Weaning from Night Nursing

Well, I weaned my 2, 5, 6 yr old awhile back; however, with all 3 it all came down to me not being the one to get up with them in the night. Try to start a different routine with a possible someone else. I could do the crying out method, but cuddling with someone else worked. Hope this helps, A.

I have a 7 month old and will try to wean him as he gets closer to one. I am afraid I will have the same problem. Does he take a pacifier? That might help my baby does. Try to transition him into his own bed.

HI J....

First... let me say YEAH! on extended nursing!! You've given your son such a great start to life. AND you co-sleep! AWESOME! Contrary to what many think, it is actually very very GOOD for kids to co-sleep with their parents.

That being said, I'm guessing your son is getting enough calories through the day through nursing or solids that he really doesn't NEED (nutritionally) the night nursings. We were going through a similar situation with our daughter when she was around 6 months old. During her 6 mos visit we talked to her pediatrician about it because mamma was gettin' NO sleep! And that doesn't make for a very happy mamma through the day.

Our pediatrician told us that at her age she didn't 'need' the night feedings for nutritional purposes. I just need to interject, that doesn't mean she would sleep through then night with NO wakings because let's face ADULTS DO NOT REALLY SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EITHER! We wake up, roll over go back to sleep. Babies just need to learn to go back to sleep more quickly then they normally do. But honestly, it is difficult for some. Some babies just soothe themselves back to sleep no problem and their parents THINK they sleep through the night... when in fact I would bet there are at least a couple wakings.

Anyway... what our pediatrician told us was that our daughter was probably waking from either teething pain, or just general waking and I was soothing her back to sleep at the breast. He suggested that DADDY get up with baby and try rocking, walking, and soothing then putting baby back to bed. Baby KNOWS daddy doesn't have milk. Our daughter slept in a co-sleeper, now in a cot next to our bed. We go to bed earlier then she does and I don't feel comfortable putting her in our bed alone. So, we tried that... the first night was rough. But each night got easier until in a week we were all good. Our daugther will still wake up once during the night to go potty... and sometimes she does stir a bit, but is able to get herself back to sleep no problem. Oh, and I had NO engorgement issues... even though she missed at least two night feedings. That told me right there she really was not taking much milk, but was soothing herself at the breast.

It might be a little tougher with your son since he is older. However, it can be done. Just remember to be loving and gentle. As you can guess I am NOT a fan of the cry it out method. This just teaches baby that mommy and daddy WILL NOT be there for them. Many babies lay in bed not crying or anything because they know they are alone basically.

So, my suggestion is when your son wakes up have DADDY get up with him. He will know daddy does not have a breast and certainly no milk. You could try cutting out one at a time... stretching out the times between his bedtime feeding and first morning milk longer and longer.

Also, you may try to during the day have a lot of 'high contact' time. He will miss you.... so fill up his love tank during the day. :-)

Good luck! Don't give up! You've given your son such a great start already... keep up that nurturing mommy love you've given him to this point!

I'll start off by saying that I, personally, don't believe in co-sleeping for my family. However, I DO believe it's a personal choice that every family should make for themselves. That being said, it sounds like your baby is only nursing for comfort rather than need. My best advice would be to slowly wean him. You could try a pacifier - this is what I used to wean my daughter (now 21 months) off of night feedings around 12 or 13 weeks (when the doctor said she no longer needed the night feedings for nutrition). However, that is somewhat like replacing one "habit" with another... The only difference is that your son can find his own pacifier in the middle of the night without waking you. The way I did it was when she woke up to nurse, I gave her the pacifier and rubbed her belly for a minute or so and she went right back to sleep. Another option is to slowly reduce the number of feedings per night until there are none. Start off by removing one feeding and then a week later, remove a second feeding until you're down to none. It won't likely be easy but it's something you'll have to do sooner or later in order to get some sleep.

The other piece of advice is that if you don't want to permanently co-sleep, this may be a good time to try to transition your child into his own bed. I started my daughter out in a bassinet next to my bed until she was about 4 months old (when she outgrew the bassinet and no longer required night feedings). A couple months before moving her permanently to her crib, I began by having her take naps in the crib to get her comfortable with the surroundings. Then when it was time to move her into the crib at night, it was a relatively smooth transition. Obviously, my daughter was much younger than your son when she moved so it may take you some more time to transition but if this is what you want (the research I've done shows that both parents and baby get better quality nights of sleep when in their own beds), now is a good time to try. The older they get, the harder it will be to transition.

