Weightloss Issues

YOU GO GIRL!!! Both on the weight loss and on being a cancer survivor. Moms will be moms and we will always be the daughters. I am almost sixty and my mother is still telling me I am plucking my eyebrows way to thin!!! Just simply tell your mother that you appreciate her concern but that you, losing weight, is far healthier than carrying so many pounds. Tell her that you are under your doctors care and that he is alright with what you are doing, and that her support will go a long way towards helping you reach a healthy weight goal.

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Hi D.K.,

I'm sorry, but I TOTALLY disagree with Julia M for saying you are causing your Mother stress and you should apologize to her. I think your Mother should apologize to you for going behind your back like that. You are under NO obligation to tell your Mother that you are taking Alli and it is your choice to decide who you tell. You get NO judments from me. You're a grown woman who is trying to get healthy and is under a Dr's care doing it the right way for you. She knows you are trying to lose weight and she knows you are under a Dr's care, so it was not her business and I would be totally floored if my Mother called my Dr. for any reason. At 47 yrs old she should trust you know what you are doing and that you are not taking any risks with your health considering what you have already been through. Congrats on the weight loss and for beating breast cancer!! Good luck with your continued weight loss goal. :)

Staci~

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Congratulations on your weight loss. I know without all the extra weight, you are likely feeling better. I would let my mom know that you having extra weight is unhealthy and that you are doing the best you can to become healthy. I would let her know that she needs to discuss issues with you first in the future before contacting your physicians. best of luck to you.

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Hi D.K.

First congrats on being a cancer survivor.

Second, I feel your pain about people interfering on how slow or fast you are losing weight. I too have a mom that is always concerned about my weight. I try to explain to her about what the doctor is saying, but sometimes I get the feeling she doesn't believe everything I tell her. I too don't tell my family or friends everything and feel that it's my business. I make sure that my husband knows, 1-he should know what I'm doing and 2-for medical reasons.

If you are feeling better. If your doctor doesn't have any concerns. If your husband doesn't have any concerns. You keep going. You know, by now, when your body isn't feeling right and if you can lose the rest of your weight in a year and half then you should be in good shape.

As far as telling your mom to butt out. It's not going to happen. She loves you. But what you can do is make her a promise. Tell her you love her and you would have her no other way, but she just can't be calling the doctor. Promise that after every appointment you will call her and tell her about what happened. If the doctor starts getting concerned about the weight loss you promise to back off. If the doctor gets concerned about anything else you'll make sure that it's nothing. What else can you do? Telling you're mom off like you have both barrels loaded isn't going to do anyone any good. I know my mom says her fear is losing one of us kids before she goes.

Also, remember that you may plateau and it may take you longer. Especially, if you were at any weight for a certain about of time.

Good luck with everything

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I'm a 47 year old mom, and I understand the worry of your kids, I belive that any diet needs to be supervised for an specialist, specially if it is more than 30 pounds. I work for Harbor UCLA Medical Center, if I can help you getting any kind of information, please let me know.

A. C

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Dear DK;
God Bless you and your current health. I am so happy for your 8 yr cancer victory. I understand that your mom stepped over the line calling your doctor but if the situation had been changed and it was one of your children going through this you might have done the same thing. Dealing with the fear of losing a child no matter what the age is a terrible fear that no parent should have to live through. If you think of what she must have gone through 8 years ago, you might realize that wound is never completely healed. Please forgive her and let her know what you are taking for the weight loss. Ask her to keep your secret and share in your joy and accomplishment, without her worrying over the change. Congrats on your weight loss.

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There is no reason that you need to explain the details of your weight loss. That's between you and your Dr and whomever you choose to tell. As far as your mother, I can certainly see why she would be concerned and I think it's important that you put her at ease by telling her that you and your Dr are working together on a weight loss plan, you are not losing too fast (as per your Dr), and that usually the heavier you are the quicker you lose and as you lose more, your weight loss will slow down. Thank her for her concern and remind her that you are under the care of your Dr and there's nothing to be concerned about.

