Weaning off Grandma

Can Grandma come pick her up? That's what we do. We all live close but it sooooo much easier in the mornings.

C.,

I read your post and had to spend some time thinking about it all before responding.

I myself am a mother and grandmother. As parents and grandparents all we ever want is to help out and do what ever we can to make life easier for our children. That being said, have you tried to calmly explain the whole situation to your parents?

When we get to become Grandparents it is a whole new world for us! We are older, wiser, generally have more patience and time, and of course more money. All the things we wanted to do with our chldren we suddenly have the opportunity to do with our grandbabies! The bond we have with them is not like what we have with our children it is in someways even more - as a gradnparent we are not the principal care giver and we send them home to their parents after a day of being grandma and grandpa!

For you to have your parents be able to provide care for your daughter is such a blessing - HOWEVER - your parents need to understand as much as you are thankful for them, it is creating undo stress in your life! There are many different things that you all can try.

1.) If they really want to keep her EVERY day, they can come to your house!
2.) They can meet you half way each day to pick her up.
3.) They can keep her 2 days a week, while she goes to a local daycare the three other days.

Personally if I were you I would opt for number 3. My granddaughter is an only child (and will always be one, her mommy can't have more babies) being in preschool is a very VALUABLE situation for her. While being surrounded by grownups all the time (even the ones that love her), she will not know how to play with and communicate with her peers. If your parents have her two days a week, they will still get to spend more time then most grandparents get but she will be exposed to other children as well.

We have our Granddaughter spend EVERY Friday night with us, she has since she was born. That is Grandma and Grandpa night for her, and date night for her parents. Try offering up the 2 days a week PLUS letting her spend a night. Our kids love knowing there will be one night a week they can go out together or even just stay home and veg, plus there is the added bonus of them being able to "sleep in".

What ever you decide to do, remember although they are your parents and her grandparents, you are responsible for doing the right thing for your family. They will eventually adjust to a new situation and probably even understand and see the wisdom in your decision in time.

Good Luck!

N.

My son and his wife had a similar situation with my grandson, except it was my ex husband who kept him and was upset when the decided to take him to day care. They ended up compromising as you mentioned. They use day care three days a week and Grandpa the other two days. My daughter in law's schedule sometimes allows her to stay home so it's pretty flexible. I've noticed that my grandson is learning a lot of social skills and skills he will need when he starts school, plus he does get the outdoor/guy-time with Grandpa. Also, my ex now has some time for himself that he probably didn't realize he was missing. By the way, I'd be taking care of the little guy too, if I didn't live 200 miles away!

Perhaps this kind of arrangement will work for you, and I think your parents might also take it a little easier if you mention that day care provides the important school and social skills that your little one needs. I also want to add that the home day care provider they use is my best friend and so she is almost like family!

Good luck!

Personally, I only wish I could have that drive time to be by myself. There are so many things you could do with that time like listening to books on tape, praying, listening to Christian messages etc.

BUT, I like your idea of spending a couple days with Grandma and 3 days at the daycare, or vice versa. Your daughter has reached an age where it will be good to expose her to other ways of doing things, other people, kids etc.

Sometimes we just have to make tough decisions. I have a mom that drives 35 minutes each way, twice per day to use my services and she's been doing it over 2 years. Her son had to go through 4 providers in his first 16 months. He'll be 4 this summer and I started him at 16 months of age. She doesn't want to do anything to rock the boat and she never found a provider in her area that would work the hours she needed even though they all said they would and changed their minds later.

Since it's not urgent, you have a lot of time to interview daycares and find someone that has space. In fact, you can even find someone that only has specific days available if your mom is willing to be flexible about the days she watches your daughter.

Suzi

I've watched my grandchildren for years, I'm not sure why you would want to change this, she is given unconditional love, the care she needs and your parents have a special bond with her that will never go away! A child that is sent to a day care does not learn the basic courtesy skills that someone learns with a constant caregiver. Most kids at a day care are given minimal attention in regards to how to treat others and basic care, there are just too many kids there for any other care. I can go to a school and tell you whether a child has been at a day care or not by the way they act in a classroom setting. Don't discount the care your mom gives her because it makes you get up earlier, just make sure you give her quality time when you get home.
I'm not giving you this advice solely because I'm a grandmother, I obtained my Child Development degree then opted to stay at home with my kids, now I stay at home with the grandkids. I have well behaved kids who are over achievers and have accomplished quite a bit in their short lives. Don't underestimate the power of family love.

