49 answers

Wedding, Pregnant Sister?

Hello, I am new on here but I hear that this website is alot of help, with mutiple issues, from a friend. My problem is not mother-related. My problem is about my wedding.

To begin, I am 21, the baby of the family (2 sisters), and the first to get married out of my sisters. I am getting married Oct. 8th of this year. My fiancee proposed to me around Thanksgiving. I have begin planning since then with 7 bridesmaids, 2 maid honors (my sisters), etc.............

To make a long story short, I pick my date shortly after my fiancee proposed. My issue now is that my sister just recently found out that she is pregnant. Her due date is Sept 5, just barely a month before my wedding. She says that most of the time you do not make it to your due date because she badly wants me to keep her as the maid of honor. She claims she will be ready and that she will just have to size her dress about 2 weeks before the wedding.She has one child, so I do not think she has enough experience to make this call. I think this will be disastrous. I don't know much about having children, being that I dont have any YET, but I thought you were advised to stay in for six weeks, in which hers will not be up by my wedding date. I am throwing hints trying to let her know that I think that she should consider just being a guest.

I know that this is a very special day, being that I am the baby sister, but this is my special day. I do not want her to risk her health trying to be in my wedding. I also don't want to plan a wedding including her and she will not be able or up to attending. I do not want to change my wedding date because my fiancee and I pick this date because it was special to us. Do you guys honestly think that she will be mentally and physically ready to be in my wedding OR how should I tell her she can not?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

WOW, THAT WAS FAST!!!! After reading a couple of the responds, I feel that is no need to talk to my sister. Like u guy's said, SHE WILL BE FINE!! I was hinting because I did not want to question her ablility not knowing for certain if I was right. I came on here for advice.I have no experience in having children, so I did not know. I did not know if she would be in pain, trying to walk down and aisle, or what. I never wanted to exclude her, just give her time to rest. OF course, she was still going to be in pictures and fully recognized. I just did not know if she was gonna be able to walk and stand. Now I am confident that she will be okay.
JUST A FACT....most of my family is heavy set so her size will not be an issue to me. I really do not care if she gains a couple pounds if u guys thought that was a factor.

Featured Answers

The 6 weeks thing is not true. She might not look her best. i will tell you, this is not worth a fight. If she thinks she can do it-then let her.

More Answers

i've never been advised to "stay in" for 6 weeks... you mention that she already has one child and "isn't experienced enough" to make her own decision, yet you don't have any kids and you seem to think you know better than her... i was up and down stairs and doing laundry 24 hours after the births of my three children. yeah, you're a little sleep deprived and out of sorts for a few weeks, but i can't see that being in a wedding 4-6 weeks after delivery would pose a problem. it sounds like you just don't want her in it because she might somehow ruin your day(not sure how, she's gonna be standing up for 30 minutes and then taking pictures? are you worried that's she's not going to look presentable?). i think you need to quit throwing hints and just be direct with her if you truly want her out of your wedding, but honestly, i think she'd be just fine. think long and hard on that one, this has the potential to hurt her feelings over what is probably a non-issue. and if there is some odd/unforeseen complication that DOES count her out, will it really matter? she'll wear a dif dress and sit with the family, and things will carry on as if she were standing up there....

6 moms found this helpful

She will be fine and very excited to be a part of your wedding! I really wouldn't worry about it!

4 moms found this helpful

Oh, honey. This is her second baby. A week after that baby is born, she'll be back on her feet with no problems. It will certainly not risk her health to be in your wedding a month or more later! You are sweet to worry for her, but there is no need to. Granted, you may want to pick an empire-waisted dress with wide straps (so she can wear a supportive bra) for her, so she doesn't have to have a fitted dress on when she will still be losing a lot of weight on a weekly basis, but that is a very small issue really. It's more important that your sister who loves you will be there by your side on your big day! I don't think you need to worry about this. She has been through childbirth once already, she knows she will be ready to go to your wedding and I'm sure she wouldn't miss it for the world!

