Want to Hear from Grandmothers About How to Ask for Multiple Gifts...

I just wanted to make a quick resonse to this being a stepmother to twin boys. When I have birthday parties for them there is one party but...I have two party tables, they each get their own, they each get their own cake and their own presents. They really like having their own spotlight on the day they deserve. They are two different people afterall.I let them each pick out their own themem for their table and I tell people ahead of time what each one is asking for (seperate). HAve fun

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My dad has a twin sister. Their birthday is Dec. 22 so people would give them one gift with a card that said TO Johnny and Joyce, Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas. They laugh about it now, but I know it bothered both of them when they were young. People just don't think these things through.

Let people close to you know how you feel. Better to insult them if need be then to risk hurting your children for life.

By the way, the "twins" will be 80 this year. We are going to do a big birthday party, but still give them one gift to share...a "Twister" game.

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Hi there,

I am not a grandma but I do have 2 kids a boy and a girl. Both have birthdays in the same months as their cousins. My sister always wants us to have a birthday party together but I have not done it because I just have issues with the separate birthday thing. Her childeren are a little more spoiled so there are more gifts to open than my childeren. So my point is that if there were 2 kids that have different personalities or intrest I would think people would be understanding about giving 2 gifts. Sometimes those who may be retired might be a little more straped for cash. Those that care about you and your family won't mind. I go all out for my nieces and newphews anyway. Maybe try sending 2 styles of birthday party cards and getting different decor for each twin. People might get it.

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Hi K.,
I have B/G Twins who will be 2 next month and I have had a similar situation. I did tell my mom that they are individuals and I hope she "got it." We'll see. But I was wondering how you handle giving gifts to other kids when all (or both) your kids are invited to a party. Do you give two greeting cards as well as two gifts? One card and two gifts? I also have a third child who is one year younger than the twins so since he goes everywhere we go, should he be giving a gift as well? It's all so confusing isn't it. I would love to hear your perspective...or anyone else's...
Thanks,

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You do not ask for gifts, you just accept graciously whatever is given. As the children get older and their interests are diffent I suspect that the gift givers will reflect that in the gifts they give without you telling them. Be gracious instead of demanding.

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Hi K.,
My twin sons are now 40 and I remember your dilema. They are two separate people and you are right, they should each receive their own gifts. Explaining this to family and friends by requesting two smaller gifts seems the best. Boys and girls have totally different tastes and should be treated as individuals.

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I am not a grandmother...but I have a different perspective because I am an identical twin. We are both grown now and moms, but growing up was tough because everyone treated us as one person. Do your twins a favor a set a presidence early that your twins should be treat as individuals.(One gift is unacceptable in my opinion..they may be too young now to notice, but as your twins grow up, they will resent it) No matter how hard you try, people will still treat them as one or a "set". It is extremely hard to grow your own identity in this enviroment, so do them a favor and get them involved in seperate activities where they will not be compared to each other and their names will actually be remembered(instead of one of the twins).
Hope this helps...let me know if you have any questions for me..my mom would have loved to have a forum like this to talk to other moms of twins.
Blessings,
L.(twin B)

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Hi K.. I'm not a grandmother of twins, but a mother of twins. While my kids were really small, I got away with getting them each a gift, but not necessarily the same gift, ex: FP Farm and FP gas station. They were not the same, because they were "bigger" gifts. If I was buying smaller gifts, ex: little cars or something they each got one, but in different colors. When they were a little older and we had b-day parties w/school friends, there were only a couple times when they had to share their gift (a playstation game - it was valued at $50), so I understand the sharing part there and they were old enought to understand it. I do belive they should have their "own" gifts. It is had for kids that age to understand what's happening.

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a couple years ago my son approached me about gift buying. it was a little different situation in that I was buying them too much,

I had been doing this for years and I have 10 grandchildren. No one wanted to say anything for fear of offending me. It seems the grandchildren were overheard, saying to a friend. "Yes this is nice buy wait until I get to grandma's gifts.

