What I Call the "In Law Sorority"

Dear J.,
I have had a similar situation happen to me and when I confronted my husband about it I was simply told that my mother in law was the one who wanted a "family picture". It sounds wierd alittle but I completly understood the situation when it happened to be MY family who wanted to take the group photo.. There really isnt anything you can do but just roll with it. You can talk to ur husband and let him know about ur feelings.. But i really dont think that it is somehting personaly against you. Of course sisters would be closer and have a unique bond with eachother. I have a sister and a sisterinlaw and i can honestly say that im much closer to my sister. That doesnt mean that im not close to my sister in law but its definetly a different kind of closeness..

I am currently in the same situation with a cliquesh mother in-law, and I'm not part of her family clique LOL I actualy sort of feel like the black sheep daughter-in-law, but for no reason. I've always been kind and respectful with her, and there is just nothing in return. I have been whimpy thus far and have not made a big deal out of it, but I would not reccomend that. It has only prolonged the issue. I think I should have spoke up years ago and things may not be this way now. So, my advice would be to bring it up in a very tactful way, but stress your intetest to be included as family, because thats exactly what you are.

I think like alot of the other responses I have the same situtation. My husabnd has a mom, dad, and older sister and a younger sister. My husband and his younger sister are 18 mos apart and the girls are really close(mom and 2 sisters).They blame me for him not wanting to participate in family functions. They also go out and to concerts and never invite me. It used to really bother but afte being in the family for 5 years I just ignore them. If I have to be around them I am outwardly nice and leave as soon as possible. The mother ias always keeping the other grandkids but when it comes to my kids it is like we are being punished. I am a very forward person and my mother in law decided to say some things she should not have to me and I put her in her place and told her she DID NOT have to see her grandkids.I think most definatley you should get a grip on it if it is constant. If it is a one time thing they probably knew you were busy and didn't want to disrupt you. Just let them know it hurt your feeling and see what the response is. Good luck!

First off try not to blame your husband men do not think of those things and he probably wasn't paying attention. however, the women do think of those things and it could have intentional, or maybe they just didn't want to wait, either way I would talk to my mother in law. I would let her know that you want to be a part of the family and that you feel that you are just an outsider looking in sometimes. Express that you know that she is very close with her daughters (which is a good thing), but that you would like to be included and thought of as another daughter and not just your husband's wife. Hopefully she will respond well to this and you two can develop your own special bond. I wish you the best.

Get a grip on it now, because if you dont you will fight it the rest of your life. I have been married 15 years and still get left out of things on my husbands side!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi J.,

I agree with the other two posts here. Talk to your in-laws and tell them how you feel. If they do not respond or value your feelings then it is their loss. Your husband will appreciate your honesty with them and recognize you efforts to be part of the family. I think the in-laws are the most challenging aspect of most relationships.

Good luck!

if this is the only rtime you have felt this way, then give them the benefit of doubt that the picture taking just presented itself. no slight was meant. but if this is one of many then you have cause to have hurt feelings. i been there do that. it may always be or things could change w/time invested in getting to know his family better. the old saying --nothing ventured nothing gained. i feel you were right to mention the feeling of being left out. but don't dwell on it to the the point you develop bad feelings for his family. each family dynamics is different.years ago my husband's family used to let the men folk eat sunday dinner first, waiting on them (getting them more tea or biscuits). that has since gone by the wayside. thank goodness!

I know how u are feeling. Thats the same way my husbands family is. He has, mom,dad and two sisters. His mom and sisters are close too. I have a son and one of his sisters has 2 kids. The other sister does alot with the sisters kids and not with our son. We all live about the same distance too. we all see each other every Sunday. It hurts when I see them all together and they leave me out snd my son. I have a sister but haven't seen her in years. They know the situation and u would think they would include me more knowing what a horrible time it has been without my sister. I have handled it by just looking past it and knowing that I am there for my husband. As long as u two love each other, don't worry about anything like that, cause it can really tear u up inside. Dont let it bother u. Its hard to let it go. Good luck.

Hi J. B,

We have children close in age. My son just turned 1 last week. Must be pretty lonely being the spare wheel around that group. I don't think there is a way to overcome a clique quickly expecially a mother/daughter one. Besides, it sounds slightly unusually anyway. My sister is like that with my mother who shows obvious preference. I avoid sibling rivalry by having my own life with my own friends. I try to limit my contact with them to once a week and I'm comfortable not being in the clique. Also, I'm grateful they love my son so much because they make great baby-sitters. We just moved back home after 12 years and I've left all my friends back in my old town. I'm in the process of making new ones here in Jeff but it's slow since I too stay at home. What do you do to make friends and where to all the mom's hang out here?

Hi J.. I experienced the same tpe of situtaion-my hubby has Mom,dad and two sisters. Neither of which liked me that very much when my hubby and I married.I found out it was because they did not feel that i loved him as much as he loved me. Crazy...I know.It has been seven years now and the way that I found my niche in the family was to begin refering to them as my family.I have found out that slowly over the course of the past two years, we have truly become a family. My Mother-in-law has really made a hug e change towards me. All I can say is that I have been there-it is tough espicially when you no longer have parents of your own(I lost mine nine and four years ago). Good luck and hang in there-be strong!!