I know this will not go over well, but I think it's sad that your mom seems more attached to your daughter than you seem to be. And as I said this will not be received well (but you did post in an open forum) but I think it's much, much more important that your daughter be with someone who knows her and loves her than a run of the mill daycare. I think the sacrifices that we make in the best interests of our children (i.e. having a little longer commute) are worth it.

Whatever you decide explain to your Mom how much you appreciate that she has been willing to give up her time and give your daughter quality care vs. having to put her in a daycare up unitl now.And that the ONLY reason is the drive.I don't know if you are paying your Mom but if your not that is one thing to think about when you weigh the odds.Also although I am not bashing daycare,In my personal opinion I would rather have my child with a family member that loves them,most people don't have that luxury.Anyway if you decide you just can NOT make the drive anymore why not ask your Mom if she'd be willing to come watch her at your house.You could pay her for the gas and it would still be way cheaper than daycare.

can't your mom come and pick her up or watch her at your house if she doesn't want to stop watching her?

Even though you feel like they're attached to your daughter too much...what a blessing to have help that you can trust and depend on. Plus, what a super cost saving compared to daycare. I'd try sticking it out another year until your daughter is old enough for preschool and then if you wanted to pay extra for after-care then you could have your mom just watch her a couple days a week and keep her at the school/daycare on the opposite days. It's obviously up to you to do what you think is best but since you asked...my opinion is that you're daughter is really benefiting right now.

Maybe talk to your Mom about how you feel first and see if together you can come up with ideas to make the situation better. Let her know that it is burdensome to arrive late to work because of the extra drive time and see if she offers to come to your house, maybe even just a few days a week to allow your daughter to be around your own home.

Ultimately, you do have to do what works best for your family. And, being an involved Grandma is a privilege not a right. But just remember, no one loves and cares for your child like you can...YOU ARE HER MOMMY...and, nothing can change that. She's eventually going to grow up...they all do way to fast and then her relationships with you as well as Grandma will evolve.

Another thing to think about...when you introduce your child to a daycare situation...you are also opening the door to exposure to mega germs so if you don't want to be home from work with constantly sick child then I'd keep her at Grandma's. Plus, if you're thinking your daughter needs time with other kids her age then set up a playdate over the weekend with a friend or enroll her in a Gymboree play class or something similar that Grandma could take her to once a week.

Not trying to be harsh but if it can't be YOU then Grandma is the next best thing...I just don't trust strangers with my children. Best wishes!

I can understand the annoyingness of having parents too attached to your child, I live with my parents and put up with that everyday (I have a 15 month old). I would simply tell your mom that the extra money you spend on gas you
Could be spending on your daughter. Ask her if she would like to pay for your gas and time. Doing part time daycare would be an adjustment for your daughter but she'll get used to both environents during her week (your moms and daycare).
Good luck!

You are her parent so it's really only up to you and your husband what you decide to do with your daughter. period. That said, maybe you can explain that you thin your daughter will benefit from a pre-school situtation at a childcare center a few days a week (which she probably will) and your changing her schedule. Perhaps you could ask your parents to pick your dauther up at a certain time from the daycare so that they feel involved on thos days still.

Maybe tell your mom, as gently as possible, what you have told us. You miss your little girl, and the commute is making you spend even less time with her! Ask if your mom might be willing to come to your house to watch her. I also like the idea of 3 days at daycare/2 days at Grandma's.

Hope you get it worked out!

It's best for your daughter if you can keep family watching her. Why not see if your mom can come to your house 2-3 days a week, or meet your parents 1/2 way in the morning instead of at night?

It sounds like you know what is best for your family:)) The idea of having her go to day care 2-3 days a week and grandma's the other days sounds like a wonderful compromise-not to mention saving you some money. You can put it to Grandma that now she's getting older, social interaction is so important. That's why day care is a good option at this point. You could also ask if she could babysit one evening during the weekend, so you and hubby could have some time to yourselves. That way Grandma gets some more time with her. You could also see if Grandma would mind coming to your house 1 day per week, so to shorten your day away. I'm betting Grandma would understand once you spell it out for her.