4 moms found this helpful

she should be fine.....you are over reacting. I was walking my kids a mile (each way) to school a week after I had my babies, I put the babies in the stroller and off we went. She has done this before, if she thinks she will be fine, take her word for it. Just because you get 6 weeks off to bond with your baby does not mean that you cannot go anywhere......

3 moms found this helpful

Don't stress so much about it. You have enough to think about. Mom's don't have to stay in for 6 weeks after giving birth. Unless she is on bedrest, there is only a little window where she would not be available for you and that is while she is in the hospital. Couldn't you just be flexible and if she makes it great and if she can't, you still have your other sister as a maid of honor? It sounds like your sister is more than mentally ready and since she has had a baby before, she must think she will be physically ready, too. The second best man will just have to walk by himself if she goes into labor. That would make for a cute story about your wedding.

It almost sounds like you are looking for excuses for her not to be in your wedding. If it were my big sister in the same situation, I would move the ceremony to the hospital just so she could be there with me!

3 moms found this helpful

I honestly think she will be ready one month after the birth. I had a friend who's bridesmaid had a baby only 2 weeks before her wedding, and she did great.
Also, if she already has a baby she would know how well she bounces back from birth. Even if she had a c-section, there shouldn't be any problems one month later.
Women used to have to stay home for weeks after the birth, but that was many many years ago. When I had my last baby I left the hospital the same day as having him, and was pretty much straight back to normal. Within 3 days I was literally doing everything that I was able to do before.
I really think that your sister will be hurt if you drop her from the wedding.

3 moms found this helpful

My sister in law attended my wedding two weeks after giving birth. My sister was IN my wedding about 7 weeks after giving birth. Years from now you will look back at the photos and be glad she is in your wedding even if she hasnt lost the weight, and she will be happy even if she is tired

3 moms found this helpful

She will not be a month overdue, and if she orders correctly- oversized- and has alterations, she should be fine. If you can pick a-line or empire style waist dresses, or let each girl choose a style, she can reasonably chose a size or two abover her current size and be fine. As your sister, I'm sure she would want to attend and be involved.
You do not have to "stay in" for 6 weeks after birth, but if she has a c-section, she will be taking it easy for a couple weeks.
If she says she is up for it, let her go for it!
I was in a friends 5 weeks after the birth of my 1st baby and all was well.
Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

I am sure she will be ready and able. If she says she will be ready, trust
her. She has already had a baby so she has some experience. Sounds
like you will break her heart if you ask her to drop out.

3 moms found this helpful

It depends on your sister. 5 weeks after the birth of my daughter, we were flying 8 hours to Hawaii, spent a week there and had a great time. We walked everywhere, swam, etc. I could do everything, and this was after having an emergency c-section with complications. I know plenty of women that were back working and/or working out at 3 weeks. She maybe tired, but I don't think that will stop her from being in the wedding and being an active participant.

2 moms found this helpful

It is nice that you are considering how she will feel and trying to make it easy for her. Even if she has an emergency c-section she should still be able to stand up and enjoy the day if she has a month to recover after baby is born.

I think a lot of this is going to be the way you approach it and your expectations of her. If you have high expectations of what she can do in regards to the tasks of wedding planning-preparing than you might be a little dissapointed. She will be very uncomfortable her last month of pregnancy and won't be able to run around and do a bunch of wedding planning tasks. If you expect her to run around, decorate, set up/take down rehearsal stuff, etc... it might be a little much for her. Even though it is your special day, she will have to put the baby and the babie's schedule first. That doesn't mean you need to change plans or you should change up your schedule for her, just simply change what you expect of her as a bridesmaid. Maybe let the other girls pick up the slack a bit and give them more tasks. Try not to be offended or get upset if she has to leave the rehearsal early, or can't make it to a pre-wedding event because the baby needs to be fed etc...