I had no idea I was doing anything hurtful and would still be hurting them today if my son did not take his courage in his hands and stop me. He forbad me to buy any gifts for them until further notice. It was extreme but no more extreme in his sight than what I had been doing.

I thought of it as lavishing on them what I could not do for my children when they were small. He thought of it as competition for their affection.

It hurt me and it took me a while to regain my composure, I love my son and he loves me.

We all handle things the best we can, but the point is, I had no idea that my children felt that way until they were honest with me.

Truth can hurt, but it can also change a situation that is need of changing.

Say something about this, and for the sake of everyone involved, do it before you feel the need to be radical.

A wiser and happier Grandmother

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My two girls are one year apart. They still share a birthday party (10 days apart) and their birthdays are in December to top it all! But our problem is that everyone buys them each the same identical gift!

We get two of everything - every year. It's the same for birthdays and for Christmas. Two matching dolls, two matching pianos, two matching video games.......it's insane!! :-)

When will that end?

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You should be greatfull for any gifts that you or your children receive. I would not say anything. Things will work themselves out as they get older. Life is not fair. I would not give a gift to someone who told me what or how to give. Giving is from the heart and is a GIFT. Be happy that you have family that cares.

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Maybe you could just smile, accept the gift, and then say, "Thank you! Which child is this for?" Maybe that would help get the point across...good luck!

I am not a grandmother but I would just talk to my mom. You might even explain that if she wants to buy a gift for them to share buy one that has 2 parts so that they both get to open a gift. I am sure that she will understand. Mostlikely she hasn't even thought about it. Good luck

id politly ask -Mom which one is this for ?when she say's both -laugh out loud and say mom there are 2.1x1=2

As a Grandmother of 5 under the age of 6, I understand your delima. I have kept an open communication policy with my family. I would hope that my children would, in this situation, just tell me that they need individual gifts for the kids. I think they would just say, Mom they are twins but also two seperate individuals and they are hurt by only one gift between the two of them. I would understand and agree with them. I think alot of times grown children under estimate their parents. We have all been their in one way or another. I hope for you and your families sake it works out for you. Merry Christmas.

I am a grandmother and I would definitely buy 2 gifts cause there are 2 kids and it just seems to me that would be common sense.......yes ask for 2 gifts, I could never do a child that way...of course the other child is gonna want to open a gift.....Good Luck and God Bless...

I am a grandmother. And here is what I think. Remind your mother and any other family memebers that you have two children not one. And if they want to give a gift to them. Buy two less expensive gifts. Feelings may be hurt. But you need to think of your children.

B. F

Just tell her that they need there own stuff I am sure she will understand if she just thought about it. I would rather the gift be cheaper and both get something then one feel left out

Hi K.. What a quandary you have. I definitely think you need to ask your mother and others to treat the children as separate people - it is incredibly insensitive to give one gift to 2 children. Perhaps if you could explain how that hurts the children and raises the possibility of competition as to who gets more than the other, she may see the light. If her financial situation is such that she cannot afford 2 gifts - perhaps a gift certificate to WalMart or a children's zoo, museum, etc.,or an IOU for them to spend time with grandma alone where they could A. pick out something for each or B. enjoy an outing together. Good luck with this - I'm sure you can work it out.

If your mom is a gift buyer than she should have no problem buying 2 gifts. Maybe you can tell everyone to give gift card to local stores and the girls can pick out their own things. Because if they are given 1 gift that may cost $20:00 with a gift card they could have $10:00 dollars each. Just a suggestion.

I also have twins and I had the same problem with certain relatives. I just flat out asked for separate gifts last year and used the excuse, because they are no longer interested in the same things.
Since yours are also boy and girl twins I am sure they like different things, mine are 3 1/2 and my son is into sports and trucks and trains, he likes to watch Thomas and friends videos, and Bob the Builder, and my daughter likes princesses and my little ponies, and princess videos.
I would just explain that they have their own personalities and need separate gifts that reflect their specific tastes.

