Seeking Wedding Advice

Chill out about all of this. It will be over before you know it and it really isn't worth all the stress.

Have fun!

When my grown daughter got married a few years ago, she let each bridesmaid choose her own dress, as long as they had the same fabric and color. Well, actually the 3 honorary bridesmaids (the musicians and vocalist) went with a contrasting color (lavender) from the 5 bridesmaids (sage green). Since there were so many of them, some were heavy, some thin, some tall, some short--no one dress was going to look good on all of them. But they all chose separates from the same designer. Some tops had spaghetti straps, some short sleeves, some strapless; some skirts had a train, some were a-line, some were pencil thin, etc. It looked lovely since each girl looked her very best. Isn't that what it's all about anyway? Nothing looks worse than a bridesmaid shoved into an unflattering dress! (And since they picked a style that they liked, they might actually use it again, instead of laying out hundreds of bucks for a dress they'll never use again!)
IN OTHER WORDS, as long as the dresses coordinate and look good together, they don't have to "exactly match."

I would pick out the dress/color/style I like and tell the bridesmaids what they are wearing or I would pick a color and let them pick the style (some designers have multiple options for the same fabric). I would not let them drive me crazy with what they like/don't like this close to my wedding.

It's YOUR wedding, not theirs. You pick the dress YOU like; one that will flatter you and the color scheme you picked out. When your bridesmaids have their wedding, they can pick out the dresses. Maybe choose a less bossy bridesmaid, one that will respect your wishes for your very special day!

P.

Hmmm. This is a hard situation. Yes, I think it's OK for your Maid of Honor to wear a different dress then the rest of your bridesmaids.
Now for your bridesmaids, I think that they should all wear the same dress. However, I have been to weddings, where each bridesmaid wore a "different" dress but in the "same" exact color. Therefore, allowing bridemaids to look good based on their body type. For my wedding, I told my bridesmaids that they all had to wear the same exact color dress, I let them pick out the dress AND the color. They all agreed on the same color and same dress. So I set the rule, put it on them to work it out amongst themselves, and they did. No problems.
So, if you want to set a rule, like "everyone has to wear and agree on the same dress" or "everyone can pick their own different style dress but it has to be the same exact color" then I think you should be able to do that. It is your wedding and I'm sure you would wear whatever they want you to wear when it's their wedding, right?

It is YOUR day, your wedding do what you like. That being said I have stood up in weddings where we all wore the same dresses and I also stood up in a wedding where we got to go buy or own black dress, any style we wanted so we all looked very different. In both cases the bridal party looked very nice. Are all the dresses at the smae place? If they are set up a day/time all go have the girls try on the dresses they like and then you will see them all standing nect to each other and see how they look. Good Luck. It is hard, like you said you try to make everyone happy, but bottom line. UNless your request are WAAAAY over the top, it is your special day, you call the shots

Hello M.,

It is definitely fine to have different, but similar dresses, especially if YOU are ok with it. Back in the day people had rainbow weddings and everyone wore different colors of the same dress. It is also not unusual for the Maid of honor to wear a different dress then the other bridesmaids. Although I think the friend that is saying that she will wear anything you want is being a better friend. While I frankly feel the other bridesmaid is being a bit selfish. However, at the end of the day it is your wedding, your day and you should have whatever you want.

Congratulations on your wedding. May you have much happiness.

Congratulations on your wedding, M.! Personally I think you should let each of your bridesmaids where what they look best in and feel best in. I regret having my bridesmaids all in the same dress as it was flattering for some and not for others. If I could do it over again, I'd let each choose their own dress. Have a good time planning your wedding, and let yourself enjoy every moment.

Congratulations! I had six bridesmaids for my wedding. What I did was select the color and fabric, they selected the style the best fit their body type. They looked and felt great. My cousin's dress was slightly different from the other since she doesn't like to show her legs(she thinks they're too skinny) she was the only one with a longer lenght, all the others had tea-lenght. I can share a pic if you like.

M.,
It is your wedding, pick the dresses that you like. I had 6 bridesmaids (1 maid of honor and 5 attendents) and most of them were on the bigger side. I chose a dress that would flatter them all. I took requests from each of them on what they wanted and did not want (one didn't want sleeveless, one did not want poofy), but they all agreed with what I pick out. If you want to do the MOH in a different dress, that is OK, but your bridesmaids should respect your decision on what dress you would like to see them in!
Good luck
K.

