How Do I Wean My 22 1/2 Month Old?

I've seen a few moms respond about something similar. They said that they told their children that their breasts had owies. I'm not there yet, but I have seen this response a few times. :)

You have great advice... It's going to take a few sleepless nights, but the sooner the better. It seems like he is just using you and the nursing to help fall asleep, and he is plenty old to fall asleep himself. Your hubby needs to know it will take a few sleepless nights too and not make it your issue or put that on you! Try the weekend or just have him "suck it up"... Each time he gets out of bed just tell him "No it's time for bed" and put him back in his crib. I might take 30 times, but he needs to know that you wont "give in" Make sure that you tell him when its time for bed too..I would start 10 minutes and say ok bed time in ten minutes, then remind my little one at 5 then at 1 minute. Be conistant and it wil happen quickly. I also ran my son around like crazy and really tired him out, then he fell to sleep easily and slept well. It only took 3 night of that and he broke his "need" to nurse and it became a much easier time for ALL of us. Good luck, be strong, and know the sooner you deal with it the sooner it' s over

I weaned my son at 21 months and he did not want to stop either. Someone suggested that I put bandaids on my nipples at the times he was used to nursing and explain to him that my nipples are soar and hurt when I nurse him so I need bandaids to protect them. He was very sympathetic and even when he was tired and was falling asleep or waking up and wanting the reassurance of breastfeeding, he would see and feel the bandaids and remember. We transitioned to cuddling instead so he didn't feel abandoned and he was fine with that alone within a couple days. I wore the bandaids for about a week and then didn't need them anymore. Good luck!

J.

Hi M.,
I was a long time nursing mom and didn't wean my daughter until this past August (she will be 3 yrs old this September).
I started out by first telling her that I couldn't lie on my side anymore because I needed to rest my back to go to sleep. She sometimes would want to nurse on me, but this position would cause her to nurse less time. Then I told her that after nursing for a while, I needed to go to sleep, but I told her that she could hold "na-na" if she wanted to help her finish getting to sleep.
Then, in the very beginning of August (about two months later) I told her that as she gets older "mama's nana's would be making less milk and by the time she turns 3 yrs old nana milk would be all gone, so I asked her if she could help me find a new way to help her get to sleep. I asked her about the idea of going out and getting a special sippy cup and we could put milk, herbal tea or water in it and that she could still hold na-na if she needed to. She loved the idea and we went to Whole foods and picked out a "Born Free" sippy with a transitional spout on it. She got to pick it out and what color she liked and she also liked that fact that I included her in the process.
I brought the sippy cup to her with liquid of choice and let her have a little bit of na-na for two days while she made the transition. I told her that I didn't want her to be sad when nana milk stopped, so I really wanted her to work on getting used to the sippy cup instead, while holding nana. Well, in those two days she listened to me and would actually laugh at herself when she would start to nurse and then go back and drink her sippy. And I'm proud to say that there wasn't even one tear and the transition was gentle and beautiful.
I'm so proud of her and I'm proud of me. We did it together, just as we had originally started.
Blessings to you and all your little ones,
-M.

You've gotten some great advise, but I wanted to throw my 2 cents in. First of all, I want to give you a HEAR, HEAR for nursing this long! My son is also almost 23 months old, and we nurse at bedtime only. He nurses on both sides, he decides when to "witch" sides, and he usually lets me know when he's done. We rock for a few minutes, then I lay him in his crib to fall asleep. However, our situation is different because he has his own room (he's our only child at this point), and we haven't co-slept since he was 6 months old or so. That being said, you need to establish a new routine, and yes, it's going to take a few days (maybe even a week) for him to adjust to the new. Kids are amazingly quick at adjusting to new situations! Stick with whatever you decide to change to, though...