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Great job on your weight loss. Your mom may mean well but I can't believe your doctor would even speak to her. Just tell her that you are grateful that she still takes the time to look out for you but that she taught you well and that you are under a doctor supervision and that anytime the doctor feels you are doing anything to harm yourself you will slow down that you have been working hard and it is paying off. Good luck on your continued weight loss.

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You say "Thank you for worrying about me. I love you, too. You taught me to be careful and to care about myself. If you were losing weight this quickly, I would worry about you, too. But if you were under a doctor's care, I would be less concerned, but still worried. I really have informed my doctor and he/she is carefully watching over me."

1 mom found this helpful

I had Gastric Bypass surgery a few years ago. My father was worried that I would waste to nothing. Since this time, I have gained back 40 of the pounds that I lost due to peri-menopause and the medication I have been on.

I discussed the weight loss with my father, and told him what my doctor said. That was that my body will stop losing weight when it feels the need to.

You can do the same with your mother. Sit her down and discuss your medical needs, and your weight loss. Explain to her that your doctor knows how much you have lost and he is helping you with your weightloss. Discuss with her the problems you have had with your overweight and how you feel now.

This will make a difference in how she treats your weight loss. It will not change her mind completely though. I am now starting to lose the 40 pounds that I have gained back. It is hard work, but it is helping me more.

If you would like more help in losing weight, there is a product that is solely for weight loss. It is all natural and works wonders. I am not using this, but I am using a product that has a side effect of weight loss.

You need to understand that the program you are on, once you are off of it, you may start gaining weight again. I have done the yoyo type of weightloss myself.

The product is located on twinow.com/jlwagner. It is a colostrum based product that does wonders.

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J.

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You're averaging about 2-2.5 pounds a week. That's a perfectly respectable, healthy weight loss. I wouldn't go much faster than that or your heart will be in trouble. But for now you're doing great. Don't worry about what people say. They're not the ones who have been carrying around the extra weight, so they can't decide what is right for you. Tell your mom that your doc was aware of your weight loss and fine with it, so she needn't worry so much. She probably just wants reassurance that her baby isn't starving herself. Give her that reassurance and tell her not to worry.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi DK:
Congrats to you,on being a survivor.I am a supporter of breast-cancer research,and have a family member who is a survivor also.I'm going to be perfectly honest with you here. I get the impression,that your getting pleasure out of worrying your mother about your weight loss.You are a cancer survivor,and i'm quite sure,that she went through torture watching her daughter go through that experience.Losing weight rapidly,is a positive sign, that your cancer could be back,so why wouldn't she be concerned for you? I don't know what your relationship with your mother is like,but I have to assume,that it is alright,since you shared the news of your cancer with her. Why then,do you feel free to share the good news,with hundreds of women you don't even know,but feel no obligation in letting your mother know,your alright? Why would you be so cruel,as to cause her worry about your well being now? You stated in an e-mail to me, that she traveled across town to take you to each and every chemotherapy treatment.It was perfectly alright for her to be involved then. You don't have to share your secrets with the entire family,but since its obvious, that your mother is very concerned,and because YOU made the decision long ago to involve her in your personal health crisis, why play games? Why would you want to cause her undue stress? If it were as simple,as your merely losing weight,and you wanted to keep your weight program under wraps,that would be one thing,but under the circumstances,I think it cruel for you to expect her to ignore your present weight loss.In my personal opinion, I think you need to sit down with your mother,apologize for causing her worry,and tell her the truth.In regards to Michelle's rude comment. Please take the time to read the rules of this site.This is not a venue for you to insult those individuals whom you may not agree with here. I might add, this is a site for mothers not children.I wish you the best DK. J.

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Hi DK First off I want to say Praise God for you being an 8 year breast cancer survivor!!!!

Second, I think that not telling your Mom or anyone else about Alli is totally your perrogative. They don't have to know. But to settle your Mom's fright I would simply tell her that you and the Doctor have come up with a way for you to lose your weight safely. Unfortunately, it isn't really anyone's business. Also you need to set the record straight with your mom about the "fast" weightloss. You are losing weight in a timely manner if you lost 57 pounds in six months you are losing 2-3 pounds a week and that is the safest amount of weight to lose per week. They say that staying within that weightlos proximity of losing 2-3 pounds a week will ensure you to keep the weight off longer. This is actually slow healthy weightloss.

