Weening My Almost 2-Year Old

Yikes, I am so sorry for you. This is going to be tough no matter how you do it, but I really don't think you will traumatize your child by weaning him and moving him to a separate bed, even if you do it simultaneously. I agree that moving first will make it easier to wean-but I would argue that regardless they go hand in hand. Granted, it won't be easy and possibly would've been easier if done earlier, but I can't imagine making my husband sleep on the floor for twenty months. He deserves a medal for most patient spouse alive.

At 20 months there is no physical need for your child to nurse at night (ask your pediatrician to be certain, but most babies can sleep through the night without nursing by 8 months- and often earlier) and continuing to do so will end up allowing poor sleeping habits to develop that the longer you let go the harder they will be to undo.

Whatever your method or decision you need to remember 2 things 1. Be consistent-if you commit to weaning and changing sleeping arrangements, be prepared to follow through-no matter what. Your son will adjust, but it will be traumatic and confusing if the rules keep changing and one night he can sleep with you and one night he can't etc. I think making a big deal out his own big boy place to sleep is a great idea.

2. Remember why you are doing what you are doing-your marriage is important-without respect, unity and stability between you and your spouse, you will send the message to your child that HE is the most important equation in the family ( of course in a way he is, but he can't learn that His desires rule that family, he must learn to trust that Mom and Dad to make healthy decisions for him). Also, you are doing this for his own good. he can't nurse forever, he can't sleep in your bed forever and it is healthy and important for him to learn to comfort himself and learn to sleep through the night so that he develops healthy, normal sleeping habits.

Weaning a child and expecting them to respect Mom and Dad's space is not mean. You are obviously trying to what is best for him and your family. Personally, I really feel it is important to respect my spouse, so even if I would prefer a gentler approach I would honor his wishes if after we've discussed the matter it still seems like a feasible plan.

another thing to remember is that during child development children do not remember every single event that happened to them- I don't remember being weaned, etc. I know some people argue that every experience will affect your child and that may be true-I am sure it is partially true- but what you are doing is good for him-good for you and good for your marriage, so I think in the end it will affect him positively. The resistance you'll get is going to be uncomfortable, but it is normal for children at every age to resist parental decisions that they don't like. It is ok that he will be upset-remember you are doing the right thing. He will recover and he will still love you and your marriage will grow stronger. Be encouraged-it won't be easy but it will be for the best.

Okay, first I think you are taking on too much at once. There is no reason to wean your baby now. If you want him in his own bed, that's one thing. You can start doing that slowly. What we did was to buy our son his own toddler bed and put it in our room to start. It's still at the foot of our bed. He still sleeps there now and then. Cosleeping is one of the best things in the world you can do for your son but if you are ready to stop then I would get him in his own bed in your room first.

THEN I would stop nursing him whenever HE is ready. He is still going to need the comfort of nursing for many more months. Please don't take away two of his major comforts at once. That WILL be way too traumatic for him and I feel so sad for him already. Please don't do that.

As far as your marriage, I think your husband will be happy that you are making the effort. Has he read anything about cosleeping or extended breastfeeding? That might help.

We have had our kids in the bed for over 3 years and of course sometimes my dh doesn't love it, but it has actually made our sex life better! Why don't you get out of bed once your baby is asleep and go join him on the floor? You guys can have time alone without affecting your baby.

My point is, there are many ways around this if you are creative and they don't include traumatizing the baby. You can do it. You just have to be willing and be really creative! :)

Personally I think it is going to be easier to night wean him if you get him out of your bed. It is perfectly fine for him to still be nursing and if you and he aren't ready yet, no need to push it.

I night weaned my first son when he was a little over a year. I would nurse him to sleep, then put him in the crib. Then when he woke up the first time (usually in the middle of the night) I would go get him and let him nurse and cosleep. I used the "Gentle Removal Method" by Elizabeth Pantley in The No Cry Sleep Solution. I would let him latch on but only let him nurse for about 10-20 seconds, then take him off. If he fussed, I put him back on, but cut back the time by a few seconds. You of course have to remain awake and aware which is hard, but it is worth it in the long run. You keep track of his sleep habits by keeping little slips of paper and a pen on your night stand and writing down when he wakes. In time it gets better, and you see the progress gradually. I think it took us about 2 weeks. After a while, he learned that he wasn't really gonna get what he wanted, and just stopped waking up all together and thus slept in his crib all night.

