Weaning Advice

Tell him you'll have a weaning party when he's all done. Tell him what snacks there will be, what decorations, what games everyone will play, who will be invited, etc.

You got to stand firm. Tell him he is a big boy now and big boy's drink out of cup. If you need to go to the store and let him pick out his own cup.
I weaned my son at 19 months old and he wasn't having it. It took us about a week to be done with it. It was hard but you have to stand firm and mean no when you say it.

Good luck.

Hi P.,

Congrats on doing such a great job meeting the needs of your toddler. There aren't many people who nurse for as long as you have and you should be proud that you were able to provide your son with this bond and nutrition for so long. I found with my son (who also still nurses - age 2.5) that there were "Triggers" that caused him to want to nurse - a particular chair that we always nurse in - if I sat there, he would want to nurse - or a position that I held him in - if I held him that way he would want to nurse. I found that by avoiding a lot of the triggers, I could avoid "extra" nursing sessions. I also found that he is old enough to understand when I say, "we'll nurse later" or "when we get home". It sounds like your son also understands and waits until bed time.

the best way to wean is to do it gently and slowly. Here are some tips from kellymom.com: <http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/index.html&gt;

Here is also some information she has on dealing with a "clingy" toddler that may help you: <http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/velcrochild.html&gt;

Good luck - and be proud of yourself for doing such a great job! Your child is lucky to have you!

J.
A Mother's Boutique
http://www.mothersboutique.com

Hi P.!

Sorry I didn't respond sooner. I haven't been on for a few days.
I don't have any "real" advice but just wanted to let you know there are other moms who nurse past one year. My son nursed until about 1 month shy of 3 and my daughter just weaned this past Nov/Dec at about 26/27 months. Fortunately for me, they both self weaned.
Ignore the ignorance of the lady who emailed you and others too. My kids are both happy healthy well adjusted children. My son was a preemie (born at 29 weeks) and shows no signs of being born so early. I am sure breastfeeding him made a difference.
Just wanted to let you know there are other moms who extend breastfeed.

~C.

As crazy as this sounds, I heard of a mother who drew a face on her breast around her nipple. Her son took one look and never went back! And I wanted to congratulate you on standing your ground with that insensitive respondent. Good luck. -another nursing mom

This isn't a disciplinary problem, so ignore advice that tells you to "stand your ground" or punish him in any way. I nursed two of my kids to 3yo, and two to 2yo. At 3yo, they are old enough to understand that mom has needs and feelings and wishes. You can actually reason with them, but you have to be consistant and compassionate. Extended breastfeeding is a wonderful thing, and those who have not done it cannot understand the mixed feelings involved in weaning a 3yo. I agree with staying away from the trigger areas, continue with whatever you consider to be the most important nursing times right now (ours were bedtime and first thing in the morning) and work to find out alternatives to handling the rest. 3yo is a time for them to learn more self-soothing techniques, and you can talk about that with him, show him all the alternatives to nursing: hugging, cuddling, even bathing. If the sucking reflex is strong (and with one of mine it was super intense) offer up things like lollipops (sugar free if you want) and popsicles instead of nursing. Offer with a smile and an excited attitude, make it fun--sort of a game--to find things other than nursing to sooth him when he asks.

You should be so proud of yourself for nursing this long, there are so few who do in our culture. You have given him such a wonderful immune-system boost and a bonding time that can't be matched :)

I feel for you! My son is almost 3 and is the same way! Usually he just nurses before and after he goes to sleep, but he'll also want it when he's hurt, upset, shy, etc.

One thing I've done that helps is to limit the length of each nursing session. I'll sing ABCs and when the song is over, he's done. After that, i'll cuddle or rub him if he needs more comfort.

I also read somewhere that w/ older toddlers, nursing is a way for them to get our undivided attention. I have to make an extra effort to give my youngest some 1 on 1 time doing something else w/ him - reading, puzzles, blocks, cooking, etc. Nursing is just so easy that I forget he needs me in other ways!

I don't know if any of this helps (obviously I'm no expert, as I'm in the same boat as you!), but at least you know you're not alone.

Trish-
Sorry that I do not have any advice, but wanted to respond because I laughed when I read your request, because I have a two yr old son who is also in love with his "mimi". He only nurses at naptime and bedtime also, but I know soon we'll have to stop and I wanted to see what tips you recieved. My two older children had bottles, which got "lost" one night, and that's how their habit was broken - I know I just can't "lose" his "mimi" though!!! So, I read the responses people sent to you, and wish you luck.

Hi, P.. I can relate to your situation and I know how frustrating it can be. My daughter nursed until 2 1/2 and didn't seem to want to stop either. The best advice I can lend you sounds cliche, but honestly, it worked: be firm. Your son knows that you will give in (kids are very smart and we don't give them enough credit). But it is important that you replace the closeness of breastfeeding with extra kisses and cuddling. Your son needs to know that he can still be close to you. He will be ok and don't feel guilty. Weaning is an important life lesson that will help him adjust to growing up. Once you get through the first night, it'll get easier and easier--remember that your own emotions have less to do with him than it does with YOU! He will not be traumatized.

My daughter kicked and screamed for hours on the first night, but I endured it and tried my best to console her. After the first few nights, she asked if she could sleep on my chest. I said yes and she drifted off to sleep with no fuss. We now enjoy an even closer relationship than before--one that my friends all admire. My daughter is uber-affectionate towards me and tells me that she loves me repeatedly (as I do her). It is actually quite beautiful. You can do it! You will both be fine...you have given your son an important gift and you have absolutely nothing to regret. I salute you!