It is your wedding, so do what you want. That said, if you don't really care, let them each get the dress they like best. As long as the tones of the dress are similar (and it sounds like they are), I bet it will look good. I was a bridesmaid where the bride allowed us to do this and it was great since I could actually pick a dress style that I would wear again. Nice when you are spending several hundred dollars on a dress. I've even been to some weddings lately where everyone had different colors. My two bridesmaids and my maid of honor all had different dresses in the same color. They were such different body shapes that different styles complimented them much better. The pictures look great. But if you aren't happy with they styles they are picking, that's another story! Good luck!

Dear M.
It took a long time and many weddings ( my own and others I have been in ) to finally come to the conclusion that dresses, jewelery,flowers and matchbook covers are not things to get hung up on...My opinion, if everyone is happy and they look pretty, then go for it...Do not waste 1 day of your happy preparations worrying about the small stuff. Make a decision that is fair and makes sense and go on and enjoy the time...Be a trend setter..Who said we all have to have cookie cutter weddings. I searched and searched for a cake..tasted and tasted and was willing to spend almost $1000 when someone told me that my local bakery made a wonderful, tasty cake for $300...Simple, elegant..Again..I simplified and enjoyed my few months and the day because I knew in my heart that the most important thing was the "guy" and not the " stuff"..Have a wonderful wedding!

OOOOOO lots of opinions here, I have a different one. Have you ever taken a group photo with your friends and had it turn out great? Were you all wearing the same dress? Probably not. A pattern here, two tone there, who cares? The girls who are wearing the dress that's who. Imagine how great your best friends will feel knowing you respected them enough to make sure they got to feel great while celebrating with you? I let my party of 5 women make all the choices from color to style to cost. Each girl felt great and looked great and we had a ball. My wedding was fabulous, still talked about by friends and family over 6 yrs later, and the pictures turned out great. I was so honored to have these women next to me on that day, I wanted it to be great for them too.
Bottom line, don't sweat the small stuff girl..look good, feel good, enjoy yourself and start your exciting new chapter! Congratulations and best wishes to you and your husband to be!!!!!!!

My two cents - your wedding, your decision. Let others have their say in matters you dont care too much about (I let my mom choose my headpiece), stick to your guns on things that are important to you. My maid of honor (sister) wore a different dress, but similar style and same material. It made her feel special. Everyone looked great.

I think you should pick out what you like- what is your taste and what compliments the bride. I know that is difficult for the bridesmaids because they are paying for their own dresses- but if you picked the right bridesmaids they are there for you- You have to realize you can not please everyone all the time and people are going to get upset... thats ok.

Repeat after me. . . IT IS MY WEDDING. . .

This day will happen only once, whether they like the dress or not, it's not their decision, it is yours. I've been in weddings that the bride decided on what color to wear because her sister looked good in green, but we all looked like sickly kermit the frogs in LIME green (and we wore hats!) If you've seen 27 dresses, then you know there are horrible ones out there.
I'd have a talk with both girls, tell them IT IS MY WEDDING and I want you to wear the following *(fill in the blanks with the dress you select.)

You will want to remember your special day but not if you have to make everyone else happy. Make yourself happy.

Like a lot of people said, it is your wedding, which only happens once. That said, do YOU care if they match? If you don't care, then who else should?

I had my bridesmaids wearing different things than the family, and I tied it all together with black wraps, up-dos, and the same necklaces.

Have a wonderful wedding!
M.

You have several choices. Take photos of the dresses..preferably with the the girls of choice wearing them..have girls to coffee and discuss things. They may choose for you. Maybe the dresses would all look nice together, and each girl will have her own. At my wedding..the girls all chose one style..and each wore a different color. At a wedding my daughter stood up to..the maid of honor wore a dress of different style AND color than the other bridesmaids. And lastly.. have you seen the movies "27 Dresses" ?
Honey.. this is a day you have dreamed of your whole life, and now you have a man you feel you can share the dream of a lifetime with... Do it your way. Your girls will ( or have had ) thier own weddings. This one is yours. Make it a special memory to cherish.
May God bless your marrage, and future.
( and please excuse any spelling mistakes..never was good in that area.)

Hi M.,
I understand all to well the problems with trying to make everyone happy when planning a wedding. I personally think that you should decide and your bridesmaids should be happy they are included in the first place. They ARE supposed to be helping you! :-)
However, I don't think having different dress designs would look bad, as long as they are the same color. But it is YOUR decision and opinion that matter most!
I will tell you though, something will go wrong, and someone won't show up, and something won't be the way you planned it. But after the ceremony, you really don't care! The judge who married me showed up half an hour late, and one of the groomsmen didn't make it to the ceremony. After I was married, though, after that first "man and wife" kiss, I can honestly tell you that it really didn't bother me!
Best wishes to you, and good luck with whatever you decide!