I have girl/boy twins that just turned 5. When they were infants they would get shared gifts, like the table that lights up and plays music, but as they got older it was just a natural progression to receive seperate gifts. Usually, people call and ask what the kids are into and I give an answer for each child. Jess loves poneyville and Justin loves hot wheels.
I also agree with the respondant who said she "gives" a gift from each child as well. We may not always make it 2 seperate gifts, but we spend more money than we normally would for a party gift and give a more expensive toy or game or whatever they asked for.
I think it's hard for people without twins to understand how different they can be. My twins are as different as night and day.
I think you got some great advise. Just relax and rejoice in the fact that you have friends and family that love you and your family.
God Bless,
J.

I am a grandmother, there are no twins in the family but my daughter in law has two boys ages 5 and 2. When I buy a gift for one I buy for both. Even birthdays. Of course the birthday boy gets the big gift but his brother gets something as well. Just let it be known that one or the other of the boys gets their feelings hurt when only one gift is given. This should wake up the grandma and other family members and they should start buying for both of the boys seperately. I can understand if it is a large gift item, buying only one to share. But then they should arange with another family member to get both of them the same gift. So it is not expensive on any one person. Good luck and God Bless.

Everyone has given you excellent advice. Please ask your family to give you less expensive gifts so that they can afford to give one gift for each child. Though maybe they could only afford to buy one nice expensive gift and thought this was more appropriate then giving out two cheap gifts. The main thing is to sit down and talk (no accusing) to try to work things out.

I would try to nicely explain to her that one gift just doesnt work, one person is always feeling left out, to please just buy one for each, that they are getting older and are starting to realize that one of them got left out. Surely she would understand and want to make them both feel special. Just my 2 cents :)

I am a mom of twins and I feel like I am on the other side of the situation from you. I have a 5 1/2 year old and 3+ year old twins.
I feel like I am always picking up toys and that they out grow them way to fast. I see too many toys as a waste of money, That being said I really enjoy the Joint gifts. I have to remind the kids to share (of Course) But depending on how we handle it with them is how they will do in lifes situations. I think your challange here will work itself out in the near future....... they are coming to the age where the Baby/toddler toys will become boy or girl toys.
if you have a good relationship with you mom( and if you really want to know), go to her and ask her, her adivce... why does she by one gift? and why does she think the others do the same??
You will Laugh at this one......... My twins are always playing witht he others toys. she will Play catch more than out son and he tries on the girls dress up shoes, it just looks like fun to each other I guess!!

K.,

They may think that getting one gift that they aren't picking a favorite. As a grandmother of 16 and one more on the way, no multiples, that each child is an individual and should be treated as such. You can tell them that they are each individuals and deserve to be treated as individuals. They could get each child a simple gift and a gift that they could share. My self I would always treat them as separate.

I am a grandmother and keeping in mind that I never had twins; if I were you, I think I would tell your children's grandmother what you would like her to know...of course, I would begin by telling her how much we appreciate her thoughtfulness in giving our children nice gifts. I would approach this her in a very courteous and gentle manner, saying that I would rather she gave my children two smaller, less expensive gifts than one expensive gift that causes friction between the twins. Now, that said, if these gifts she is giving are something like a musical swing, etc. I would not expect her to give two; I would teach the children that they have to "take turns" as they get old enough to learn this concept. Hope this help

Dear K.: it should be easy, being you have a boy and a girl, to gently suggest that you truly would prefer to have boy toys for your son and girl toys for your daughter. In this way, they will know the difference and not fight over whose toy belongs to who. As a grandmother myself, i would not be disturbed in any manner if my daughter incidated and requested her wishes. Hope i have helped!!!!
Flok

If you have a "healthy" relationship you should be able to just ask her to "buy double" or individually for the twins...it should be easier since you have a boy & a girl. If money is a problem for her you might suggest she buy for one & you get for the other......when my sister & I were small my mom made all our clothes and with money being tight my grandmother would get fabric or whatever for one & mom would buy for the other...it always met our needs and wasn't a hardship on anyone....we were 5 yrs. apart. I've found the "power of suggestion" works wonders....like...."hey mom, how about if you get a truck for son & I'll get a doll for daughter...." something like that...with them getting a little older they realize a lot more that most people think! Mine were 18 mos. apart ...boy, girl....and very close and my mom favored my son so much more it hampered the relationship. Good luck.....