My 14 month old used to be the same way. He still ends up in our bed some nights, but my husband stays there too. I don't think it'll work well to wean first and get him out of your bed later. He's old enough to know where it is and how to get to it. There will still be milk after 3 days.

This is what we did. First, we needed to get him falling asleep on his own. We did this with a modified cry it out where I stayed in the room until he fell asleep. I laid next to his crib because otherwise he would fall asleep sitting up. Then I moved further and further out of the room over the next month. If this isn't a problem, then you are one step further than we were.

My son is a grazer, he won't take more than 4 oz of milk at a time so when he wakes up in the middle of the night, my husband feeds him a bottle, rocks him until he's nearly asleep and then puts him back in his crib. If he doesn't go back down on his own, I go in and nurse him until he is nearly asleep and then put him back in his crib. If I'm really tired, I have my husband bring him in bed, but then I'm back to the problem of him nursing constantly. So I need to make an effort to go to his room and nurse him no matter how tired I am.

Currently, I only nurse him at nap time, bedtime and during the night, but I am trying to stop nursing at nap time. He is still on the bottle because he has some feeding issues due to really slow teeth, but would like him off the bottle by the end of the summer. Would like to wean soon too. Also would like him sleeping through the night, but for now, this is progress.

Hmm. I think I would probably do it the other way around - get him out of your bed and you will find weaning a lot easier. When he's right next to you it's very convenient to nurse often. If it were me I would go straight to a twin mattress on the floor for a bed, in his own room, childproofed, with a gate on the doorway. I would make a big big deal about it. How grown up he is. Like his big brothers. All the fun things he gets to do in his big boy bed etc. You can start with naps there, and after a week or so move him in at night. With a child this age unless there's something that disrupts his sleep (like teething or illness) he's likely to easily drop the nighttime nursing I think. This is the age at which I moved my son into a big bed and also the age at which I weaned him, and the two went hand in hand for us.

Depending on how often he's nursing now, if you're planning to completely wean you will probably want to bring a pump with you to express milk enough keep yourself comfortable. Other option is to cut back to once or twice a day and completely nightwean. Good luck!

I have to agree with Elizabeth. Weaning isn't necessary. Slowly get him acclimated to wherever you want him to sleep. If your marriage is suffering it's not due to a 20 month old. There is more going on there. Why is your husband on the floor? Can you move your son after he is asleep? We sleep with our 17 month old and our sex life is better than ever and our relationship better than most marriages I know. I really don't think you leaving for a few days will wean your son anyway. He isn't stupid and his memory isn't so short that he'll forget his most favorite comfort in three days. If anything, he'll just become needier. Do some more research on how wonderful bed sharing is for your baby. It doesn't affect his sleep habits in the long term in any way. If anything he probably sleeps better than a lot of babies because he sleeps so securely and never wakes scared. You can read Dr. Jay Gordons gentle night weaning advice. It's very non-CIO and still involves bed sharing. I haven't tried it because quite honestly I really don't think it's that important to night wean. I night weaned my first at about this age because I was pregnant and wanted
ore sleep. But we are still tandem nursing. You can night wean and still nurse during the day. It doesn't need to be all or nothing.

P.,
I too have an all night breast feeder. I all of my 5 kids have done this and slept with us too. IF you you are ready to start the weaning process it will take more like 3 weeks we learn a new habit in that time.Not three days (sorry) Some children need us at night to co-sleep it is only recently by civilization standards that we put our young off in a different part of the home. If the nursing is getting to you. Then it is time to wean. The way I have done it is no nursing during the day. Then no nursing first thing in the morning then not bed at night, then not during the night. It takes time. My hubby would take the nursling to the store to get a new sippy cup/thermos for "big kids " that she/he would drink from at night or during the day. And when they woke up he would sooth them in night remind them they were big now and could have a drink from their special cup. It took about three weeks for the night nursing to cease for us anyway. You can check the LLL website for more info. Good luck !
J. O