Best of luck!

I would move him out of your bed. He is in a routine that he has been in since birth and being in bed with you will just prolong nursing. Everyone, including your son will sleep better.

J.,

This is a very hard thing to do. Wean them from nursing. On top of that, you have done the very same thing that many other (mostly first time) mom's have done, and that is have them sleep in your bed. I made the same mistake as well with the first, however the second one went straight to the crib, and was a much better sleeper and satisfied baby. I think we put them in our beds for OUR comfort, because we love them so much and it's a great time to snuggle, but at 16 months, they should also have their own space.
Anyway, the only way to wean him is to put him in his own bed. He sleeps with you, he smells the milk, he wants that comfort of sucking, and he wants to nurse. By putting him in his crib, it would alleviate a lot of that, and you will probably find that he's a much better night sleeper without the distraction. He may wake up in the middle of the night the first few nights to want to nurse, I know I had to stand outside their door and listen to them cry, and it broke my heart but in the end it was MUCH better for them, and they are really not crying because they need something, just because they're mad.

You will never break him of the night feedings if you don't take him out of your bed. And trying to do that, is almost like torturing him, since he's there in the bed with you, he smells it, and so he wants it.

By putting him in his own bed, you can talk to him about him being a big boy, about not needing to nurse, (he's drinking from a cup for goodness sakes) and he's going to sleep in his own bed like other big boys do. Have the conversation, explain it to him, so that when he does wake up crying in the night, you can re-emphasize it and he's not just feeling like you're taking it away, but there's an explaination that goes with it. He might start to understand better that way. Otherwise you're just taking it away and YOU know why, but he doesn't and therefore he just keeps crying until he gets it.

Ok, no words of wisdom I'm afraid, just what I have done in the past. We all do it. We all put them in our beds, and then it's so hard to get them out! However, it doesn't mean you're a bad mom, or that you love them any less, and you're actually not doing them any favors by continuing to baby them, and they WILL sleep better having their own space. We selfishly want them in our bed, but the best thing for the babies and their sleep, is to put them in their own bed most of the time, and make snuggling a special time, or once in a while he sleeps with you.

Good luck!

Have you considered putting him in a crib? It might make it easier on both of you if he's in his own bed and can't just roll over to you and nurse. It sounds like he's only doing it out of habit. Babies that old don't need to eat at night. You just have to say no and then stick to it. If you give in you're telling him if he crys, screams and kicks he gets what he wants. After a few nights of putting up a fight he'll realize you are not giving in and he will sleep. You just have to be strong and not give in. Do not baby him while he's acting out. With my kids I just walk away even when they were that young. It really works if you stay strong. Good luck!

J.,

I have a 15 month old daughter who I wish was done nursing at night as well. I don't mind the day time ones, one in the morning maybe mid day and evening, but I really want the night time ones to be done. However it's so hard when you are tired and just want to go back to sleep and you know if you just let him hook back up you can in a couple of minutes.
SO I have the same situation with my daughter but it doesn't take 1+ hours it's less, but I still give in all the time.

Just thought I would empathize, I don't really have a solution, sorry :-) Oh our daughter also has slept in our bed since birth and I love it. However now if she goes to bed before us which is most of the time we put her in her crib next to our bed and then I bring her to bed when she wakes up for the first time a couple hours later. If we go to bed at the same time then she just comes to bed with us.

Hope it works out for you.

At this point, I think you have more of a sleep issue than a nursing issue. It will be very hard, especially because you have not established a sleep routine with him sleeping in his own bed. I think it is very important for your marriage and your son's development that he start sleeping in his own crib. Routine is key . . . start a bedtime ritual (bath, snack, brushing teeth, bedtime story, etc.) and then get him to fall asleep on his own at the same time every evening. This will take some time and probably involve a lot of crying, but the work will be worth it!!! There are a lot of good books out there on this topic, including the Child Wise books by Dr. Ezzo.

J.,

Good for you for making it to 16 months! That is wonderful! Nursing can be such a joy for both Mommy and Baby. I would recommend you contact your local La Leche League leader, she will have valuable information on how to wean in a kind way for both you and your amazing son.

L.

I was in the almost exact same position; little man in our bed and no daytime nursing but he was making up for it at night.