I am a mother of 4 year old twin girls. I have never experienced the "one gift" thing. Even at my baby-shower, I received two of everything. When they receive gifts, people have always given each girl their own gift. The thing I have a problem with is, when they give them different gifts...

For instance, one will get a doll that cries, and the other will get one that does nothing. They don't want to share, so then a war starts! I end up hiding those things....

I would just ask friends and family to please give each child their own gift. They are two different individuals. How would they like it if someone gave them one toy for all their siblings to own/share?

K., surely if you simply state to your mom what you have just stated to all of us, she will see the reasoning behind it. Let her know they are at "that" age and things would be simpler if they are given seperate gifts. At "that" age they start seperating boy/girl toys. He with Thomas the Tank Engine (example) and she with Tinkerbell. In addition they will learn (as you have already stated)each has their own toys. I have a granddaughter just turned 3 last week and can't imagine getting her a toy she would have to share opening, etc. with a twin.
Good luck,
N.

K.,
I am a grandmother of four, a mother of four including twin girls. When they were small, there was no question about multiple gifts!! I am amazed at the insensitivity of your family. I am also amazed because your twins are a boy and a girl!!-which warrants a girl gift AND a boy gift. Gifts should come from the heart and don't have to be big. Your twins are young so they don't notice who gives what BUT when they get older feelings are going to surface. So, step up to the plate, Mom, and just come right out with it to your family and anyone else that thinks twins are just one person. Try to be tactful and just tell them that when they get older someone's feelings are going to be hurt and they won't want to be the "giver" of bad tidings. Don't be afraid of stepping on toes. These are YOUR precious children for Pete's Sake!!

Love,
Carolyn in Alabama

I am the grandmother of 11 children ranging in age from 1 week to 17 years. I totally agree that your twins should EACH have their own gift. I think your Mom would respond if you sat her down her or even wrote a little note to her telling her how UNIQUE each of your children is. Maybe just a story or two about your children's development and how different they are and what they like to play with work work. Every mother remembers that two children will always fight over one toy no matter what their age! I'm sure if you gently remind your Mom that each of your twins is an individual, she will understand. You might even send/give her a list of different toys that each child would like. If she is on a budget you might suggest a toy exchange or thrift store purchase. And if she lives close by...she can spend some quality time with each one...alone. Good luck! K. A.

I think you are absolutely right. They can't help that they are twins. They are not one child. If they were born on different birthdays...would she still buy just one to share? I don't think its fair to them. I think it's good to get them to share BUT they should share their own gifts...not one together because it will never be equal.

It is only common sense that you should buy two gifts. One for the boy and one for the girl. If your mother is as understanding as you say she is, She will understand that she needs to buy two gifts instead of just one. After all they are two individuals with they own likes and dislikes. Best of luck in handling this situation. But I know once you explain it to your Mom, she will understang and comply with your wishes.
MustangHollyM
a grandmother who has custody of her 12 year old grandson.

WOW!!
I am the middle of ten and understand the being left out thing. I was the middle I didn't get to go fishing with my dad because I was to little. I didn't ever get the extra suckers like the little one got. I remember asking why daddy didn't love me like he did the other children. I was about six when I ask that question.

I am a gift buyer for my children and if I had twins I would plan ahead to buy one gift for the boy and one gift for the girl.

If I saw the difference between what was happening I am bold and I would buy bigger better gifts for both until the other stingy people got the point.

The lack of thought and preparation and stingyness are obvious. You have a whole year to plan ahead to buy the next gift. You obviously raised your own children and have a clue what boys and girls like and they are no where the same.

I actually spend a lot all year for christmas for everyone. I am always on the look for bagins and great gift ideas. If I had twins or twin grand children they would feel equally special.