My mom was going to get the LapBand too and her Gastronoligist told her that the Lap Band was not as safe as it seems and that he has all his patients taking Alli first before he even will approve them for the LapBand procedure.

I hope this helps. Congratulations and good luck with the weightloss.

D. C.

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Just wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS and keep up the hard work! And yeah, Mom's are intrusive and always cross lines, it's kind of a given if you have a mom, she WILL cross some obvious boundaries. But, you still love her and life goes on. I'm sure your Dr. is already over it. Anyway, just my two cents.

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Hi DK,

First of all, GOOD FOR YOU -- you go girl! What a terrific success story!

Next, yes, your mom went over the line in calling your doctor, although it's clear she did it out of concern for your health. What would be really over the line is if your doctor addressed the issue with her, which he cannot do under HIPAA statutes, unless your mother has durable power of attorney over you. I'm sure your mom is concerned that your weightloss could be cancer related--oncological cachexia causes rapid weightloss, but typically a much faster weightloss than you're experiencing.

Here's how you can reassure your mom: explain the numbers to her differently. You've lost 57 pounds in about 26 weeks, which equates to a loss of just over 2 lbs/week. This is a very healthy weight loss as doctors and dieticians will attest to. Also, explain to her the loss of body fat reduces your risk of cancer recurrence, and also reduces your risk of Type II diabetes, metabolic disorder, ovarian cancer and cardiovascular disease. This is a huge plus.

Keep up the good work! Just make sure you are modifying your diet and eating habits along with the use of the Alli, so that when you reach your goal your new eating habits will allow you to maintain your weight. Make sure you're excercising, too. Building up core muscle is very important, as this raises your metabolic requirements and will help you burn fat.

All the best,

R.

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Hi D K. Congradulations on your 8 year breast cancer survivor. You know that is probably why she worries about you so much. Once I was grown I kept my mom and my family onh a need to know basis, casue my mom would do the same thing. If Alli is working for you, go for it, don't share the amount of the weight loss with anyone, let them just see the results, well have one person that you tell, that's what I do, I'm 51 and I need to loose weigth as well, the only thing that worked really well for me was Herbal Life, and you talk about fast weight loss, in ine summer 3 months I went from a size 18 jeans to a size 12, I just can't afford to be on it right now, but I love the stuff. J. L.

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I can see that your mother has genuine concern for your health however you are not a child and she should not treat you like one. She has violated your privacy which in my book is unacceptable. I would let her know that if she would like a frequent report on how you are doing that is fine however calling your doctor behind your back is unacceptable. By the way, congratulations on losing nearly 60 lbs. Keep up the good work!! I would ask your mom to be happy with the fact that you are becoming healthier and feel secure in the fact that you are seeing a doctor to help you succeed with your weight loss. I lost over 50 lbs in 4 months thru a SERIOUS diet & exercise program. My grandma was worried about me and asked my mom if I was sick. I think that people get used to seeing us one way and when we change it scares them. Your mom may also have been frightened that with your previous breast cancer that something else was wrong that you were not telling her. I would talk to her regarding your need for her to trust you and know that you are loosing weight in a healthy doctor supervised way. Ask her to be proud of you for your accomplishment!!

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Congratulations, and good for you!

Moms will always worry. Nothing can stop that. Just reassure your mom, over and over if you have to, that your doctor is involved in your decisions and your plans, and he has approved everything you do. Tell her anything he says about improved health for you - if you've had your blood pressure go down, etc.

Remind her, too, that BY LAW your doctor cannot discuss anything about you with anyone but you and your husband. If she does it again, say, "Mom, this is really upsetting me. I won't discuss any of this with you unless you stop phoning my doctor."

Good luck! And congratulations again!

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Hi, D K,

Is your mom overweight? If so, she may have a hard time relating to the new, slimmer you. You might be stepping outside her comfort zone in terms of weight. If that is the case, she will need to mentally/emotionally adjust or remain uncomfortable.