What ended up working for us was the slow progression to his own bed (where he ended up going to sleep in his own bed and coming to "visit" at about 4am) coupled with my adding more clothing to sleep in (sleep bra and heavy high neck t-shirt) and daddy putting him to bed in his "big boy bed." My little man hated pacifiers until we really started going with the no-nursing route, but them became very attached. After about two months of the bed ritual change, he would go to sleep in his own bed with a pacifier. Good luck!

Try giving him a sippy cup at night...I had my husband do that with my daughter for awhile when we were weening from the night nursing. It was much easier for us to let her still get milk at night so we could get some sleep. After a few months of running to the fridge (we kept the sippy cup ready) she gave that up on her own. Good luck! It sounds like he's probably comfort nursing...so if your husband/the baby's dad is around it might be easier if he did the night comforting so the baby stops associating comfort with you and nursing at night.

J.,

I am in the same position with my 12 month old. He gets a bottle of breast milk twice during the day while I am at work, nurses when I get home, before bed and lately it has been twice during the night. I just want to thank you for being open and honest about continuing to nurse past one year of age. I get so much flack from people I work with and even my mother-in-law who can't wait until I am done nursing. (She cares for my son while I'm at work). I also want to begin weaning my son. Just know there is nothing wrong with nursing your son as long as you have and there are other mothers who are in the same boat.

Heather

My son did the same thing, same age. We tried to use a pacifier, a bottle, encouraged his thumb, etc. I found that gas and upset stomach were his problem, he also liked the comfort. Try a pacifier or a bottle, it cold work. I also used to rock my baby and we both ended up asleep, but he was comfortbale and had not gas, reflux, or stomach aches when he was in the right position. Good luck!

With my son, I just started by getting rid of the day nursing first, and then just nurse him before bed, ;and not during the night. I had to wear a turtle neck the whole time I was weaning my son, or he'd be putting his arm down my shirt trying to get in there. It would prob. be a lot easier if you got him out of your bed and into his own as well. Good luck to yuou

I would get him to sleep in his own bed to start. I would also leave the house go out and have a good time while your husband puts him to bed. If your not around he can not nurse. Children are very smart even at this age. So you need to decided if this is what you want to do because every time you give in after he has thrown a fit for an hour or even 10 minutes you are teaching him if I just hang on a little longer I know mom will cave like she has in the past. They learn this very quickly. It is very hard to do. But if he is in his own bed he will not be smelling your milk all the time too. Hope this helps..

I would really recommend the THe Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers.. it is a little bit of work, but it has worked for a few friends of mine that wanted to night wean.

My son who is about the same age nurses about every 2 hours at night, but I know that eventually he'll wean himself so to me it's less work to feed him quickly and go back to sleep..

I'm sure you'll get lots of varying responses...

Hi J.,

We just successfully night weaned my 23-month old son. Hurray! We are a co-sleeping family and I loved being able to wake up, nurse my son, and go back to sleep. After almost two years, though, we were ready to be done. I knew it would be much healthier for both of us if nights were not interrupted by nursing.

My first real indication that my son was ready to be weaned was about 3 months ago when he slept through the night TWICE at my in-laws. He seems to have a "mommy" radar and he knew I wasn't there and wouldn't be available in the middle of the night for nursing. So, with the help of my husband, we decided to work on night weaning.

When my son woke up and came up to our room as usual, my husband got up with him and rocked/cradled him until he went to sleep. Then he put him in his bed. This worked really well. There were a few nights when my son was so angry and confused that I did decide to nurse to calm him down, but over the course of about one week, he was sleeping through the night almost every night. He will awaken occasionally and still come up to our room, but this is very infrequent. Last week, he woke up one night and I was able to distract him. I told him, "Momma's going down stairs to get a drink of water. I'll be back in just a minute." When I came back up, he was sound asleep next to his daddy.

I would recommend adding in a different nursing time, like late afternoon or bedtime, as you transition from night nursing to weaning. Use your best judgement. Only you can know what is going to work best for your family. My suggestion would be to work with your husband to night wean, then drop your last daytime nursing. I nurse my son every 2 - 3 days now that he is night weaned and will eventually stretch that out until he is fully weaned, probably within the next month or two.

I hope this is helpful. Good luck!

First off I would like to say you are doing a GREAT job as a mother and there is nothing wrong with meeting your childs needs and there is nothing wrong with co-sleepling. I know alot of families who enjoy the family bed and everyone in the family gets plenty of sleep. With that said I will address the issue of night weaning. First, I would recomend the No Cry Sleep Solutions book. They address getting your baby/toddler to sleep without nursing. A friend of mine, who co-sleeps, had her oldest, who was a very high child, sleep beside his father and he would help comfort him to sleep during the night. they also gave him a pacie. Before you give him a pacie I would make sure that you don't mind having to break him from that habit some time down the road.
Many Blessings, K.

