Weaning After Extended Breastfeeding - Huntington Beach,CA

Updated on July 26, 2013
H.M. asks from Huntington Beach, CA
8 answers

I'm trying to wean my 21 month old son from breastfeeding. We co sleep so I started cutting off his middle of night "sips" last week. He wakes up and screams when I don't give it to him, but will settle down in a minute or two and go back to sleep. This happens about two times a night. I'm trying to cut back on nursing during the day, but he is very strong willed and I'm having a lot of difficulty. He will scream and cry, pull at me and my clothes. Sometimes it gets to the point that I can't even sit down or he is all over me tapping me, which is his way of telling me he wants to nurse. I try very hard not to give him, but I'm home with him and his brother alone for close to 12 hours a day while my husband works. There is only so much you can take after awhile. I really don't know what to do at this point.
One big problem is he isn't and never has been in to eating regular food, see my previous questions. He does drink water from a cup, but will rarely drink milk. I can be gone all day long and he will barely eat anything or will eat great, but as soon as he sees me he wants to nurse. So I doubt taking a "weekend to myself" will help much.
And to add he is a very outgoing,social child. He will stay with a babysitter and play with other kids no problem. He is in no way overly attached to me or clingy in any other ways.
Just as a FYI I nursed his older brother until he was about 20 months. He was very easy to wean, so I'm really at a loss. I would really appreciate some words of wisdom from other mommas who did extended breastfeeding.

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So What Happened?

Thanks to everyone for all your great responses. I know I just have to keep being consistent.

More Answers

E.A.

answers from Erie on

It sounds like the problem is that you want to wean too quickly. It is not unusual for any nursing child to want to nurse as soon as the child sees mom after an extended separation. He is old enough for you to have your own boundaries regarding nursing him, but to impose too many at once will confuse him. Start with night weaning. You will need some help with this, but it will be worth it if you stick to it. It took about 3-4 nights to do this with our kids, and I had to have my husband help. He also worked very long days, but was willing to temporarily lose some sleep in order that we might all get more in the long run. Basically, I had to sleep somewhere else for a few nights and let their dad offer them sips of water instead. Then it was a couple of nights of them getting used to me being there but not being available like that, we also co-slept. Consistency was the key, if they threw a fit, I left the room and had their dad take care of it.

It was also about this time that I stopped nursing in public. But I didn't begin to cut back on "at home" nursing for a while. I wasn't a child-led nurser, but I did respect their need for it and didn't force them to stop altogether until they were ready. It sounds like your little guy is simply not ready yet, but can do very well without it when you aren't around. He sounds very well adjusted and bonded to you, as well as being able to bond with other people. It is simply going to take some time and patience on your part. He's not even 2yo yet, this is still quite young for some children to wean. Put the goal out there in months, not weeks. Cut out all the "excess" nursing and let him nurse as much as he wants within certain boundaries. This was also the time I stopped nursing them to sleep for nap time. But I always set aside time during the day for them to nurse as much as they wanted, and the older they got, the less frequently this occurred.

You do have to somewhat follow their lead but always take into account your own personal boundaries and needs, too. I always considered breastfeeding a relationship in which my needs increased over time and theirs decreased, but the actual timeline of it differed with each child. I nursed two of my kids until 3yo, if you have any more questions about this, feel free to message me here.

4 moms found this helpful
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P.N.

answers from Denver on

I feel for you! I extended BF all mine, but my 3rd was in for the long haul! lol! He up nursing for 27 months. Not what I thought I signed up for; but I was ready to at one point and he wasn't, then he could have weaned about 18 months, but we were going on a vacation and I wanted to be able to nurse him on the plane for comfort, etc, so I kept it up. Then around 20 months I was ready again, and he was a no-go. I finally just waited it out until we were both ready at the same time. Are you at all okay with continuing? Some kids just need it longer than others. My 3rd ended up just needing that emotional attachment to me, and I look back and can see that now.

We definitely were weaning down to less nursings per day by 18 months, though. My best advice is keep the ones he seems emotionally attached to ( first thing in the morning, before naps, before bed), and try to wean out the ones where he is in a good, well-napped mood and busy (i.e. midmorning, lunchtime) first. Stay strong for the middle of the night "sips". You need your sleep at this point to be able to be strong for the next day. Co-sleeping makes that hard, but perhaps you can buy him a special lovie that he can have in place of his "na-na" in the middle of the night!
Good luck, and hang in there, mama! You've done an AMAZING job of nourishing your little one's body and heart!

3 moms found this helpful
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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I have heard of people having success by telling their children that their milk dried up and they can't make milk anymore. These moms also try to replace it with special cuddle/story time.

How many times a day (not counting overnight) are you currently nursing? Cut out about one feeding each week until you're done. It's easier to wean gradually than to try to do it cold turkey.

My daughter will only drink chocolate milk. She HATES plain milk. I put in just a tiny bit of chocolate and it's usually enough. Her doctor said it's ok and that it's better than nothing. She doesn't eat a lot of other high-calcium foods like yogurt and cheese; if she did, I'd be less inclined to give chocolate milk. Have you tried chocolate milk with your son?

Finally, he will continue to tap and grab at your as long as you continue to give in. I know it's easier to just give in, but he also knows that the constant pestering will work. If you really want him to stop asking for it, you have to stop giving it to him when he asks.

3 moms found this helpful
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A.A.

answers from Tulsa on

I weaned my son around 1 and a half, and he didn't notice so I don't have any practical advice but perhaps giving him some clues on what to expect. My son is 2 now and does well when he knows what's going to happen and when. Maybe decide how many times you will still nurse him and tell him that he will have to wait until it's time? He's old enough he should be able to begin to understand the concept of "not now". Since you've cut out the nighttime snacks, maybe pick the next one you want to drop and tell him that tomorrow he will only get to nurse 3 times (or however many you are doing), then stick to it. I'm sure telling you he won't starve won't make you feel better, but it is true! Good luck to you both and way to go for BFing this long, you deserve a trophy!

2 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

I would cut him off cold turkey rather then dragging it out. When he asks give him a glass of milk. If need be pump for a while and mix it with the milk to get him used to the taste, or warm the milk up for him. He may try harder at first, but just keep reminding him that your boobs no longer work because he is a big boy now.

1 mom found this helpful
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B..

answers from Dallas on

You need to substitute something close and comforting. Reading was my go to thing. Take a week and read a lot, with him in your lap. I mean, a lot.
Use expressive language and physical closeness.
Take the next week and ween. No guilt, he won't starve. Just never nurse again. Put on a regular bra. A top that's a pain to nurse in. You are weaning yourself, also. Stay with your routine of reading. Read till he falls asleep. He taps, you say no, we don't nurse any more, you are a big boy. Keep reading. After about two weeks, you will wonder what the big deal was about!

1 mom found this helpful

☼.S.

answers from San Diego on

I stopped nursing our daughter at 21 months, too. At 21 months, she understood when I said, "Mommy's milk has dried up because you are such a big girl now. Mommy's make milk for babies and when they grow into bigger kids, their bodies no longer make the milk."

I haven't read your other posts, but I'm stumped that he isn't eating much regular food. Is he relying on nursing for his sole nutrition? And if so, have you discussed this with his pediatrician?

1 mom found this helpful
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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

Put bandages X on the tata's and tell him their broken.

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