The other advice would be to take the one gift back and get two. Tell the gift givers that you would have to do that to make sure they don't fight over one gift. That puts it clearly on the other person to make two choices.

My mom and dad did not let other people do for one if they could not do for all. Much of the them we received nothing but that was better than one or two getting everything.

Parents and grandparents help teach a giving heart. It is important to teach it correctly.

You need to interceed on their behalf before a party where the gift is opened by one. You could take the gift and open it after everyone leaves if they can't listen to your request for two gifts.

Make the request early so they can plan ahead appropriately. Because you are going to start teaching them to be individuals.

I would just say to all that because they are getting older it will be easier on everyone if they buy a boy gift and a girl gift. I think most people will want to do what you ask if not take it back.

Most stores are receptive to returns on gifts and would certainly understand why you would be returning the gift to even exchange the gift for two gifts.

J.

I have 4yr old twin girl grands. Never in a million yr would I get both one gift to share! I might get one a doll bed and one a high chair, but when I get clothes, they are the same type, just suits the child's personality. Like pink for the pink kid, and a diff color for the one who doesn't want pink. One likes shorts, the other is a dresses kid. Personally, I love to take my grands shopping separately and let the pick out what they want. One sugg might be, to ask for a Thomas the train setup for both, and a diff train for each.

Hey there,

I have 4 year old boy/girl twins and it's never been an issue. Everyone automatically buy's them each a gift. Now that they are in pre-school it's the same with birthday party's.

However with that I am also respectful to when we go to parties each of my kids "give" a gift. Some people I notice think it's ok to give just one gift to an individual but I look at it as that parent was kind enough to buy 2 from mine and they invited both kids therefore it's only right each of mine bring a gift of thier own.

Hope it all works out great for you.

As a mother of twin boys, I have not ever experienced your type of gift-giving. As a grandmother looking back, I've never heard of one gift for twins unless it's a walkie-talkie or tricycle built for two.

Is this YOUR family's 'style'? Personally, I think it's rude.

Your twins don't need to be hesitant when someone brings one gift and you have to decide who will open it. Never mind about hurting an adult's 'feelings'.....your children don't need the 'stress'.......What will happen when they are 10 years old and only one gift arrives?

I would point out that you have a problem which she (your mother)can help with!! That there are two (2) children!! So there need to be two gifts. And help you tell the other relatives.

My twin girls will be 3 in a couple of months and they are fraternal so I assumed your twins were identical when I read your post. Unlike some people (I am sure you have encountered them) I do know that boy/girl twins are fraternal.

That makes it even more curious to me that they are given one gift. My girls are usually given two of the same gift in different colors. On their first birthday, one aunt did give them something to share, but she was the only one.

I think being blunt and just telling your mom, "hey I know in the past you have given the twins one gift to share and as they get older they are wanting their own things. They really notice that other kids have their own toys and though they are used to sharing, they really like having something of their own. It makes them feel special when they are given their own things. Maybe you could get smaller gifts and get them each their own gift next year."

If not, you can always just tell a cute/funny story about how the kids know they are twins, but they don't want the same things and you and your husband now have to buy individual things for the kids...they are noticing other kids don't get one toy for multiple children and their interest are so diverse now that one toy for sharing no longer works for them. Tell her it has helped in discipling because when one child acts up or fights over a toy and they only have mutual toys, if you take a toy from one, you take it from both and that is not fair.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

K.,

I know you originally posted some time ago, but, I have experienced a similar situation with my two girls who are just 21 months apart. We often have their birthdays together and people would bring very similar gifts. For example two barbies but with different dresses. I am sure they did this because they wanted to be fair and perhaps they weren't sure of the girls interests. I think it is ok to add on the invitiation: "If you need gift suggestions "Sarah" loves maze books and "Elizabeth" is really into fairies this year." That way people people will still have the pleasure of choosing a unique gift, but one that is more personal.

Best Wishes,
J. L.

