What Are the Rules Here?

Just say no, you don't have any newborn stuff to share, you want to keep it all until after you have decided whether or not you are having another baby.

I don't think there are specific rules or written in stone rules - I think it is about respect. She helped you so you should help her. I would just give a few things that you do not care to part with and keep the others. Do you have any blankets, or towels, or any other baby items you can pass on instead of the clothes?

Good luck

I would give her some stuff and keep a few for yourself.

There are no "rules" just courtesy, she extended hers and now its your turn. but theres no reason you shouldnt keep some stuff.

The rule is give with in the same spirit that was given to you. That's a good rule of thumb in most situations.

I would pick out your favorites, pieces that can't easily be replaced, and ones that have sentimental value. Onsies can be replaced fairly easily but will be a great blessing to a new mom. Blessing go in circles. Someone blessed you and therefore you are able to bless someone else.

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Perhaps you could return the ones you didn't use or are not absolutely in love with, and add a couple of your own. I will share that even the most careful laundered items often don't look that good when you unpack them for the next baby. Since you really like this relative, I'd be a little generous and quite honest that you're saving some items for a brother or sister.

Your under no obligation to return any of the clothing (unless it was something very special) she gave to you, nor are you under any obligation to give her any of your child's clothing.

However, since you have a good relationship with her and it appears that you want to continue to have a good relationship, then I would offer her a few items. When you give her the items be sure to mention that your saving most of the items for your next child.

This may sound silly but I would be tempted to buy some good quality, good condition gently worn newborn items, and give them to her as a gesture of thanks!

I'm the same exact way as you with my kids' baby clothes! The only people I gave them to were my sisters, and I loved seeing my nephews wear the outfits that I cherished.

I would not have felt that way about a more extended family situation.

As they got older it got a little easier but my two are 17 & 14 (yes YEARS) and I still have some of their newborn stuff.

Just wanted you to know you are not alone. I'm not really sure what proper etiquette is. I would think once someone gives something to you, it's yours to do with as you please unless they specifically state otherwise, or unless it is a family heirloom (i.e., christening gown).

You have no obligation. You can tell her that you don't have newborn stuff to give her but just give her stuff that your child will not be wearing. We are military so we kinda have a little hand me down thing going on with my friends. My son is 3 and wears a 5t in boys while my 18 month old just outgrew 0-3 month old clothing. When we move I really pare down and don't want to move extra junk but keep just enough gender neutral stuff that I love and a few keepsakes.

Your way isn't wrong either. I know one mom that just gave me all the 6-9 month old clothing she has from her now 10 year old! She had a quilt make from the super cute stuff from his childhood and wanted to keep it all until she knew she had enough to have the quilt made.

I think your relative is asking you an honest question (do you have nb stuff to share?) so you can give her an honest answer (no). Since she's starting to have grandkids, she might appreciate getting back the unworn winter items so she can see them on her grandbabies. And let her know that one of her outfits was the one you brought your baby home in. If it were me, I'd be happy knowing it was so appreciated, and understand why you'd want to keep it.

I always just ask the person that gives me stuff. "What do you want me to do with this when we are done?" Most of my friends just tell me to pass it on to someone who needs it. A few larger items (like an bumbo chair we borrowed) are asked to be returned for future children. Just because she gave you some hand me downs, you should not feel obligated to give her hand me downs as well. I'd just be honest, tell her some of it being kept for sentimental reasons and some of it's being saved for the possibility of future children. I am sure with multiple grandchildren she can understand that perspective. And if you have her items still, I'd thank her for sharing them and let her know you have them if she needs them back for her family. I imagine she wouldn't miss the home coming outfit and if it's questioned, just tell her. Most women can understand that some people are really sentimental about clothing for your baby.

no obligation as far as clothes are concerned. Now, if she had given you some furniture as a sort of loan then I would return it.

as far as the items that you purchased yourselves there is absolutely no obligation, simply tell her we are not sure if we are done and it is such a pain to have to buy all new.

I would keep what you want and give back what you don't of hers. Do not give anything away. Really, this is the 2nd time I have heard of people asking for things back. That is so tacky to me. When you GIVE something, it is no longer yours. My friend lends toys out to people and gets IRATE if it comes back used or dirty. She even lent things to her church then took them back. I would NOT accept anything else from her and keep the special outfit.

Did she specifically ask for them back when she gave them to you? If so, return everything.
I always asked, too, what do you want me to do with this stuff after we're done?
Whenever I pass things along, I usually say "pass them on to someone when you're done" that way, they don't have to remember who gave them what.
As for the bringing home outfit, just ask her if you can keep it since it was special to you.
In the future, I wouldn't take anything I wouldn't willingly return.

I would share some of the stuff if possible because she was kind and gave you some. Otherwise go buy a couple of outfits for her and take off the tags. Tell her you want to save the other stuff for when you have more kids. It's none of her business if you choose to not have more or give the clothes to someone else. But she was kind and thoughtful to think of you so sharing with her would be nice too.

it's totally up to you.

No, there is not a "built in understanding" - for me and my group - it was common courtesy. Baby clothes are expensive. You are NOT obligated to return "gifts"...she may have thought you would reciprocate and would share...she may have thought, without conveying it in words, she was loaning you the clothes...

When I was pregnant there was a group of us with varying ages of children so we shared. It saved us a boat load of money. We would get together once a month at one of our homes for a "play date" and bring toys and clothes that didn't fit and trade them out for ones that we needed.

I understand your sentiment but really - all it is is a feeling - it's a material thing. If you have the ability to share - do it. I would take a picture of it and share the clothes. If she was generous once, most likely, she'll be generous again so you won't have to worry about it.

I would find a few things to share with her with the expectation that you won't be getting them back. That way you save face and she cannot say that you were stingy...