You have so many responses, as I did when I asked the same question. My son is now 2 years and 5 months and sometimes I still nurse him but very little., I think he is weaning himself, I could not stand making him suffer without it. He would kick and scream and cry and it was awful, it was not worth it for me to put him through that. They eventually grow out of it and I am not talking nursing until they are 4 and 5. all my kids quit on their own and not one of them was 3 years old, they all quit before that. They are only little for a short time. You have to do what is best for you and your child and there were many suggestions but I just thought to let things run the course.
All my children slept between us and now they are more comfortable in their own beds and they just started sleeping alone all on their own with no prodding from us. I work and it is nice to cuddle your kids at night when they are quiet and sleeping,,, they are so precious at that time. Our 2 year old sleeps between us but he has a bed ready and waiting for him. I'll tell you one thing, my kids didn't turn out any worse or better than those who were raised by moms who tried to do everything right.
Good Luck

OMG!!! I am dealing with the EXACT same thing with my 16 month old daughter!!!! I can't wait to see what advice everyone has because obviously I don't have the answer!

does he use a pacifier? I don't think he is trying to nurse for hydration sake... He would stay awake longer if that were the case...He may be working on a case of seperation from mommys "boobies" anxiety... If the sucking is what soothes him and he will take a pacifier then I would try giving him the pacifier and cuddling.
The easiest way to wean for baby is to just say no.... But alas, that is the hardest on mommy. :-(
There will be days of adjustment for him that make you want to cave, but what ever you do, stick to it.
If he doesn't use a pacifier now, i really wouldn't suggest starting him on one... Try keeping a sippy of water by the bed so he can have a sip. And try maybe having him in a play pen by the bed... Could be that he thinks your a convenience store... :-) Putting a bit of space may help him sleep for longer periods. Not rousing everytime mommy or daddy turn over or snore...

I went through this too. Don't cave in. You do need to stop nursing at night. It is sooo tough, but you must be strong! I can say this because I was weak. I wanted sleep and didn't want to deal with my daughters strong will and wanting to nurse. It back fired on us. She is now 7 and is just now sleeping through the night in her own bed. She's been snuggling with us every night which makes sleep difficult for everyone, including her. That means she is waking up and walking to our bed at night. We wake up, I snuggle a bit, then can't get comfortable and must put her back. She's BIG! She then wakes up again at some point and I find her next to me again. We're not getting good sleep! I do love snuggling with her..for a little while and I don't regret sleeping with her when I was nursing. She is confident, independent, incredibly intelligent and loving. She has a very high self-esteem. But even at 7 she cried when she realized she wasn't welcome in our bed anymore. there will be tears at any age, I think it's best to have them earlier than later. That way everyone can get better sleep which is sooo important!
My daughter was dependent on my breast for sleep and it sounds like it's that way for you. It is so difficult to do that continuously and he needs to learn to sleep without the comfort of your breast. It's best for him and you. You've done a great job so far and he has benefitted so much, but nows the time to teach him to sleep on his own. Just say this mantra - he's not in pain, he's safe, he's not physically suffering in any way. He's crying because he's not getting what he wants and that's ok. That won't damage him. You still love him and he will know it. I hope you can be stronger than I was because we all suffered because I didn't want to cause her discomfort when she was little. I was different with my son and he sleeps great all night. I still nursed him and slept with him until about 8 months and than put him in his own crib around that time.
Good luck. I hope this helped.

I could have written this request except my son is 20 months old and we are still having problems. My 1st son was much easier but this one is almost mean when I tell him "no milk". I am co-sleeping too (and loved it with both boys) and now I co-sleep in my sons bed for part of the night. I have tried water, saying no and sticking to it and moving him into his own bed. None of that has worked. When I stick to the "no milk" he is just awake. One night from 2:30-5:30 and one night from 4:00-8:00. It is very hard to say no when he says "please" which I like much better then when he kicks me or screams or hits me. When he does that it is easy to say no. Good luck with your own struggle and just wanted you to know that others are there with you. Don't look back and think what you have done is a mistake, just work on the future and know that you are not the only one going through it. We sure don't need anyone else telling us that what we do is wrong. Love you child. God bless. I will pray for you when I'm awake in the middle of the night with my son :).

