What Is Right to Do...

I agree with Kali, take her aside as soon as you can and offer her a 'rain check', maybe a special lunch with you on the weekend, if you have a SO to stay your son.

Sorry you have such a tough start to your day; I hope things improve.

Unfortunately, unless you can have someone come stay with him (family, friend or caregiver), I don't think you can.

What you can do, though, is plan something special with your daughter for later that will be just the two of you. You don't mention your daughter's age, but perhaps she could even help plan it with you.

Your daughter is going to learn the tough lesson that life isn't fair (she is denied fun because of her brother's behavior), but you can find a way to make it up to her.

HTH!

Can you have a friend or family member come sit at your home while you take your daughter out? Can you talk to your daughter and explain that you will take her but you have to delay it until Saturday when hubby can watch your son?

If neither of these will work...let her pick the place and order in and have a special movie/game time with her while your son gets lunch but without the fun.

Having a child with ASD myself, this is what I would do: Postpone the "lunch and play" with your daughter. Yes, it's unfair in regards to TODAY but it shows both children that you're serious about the house rules and applying them consistently. It also shows that you will NOT take away from one in order to punish the other since you would only be postponing the "lunch and play" for your daughter.

It's very likely that your son will not be sure how to handle his disappointment and it will come out as anger. It's also possible that his behavior was stemming from anxiety about anticipating the outing. There's always a reason for the behavior of our ASD children even if they can't verbalize what that reason is.

Tough one - if you have to delay, make her a "gift certificate" for the time with you so neither one of you forgets.

Also - does she get time outs, etc. when she pushes his buttons on purpose? You mention she knows how to MAKE his anger reach bad heights. It's only fair for her to have consequences if she instigates behavior as well as consequences for him for behaving badly.

Pack him a sack lunch.. Buy her the meal of her choice at the resistant and explain to him your reasoning... That is what I would do..

E., I agree with Jessica. I would also recommend that you don't tell your kids in advance that you are going to take them out. That way you don't have to break promises.

Do you have someone to help you navigate your son's behavioral issues? If you don't, you need to get someone. Talk to your ped about recommending someone. Family dynamics are very important and you need help with it. Your daughter pushes his buttons (though she didn't THIS particular time) and your son remembers it and it builds his frustration. You need to deal with your daughter too on an ongoing basis. Having someone who knows how to help with this could be invaluable.

Good luck,
Dawn

Get a sitter and take her to lunch.

Yeah, this happens with siblings. A solution that would be fair, but would be difficult to enforce (because you might want to cave), may be:
Go out to lunch. Let your daughter order from the menu. Make a sandwich or something and bring it along for your son. Let him play, but make your son stick to your side, no playing for him.
Or,
keep your son in his room and offer your daughter some other kind of treat--TV time, mom time, a special lunch, whatever--if you think she is deserving of it.