I think it's okay for your maid of honor to have a different dress, but traditionally, the bridesmaids are dressed similar to each other if not exactly alike.

One of my best friends is getting married in 2 months and she had the bridesmaids choose from different tops and bottoms but the color and fabric had to be the same. You could do something like this if you prefer to have a more coordinated look but want everyone to be happy with the fit and style of their dresses. Or if you are okay with everyone having different colors and dresses, go for it!

Ultimately though, it is up to you. This is your day and if you have chosen these women to be in your bridal party, they must be close to you and should be more than willing to make you happy on what should be one of the happiest days of your life.

Congratulations and best wishes!

J.

When my best friend married, she had peach dresses for the bridesmaids (except for the maid of honor whose dress was yellow)...it looked fine. My sister chose red dresses for her bridesmaids...each was a different style but still in the same color....actually it was great. Each young woman looked stylish in her dress and the continuity of color kept the focus on the bride which is what the day is all about.

As a bride... it is so nice that you are being flexible. As long as all dresses coordinate, with color and material, having a different style dress or even another bringing in another color (as long as it isn't a very dramatic difference), will work. It's not fair to think that everyone can fit into ONE particular style and I'm glad to see people are doing away with that. I would take a quick picture of all the dresses together (not even necessarily on a person, and see how they coordinate and how different they really are in color.

You can't make everyone happy and you shouldn't even try, however, by showing flexibility, you are gearing up for a lovely wedding and reception. Always remember the last and final decision should be yours. Best of luck!

Dear M.,

Its your wedding....it is your decision. Remember...It was an honor that you asked your bridesmaids to stand up for you in the first place.

They still will be your friends no matter what you choose.

Good luck and congratulations!

Heather

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Planning can be stressful. While trying to please everyone, the bride often feels the most unhappy. Just remember: it is YOUR wedding. You decide, not the bridesmaids. They will have their own weddings, or may have already. They are there to support you, not the other way around. Go with what you like that you feel will look good on ALL of the bridesmaids. Can you go out looking with all of them? That way they can feel included and see what each dress looks like on all of the girls. Then maybe they won't feel so "set" in wearing a specific dress.
I wish you the best of luck! Despite the stress, try to enjoy this time because it goes fast!

biggest question - who is paying for the dresses? If they are - find a compromise that will let them get a dress they can wear again and are comfortable with. If you are - pick your colours and go from there. They could wear different dresses in the same colour in styles that flatter each of them. Final resort - it is your wedding - they just may have to agree to wear what you pick or not be in the wedding party.

You already have a ton of responses. But at my wedding my bridesmaids all wore different dresses in the same color that way they were comfortable and it suited their body type. My maid of honor wore one that had more detail, and embroidery on it then everyone else.

But its your wedding and you should do what you want.

Dear M.,
It really is your wedding and you have the final say. It is too bad that sometimes your choice of bridesmaids seem to think it is THEIR DAY and not yours. St the same time, due to different body sizes and shapes, help is needed to make everyone look good. I recently attended my niece's wedding where there was TEN bridesmaids. The bride told them the colorand shade choice she desired and the style (which was close to the body dresses, nothing too full) She also had the last say in their decision. She had 10 women in different dresses and every one was happy. They all looked gorgeous and the Maid of Honor wore a two-toned dress that matched beautifully.
I have seen and unfortunately been part of wedding parties where there was a bridsmaid Godzilla. They place more stress on the bride than she really needs. Don't let them bully you, if she really wants to share in you most important day, out of friendship, she should comply with your wishes.

P.S. When my youngest daughter got married, her sister (Maid of Honor) the bride and myself went shopping and found THE DRESS that my daughter approved of. We called the other four girls and told them we had an appointment for them to try the dress on. They ALL loved the dress and there was one less chore done. GOOD LUCK!
Dorothy M.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I think that while it is nice to take your bridesmaids feelings into consideration it is very important for them to remember that this is your day. You have to have all of these elements come together in a way that you and your future husband want. It will be your bridesmaids turn to choose when they get married. I know some people that had their bridesmaids and maid of honor choose their own dress but were given specifications (i.e. color, length, etc...) Do what you need to do to make your day successful and happy and remember you can't please everybody! :) Good luck

I think its really up to you. Foremost it will be your wedding pictures that the bridesmaids dresses will be featured in forever. If you don't like part of the dress or the color of the dress I wouldn't select that dress. I would think that as long as you are not purposely selecting a dress that highlights all the "wrong" areas of someones body then you're okay. I've also seen bridal parties in all different dresses of the same color or the same dress in different colors. Ultimately if something bothers you about the dress you may be reminded of it every time you look at your pictures. As long as your not asking your bridesmaids to spend extravangantly on the dress I wouldn't think it would be that big of a deal even if they weren't thrilled with the dress. Good luck!