One thing my sister, a psychologist, has suggested in situations where mothers get overly involved in their grown daughters lives is to redirect the (senior) mothers' lives. For example, suggest to your mom that she help you by doing a fun activity or some projects that you might not previously have had time to do. That way she can still be involved in your life and feel useful without negatively impacting you.

Good luck,
L. E

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D,
I congratulate you on your weight lose. I don't know anything about Alli, but if your doctor isn't concerned, I guess it isn't a problem.
With your mom I would ask her what her fears are. Listen to her and don't get defensive, just let her fears told. Many times if people just get to express their fears they are able to let them go. Tell your mom that you are working with your doctor on your weight lose and losing the weight will help in preventing the cancer from coming back, if that is her fear.
You may also want to ask yourself if any of her concerns are legitimate.
Best of luck,
S. G

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How about "Thank you Mom for your love and concern. I know how much you love me. But I need you to realize that I am an adult, I'm 47 years old and I can take care of myself. I do not need you to call my doctor or anyone else. Please do not do that again." ? Don't you think it's about time you set some boundaries?

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Hi D!

I hope not to sound tacky but you are 47 years old...AN ADULT!

I would think you should just tell your mom as you wrote it here. That your doctor is fully aware of your weight loss, he is pro all the channels you are taking to achieve your weight loss and that she should be proud of your achievement. Tell her you understand and appreciate her concern but you would feel better if she just back off (nicely of course). Let her know how great you feel yourself! This is a big deal!!

I dont think there is any need to tell her you take Alli. That used to be a prescription drug anyway.

Congrats on your weight loss success!

-Char

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First off, so long as your DR is fine with the Alli I don't think anyone else needs to know. I'd just lay it on the line with your mom. You're under a DR's care and she does not have to worry, and while you appreciate and understand her concern you don't want to talk about it any more. Good luck and congrats, you must feel great!

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DK

Remind your mom this isn't about her, this is about you, and that you are being responsible, thank her for being concerned for yo , thank her for her love, then kindly thank her, not to worry then to but our just like you told us.

Your an adult making adult decissions, would she rather yo have heart disease, diabetic , and die sooner because of the weight.. and the nerve she has to call your doctor !! if you have stopped eating then I say she should be concerned, Have you ?? exercise also helps, learning to eat healthy is a key role in this also to keep the weight off.

Good luck and stay healthy

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Hi DK,

Your weightloss doesn't seem unreasonable. And if you were able to lose the weight using Alli, what that means is that you are learning how to eat low fat and reasonable amounts. If you had lost 100 pounds in 6 months, I would think there is a cause of concern, but the amount of weight you have lost in the amount of time that you had can be expected from someone who is eating reasonable portions of low fat food.

Now, what are you going to do about your mother? What she did was wrong. I imagine that your doctor probably didn't go into your medical info with her -- probably just placated her a bit and, hopefully that people who are of reasonable weight are of less of a chance of having cancer than their overweight counterpart. I don't know what your mom is like and whether she can be reasoned with -- that is for you to determine. Sometimes you have to set down some pretty strict boundaries for sanity's sake. Sometimes you have to laugh it off because our parents are getting older and they don't quite think the same as they used to. That is something for you to determine. But, in any event, kudos to your for determine. Go DK! Go DK! Go DK!

L.

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You're 47 years old, a Mom of two adult boys and one, married for 28 years, and an 8 year breast cancer survivor. Tell your mother you love her and you're grateful that she cares, but that you're losing weight in order to be more healthy and with your physician's full support and that the topic is not up for discussion. You're a grown up and able to lead your own life. Your mother needs to recognize this. Congratulations on your weight loss... that is an extraordinary accomplishment and you should be proud of yourself. Keep up the good work!

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Be proud of yourself for taking the initiative to lose weight and extend your quality of life. I don't like diet pills because I have always gained back more weight. I use a fat conversion energy bar, and a weight management program and have lost about 26 pounds over 4 months. Congrats on your success!

