid for two reasons. First, they get some satisfaction when justice is served to the offender, even if it comes with the price of a bruised forehead. Second, they can't understand why the "mean" kid is mean, so they take some ownership for the mean behavior, trying to change it and/or believing that they are somehow responsible. I'm sure that there are other reasons, but these two are from my experience with my son.

Good luck!

I don't know, two times of a kindergarten boy "hitting" her in the knee or wherever after he challenged her to a race don't sound like "bullying," it sounds like the rambunctious actions of a little kindergartener who probably likes her, and he's showing he likes her in the way boys usually do -- by being overly physical with her. Heck, the first boy I liked at 13 showed me he liked me by throwing lemons at me (hard, and it stung!) and wrestling with me on the bus.

If it's really bothering her, teach her responses to his statements -- "Well, I think you need a new name too! -- and/or to stay away from him.

5 year olds are still practically babies. I don't think you should call this boy a bully just yet. Mention it to the teacher, and ask her to keep an eye on the situation.

I would definitely talk to the teacher and ask if they have a Bullying program in their school or has he been sent to the principal for these incidents?? If not, as if at least these things have been documented somewhere, if he/she just brushes you off, I would send a letter or email to the principal and ask the same ?? and ask, are you aware of the situation with ?? child and these incidents, if he's doing this to my child, I'm sure he's doing to others. If things are not documented then there is not a paper trail and nothing for school to fall back on if there is a major problem down the road. If you send as an email, then you'd also have copy on your computer and you could ask for proof of delivery and return receipt when read.
Just a thought and give your daughter a hug 'cause NO child deserves anything like this.

Since the teacher isn't ignoring it, I wouldn't do anything further at this point except talk to the teacher. Remember, at this point, you are only getting your daughter version of what has happened. If it is exactly as she has told it, it could be that he likes her. If it isn't exactly as she's told it, she could be encouraging it in some way. Either way, these are 5-6 year olds and they are still learning to act socially acceptable and the teacher is helping them.

If it continues, the teacher should end up talking with his parents and/or referring to the principal. If that doesn't happen then you would want to contact the principal yourself...not the parents since it happens at school.

If it were me, I'd arrange my schedule to be a "parent volunteer" in the classroom for a day. That way I could observe both my daughter and this boy. Does he pick on only her or is he that way to everyone? Does my daughter provoke him in any way? How does the teacher respond to this boy? Does this boy have special needs that I need to explain privately to my daughter?

When the kids go out for recess, go outside too. It will give you a moment to speak to the teacher but I'd keep the conversation light- something like, "Amy sure complains about Billy. What do you think is going on with them?".

Ultimately, if you are still not satisfied with the teacher's handling of the situation or her responses to you, I would speak to the principal. I don't think I would ever go to the other parent.

Start by talking to the teacher. Follow up by staying in touch with her. Only go to the principal if the problem persists. The parents should only be called as a LAST resort, this is happening at school, the school should handle it.
In the mean time remind your daughter not to play with this boy, he sounds like he has some impulse control issues (he's probably young/immature.) If he asks her to race again she should say no, I didn't like it that last time we raced you hit me, then she should walk away.

Truthfully the teacher cannot discuss this with you and you should not even know who it is, of course your child told you so you do know who to talk to but the teacher should not discuss him with you at all. That family has just as much right to confidentiality as your family does.

You can talk to the teacher about how to help your daughter to use her words better, how to not get drawn into his races and other games, and how to remover herself from the range of his limbs so he can't reach her to hit her.

Remember you believe 50% of what your child tells you goes on at school and the teacher will believe 50%of what your child tells her.

Not sure this is out and out bullying. I get the feeling he likes her, but does not know how to play with her. He is 5 and sounds extremely immature.

Teach her to stay away from him. Let her know that this boy does not sound like he knows how to be a friend and how to play nice.

Speak with the teacher and find out exactly what has been going on.

I know I would want to grab that kid by the neck and tell him not to speak or ever touch my daughter again... But I would probably end up in the Travis County lock up.