I have seen wedding pictures and been to a wedding where all the bridesmaids had on different dresses altogether. Why don't you do something for your wedding that reflects you and all the girls. Sometimes you have to think outside the box and stand out from all the other weddings you and everyone has been to.

I always say: "Dare to be different" There are no stead fast rules on what your girls should and shouldn't wear at your wedding. Go with what looks good and what's in your heart.

I'm so sorry that you are even in this situation. It seems pretty obvious to me that it is your day and your choice. I'm baffled that the bridesmaid is even pressuring you at all. The bridesmaid who will wear anything is the one who got it right, however, having had a similar situation with my Maid of Honor, she was the one who I chose the dress for. I wanted her to feel comfortable and look nice. The others would look good in anything. I had 4, total, and not one made a comment or dissed the dress we chose. Good luck to you and I like the idea of different dresses and same colors.

In many parts of the world, the bride pays for the bridesmaids' dresses. This way she doesn't have to feel at all guilty about the dresses she chooses and it means that the bridesmaids don't have to buy a dress that they may never wear again. Just a thought.

Since all of the ladies in your group are different sizes and have different taste may be choose the same colors. Then every one can still have their dress but the color will still be what everyone will notice. Hope everything works out for ya.
congrat's to you and your soon to be husband.

Hi. How exciting!!! I believe your maid of honor should be a little different. I was when I stood up for my girlfriend. You can do anything you want. Its your wedding. have fun.

M.,
Congrats on your upcoming wedding! What an exciting time for you. My husband and I are wedding photographers so we see a lot of things. I have come to determine in recent years that pretty much anything goes. I often see the bridesmaids wearing different styles in the same color, or the maid of honor in something different entirely. I think you could have them each in something different or just the maid of honor in something different and either would be appropriate. Of course, if the colors are different, you will want to make sure they are ok together or use the flowers to pull all the different colors in. I wouldn't stress about it too much just do what makes you comfortable but know that people really do all sorts of things and I really like seeing the unique things people come up with! Have fun with it and truly enjoy your wedding day

My friend had a similar problem with her wedding. She found a manufacturer with the same fabric, but in different styles, so each bridsmaid picked her own style, with length the same. My sister went with black dresses, same length, different styles, different manufacturers. You are the one who should ultimately decide, it is your wedding! Trying to please everyone is a mistake. That is impossible to do, but you can accomidate like you are!

It is your day and you want it to be perfect. What does perfect mean to you. For me it meant to have the people I care most about there to share my special day. Don't worry about the little things--it's all about LOVE. My husband and I made every decision ourselves from getting married on Friday the 13th, the black and gold balloons attached to the centerpieces (to add some fun for my nieces and nephews), to memorizing our wedding vows (and many more). I received so many comments on how personal the wedding was--so I say go for a little creativity and let your friends have a special part in your day unless you are totally set against it.

I think it would be great for each of them to wear something a little different so that they each look special too. I think the "cookie cutter" wedding look is very "out" and having each one look a little different would really make a beautiful presentation. Good luck with the wedding and I hope you have a long and happy marriage.

Absolutely it's your wedding. You pick whatever dress YOU want them to wear. If the bridesmaid won't go along with you, find another bridesmaid. This is the most stressful time for a bride and ALL brides go through this with one of their bridesmaids or another. You don't want your guests focusing on her, all eyes should be on YOU. It's your day.

M.,

It is YOUR wedding. It's great that you are concerned about what the ladies in your wedding want, but you need to decide what you like best. It is okay if all the girls wear something a little different from each other as long as they coordinate so that you don't cringe when you see the pictures.

It's your wedding. It sounds like it's going to be a casual wedding but there should still be some uniformity to it. Like another mom mentioned, you pick the colors that you want, maybe colors that will complement your sister's dress. They have to accomodate you since you're the bride. They can choose a dress with the colors that you select.