K., I am a grandmother of 3, my grandson is 5, one grandaughter 2 and one 3 weeks. I try my best to not treat one any different than the other. My daughter has the 5 year old and the 3 week old and my son has the 2 year old. Even when it comes to pictures they give me, I want all the same size so as not to show favoritizim. Since you and your mother are close and have a good relationship, I would just sit her down and let her know how this is bothering you and that it causes problems between the children. I bet she is realizing it and when you bring it to her attention, she will begin to buy them their own gifts. Good luck
W.-Nana of 3

K.,

I would either send out 2 different invites i.e. Power Rangers or Spiderman for your boy and Barbie or Priness for your girl. My other thought was in the invite (as over the year maybe family members don't know sizes), you could jot down their individual sizes, for pants/shirts/shoes etc. Or jot down the girls interests, i.e Barbie or Princess and for the boy Trucks and GI JOE. This without saying much might hint to invitees what the kids like.
I am a mom of 9 year old twin girls, and fortunately have not had your problem. I am trying to get my mother in law to stop buying so much stuff for each.
Good luck, Trish

K.,

You sound like a level headed woman - and you've received some great advice. However, I find it amazing that people are willing to call your family and inlaws 'rude' and that some people find this situation so odd. I don't find it particularly odd at all. It sounds like you'll remember this - but it's just a reminder that all your relatives are well-intentioned - they are giving gifts for goodness sakes! Nothing rude about it! It's all how you approach them - I don't think you'll need two invitations (that might confuse, especially if it's only one party) but you could most definitely put some gift "ideas" at the bottom - clearly separating each child's interests and desires - that way they might get the subtle hint. If not, perhaps you can talk with them. Truth be told, we all need to learn to share and receive a gift graciously - you can be your children's first teacher in this valuable lesson!

God Bless,

D.

I am a grandmother of 5 I don't have any twins but I do buy for all my grandkids If I buy something for one I buy for the other4 . They might as well be quads the oldest will be 4 in October . The ones that have brothers When one has a birthday the other gets a half birthday present .This year each one of the kids get either a baby v smile or a vsmile with 5 tapes for ther birthday and the one that has the half birthday I will spend 20.00 to 25.00 on .but you can do just small thing s but I think it would be better to spend less and get 2 smaller gifts than just get 1 large gift for them to have to sharebecause they are 2 indivual people and may take different intrest in things as they grow.

I'm not a grandmother, but I agree that you should nicely let people know that you would prefer a gift for each child. I'm sure your mother would undestand if you just explained the problem to her. I know she would want to do whatever she could to make her grandbabies "special" days great for both of them. I know it's easier said than done. I have an EXTREMELY difficult time discussing issues concerning my son with my mom, but so far, it's always worked out just fine with no one getting their feelings hurt. Good luck!!

I must say that I'm shocked this happens, especially since they are boy/girl twins! My parents and in-laws flood my kids with gifts and I can't imagine this being a problem. I will say (I'm not a grandmother) that if I were you, I'd leave this alone. Your kids are two now, and as they get older, they will learn that some family members treat them as individuals and others don't. I don't think it's right to interfere in this case, especially since you aren't talking about something moral/immoral or wrong, just irritating. I don't know what other advice you got, and I may be completely against the norm, but you can't solve every problem for your kids, and sometimes they just need to learn that some people are like that. Good luck with all this! I still can't believe they get one gift between the two of them!! =-)

I am a grandmother of three and have a set of twin nieces and we all have always treated them as seperate individuals. If gifts are bought,they each get one, not one to be shared. If your mom is like me she would not be offended if you ask that she give each one of your children a gift. It may also help to remind her that one is a boy and they usually like to have boy toys as my grand son says. Hope this helps a little.

i am a grandmother of two grandsons and a granddaughter when they were little we used to buy them all gifts on each birthday. another words what i am trying to say they had 3 birthdays instead of one and now since they are older now they know the difference when their birthday comes and they know that nanny and papa can't buy them gifts all of the time.

i would tell the grandparents to buy smaller gifts for each one of the children instead of just one between the two of them because it is not fair that one twin gets it all and the other twin gets nothing. but really it is up to the parent but that is my suggestion.