Let her be a part of your day to her fullest capacity and just appreciate that she can be there for you! Congratulations!

2 moms found this helpful

Every mom is different. I was at home for a month not wanting to do anything and with my 2 youngest I was good to go the day after. I wouldn't count her out just because she is due a month before your wedding.

2 moms found this helpful

I know someone at church that was at the mall shopping the very day she got out of the hospital after having her baby. I went to church the very first service after coming home from a c-section delivery. The six weeks at home after birth is time to get breastfeeding started good and getting to know your baby. There is no physical reason you can't go out on the town for a shopping trip or anything else you choose to do.

2 moms found this helpful

Two weeks after I gave birth to my son I hosted my entire family and my in-laws for Thanksgiving dinner. That is a heck of a lot more work then being in a wedding. She might not be up to dancing the night away after the wedding but I guarantee she'll have no problem being one of your maid's of honor. As others have mentioned you may want to either allow her to wear a different dress then the other bride's maids or make sure they all wear a dress that will accommodate a postpartum mama belly (and nursing if he's breastfeeding) but that really shouldn't be a big deal. My sister was 8 months pregnant when she was in my wedding and I had to pick a dress that could work for her and everyone looked beautiful in their empire waist dresses.

2 moms found this helpful

I had a C section and by 4 weeks I was already going on walks and doing everything that I wanted to be doing. I think if your sister has had a baby before she knows what her recovery will be. If she had a vaginal birth she could be back to normal right away. Since you already asked her to be it I think you should honor it and your day will be special no matter what, nobody wants a bridezilla:)

2 moms found this helpful

She will be fine! I walked around London for 4 hours when my son was 8 days old, and biked 6 miles when my youngest was 1 week old. The only thing you are supposed to not do for 6 weeks is have sex!

2 moms found this helpful

My doctor released me to go back to work after 6 weeks with a vaginal delivery. They release you to work at 8 weeks after a c-section. I see no reason why she shouldn't be in the wedding. Participating in the festivities should be a lot easier than taking care of a newborn in my opinion. Your sister may only have one child but she has done this before. If she tells you she is up to it then I would let her. I know I could have handled it physically after about 2 weeks. Mentally I would be up for it in about 3 days although I breastfed so the dress may have been a problem:). Congratulations!

2 moms found this helpful

I went to work 2 days after my first was born. I'm not sure where you heard you need to recoup for six weeks but your info is wrong. Even C-secs you don't have to recoup that long. It's obvious your sis really wants to be a part of your special day, so stop being stubborn and worrying about nothing. She'll be fine! :) Congrats on your day.

2 moms found this helpful

If you're having 2 maids of honor anyway, what does it hurt to have her continue to be 1 of 2 and if when the time comes she can't be more than a guest, she's a guest? Most people only have 1 maid of honor anyway and that would be the case for you if she can't be one that day. With 7 bridesmaids, that's very large bridal party so you'll have plenty of people to stand with you, be in pictures etc. I think there's a good chance she can be there as planned and if not, I'm not sure what you gain by insisting she step down now.

2 moms found this helpful

well, IF she goes to her due date, then the baby will be 4 weeks old. There is no reason she wouldn't feel up to doing it. By the time both of my kids were 4 weeks old, I was already taking walks around the neighborhood with them in the snugli. If this is her 2nd baby, then she would know how she feels and she knows her body. I don't see any reason to not keep her in your wedding

2 moms found this helpful

Yes, I think if your sister says she'll be fine, she'll be fine. I wouldn't worry about it. My Matron of Honor gave birth 6 weeks before my wedding and was fantastic. I was happy that she felt she could be there for me.

BUT

It sounds like you don't want anything to leave anything to chance. Let her down easy then.