I'll keep it simple. One of the best things I did for my wedding was to have my "women" wear what ever they wanted as long as it was a certain color. The ladies were comfortable and happy! Best off, the pictures were great, they were happy and the dresses reflected their personality, it is soooo cool. They matched and and we all looked great!

It depends on how formal the wedding is. My husband, David and I just celebrated our 20th anniversary last September. When we got married all the bridemaids wore the same dress. My sister wore hers to a costume party and the flower girl wore hers trick or treating. Another redesigned it to something she could wear to special events. One of my bridesmaids had been in several weddings gave her bridemaids a choice of her gowns she chose mine. Etc. I was glad that they were able to wear their dresses at least one more time. I agree with the one poster and have the girls stand together and see how they look. They may decide they look great or not.

Best wishes!
J.

I have never heard of a bridesmaid choosing what to wear. This is your wedding & your day. Don't let them decide; you decide what you want & they have to live with it. If you ask me the ones that are telling you what they want are selfish. They can choose what to wear when they have their own wedding. Don't let them push you around.

I got married in December 2006 and had 7 total people. All of the girls wore different dresses BUT I did ask that they be in the same color, red. I also had veto power if I thought the dress was really ugly. It really looked nice. This way everyone got to chose the dress they were comfortable in and there were no fights about it. Just remember, it is your wedding and you can do whatever you want.

M., First congrats on getting married soon! As for the bridesmaids' dresses, as long as the style (of the top like halter or tank and the skirts are the same style and length) and colors are similar, I don't see why they can't have their own preferences. As long as you don't mind that they have slightly different dresses, it should look fine. Some brides do worry about the bridesmaids matching up to, and including, their hairstyles. As for the maid of honor's dress not being two-toned, some people may not even notice the difference (since there are slight differences to begin with). However by having her not wear a two toned dress, you would be setting apart the maid of honor from the other bridesmaids. See if you can get all three dresses modeled at the same time to see how they look together. If you like it and your attendents like it, then that's what counts! Good luck with your wedding and congrats again!

M.,

I think you are very sweet to care about the opinions and feelings of your bridesmaids! I think that as long as the colors compliment each other overall, having three different dresses will look lovely. It is better that everyone is wearing something flattering, and that they feel good wearing, than all look the same in dresses that don't flatter their figures or skin tone.

I have been to, and been IN, many, many weddings. In my opinion, the best were always those where the bridesmaids were given a color scheme and allowed to pick (within reason) the style most flattering on them. My very favorite was one where all the bridesmaids wore simple, black dresses they had chosen in various styles! They looked fabulous, they REALLY set the bride apart, and you knew they would get to wear them again. (Actually, my very favorite wedding was my own -- but that involved climbing down the side of a mountain, barefoot, in Hawaii to a secluded beach and has nothing to do with your question!)

And that leads me to the practical bit: in this economy, I'd have a really tough time spending -- or, even more so, asking someone else to spend -- hundreds of dollars on a dress they don't really like and will only wear the one time. I've given more bridesmaids dresses to Goodwill than I care to count. They were all very pretty, but none were of a style/color that I would choose, on my own, to wear again.

My best advice, though? Relax and keep it about the joy of the day. Its about the union you are creating, not about the pageantry. Have fun. Relish in the moment and don't get caught up in these details, or (god forbid) in the silly dramas I've seen unfold so many times in so many weddings over unimportant matters. I know everyone has a different definition of the "perfect wedding," but the most important elements are you, your future husband, and the promise you are making to one another. After that, its all just window dressing and, ultimately, unimportant.

My very best wishes to you and your fiance!

Yes, it is your weddding. You asked them to be in your wedding and they should be kind to wear whatever you ask, even if it is not what they would like. It is one day. Good luck.

Hi M., best wishes to you and your groom to be! The maid of honor always wears a different looking dress, I thought...there is only two of them and I would let them get whatever they want...especially if they are paying for it...they will look lovely and they don't have to match...everyone will be having such a good time no one will worry about what the bridesmaids are wearing...they will all be focused on you...you are the one that they will be looking at...the bride! May God bless you on this very special day. Josie

I'm going to be like everyone else! It's YOUR wedding. They will wear what YOU want them to wear, with no complaining! That's a terrible bridesmaid to try to dictate the dresses. Granted, she shouldn't have to wear anything that she doesn't feel comfortable in (ie- lowcut, too short, etc..), but as far as what is going on here, she needs to wear what you want her to. That's the way weddings work. This is YOUR day, not hers!

With that said, my sister had all different designs for her bridesmaids and it looked great. As long as they coordinate in some way, the different dress look is A-ok!