The second thing that grabbed my attention was regarding your husband needing his sleep. What about YOUR sleep?? What about YOUR job during the day? What about YOUR physical, mental, and emotional health?? If he's the man of your dreams, he should be more understanding/supportive/helpful. Unfortunately, I'm in a similar situation with my husband, and it's caused nothing but problems in our marriage (things have gotten better as our son has gotten older). You NEED to enlist your husband's help and stress to him the importance of YOU getting a good night's sleep as well!!!! I agree with another mom regarding trying the new routine on a weekend, though, as it would be easier on the whole family.

Trust your own instincts as well! Your son will pick up on your emotions/feelings, so try to broadcast them a little louder and trust that he will understand in his own way.

You have already received good advice, so I'll keep mine short! I did not wean my daughter from breastfeeding until she was two and she slept in our bed for a long time, so it was hard. It took 3 days of crying for her, but after that, she was sleeping on her own.

If you are going to tell your son you have "owies", but band-aids (or tape) on your nipples so he can see it- so it is believable. Don't wear them all the time, but just so he gets the picture.

Good luck, I know it is hard, but it will pass.

I JUST went through this with my daughter who turned 13 months old today. I weaned her from daytime feedings and was ready to wean her of the nighttime feedings, keeping the feeding before bed and the one or two when she woke. I figured the best way to get her not to eat at 2 & 5 am was to get her out of my bed during that time and in to her crib.

I'm not a fan of the cry it out method, but also knew if I picked her up she'd want to eat or it would be difficult to get her back to sleep in her crib. My husband, too, has a long commute (1.5 hours each way). So I took some advice I read on this site and had my husband help starting on a Friday night (we started on 9/5). He would first get up with her when she woke in her crib and try to get her back down, I did have to take over after 30 minute or so, but at least he had a hand in it. The first couple nights were hard, which made doing it on a weekend much better. Since he had to go to work Monday, I ended up falling asleep on her floor and talking her to sleep without picking her up the rest of the week. There were a couple times that first week that I did have to hold her to get her back to sleep, I just listened to her needs and did what I felt was right for us.

This last week I would just go in her room when she would wake and tell her to find her pacifier, tell her it's okay and to lay back down and go to sleep. Sometimes this was easy and sometimes it took a little longer so I would sit in the rocking chair and sing to her. Each night it has gotten easier and we all have gotten better sleep - I've actually gotten 5 hours straight!!!

I'm still getting up with her 2-3 times each night and bring her to bed with me around 6am, after my husband has gotten up for work.

I'm not sure what to advise you on as to where to have him sleep. If you decide to try this method, can you set up the crib in the livingroom and you sleep near him on the couch? I just found that as long as I was near her she felt safe and I felt like I wasn't abandoning her.

Good luck and feel free to write me if you need any more advice since I have just gone through this and am actually still working on it.

S.

your son needs to learn to go to sleep without sucking himself to sleep
practice at nap time
put him into his bed awake.... not alseep with a boo boo in his mouth he can cry then withoput your husband waking up
then do it at night
your husband needs to participate in this
what are you protecting him from... his own son?
you are tired, he cant be too???????

I think you have gotten a lot of good advice. Unfortunately I think this is going to be a really tough transition for you and your son... your husband needs to step up.

I did not have a problem weaning my daughter but we did have constant sleepless nights through the age of 18 months... up for hours at a time. Getting her to sleep through the night has been a monumental challenge and I could not have done it without my husbands support and HELP. At a certain point I started sending my husband in to help at night.

I get frustrated when I hear the "my husband needs his sleep because he works and drives during the day." What about the mother... we are raising children (very hard work.) And not only am I driving around all day but I am driving my precious little ones around. I need my sleep just as much as my husband does. I think real men step up to help at night too.

Have you been nursing him to sleep since he was born? If so, it's going to be a difficult process that will involve lots of crying, unfortunately. I recommend that you begin the process on a Friday night or the day before you and your husband don't need to go to work. Ask family members for help with the other kids or hire a babysitter to help you so that you and your husband can do this together (you'll need the support). There are some great books on the subject. Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mindell, PhD, helped our family to do it and it works! My two year old still has nights when he cries when we put him down (he has a tent over his crib) but he settles himself and sleeps great through the night :).