2 moms found this helpful

You can't guess whether a baby will arrive on time. Some come early. My first (and only) baby was 17 days late. In spite of that, I was up and active within a couple of days of the birth. The biggest questions would likely be how much pregnancy weight your sister gains, and whether she's getting any sleep during those early weeks.

Rather than hinting, I'd have some honest conversations if I were you. You may do well to tell your sister what your worries are, and what last-minute changes would or would NOT be acceptable in your planning. She may need to do more than size her dress – she may need an alternative dress depending on her physical changes. She may have complications or a C-section.

If you can come up with a flexible Plan B, such as going with one fewer bridesmaid or an alternate bridesmaid, it might be helpful. I'd want my sister to know I'm trying to look out not only for my own hopes and dreams, but her well-beign, as well.

1 mom found this helpful

you can never predict when the baby will be born.....My 1st daughter was 2 weeks late!! Sometimes you can have a baby a week or 2 early or like me....It depends on your sister if she is a strong will person and if she will have help with the baby? because I member feeding my baby every four hours...and it also depends if she has a C-section than she will need the recovery.......I hope this helps!! and congrats on your engagement! if u need a make-up artist for your wedding I know a good make-up artist that uses MAC make-up.

1 mom found this helpful

the 6weeks thing is mostly for sex afterwards and if you have a c-section you have to wait to drive and do a few other things ... I think that you will be dissapointed if she is not standing there all said and done ... honestly if you choose a dress that is flattering WHILE preggers she will look great post baby ... and I do not think she will care too much about that just being there to support you thru this day. To me a maid of honor and bridesmaid's job is to show support for you choice to wed this person and stand there proudly in support ... can your sister fulfill this duty?

1 mom found this helpful

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!

I didn't read the other responses, but did want to let you know I was "out and about" within 2 weeks of having my babies...and I had C-Sections. The second one was actually no big deal and I was walking around the next day. Natural births generally have LESS of an impact on a woman's body than surgery, so it's very likely your sister will be fine.

The dress size really is the only concern.

I never kept my babies "in" either or asked anyone to wash their hands, but they were all big healthy full-term guys. There was one wee baby at my wedding and it was just wonderful to have her there.

Blessings to both you AND your sister!

1 mom found this helpful

Two days after I had my second child I was up drivi g and picking up take out food! Still had my pregnancy cravings! Lol moms are resilient! She will be just fine and if not she will let u know! Don't worry about this one, let it go. Move on to picking out music and the food! Congrats on ur big day!

Updated

Two days after I had my second child I was up drivi g and picking up take out food! Still had my pregnancy cravings! Lol moms are resilient! She will be just fine and if not she will let u know! Don't worry about this one, let it go. Move on to picking out music and the food! Congrats on ur big day!

1 mom found this helpful

it's quite a while until time- maybe have a backup just incase things dont pan out? above all else, the meaning of having your sister as your maid of honor is because she supports you and loves you. which is why you chose her to be in that position :) i wouldnt worry too much about it.

I understand that this is your special day, but barring a complication there is no reason why your sister can not participate. I can't imagine how hurt your sister would feel if you cut her out because she is having a baby.

She will be fantastic! Not to mention you get to have your baby niece or nephew as part of the wedding party in a sense! what a joyous time for your growing family (in more ways than one) and this will all work out. If by chance she delivers early, you still have one Maid of Honor still in the wedding and she will not have to feel left out because of a blessing in her life. Good luck to you in your planning, your day, and your wonderful life!

You can't tell her she can't be.....she's yor sister and you'll only be marrying once. She's not risking her health unless you plan to have her run down the aisle with a barbell set as her flower arrangment. People are not advised to "stay in" they are told not to go back to lifting heavy weights or extreme cardio exercise. Size her dress, put some super absorbent liners in the bust, have the photographer photoshop her arm fat (if she still has any) and have a great wedding. All the best. -------------momof2monsters.