As I was reading your story I was thinking about the part time daycare idea and then of course you mentioned that further into it. Thats a hard call to make. But your parents should understand that it is out of your way, even though I'm guessing it's free care, still costing you gas to go that extra way. Even if she volunteered to pick your daughter up, your daughter needs so be able to play with other children her own age! and to get into a routine of a class enviroment so when she does go to school in 3 yrs it is not such a huge shock. I do home daycare and my mom, who absolutly LOVES my son stops by in the morning on her way to work. Of course since you aren't home that wouldn't be an option for you but maybe you need to just put your foot down and say this is how it's going to be, it's your child not hers. Have you ever thought that maybe grandma could pick her up from daycare on fridays or whatever works for you and have a sleep over? Because I am with my son 24/7 I do need a break and so my mom tries to take him saturday nights and then we might have a lunch on sunday at her house when we go to pick him up. I'm sorry I don't have any better advice. It may be hard for grandma and possibly your daughter but after the first week or so it should get better!! Good luck

Hi C., when my oldest son was born, my husband was in the military. When our son was 9 months old, my husband was sent to Southeast Asia, this was during the Vietnam war. I moved back to my hometown, but had my own home. I needed to go back to work, both for the money, and to occupy my mind at such a rough time. My Mom, of course, offered to babysit. Many times I had to work at night, so my son would just spend the night. This went on for 13 months, so there was a bond formed that was great while my husband was gone. My Dad was great about spending time with my son, so he had a ver normal time in his life that might not have been possible without my parents. But,,,,when my husband came home, and we had to move to another state, it was as though I was taking their hearts out. My Mom nearly had a nervous breakdown, and my Dad became very ill. This was their only grandchild, and was truly the pride of their life. But, I had to do what was necessary for my family. In some ways, my son and his Dad never bonded as my husband did with our other 2 sons. It has affected all of their lives forever. My son is now 41, and my Dad has since passed away. Everyone survived, but it did change the dinamics of our family. My parents had a "normal" relationship with my other 2 sons, but were always closer to my oldest. If I had it to do over, I don't think I would do it the same way. I should have had a babysitter while I worked, and let my parents be "grandparents" to my son. I know they all love each other, but it is a very different relationship, even now. It is a hard choice, you know that no one will give your child the same care that your mother will, but how will affect your child in the future. The time you are losing with your daughter right now cannot be reclaimed at a later date. Do what you think is in the best interest of your child, you mother WILL adjust, but it won't be easy. After 40 years, I still hear how I made life so hard for my parents. It's rough, but you gotta do what you gotta do!!! Good luck, D.

Driving that far can be very tiring, but have you considered the cost of daycare? And if your little girl is two, does that mean that you may be adding to your family any time soon (meaning even more daycare cost)? Just another thought to consider. Good luck with your decision!

I think it is great that your mom is around to help with your daughter. My mom died before my girls were born so treasure it. Your daughter also needs some social skills before she starts elementary school so she needs to be around other kids. Start small with a moms day out once a week some place close to home. Then when she is a little older preschool is 2 or 3 days a week. Then the year before kindergarden put her in a pre k program. Your mom should understand your daughter needs this to succeed. I was living in Olathe when my youngest was getting ready to start school in the following year and I had just lost my baby sitter and a single mom of 4. A friend recomended a head start program for residents Olathe it was free and they provided bus rides both ways. It was the best thing I did for her. she didnt seem to have the struggles in elementary that her big sisters did. They didnt have the pre kindergarden like her. I believe it makes a big difference. If you explane things to your mom in a loving way she will understand she is just trying to help and spend as much time with her family as she can like any mom.
Good luck, C.

I don't know what kind of a job you currently have but sounds like a Mon-Fri and 8 am to 5 pm job. Is there anyway you can change your hours around so you could spend more time with your little darling? Maybe work four 10 hour days and get a 3 day weekend?