I breastfeed too, and I went through the exact same thing you're going through now when our son was six months old. Our son's pediatrician suggested that my husband go and coax him back to sleep when he woke up in the middle of the night. As the ped explained it, our son is just looking for something to soothe him back to sleep when he wakes up, which is why he would fall asleep within minutes of nursing. If he was truly hungry, he'd nurse like normal. Now I must admit, that first night of letting my husband tend to our son was difficult, but it got better the second night, and by the third or fourth night, our son was sleeping through the night. He put up a royal fuss because he wanted me, but when my husband was the one routinely answering his middle-of-the-night calls, he would cave and go back to sleep. The key was discouraging him from that behavior.

Hope this helps! :)

Is there some reason to push weaning at this point? It sounds like your amazing son is telling you what he needs. He's not only amazing, but smart! I know it's fashionable these days to wean after a year, but there are many benefits to baby-led weaning! Have you read THE WOMANLY ART OF BREASTFEEDING? You can get it at most bookstores. Published by LaLeche League. Also, there is info on the LLLI website, including how to get in touch with a leader in your area. You can talk to her and/or attend meetings where you'll meet other moms who love to breastfeed and can be great buddies to you. If you are at home full-time, why push your son to separate from you when he's not ready? You've given him the very best - good for you! You can put limits on when he nurses, but weaning is a big step that should happen gradually, with lots of love. Good luck!

J. -

Before you attempt to completely wean your son from night-nursing, you may want to ask yourself how long you plan on co-sleeping. If you plan on maintaining this sleep arrangement for a while yet, it may make weaning very difficult, since you will be so accessible. I understand that co-sleeping can be a very sweet thing, but as you can testify, it can also become a monster when neither you, your spouse nor your son get a good night's sleep - important for everyone's physical and mental health. Also, the older your son gets, the more difficult it will be to change this arrangement.

At 16 months, your son should be able to sleep through the night without a problem. As long as he is getting enough nourishment during the day, there is no need for him to eat at night. He is probably waking up out of habit and comfort.

My advice is to end the co-sleeping arrangement first, then tackle night-weaing. A good book that I always recommend is The Sleep Lady (it has a longer title, but if you Google it, it will come right up).

Good Luck
Dana

You're right, he is WAY too old to be waking at all, let alone waking to nurse. I was shocked to read that one mom lets her baby nurse every two hours at night!!! Sorry, but that's insane for a toddler. My 16 month old gave up night feedings by 6 months...on his own, he just stopped waking up. We have never allowed our children to sleep in our bed, for a multitude of reasons, mostly for the sake of good sleep...theirs and ours. You both need a good nights sleep! This seems like habit and you'll have to break it, he wont. The only way to do it is to get him out of your bed and stop the feedings, either gradually or all at once. Give him a paci or even water if need be at first (but only for a short time to get him used to the crib, or else you'll be breaking another bad habit later). Rest assured that the emotional stress will be on you, not on him...you are, as one mom put it, a convenience store to him. Just stand firm and think of the peaceful sleep you will all enjoy when you get thru this!!
~L.

**I should add that I have studied sleep. Co-sleeping is disruptive to everybody involved for SO many reasons. We put way too little importance on sleep, seeing it as a convenience, when really it's essential to good health and long life! Our bodies are made to sleep through the night, waking is a sign that there is a problem...mattress, temperature, bad sleep habits, etc...don't be fooled, moms, into thinking that you are selfish for getting baby out of your bed, or that you are meeting baby's needs by putting him there in the first place!

Hey J.,

I feel ya sista! I have a 2 year old who I'd love to wean (just because I'm tired of nursing) who nurses 3x per day. (I never intended to nurse this long but here I am!!!) It is so convenient and easy to nurse, it's SO GOOD for her and in other countries, they nurse so much longer than we do here in the US. I'm jealous when I hear other moms who have children who weaned themselves.....anyway, you're going to get a slew of opinions - many of which, I suspect, aren't going to be very supportive and possibly even accusatory. Go with your gut. You're the only one who knows your baby and knows what is best for him. I was just wondering why you wanted to stop - if it was due to external pressure or because you're just plain tired of it like me. Anyway, no advice from me - just wanted you to know that you're not alone. Best of luck!

A

Fortunately, I didn't have to try it with my son, but I have heard giving chocolate milk in a sippy cup when they want to nurse helps. Good Luck!