Risk her health to be in a wedding? What are your concerns? Mentally and physically ready to do what? Honestly...your question is a bit unnerving. What kind of wedding are you planning? Walking down an aisle in a pretty dress with her sister...how hard can it be?

Of course you should keep your special day. AND of course your sister can be a part of it. IF you want her to be in your wedding there is not one reason why she shouldn't be...If you don't...don't use her pregnancy as an excuse.

I guess I am unsure what you think giving birth hinders. Besides the pain in the butt ordering her dress at the last minute will be...she will be fine! We are talking labor... not chemotherapy or brain surgery. You aren't asking her to run a marathon or appear on Survivor...It's a wonderful event - why would you ever think it would be a problem?

Congrats...and enjoy your big day!

She'll be just fine...maybe a bit tired, but even if she has the baby late, there is no medical reason for her NOT to attend. I'm going to just guess you don't have much experience with pregnancy and babies...

Let your sister be the maid of honor if she wants to...she'll be fine, she'll just have to have her dress altered late, but I'm sure she'll look beautiful.

Have FUN planning your wedding and don't sweat the small stuff...like this!

-M

Let your sister be your maid of honor. She has already experienced childbirth once so she knows what kind of demands will be placed on her. My sister was my maid of honor and she had a baby four weeks prior to my wedding. Her biggest fear was that she would leak breast milk on her gown . . . and well, it happened. Luckily, my sister, the good-sport that she it, went into the bathroom and took care of it. She didn't make a big deal out of it and now (16 years later) we laugh about it. If your sister is like my sister - wonderful and loving and wants to be a part of your special day, let her do it! Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

You sound considerate and I can see you don't want to hurt your sisters feelings. I would NOT want her in my wedding. The day is your day. Could you give her a special task but something that can quickly replaced with another person...just in case. I have 3 kids. After each child I was told to take it easy for 2wks. I never heard 6 wks. Regardless she will probably still be in discomfort from having her baby.

I haven't had a chance to read the responses yet but I have an 8 month old boy who was born by emergency C-section. I was out of the hospital on day 3 and in the 3 first days I was home I had already traveled to another city 3 hours away (in a Mexican bus, mind you) and been all around our town walking and looking for baby things that we still needed. We didn't have a car yet and had to take the bus. I can guarantee that your sister will be fine if someone can do all this stuff in the first week after a c-section. Don't shun her from such a special day, she'll be more than happy to be there. And congrats!

Let her make the call. If she gives birth on your wedding day, she just won't attend, that is all! It really is not that big of a deal and I betcha it won't be that much of a detriment to your day. Stuff like this happens all of the time. She will participate if she is able to do so, if she can't she won't. That is all there is to it.

I was in my cousin's wedding as a bridesmaid less than a month after i had my first baby. It was a little less enjoyable for me, having to run back and forth between the baby and my bridesmaid duties all day, breastfeed in the fancy dress, etc. But it was worth it ! I am close to my cousin and his wife and so honored she wanted me to be part of the wedding party, I would do it again in a second. Let your sister do this for you! She's already had one kid so she knows what she is getting into.

Looks like you got your answer but I thought I'd respond just in case. =) I had 5 kids, 4 of them C-sections, once section split open etc., and I would be fine to be in your wedding. All she needs is a week. =) I only got a 12 hour break with the one I had vaginally. Congratulations!!!

The 6 weeks thing is not true. She might not look her best. i will tell you, this is not worth a fight. If she thinks she can do it-then let her.

I can give you some personal experience. My sister got pregnant shortly after I got engaged with her second child. I was getting married Aug. 22 and her due date was June 7. I was having a small wedding in my parents backyard with only her standing up for me. I went ahead and planned the wedding as if she was going to be there beside me. We picked out her dress early in the pregnancy and then after she had the baby she had a fitting and then the final fitting was 2weeks before the wedding. She ended up having the baby early by a week and the baby was 12 weeks old the day of my wedding. It is your wedding so it is up to you. Good luck.