I currently work as a dispatcher in a sheriffs office. We do shift work, nobody but the supervisor has all dayshift. I recently considered applying for a Mon-Fri dayshift job but once I weighed it against my current position I decided a Mon-Fri job would have to wait til my daughter actually started school. As it is now, I would see her much less if I took that job. Now I see her on my days off (2 sets of three days off and 1 set of four days off) and I'm with her for 9 days a month during the day when I work 4pm -12:30 am. Half of that shift is her sleeping anyway, so it's great to have her during the day. My dayshifts are okay but I only see her for about 3 1/2 hrs before it's bedtime.

It's just an idea, thought I'd throw it out there for other Moms that want to spend more time with their kids. See what kind of different job options would work best for you. Mon-Fri dayshift is great for keeping a regular schedule, but isn't necessarily ideal for parents of toddlers.

PS I think your mom surely would be willing to meet you 1/2 way on the am pickup. If you were to work shift work, sounds like they could keep her for you on the odd ones.

Putting your daughter in preschool two or three days a week is a great idea. She'll learn new things and learn how to get along with other kids that aren't related and don't have their mammas around. Maybe on the days you have grandma take care of her, she can come pick her up from your house and you or your husband can get her from their house. That way you are all spending about the same on gas and you can spend a little more time in the evenings with her on the days she isn't with grandma.
And what to say to her, well, just what you said to us, minus the attachment concern. Good luck and God Bless.

Gracious! My Grandma passed 2 Months before I arrived on this scene. Let your daughter enjoy them as much as possible.
BUT you are THE MOM. You have to create a stressless environment. Splitting the week poses daycare cost issues
(is it same as for 5 day fee?) and activity continuity issues.
Keeing a J.O.B. is a challenge nowadays so minimize your complications. What about the Grands keeping her Friday evening through Sunday afternoon or evening?

Best!
Election Night Humor-4 minutes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pqFVqlMX2o
Enjoy!

I would think that you have to weigh what is important to you. You said you are not seeing your daughter as much as you would if she went to daycare, but have you thought about the fact that putting her in daycare means she wouldn't get 1 on 1 attention like she gets from your mother. Plus, it's your mother - and she's blood! That is completely different from her being in a daycare setting. I'm not saying it's not a good idea, just something to think about. Also, do you pay your mom? If not, you have to think about the extra drive versus the price of daycare. My DD goes to daycare 3 days a week and then stays home with daddy in the mornings and then has my SIL and a friend watch her in the afternoon. Maybe see if there is a place where she can go 1-2 days week and explain to your mom that although she loves watching her, you'd like more time - even if it's an hour a day to spend time with her. She may not understand it but the bottom line is that she's your daughter and if you want more time with her, you may have to make some sacrifices (ie: not having your mom watch her 5 days a week). Good luck!

Is it possible to have Grandma come to your house to babysit?

I agree with the others, if you are mostly just wanting her to spend less time with your parents, then pointing out the social interaction angle is a good way to approach the subject. Mentioning a "preschool setting" is also good.

I would start with, "You have been doing such an awesome job with (daughter's name here)! I really appreciate you watching her. Do you think you could still watch her a couple times a week once we (input info about daycare, 3-yr-old preschool, or whatever here)? We really want her to get some interaction with other kids, and get used to a preschool setting so it's not such a big change when she starts school," etc.

HTH! Good luck!
--A. H.

You have a lot of advice here and ultimately you will have to decide what option is best for you and your daughter. But, I must agree that putting her in a preschool setting three days a week and then "day care" with grandma two days sounds like the best option. I would also suggest that preschool is a better option than a separate day care. She does need socialization, skill development, etc. BUT she also needs that bond with her grandmother. I was watched by my grandmother for all my preschool years (going to school half a day) and through kindergarden and honestly, I still remember those years so fondly. I created such a special bond with my grandmother that lasted until her death. Many people have pointed out that a grandmother needs her grandchildren, but they need her just as much, if not more.

Hi C. !

Well, I am the Gramma in this scenerio. LOL ! So I'll try to help from my perspective. OK ?

First of all, as others have said, really evaluate if removing her from Gramma's care really is the best for all of you, or if it is a quick fix to what seems to be a hard situation for you. You really have it good at this point, though it may not seem so during that long ride to work. But it is only for a season, then things will change whether you are ready for them to or not.