- dida in Mtn. View

Hi- I weaned our son at 33 months, and we started by giving up daytime nursings first, which I think really helped. The trick was not to sit down! If he approached me about nursing I would tell him gently, "not now honey- let's read a book", or "let's play in the sandbox", something like that.

After his all day any time nursing stopped, his morning nursing went next. Then his bedtime nursing. Then his nap nursing. And a funny thing happened- the first time I told him "not now" to his nap time nursing, he looked at me as if to say, "no nurse, no nap". He gave up nursing and napping on the same day, and I must say I missed those naps. It almost negated the advantage of weaning. The day we gave up nursing/napping, when he tried to nurse at bedtime and I told him, not now. We stopped nursing at bedtime, remember? Then I realized he was fully weaned, and I was just a little bit sad.

He would have liked to have continued nursing, but even though I planned a child led weaning I realized I was becoming worn out. He nursed on demand many times a day until I began weaning. The key is to be gentle. If he had ever had a really hysterical cry I would have let him nurse. Giving in one time isn't a disaster, it's just a part of going at your child's pace. If you go too fast it will be much, much harder for both of you. The book that helped me a lot was How Weaning Happens.

To tell you the truth, for a year or so after weaning my son needed to cuddle for a while with my boobies to fall asleep. I know it's not for everyone, but I'm happy that we chose to co sleep and to night nurse. It wasn't a mistake or a failure at all. It was a very precious time for us. Now my boy is older and sleeps in a big boy bed. Take your time weaning. You won't be sorry. Good luck!

With my daughter I just let her cry. The first night she cried 3 hours, the next 20 minutes and the next 5 after that none. You just have to be sure once you stop you don't give in or it will revert back.

Why don't you contact your local La Leche League. They many members there can give you support and give you lots of ideas.

I weaned my son (now 32 months) at 21 months. My advice is to be very frank with him. Children (especially breastfeeding children, I've noticed) are very sympathetic to their mothers. Nursing is a bonding experience for them, and they won't want to do it at the expense of your happiness. Try explaining to him that when he nurses all night you don't get enough sleep. Tell him it is making your very sad. Make sure he knows you love him and you love spending time with him but that your "boo boo" need some privacy at night to help them and you feel better. Tell him that you will nurse him once at bed time and then again in the morning, but not in between and that if he gets out of bed he'll have to fall back to sleep without boo boo.

I really think this approach is what helped make our weaning process easy, however, there will probably be tears so plan ahead for how DH is going to get enough rest on the first night or two. Is it possible for him to sleep in another room for a couple of nights (with your son or in a guest room etc?)

Good luck M.. I hope it all works out for you.

T.

My advice is to talk to your son and include your husband in the night time routine. When my daughter weaned, the most important things for her to know were that she was not missing out on anything, that she would still get special time with mommy, we would still be there for her when she woke up at night, and that sleep would come to her in a safe and soothing way.

The great thing about weaning when a child is over 18 months is that they are able to communicate so much more with you. So you can tell him that it is too h*** o* your body to nurse at night. You want to do it in the morning, and he should save it for that time (if you want to cut down slowly). Otherwise, you can tell him that his body is strong enough to try life without nursing. Then work with him on a new bedtime routine. Perhaps he chooses a few books, takes a bath, you cuddle and read the books together (since he has siblings it may help if you call this your new special time together) and then you'll stay with him until he falls asleep. If he wakes up seeking to nurse, have your husband get up and hold him... maybe walk around the house holding him until he goes back to sleep, sticking to whatever story that you decide to tell him about why you're not nursing anymore.

I hope this helps!