Boy that is a tough one. I weaned my oldest at 2 1/2 because I was ill. That went surprisingly okay. My youngest weaned at 23 months but was with the help of my husband. It sounds like you don't have that support and I feel for you! I know LeLeche has a book out there called 'How Weaning Happens'. It might give you some useful insights of how to push things along. When I was done with my copy I donated it to our local library.

I know this doesn't give any solid advice but I wanted to know that I feel for you and wish you luck.

I didn't wean my daughter until she was two months shy of her 3rd birthday. I remember sitting her down and telling her that Mommy's milk was almost out. (This was the only thing I could think of to do that she would understand.) I explained to her that, just like the milk in the sippy cup runs out and there's no more, Mommy's milk was running out and there would soon be no more. Since we were also practicing numbers, I told her that Mommy had enough milk for five more drinks. (I nursed only at night, too.) Sure enough, after the first night, she counted down and understood that she only had four more times. We counted down together every night. On the last night, I reminded her that this was it--this was the last time; Mommy would have no more milk after tonight, and she seemed to understand. When she asked to nurse the next night, I reminded her that Mommy had no more milk, and she cried but seemed to understand. I stood firm on "no more milk." She cried the next night, too, but less than the previous night. By the third or fourth night, there was no more crying. I think your son is old enough to understand when there is no more--just give him a little time to get used to it. Good luck!

From what I found with my kids, that whenever the nursing started getting to me, the best thing to do was give in to them. Sounds weird, but they sensed my anxiety and therefore became even more clingy. Once they knew that I was there for them when they wanted, they were secure and wanted less.

I would need a bit more infornmation about the ehtirty of the home/social environment but seems to me that your little one identifies only your nursing as a positive source of comfort/bonding. I would suggest you slowly begin to limit the time you allow him to nurse at night replacing that time with another form of positive association for bonding and "love". This will allow him to understand that there is more then your tit that bonds the two of you. If this fails I would suggest a child psychologist. It is possible that he has identified as "the baby" of the family and is exploiting this as a means of gaining your attention.

Good luck

If you are wanting to wean him from the night nursing do this in increments. Allow him a certain amount of time and decrease this over time. Before you stop him tell him how much time he will have. He will not understand this but it will help him learn over time as well what a time limit is. Ex. You have until this show is over. Before his time is up give him another heads up. You can also try to incorporate that boobies are for babies and that he is a big boy now. Also try a healthy snack that you can nickname boobies and change to nummies over time. When he asks or follows you around the house, give him your designated snack. I hope this works.

e.

Hi, I know this will sound crazy, but I heard that one Mom put chocolate all over her boob (without the little one seeing) because her little one didn't want to wean. Then, much to the little one's surprise when he saw the chocolate on her boob he didn't want it anymore...
I have no idea if this would work, but if I were at the end of my rope, I'd probably try anything, so I thought I'd put that out there... hope you don't mind, I know it sounds crazy.
Take care, M.

Hi there!

No advice, just expressing a little more encouragement and support for extending your breastfeeding relationship. You don't sound like you need the self-esteem boost, but I wanted to give props anyway. Go you! I hope i have your gumption in a year or two to stand up to closed-minded, ignorant naysayers.

I'm beginning our second year of nursing my little one. Not looking forward to the day we need to wean, if necessary. Thanks for asking the question; there is some good advice here!

Best wishes!

Hi P.,
My hat's off to you for going it alone this far and I'm glad you've chose to reach out for some support. I am sorry your husband is unsupportive. Have you thought about some counseling?

Since you have been able to cut back to one nursing, it is going to boil down to your will or his and YOU are going to have to hold firm on this. It IS time.

You can talk to your child but expect a tantrum...the bottom line is don't give in to him as difficult as it may be. You are NOT hurting him. This may take a few nights. Perhaps before bedtime you can give some extra cuddles and a story, but when he reaches for your breast say " No, now these are just for pillows" and you can rest his head. He'll get the idea in time without losing the closeness of your body.
Where will you be starting college and have you made arrangements for childcare?
I hope you will try to extend your support system a bit closer.
Mothering under good circumstances is a hard job. Going it alone is even tougher.
Please let me know how you make out.
Blessings!
Justine

Hi Trish - every kid is different and it sounds more like a cry for comfort than actual hunger. Do you spend one-on-one time with just him?? Nursing a child is a very involved emotionally fraught thing, it's not all about eating and appeasing a physical hunger, it's also about nurturing and comforting. I suggest letting him nurse, but decreasing the time every couple of days .. but continue to cuddle for the 'full' time. So .. he usually nurses 5 min ... let him nurse 4, cuddle additional 1 min .. then in a few days nurse 3, cuddle 2 .. few more days nurse 2, cuddle 3 .. and so on until it's just about the cuddle time .. offer a sippy cup on your lap before he is allowed to nurse so his tummy is full. Good luck!

Hey, Trish!
You have done an amazing job nursing your son for so long! Unfortunately now, he has a really hard life long habit to break. You can do it, it's just going to be a matter of standing firm while he freaks out for however long it takes. But don't give in! It usually takes three days to a week to break behaviors-this may take longer. If you give in occasionally you start from scratch, so don't! It's your only choice! Try to replace it with something positive, and don't let it phase you when he tries to yell and get angry. He's old enough to understand his actions and what you tell him, so treat it like any other discipline issue if he refuses to cooperate after a reasonable amount of time being nice about it. Good luck!