If you must change something, then by all means consider the options of splitting the childcare week. Especially in the beginning. It really worked well for us. In spite of missing my little granddaughter very much, I quickly came to counting on those couple of days without her to do all the grown-up things that I wanted/needed to do and were easier or best done without a little one in tow. Also, my granddaughter loved her new preschool environment, but was happy to have it for a few days, then be back in gramma's house the rest of the time.
We knew the transition would be as h*** o* her sense of security as it was on me. So the split week was wonderful for helping both of us.

When the time came to spend more time at the preschool, and less at Gramma's house, our compromise was that Gramma would take her when she was too sick to go to preschool, or on snow days, holidays, etc. Also, for an occasional treat, I would keep her one day, she would spend the night with me that night, and then I would keep her the next day too. It was a treat for both of us, and Mom had an easier and more relaxing morning that next day because she didn't have to get the little one up and ready for the day, so it was a treat for her too.

Now that "our" little one is in school (kindergarten) our arrangement is still working out perfectly, with the exception of the overnight visits being on the week-ends.

I hope that helps you. I know this can be a touchy situation. Best wishes to you all.

I had the same problem with my parents and my nephew whom I was raising. They now have a stanger relationship. Too close. If your mom wants to keep watching your daughter ask her to come to your house. Also you know your childs personality best but I know with two of my three children I sent them to preschool even though I'm a stay at home mom because I felt they needed to socialize with other children away from me so the transition to kindergarten with less tramatic. Just something to think about in a year or so.

I can't really add anything to the wonderful advice that the other 3 Moms have already given you!!!
I am looking at this from the Grandma's viewpoint...since I am a first time grandma to an absolutely PERFECT 14 month old little boy!!! You need to find a way to NOT make this about getting your child away from Grandma and Grandpa...please dont do anything to harm that wonderful bond that they have...so please do use the ideas of social interaction for her...point out the wonderful programs she can be exposed to there and the value of learning to get along with other children her age in a group setting.
It sounds like you are very lucky to have such supporting parents...a lot of young parents would LOVE to have a Grandma or Grandpa nearby who could help with child care...and your daughter is beyond lucky to have such a wonderful bond with her Grandparents!!
None of that is to say that you are wrong in your feelings...I continuously remind myself that I am NOT the parent...I am the Grandparent...lol.
Good luck!!
R. Ann

Maybe your mom would consider watching her at your house a few days a week?

Hi,

Personally I would love to have my child at a Grandparents home instead of daycare.... I also feel so strongly that the relationship with Grandparents is so important. I would consider a heart to heart with your Mom and tell her how hard it is on you to drive out of your way each day. Maybe they would be willing to drive to you to pick her up or watch her at your house since they don't want to give her up. For me we had to move two hours away from family for my husband to get a job and my girls don't get to see their Grandma as much as they want. We didn't move farther awary because I wanted our children to have relationships with their Grandparents.... one day the Grandparents won't be here anymore but the relationships they have now will stay with your daughter forever. I hope you can find a compromise to help you.... preschool is not a bad idea either mine started our with 1/2 days a couple times a week.
I think the main thing would be communicating with your Mom & Dad. I'm sure you all can work something out :)

Unlike Julie S, I don't think splitting the week between caregivers is a good idea. This can only create instability and chaos for a toddler - yikes! I hope you'll decide to work it out with the grandparents. Because they are loving, caring, responsible, and seem to have made a moral commitment to do right by your child, I'd stick with them. The best daycare is incapable of matching what you get from loving family. There are wonderful dayscare providers out there, but even the best would acknowledge that GOOD grandparents would be a better option. I know sometimes we moms can get a little jealous of the special relationship between child and grandparent, but it does not dimish the complete adoration and depedency a child has for its mother. There is NOTHING in the world like a mother's love, and every child knows that from day one! Perhaps the grandparents can meet you half way in your drive? I hope you find a way to work this out, and are able to avoid daycare. Good luck to you, and I know you'll work this out.