Yes, definitely talk to the teacher. Dont take this lightly. This could turn into bullying. I understand that kids will be kids and tease each other. There is nothing the teacher can do about that. But when a kid put their hands on my child is another thing. The child parents need to be notified of this (by the teacher). Obviously time outs is not working.

I agree kids should not hit or hurt other kids but they are kids and they are still learning. They are also still trying to adjust to a huge change from starting formal school and making new friends, etc. I know my son is struggling with the transition of leaving his full-time preschool and the loss of so many close friends and teachers he loved, maybe this boy is also. Kindergarten is a whole new, much larger social world and they have to learn to navigate it. These kids are 5 or maybe just turning 6 and they are still struggling to learn social skills, control their impulses, and express their feelings. They have to be given the opportunity to learn without being demonized or punished too harshly. Some kids have to experience consequences more times before they change their behavior than other kids, maybe your daughter is just easy going and you have not experienced this before but many kids do not listen and change their behavior after only being told once or even twice. These young kids are also experimenting with the new freedom of the playground with so much less supervision as compared to preschool so an adjustment period is to be expected in my opinion. I agree you should encourage your daughter to avoid this boy and play with other children.

If this boy has been given time outs then the teacher is aware and taking action so I think you have to let it play out at school. We have entered a scary new part of our kid's lives where we have much less control and they have to learn to work things out for themselves. It is hard to watch but it is important and we cannot be there with them all the time. I know I am struggling with this transition myself. Good luck

Most schools have a "bully" policy that is drilled into the children. I know my son's school there discipline plan in place that the school and before/aftercare that is in the school follow. Unfortunately some children are not taught how to behave correctly and have to learn as they where not taught at home. It is not an excuse though for how your daughter was treated. I would talk to the teacher and discuss your concerns especially if he physically touches her again. Kids do not always treat each other nicely just like adults and they need to learn to work through things on their own. As much as it hurts my son when something happens, we have discussed standing up for himself. We have rolled played using the policy/wording in place the children are taught to use so he is confident in doing so. This worked great over the summer when at summer camp some of the "older kids" where trying to "buy" the younger kid's friendship. I ended up not having to talk to the camp director because the boys stopped what they where doing.

Likely the classroom has "classroom rules" and the teacher has an escalation process for breaking the rules. In our kindergarten, a child who broke the rules had a consequence such as missing recess. I would talk to the teacher regarding the rules, rather than about the child who is probably still trying to adjust to being a kindergartner.

At this point, after 3 incidences, I think you are well within reason to complain to the teacher. I would call her or email her and let her know that your daughter has complained about this boy, and that you can't tolerate someone hitting your child at school. Stricter action needs to take place to prevent this boy from hitting anyone, not just girls. If the teacher blows it off, and the problem persists, talk to the principal.

I would talk to the principal. Your principal should get the other child's parents involved. The teacher putting him in time out is not working.

Kids are kids, but ongoing problems need to be dealt with.

I would talk with the teacher, but not in a way that sounds like you are blaming the boy, or insinutating in any way that the teacher is not handling this. You seem to only have what your daughter is saying to go on now. Several things I would want to ask are: is this a situation of him picking exclusively on your daughter or does he have a problem with other children as well? Is your daughter in any way provoking the incidents (either purposely, or because she may need to learn some important social skills that will help alleviate this type of thing happening)? How is the teacher handling these 'time-outs' and perhaps encourage the teacher to think about whether or not the time-outs are working and whether another method of discipline might work better.

New environment, or not, ALL kids know that hitting & kicking & hurting others is wrong. So, to use a transition from preschool to Kinder as an excuse to misbehave & hurt others is a copout & excuse for a bratty kid. Sometimes a kid is a brat & that's just the way it is, because his parents aren't doing their job.

I would encourage your daughter to not play with him. I guess I wonder why she plays with him if he hurts her? Maybe it's not as violent as you think it is. I don't know, but if it continues, I would probably discuss it with the teacher & go from there. You don't want an allegedly mean kid to ruin your kid's attitude towards school, you know?

I guess my main issue is that the kid is being disciplined, but his behavior is not changing. I wonder if he will escalate because he's essentially getting away with it if all he gets is a time out for it.