We had the same experience this summer. My daughter turned 2 in June and I never planned to nurse her that long. She was our last baby (3 total) and I think I wasn't emotionally ready to let go any more than she was. We also co-slept. So, we spent probably a total of 6 weeks talking up being a "big girl" who doesn't drink NaNa, with her brother and sister chiming in the whole time. It would make her cry and I didn't push the issue... just kept talking about it. Then we starting doing a sippy cup of carnation instant breakfast right before bed, in bed so she wold be full. Then one night she fell asleep without crying for it as I laid beside her. The next night I told her the NaNa was all gone. I think me knowing that she could fall asleep without it was what it took to hold fast and not turn back. That was at 25 monthes. Feel free to email if you want more details. Good luck.

Hi M.! I feel your pain! I have 20 month old daughter that I'm still nursing. . I spoke to someone at La LEche LEague who was so helpful in helping me in setting loving boundaries with my daughter. . .can you talk to your son during the day about some changes? It sounds like the 2 issues of sleep and nursing/weaning are hitting at once, and it might be tough to tackle them at once. ., here is the # for Deana at La Leche LEague - I think she's in Citrus Hts or Roseville. . her # is on the LLL website, so I think it's fine to give it to you . . she was so helpful. . .###-###-#### -good luck!

You shouldn't apologize for being ready to ween at your son's age. You have done a wonderful job. Your husband may want to sleep on the couch for a night or two while you go through the challenging exercise of just not feeding him at night. He won't like it, but he is old enough to understand what you are saying and eventually he will give up.

Or, over the weekend, you sleep on the couch and have your husband sleep with him so your son isn't so enticed by the "boo boo" and learns that he CAN fall back asleep without it.

Good luck!

Michelle, I almost didn't respond to this because it's not something I've had experience with... unfortunatly, my milk went away much too soon when I had my babies. But, I just had to see what people were saying about the subject. After reading the responses, I have to tell you I think Kate V. has the best answer for you. I just thought I'd add this for your consideration. Could your husband afford to take a day or two off of work while you are going through the process of weaning? That would likely make his helping you easier to handle. You'd have to be sure you keep the routine otherwise as normal as possible. And, I would love to see you figure out a way to get that little guy out of your room and into a space of his own as soon as possible (I'm sure you would too). On that, my experience is that my parents kept me in a crib in their room until they had to clear the crib for my sister... who is 7 1/2 years younger than me! Yes, I was still in a baby crib at age seven and can remember sleeping in it. Not a good thing!

Earplugs are a wonderful thing that your husband can use because just as others have suspected there will be a lot of crying. I understand the husband needing his sleep. My husband needs his as well. I am not trying to wean just yet, but I am having the problem of my daughter wanting to eat a lot during the night. I have decided that we need to work on changing that. Last night I wheeled her crib into the play room and that is where she slept (so as not to wake up her sisters who she shares a room with). She had trouble falling asleep at first without snuggling up in bed with me, but she eventually did it (with some crying). Then she woke up once, but was able to get herself back to sleep without her nursing (a little more crying). She woke up in the morning a happy baby even with the crying at night. My husband was out of town last night and so I figured that it was a great time to try it. I have a friend who keeps the crib in her room during the day for naps etc and then puts the crib out of her room at night. I wish you the best of luck.

I hate to tell you this, but Daddy just might need to get in on the act -- so you'll need to plan this for a Friday and Saturday night. I sent my husband in to my daughter when she was 16 months old. She didn't wake nearly as frequently as your son does, but it was clear that nursing was her crutch (yes, I stand by that word) to go back to sleep when she did wake up. It took three nights: the first, she cried for 45 minutes, but in her Dad's arms, NOT ALONE (he cooed and sang and told her firmly that mummy was sleeping); the second, she cried for 20 minutes; by the third, she had it figured out and only cried for 5 minutes. She hasn't done it since.

When I fully weaned her at 20 or 22 months, she was only nursing once a day right at bedtime. My husband put her to bed every night for a week and I made sure to be out of the house. Then, after a week of that, I put her to bed again. We'd spent the week talking about animals and babies that get big and don't need their mama's milk anymore. So when I put her to bed, she said "Nappy nursie time, mummy", and I said, "No, sweetheart, it's just nappy time, remember, we don't nurse anymore because you're big now and mummy isn't making milk for you anymore." "OK," she said and she went right to sleep. Literally, right to sleep.