Why don't you ask your mother to come to your house. Tell her the truth, you need to cut down on the driving time and you want to spend more time w/your daughter. As a grandmother, I would understand. Also I would still want to take care of my grandchild. So if this is the only way; it will have to be done.
Good Luck

I was blessed to have my parents watch my daughters from the time they were born until they started school. Whenever I dropped them off and picked them up I found myself just watching and thinking about the truely amazing bond they had formed and how they interacted. It also came with many perks, they always had coffee waiting, kids never cried because they didnt want to go or because I was leaving, my parents wouldnt except pay so saved a ton in child care expenses (we did do special things for them and get them some special gifts), dinner was ready when I returned to pick them up (not only for me but enough to take home for my husband as well), my kids were rarely sick, they learned more things with my folks than they would have at daycare, and I could go on. We did put the kids in preschool (2 days a week) a year before they entered kindergarten to adapt to being around a lot of other kids mostly. My girls love being with their grandparents and I wouldnt change a thing. Learn to enjoy the peace and quiet of your drive and use it to gear up and unwind from your day at work. Also learn to make the most of the time in the car with the kids on way to and from Grandmas. This is time I learned to cherish as we talked about a ton of stuff with no interruptions and their undivided attention.

As a teacher I think a preschool setting starting at age 3 is a really good idea for educational and socialization purposes.
I would start with a 1 day a week MDO, and the other 4 split- 2 days at your moms house and 2 days at your house.
Move into a part preschool and part grandma split next year.

I say try the daycare now 2-3 days a week to get her socialized. Suggest your Mom COME to YOUR house the other couple days a week if she wants to still watch your daughter that bad. That way it's saving you the time and gas. Just explain it's getting to be to much, and you'd still like her to, if she could come to you a couple days a week. Better then nothing?! I've stayed at home with my now almost 3y/o son, and he is going to start going to daycare when I go back to school in April, he needs the socialization with kids his age, as he's mostly around my older son and cousins. My son's Gramma used to watch one of his cousins, and it was to the point he was soooo shy, they started taking him to the sitter my oldest was at a few days a week. I think if they hadn't, he still might be very shy! Took Gramma over a week to be able to leave him there for an hour without him freaking out, and that was only because my son was there it calmed him some. Do what you think is best. I know I prefer family or a friend to baby sit over a day care, but I have no choice this time around. I'm nervous, but super excited because I know my son needs it! Best of luck!!

Good afternoon C.. I am a Gr ma and watch our two youngest gr son's daily, from 7 to 5 M-F. We only live 3 blocks straight across our small town so when the oldest was born our DIL brought him to me in the mornings, and picked him at in the evening. With two now she can't seem to make it in the morning so I go over there and get them to bring them here to our house. It works ok most of the time.
We did Pre-school with the Oldest as we knew he needed interaction with other kids. He is a live wire and very smart for his age. We removed him as the teachers said they had never had a child like him before.He was to active and had to hire Extra teachers just for him. Uh Huh.

Then they said he bit another child. We weren't allowed to see the child or even speak with the parents, to make sure he was ok. He had never and has never bitten anyone ever before.

Having him in school twice times a week for 2 1/2 hours gave me time alone with the baby, to help him learn as I did with his brother. I will tell you How much I love and adore these boys, they make my day really wonderful, but looking forward to Kindergarten also :)

I would welcome the time in Pre school, we just haven't found one as close that any of us can afford now. So I am teaching the both again or still.
Let your mom know the extra drive is hard getting to work and if they really want to help maybe they could meet you half way also. Plus your little one needs other children to get socially ready for school.
Even if its half a day , they can go pick her up after.

Good Luck
K. Nana of 5

Well I can certainly understand how your parents could be so attached to your daughter, especially if she is the ONLY grandchild or the only one close by. I know had my mother lived she would have probably been the same way as I am an only child.

I'm not entirely certain what you are asking...do you want to wean her off grandma and grandpa or just solve the exhausting transportation process? If you want to solve the transportation process, just be frank with them that it is taking too much physically out of you and hubby to drive in opposite direction...ask them to come pick her up to help you out. If they are as attached as you say, they will do it. I certainly sympathize with you on the little time with your child between picking her up and bedtime. It seems like the time just flies...if you explain that to them they will surely understand and WANT you too to spend more time with your daughter and be willing to help with that endeavour.