My sis was almost 9 months at the time of my wedding & she still walked down the isle in a her beautiful bridesmaid dress & her pregnant self.She was happy to be in it.I wouldn't exclude her out because this is your day yes it is your day but on the other hand there is other sh-- that can be more disasterous than a prgo bridesmaid.

Many women reach their due dates or exceed it but many do go early to. Due dates are just an expectant date because it is an estimate. anything from 38-42 weeks is full term (they typically give you a date based on what they believe to be 40 weeks). Rarely does a women deliver on the expected due date.

The six weeks is the amount of time before the new mother has her postpartum check up and is typically released to return to work. She would not need to have the check up before participating in your wedding.

I would plan to have her in you wedding (assuming you want her in the wedding). If she exceeds her due date and hasn't delivered prior to a few days before you big day, you should put in place a back up plan (like when it is time to leave the alter the groomsmen that would have walked with her can be a second to escort your other sister. Any duties she would have done you should have someone as her back up.

It will be fine and she won't be risking her health.

A maid of honor is someone who loves you and will support you thru the good and the tough times of your marriage. It is so much more than a girl in a pretty dress standing at the altar.

So, your sis is definitely your maid of honor regardless of her due date. If she finds she not up to physically standing up there - Who cares? Put her name in that program and assume she will take whatever measures she deems safe and appropriate to try to play her full role on your big day.

Besides -- I had c-births and was fully recovered within 7-10 days. I was back in my regular clothes within a month.

She'll be fine and should be able to be in your wedding party without any trouble as it will be one month after the baby is born. The only issue will be if she is breastfeeding and the baby needs to be fed every 3-4 hours. It sounds to me like you are getting too worked up about it being Your Day and instead should be excited that you will be an Aunt again and that you are close to your sister and want her in your wedding. I think if you can "go with the flow" a bit more you will be able to enjoy your wedding more. If you try to make it perfect, which it won't be because nothing ever is, you will be disappointed on Your Day which is not what you want.

She will be fine-- but I would HIGHLY suggest that you get a dress for her that is corset back...it will make it easier to adjust come the wedding. Also, tell her that a Spanx like body slimmer will work wonders -- they have Hanes I think ones at drug stores for 7 bucks so she doesn't have to spend a fortune. My sister FORBID me to be pregnant in her wedding....we waited to get pregnant again until the month after. I was her MOH. She was a bridezilla though :) I am sure she will be fine! It is not like she hasn't done the baby thing before and she WANTS to be there for you and be part of your special day! Let her!

best wishes.

I was up and going around doing my normal day to day business within 2 days after having my 3rd child. I just think each person is different and no way to predict.

Whats the worst case scenario - she buys a dress and is unable to stand up for you. I dont think its worth the hurt feelings.

Congats!

I see you have already determined that your sister will be fine to be your maid of honor after having a baby. I just would like to add, that I am due with my third child on September 23rd, and will be a bridesmaid on Oct 8th as well. I am fully confident that I will be fine to participate in this wedding, (my children tend to be early anyway) as I believe your sister will be too.

I'm glad you've gotten some resolution, and congrats and good luck on your big day!

i'm glad you got such great responses. they all said the same thing i was going to :) congratulations to you AND your sister. it will be a great wedding!

Hi, I think you have quite a few responses but just an FYI most people go back to work fully recovered by 6wks so I think physically your sister will be completely fine. If this is her second she will most likely bounce back even faster. I think she will be completely fine and I don't think her pregnancy and your wedding need be an issue. My best friends sister had a baby 7days before her wedding and she was there, her baby was there for a brief time and she wouldn't have missed that day for the world. Honestly walking down the aisle and standing there isnt very long. I don't think you should mention this to your sister because I think she maybe offended. I think I would. She is just having a baby which I might add was even a more important day than my wedding. A wedding is just a day your sister is for your life. Congratulations on both being a auntie and on your wedding.

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