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Congratulations on loosing weight - it can be so difficult! And great for you for working with your doctor on this. Instead of telling your mom not to worry (she always will) or to butt out, try thanking her for being concerned about you. You are already in a stressful situation just trying to loose weight, why add to that stress and perhaps sabotage your weightloss? You are a grown woman, and your mom should not have called your doctor, but she did and nothing you say is going to change that, so you have to move on. She will tell you she did it because she cares for you & what can you say to that? Try to think of how can you involve her in your weightloss program so that she sees you doing this in a healthy way, hopefully eliminating her need to call your doctor. Keep your focus on your health, physical and emotional health. You are doing great & it sounds like you have a great plan for the next 18 months. Best wishes to you! Peace, B.

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I too am 47 years old with 3 children and 5 grandchildren. I understand you not wanting to hurt your mother's feelings, I feel the same about my mom. However, if your doctor is on board with your weight loss and the measures you are taking to get there, then your mom needs to trust you. Can you gently tell her, look mom this is my life, my choice and my doctor agrees? If your relationship wiht her is close, as mine is with my mom, she will always worry and telling her to but out will only hurt for a minute. How you feel about yourself and your health should be your top priority. Doesnt sound to me like you want to be supermodel thin, so I dont see a problem. Tell her you are doing this for your health and your grandbabies future. My husband was killed in Feb 07. I lost 25 pounds in 3 months. Of course my family worried. They worry even more because I am keeping the weight off, (I come from a family of overweight people). I feel realy good about myself right now and they see that also. You are not obligated to share with your family the Alli factor. Try to express to your mom how important this is to your health and if she still worries, well, she's your mom, hhehehehe.

I for one am terribly proud and i don't even know you, but you sound realy committed to doing this for your health. You will have many more years with your mom and your grandbabies if you get healthy.

In your corner, Tmac

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First of all, CONGRATULATION!!!, on such a wonderful job. I am more curious on ALLI than I am answering your question :) I have been struggling with loosing 17 lbs for the past year.. I recently starting lifting weights again... How does ALLI work and would you recommend it for 17 lbs?
I'd just tell mom that you are trying really hard to loose the weight and you felt unconfortable when she called your Dr. Tell me more about ALLI... are you working out while taking it?

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Your body is your business and no one elses, period.
There is no good way to handle your mom. Honesty always works best, "the truth will set you free", however with gentleness.
Good for you, keep it up.

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There is no way to tell her without hurting her however, you NEED to tell her to "butt out".

1 mom found this helpful

Dear DK:

How terrific about your weight loss! I am so excited for you!

About your mother, it seems strange to me that she wasn't worried about her daughter weighing 315 lbs. but the moment you began to IMPROVE your health, she flipped out! Isn't that strange? I lost ten pounds per month a few years ago (60 total) and I found that the people you expect support from tend to undermine your efforts more than others.

Just say, "I am working closely with my doctor and I am healthy right now and getting healthier. Thanks for your support." Offer no more information and she should give it up soon. Love and approval from a parent shouldn't be conditional so you shouldn't feel like you have to do ANYTHING to earn more love from her. Give the information you want to give and nothing more. That's best for BOTH of you.

Best wishes,

M.

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First of all your mom should stay out of your business and be happy for you that you are working on getting healthy. Good for you on loosing the weight! Congrats on beating cancer too. As long as you are using something that is legal, only you and your doctor need to know. Keep up the great work!

R.

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Hi-

I pretty much am saying what everyone else is saying. Kindly tell your mom that while you appreciate your concern, you are working with your Dr. and he is monitoring your weight loss.

Congratulations on your successes with locing weight, and most importantly being a breast cancer survivor. My mom is a survivor, so I've walked in the 3-Day 4 times, next year will be my 5th year, and I walk in the 5K every year. Again, huge congratulations!!

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Tell her that the Doctor is working with you and that he is watching your progress and doesn't have a problem with your weight loss thus far. Assure her that he will let you know if you need to slow it down. Only tell her that if it is the truth.

Congrats!!