If however, you are looking for a way to break a bit of the bonds, then I would certainly let them know that you are interested in her starting a 3 yr old preschool and getting some social interaction with kids her age. That way it doesn't make them feel that you are wrenching her away for no good reason...she'll actually be learning things and getting the necessary social interaction that she will need for going to school later.

Hi C.,

I am not sure if anyone has asked this or not but why can't your mom watch your daughter at your house?? Then she could still see her and you will not have to do the extra driving. If this is not ok all the time maybe you could have your mom come to your place 3 times a week and your daughter go to her place two times a week.

good luck

Hey C.!

2 1/2 is a great age to start a Moms Morning Out program. Not sure if there is one in your area. Maybe you could take your daughter there 2-3 mornings per week and have grandma and grandpa pick her up. That may be a good compromise for everyone and your little girl gets to make some new friends, make crafts that she will be oh-so-proud of, play and will help with the transition when she is ready for preschool!

Tough call,good luck finding something that works for you!

I'd start talking to Mom about how your little girl needs more interaction with other kids her age and learning opportunities. Use the word "preschool" instead of daycare with often starts at age 3. Find a place that is convenient for your drive but also offers these opportunities. A balance between preschool and grandparents like you mentioned sounds great. Good luck!

I think that the extra hours driving is like pennies compared to the big picture. Your child is getting a lot better "socialization" being with grandma than with a bunch of kids. And, think about how many hours of work you are saving, because your mom might watch her when she just has a cold. And, because she will be sick more often in a daycare, and perhaps you will have to pay even though you had to take off work to watch her. Or had to pay grandma for those days instead. Why would you want strangers watching your child that many hours of the week, when your mother can? And, think about what your child will look back and gain from where she stays all those days and hours.

I think that asking your mother to come to your house half the week would be a good compromise. ANd, she may WANT to watch her at your house. She wouldn't have to have any baby mess at her house, and all the food would be provided by you and your fridge. So, that is what I would consider if it were me.

The "Childcare 3 days a week" sounds like a good idea so that way she can at least get some socialization with other kids her age. If it's a good child care facility, she will get all kinds of great experiences that she probably wouldn't at grandma's.

Is it possible for your parents to come to YOUR house a couple days a week?

Sorry if I'm repeating other responses. I didn't have time to read through all of them.

Best wishes!

Do your parent's drive? Have you consulted with your mother about your difficulties? Maybe she would be willing to at least take turns picking your daughter up so that she can continue to look after your daughter. She may have other creative suggestions as well. Just a thought. Sometimes two heads are better than one.

One thing I learned to do is to be very specific when asking for ideas. For example. You might say to your mother that you are trying to sort out priorities for your daughter and that you are going to be making decisions about when it is best to send her to pre-school, etc. Then tell her that you would really appreciate her perspectives, thoughts, and feelings about the issues you are taking into consideration, naming each of them as you did in your message to us. You can even tell her that you are concerned about how this decision will affect her. Tell her you would like her to take her time and give it some thought before she responds. This will allow her to work through her own emotions and say what she really wants to say.

Once she shares her ideas, advice, and/or feelings, thank her and let her know that you really appreciate her experience and it will help you come to a decision. I have always found that it is helpful to hear from the other people involved when I am going to be responsible to make a decision that will affect them. I am always amazed by the wisdoms I have gleaned from others.

Talk to you mom about why you want to have your daughter closer and let her know you don't want to take her away, just a better situation and see if she has any ideas. Ask her if she would be willing to pick her up, or watch her at your place. Your mom might be willing to take and pick her up from preschool. Most preschool last for a few hours two to three days a week and if the kids stay a full day they are in daycare the rest. She would be out that much granddaughter time. Or, she might be more then willing to work with her on things. If there is something that is stopping her from doing this or that then find out what that concern is because you may have a solution for that. For insttance, if gas in an issue but you are saving a ton of money on gas, that might be more then willing to provide her gas money. Basically, if she wants to continue this arrangement, you have every right to ask her to participate in making that happen. And she will feel she has more control over any future situation.

Definitely day care 3 days a week for the socialization alone! Grandma 2 days a week is perfect. It's time your child spend more time w/ other kids - - to learn it's not always about her; to learn to play w/ kids her age; to share; to watch;
Good luck.