I have a twin brother and there were times that we received one present to share from a gift-giver. I can't speak for my brother, but I never felt slighted that there was only one present to open from a gift-giver and that we would have to share. I also never felt less of an individual because of it. I never thought it was rude, tacky, or unacceptable - it was just someone's gift giving style. When we did receive one present it was usually a game that we would play together, an expensive item or a gift that the gift-giver thought we would enjoy that fit within their budget. My parents took care of making our birthday individualized for each of us by giving us our own presents and cakes. They taught us to share and to be thankful for the gifts we were given as well as the time we got to spend with our family and friends. If you feel this is causing a big problem in your family, then maybe you should say something. You've received a lot of good ideas for how to approach it. But know that you can teach your children how to feel special regardless of gift-giving styles. You can also teach them to accept the differences in others. I can honestly say that I have very happy memories of birthdays, Christmas, etc - even the ones with shared presents. Good luck to you!

Do your twins enjoy the same types of toys? Maybe one likes books or blocks more and the other likes cars and musical toys. If they have different personalites, perhaps you could remind your mom of this and suggest toys each would like.

She is your mom and loves you very much. Maybe you could explain to her that it would make your life easier for them to not have to fight over gifts.

Just a couple quick thoughts I had.

I am a mother of 3 yr old boy/girl twins and the only shared gifts we have received were gift cards which we then used to buy two gifts. We have however received joint greeting cards. I don't really understand why people do this. I save the kids birthday cards and don't know how to handle the ones that are addressed to both of them. which memory box should i put them in? One thing that did occur to me that i hadn't thought of before reading your request was that i send joint thank you cards and maybe if i sent individual thank you cards from each child then they might get the hint. I think individual invitations and individual thank you cards might get peoples attention.

As a grandmother, I would never consider buying a gift to be shared, so if you and your mom are on good terms, it should be just a straight forward request, "Mom, they are two individuals, and they should both have a gift, even if you have to spend 1/2 as much on the gift." I had the opposite problem with my mil, she wanted to buy 2 identical gifts for boys 4 years appart as she didn't want one to feel left out even if it wasn't both's birthday.(which made the day less special for the birthday boy).

Tell them just what you told us. One gift causes problems betweent he children and it really isn't fair to treat them like they are one person. They need to be treated like they are individuals, because they are. Tell them they don't have to buy any gifts, but if they are going to they should by one for each child. Bring to her attention that she wouldn't or doesn't doe this to the other grandchildren that are different ages. And that it's not fair to the children.

Hi K. S,
I, too, am a grandmother of twins (boy/girl) and I think you should speak with your mother about giving just one gift. My twins are almost 18 and for the first time will receive the same gift........but one for each. I would never consider just one gift for the two of them. They are individuals with different strengths and desires, different likes and dislikes. Since you have this close relationship and mom is a gift giver; I'm sure she will understand. Then it will be her choice whether to give a gift to each or not to give at all.
Hope this has helped you some.
F. Mc

Dear K.,

I am a grandmother to 2 twin girls and they are as individual as day and night. We do not hesitate on buying sepreate gifts for them because I believe we recognize their individual personalities. They do recieve shared gifts usually games or may be puzzles, and clohtes might be the same but different colors usally their individual preferrence. I feel from what you have explained regarding your twins, it would be more difficult to give a together gift because they are a boy and a girl. Of course it would be hard to share for 2 two year olds. I think if you approached their grandparents on the subject of their individuality and make suggestion on what each might like to receive you would set the stage for the grandparent to build a closer relationship with that child one on one and enspire that child to know their grandparents better also. Remember you can only do what you can do, you can not change anyone else.

I hope this will be helpful. I would love to know more about the children's books you written. Would you be willing to e-mail me back with their titles.

Thank you

Sincerely,

Granma JO
email; ____@____.com