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I disagree with Julia M. Keep up the work on losing the weight. Just don't share with your mom - or tell her you are changing your eating habits with a Dr.'s supervisivon. Tell her you are exercising more and invite her to join you - and study her response. She may not know how to handel your success and sub consciously try to sabotage your good work.
OA is all about this. Good luck!

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Depending on your relationship with your mom??? You may not be able to tell her without hurting her fellings and if she is worried enough to call your doc then when you tell her you are taking a pill to loose the weight she probably isn't going to like that either. Just reasure her that you are eating healthy, exercising and following a plan that has been okayed by you doctor (you are right). 55+ pounds over 6 months is great, 10 pounds a month is only a couple pounds a week and that is health. Does your mom have other reasons why she doesn't want you to loose weight? Does she feel like she is loosing some control over you as you shed the pounds?

I think its incredible that you have been able to loose the weight keep up the good work.
LB

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Congratulations!!! Doesn't it feel GREAT to lose all that weight? And isn't it interesting that people try to hinder your success, no matter what the reason? You just keep on doing what you're doing. There is no reason for you to allow someone's concern to stop you. You just have to tell your mom not to worry, that you are a grown woman who has things under control. Tell her that you appreciate her love and concern and you know that she is just worried because she loves you. But you are going to continue with this program because it is something that you want to do for yourself.

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Is your mom jealous? I told my mom one time she was losing too much weight too quickly and it was because I was jealous. I would think she would be proud of you for sticking to it, that you are getting more healthy. Actually if you do the math it is just over 2lbs a week on avg and that is exactly healthy, your dr can tell your mom that or she can look at every main stream weightloss system like weightwatchers to find that out.
Either way, you are doing an awesome job. How have you found the ALLI experience, more specifically? I have about 20lbs to lose (after losing 40) and think it might be an option for me.

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Everyone has differnt family dynamics. Me, I would directly tell my mother to stop bugging me, and my medical needs are personal. But, w/ my husbands family every thing needs to be circled around. So, I maybe just ignore her? Tell her "my Dr knows, I am okay, pls let me be healthy and happy". And ask to to please (please helps) leave my weight out of our conversations. Good luck on this one!

1 mom found this helpful

First Happy Breast Cancer month! With that journey under your belt anything must seem like a breeze. Congratulations!!!!

Congratulations on your incredable weight loss! What you are doing is fine! Sometimes we need to keep things to our selves and if you are not harming yourself in any way then keep doing what your doing! Just simply ask you mom for her support b/c that is what is important right now. We all need support in our weight loss efforts. Congratulations again!

1 mom found this helpful

Dear DK.
Whatever and however you say it to your mother, she WILL be hurt. If you tell her to butt out, there are few kind ways to say it. So just say, "thank you for your concern, when I need your help, I will ask you for it". She will be hurt. Its not what she wants to hear. Be prepared that. She will initially be upset and probably not want to talk to you for a while. Accept this, bec. it will most likely happen. She'll get over it and come around. If you understand that she will come around, you too will get through the guilt of feeling bad that you hurt her (even tho you didn't - you just stood up for what is right in the mother-daughter relationship). You are a 47 year old woman who doesn't need her mother in her business. The less you share with her about your weightloss, the less information she has to use in an unuseful way. Just share less, it works. I know you want to share bec. you are close with her, but it sounds like she would be content if you remained overweight by interfering with your sucess. That is really unhealthy and you shouldn't tolerate it. You can thank her for her concern that she called the dr. and expressed her concern to him and then leave it at that and do not share anymore with her re weightloss. If she ever asks about your progress, you can politely answer in vague terms, like 'its going ok, I have good days and bad days but I'm working on it'. She cannot do much harm with that kind of answer. Good luck. Keep up the great work losing weight.

1 mom found this helpful

All you can do is talk to your mom about it. Explain what you have here- you can leave out the ALLI - That you are on a doctor approved weight loss plan. Emphasize the doctor approved and tell her what to expect in the future (another 60 - 70 pounds off). There is not much more you can do. Just keep sticking up for yourself. And keep getting healthy! Good for you!

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