It CAN be that easy, but you need someone as determined to get through this as you are. Your babe will need comfort, just not the comfort he's used to, your breast.

But no matter what way you choose to do this, it'll only be a few noisy nights for the family, because I'm sure your babe is smart enough to figure out the new drill pretty quickly. A few noisy nights for the whole family is nothing compared to what you've been putting yourself through these last months.

Good luck to you, my friend.

I understand about the husband working hard. My own works an hour away also. Two things concern me though. You said he is the man of your dreams, but he is forcing you into a situation that is not to your liking and why would you believe your 9 year old would hurt the nearly two year old? When Dad is not home during the weekdays(This is not mean just tough love) do not give the baby "boo-boo" or as little as possible. Allow the child to cry on weekend nights (The others can catch up on their sleep and your husband can help with the weaning and night feeding since he does not have work the following day. Your husband may take a nap if he needs to the following day. Does he offer to take care of the children and allow you to take a nap since you are the one up most of the night?) Give a sippy cup, a bottle or even a tumbler if your son is able. He is two and should be able to hold and mentally handle all. You need to wean your son off as soon as possible if it is causing problems for you. Your mental and physical state is just as important as your husband's

I had very similar circumstances with my oldest daughter. ( Husband needing sleep other children in the house etc.) She was 22 months old when I knew I had to wean her as she was just chewing on me every hour. Anyway I took her to another bedroom( put the others in bed with their dad) and slept with her for three nights but NO nursing. I would hold her and tell her no more. Yes, she would cry but it was so good for her to have me there to comfort her and each time she woke up the crying was less and less.She coped very well by knowing I was there and by the 3rd night she was sleeping soundly for 6-8 hours at a time and back in her room.

I have not yet weaned my son, so I won't be much help there. But I also have a wonderful husband who comutes to work and gets up very early. I read where fathers have an easier time helping a child go to sleep. (Dr. Sears) We tried it and had success. I nurse him before bed and my hubby takes him into his room to rock him and put him in his crib. He does not fight my hubby as much because there are no breasts to soothe on. If I put my son down and he fights it, my hubby comes in and my son automatically puts his heads on his shoulder. It is like he knows that different people can soothe him in different ways. Some nights are still challenges but it empowers my husband to be such a great help. It is hard when he works because he is home such a small amount of time that he misses a lot and sometimes feels disconnected from the nurturing. NOw my husband and I know that if our son has nursed but is having a hard time going to sleep, Daddy is the go to guy.

First of all, he should be eating solids by now right? Make sure he's getting three meals and 2 snacks every day. Nutritional requirments having met...

Every child is different. I have one which I can set boundaries and just redirect the habits by letting her cry it out. The crying stops within 30 minutes...unless she's feeling hot/cold, teething, or is coming down with the flu.

My other child cries all night long. It turned out that she was in pain, but didn't know how to communicate it to me properly. I would try to find out what's bothering your child.

With my child, it was acid reflux. The doctor had to put her on Zantac, which only helped a little. After she was able to tell me, "My tummy hurts" after she drank milk from a cup, I was finally able to figure out that it was my nursing that caused the problem. I was eating/drinking a lot of dairy and it was passing through into the breastmilk before she was able to drink from a cup.

After that, I took her in to see an allergist. She now knows to avoid milk and orange juice as a result.

Of course, your child will most likely have a different problem causing discomfort.

Marie, that was so lovely! What a wonderful mama you are :).

Lisa, I got tears in my eyes thinking about your child crying alone for 3 hours, not understanding why or how everything had changed. Then just giving up hope after 3 nights of no one responding to her sadness.

I hope you won't put your sweet son through something like that, M.. It's so unnecessary.