I'll try to keep this short. DD is 12. Boy at her school who she barely knows posted a music video on Youtube as a tribute to her. Video is awkward to say the least. The boy makes a fool of himself. Video has over 700,000 hits because it's so bad (think William Hung singing She Bangs for American Idol a while back). There are over 5,000 comments under video - many of which are graphic and sexual in nature. Boy has no idea that most people are making fun of him. There is a comment that posted early on that has my daughter's first and last name in it. Most people missed that, but when the video went viral, it was picked up by dozens of other websites and is now listed as "such and such video for (insert my daughter's full name)".
Boy came to house earlier in the week apparently to tell my daughter he's going to be on Tosh.O or some other show (he was thinking he'd impress her). I talked to boy (this was first I knew of video) and told him that I didn't want her name/info on the internet. He said it was already all over. After researching and realizing this was now a runaway train, I called his mother (whom I don't know) and asked that the video be taken down for safety reasons for both the boy and my daughter (he gives his full name, email, cell # & who knows what other personal info of his in other video blogs (vlogs) he posts. Boy overhears conversation and gets on the phone and yells at me and tells me he's "not done with his 15 minutes of fame". I tell him 15 minutes are over. Mother tells me she'll "see what she can do". Video is still up days later.
I call police to get advice. They tell me to make a report which I did. They say no laws have been broken and they MAY be able to go to boy's house and request he take the video down, but they can't make him do it. What??? I've contacted youtube through their "check the box" Privacy Complaint Process, but that was a couple of days ago and I don't know what else to do. It was hard enough to get that request sent as they make the process very long and difficult.
What else can/should I do?? We don't want to go to the boy's house as you never know what kind of people you're dealing with - especially parents who've already gotten a call asking (nicely) that the video be taken down. They allowed their son to yell at me over the phone and they said they'd "see what they could do"? Any suggestions? TIA.
PS - my daughter doesn't have Facebook or anything else like that. She doesn't even have her own email account. She spends very little time on the computer and up until this video, was unsearchable on the internet which is how we wanted it because I had a stalking situation many years ago.
I would not be concerned about her name on the internet, full or otherwise. Sorry the video sounds embarrassing for all of you. It shows poor taste on the part of the other child.
I'd get a lawyer involved NOW. Your lawyer needs to make sure your daughter's name is not in any way used on Tosh.O. That guy is SO nasty and will say some awful things that will make your daughter look terrible.
That boy is a stalker in the making. You had better tell the school what he has done and make sure that they start dealing with him. This will not be his last video. Maybe he'll move off from your daughter, but he will try to jack someone else.
Most of the time, people will back off if they are threatened with a lawsuit. They don't want their pocketbook hurt. Talk to the lawyer about this part of it.
I hate that Tosh.O show (yeah, maybe I have no sense of humor, but I think that he is horribly sexist and makes women look stupid and good for nothing but sex) and I won't be watching to see if that boy actually gets on there. But if he is, I hope they will humiliate him. He needs to be taught a lesson, and so do his assinine parents.
Dawn
There is very little you can do but put it in perspective, people are not watching that video to find out info about your daughter they are laughing at that kid. Very few people are going to comb through the comments and then go ohhh he is singing to her, no one is going to do all that and then decide to do something awful to her.
If the idea is keeping her safe she is still safe. Technology is annoying but you have to learn to pick your battles. The more you do to try to stop this the more you will bring attention to her information that you cannot legally get removed.
Have you considered contacting the kid who actually posted her information and ask them they edit their response?
The boy posted his private info and that is his parent's concerns. Your daughter's first and last name is posted by someone that commented...shame on them but it is just her name. The police are right, no laws have been broken.
This is really nothing and I would suggest that you just turn away any inquiring calls (prevent his 15 minutes of fame from shining in her direction) and keep her off the internet for now.
If it were me I would talk to an attorney to see if there was anything at all that I could do. I would not hesitate to sue this family if it were an option. For the rest of her life when her name is searched on theinternet by college entrance administrators, HR officers, and anyone else-this will come up.
You may also want to talk to an internet search firm to see if they can do damage control to get this buried.
honestly. i wouldnt make my son take down the video. he doesnt mention any personal info of her, the commentor does. flag their comment and email yourtube to take down THAT comment not the video, but honestly shes not at risk of being hurt J. because her name is on the internet? I dont get your concerns or worries...tell her to enjoy the 15 minutes of fame and maybe join in the tosh videos and so on, she can state her side and have fun with it..you can either pout, J. let her enjoy the 15 minutes or fame, or ignore it, but there is nothing that boy did wrong.
Wow, that's really frustrating! You have every right to be angry -- this is one of the things that ticks me off about the internet, but I think it will continue to be an unavoidable element of the new digital world we live in. I think if it is only her name and there is nothing else on the internet with her name, anyone would have to go to great lengths to find her -- she won't be searchable on white pages, won't be on any class lists, etc. If your number isn't unlisted, I suppose they could find her by your phone listing, but if your last name is fairly common, that would be hard. I shouldn't think there would be too much trouble, but it sounds like his parents are idiots! Why let their son be exposed that way?! Both in terms of security and public ridicule.
I think your daughter will still be safe, but it's sad that that happened. But the first time she runs a 5k, is in a school play, or does anything else like that, her name will end up on the internet -- prepare for that inevitability.
Are 12 year olds technically allowed to post on YouTube? I think the minimum age is 13 years old. You may have him there.
Also, I'd be more worried about the fact that a 12 year old boy is so obsessed with your daughter, and that the boy's parents seem to have no involvement or awareness of what he's doing, than some poster putting her name out there.
Just found this on youtube's "Terms of Use":
- Things like predatory behavior, stalking, threats, harassment, intimidation, invading privacy, revealing other people’s personal information, and inciting others to commit violent acts or to violate the Terms of Use are taken very seriously. Anyone caught doing these things may be permanently banned from YouTube.
Another thought - have you considered going to one of the news channels? They usually have a consumer advocate program that may help.
Good luck! Frankly, I am disturbed by how dismissive most of these responses are. I would be worried & upset, too!!
You only said her name was mentioned. I wouldn't worry about it if that's all it is.
The boy really has not done anything wrong. The commenter who mentioned your daughters name is at fault for her name being made public. I honestly don't see how her name on the internet is a problem, as her name is not a secret, nor is her existence, and if it doesn't include a picture of her it is pretty meaningless..
So he doesn't mention her name in the video? Someone else does in the comments?
If that's the case then they don't have to take it down. The comment can probably be deleted, but I am not sure how that would work.
sorry you are going through this but I don't think you can do anything.
Can you contact Google inc. who owns you tube and ask if they would take it down since your dd is a minor? There is contact information somewhere if you look hard enough.
I think I would be more concerned about this boy's "obsession" with your daughter than simply your daughter's name out in cyberspace. Names pop up in searches all the time, especially in this day and age where EVERYTHING is linked to the internet.
His parents seem non-chalant about all of this, so that worries me about how in-tune they are to their son's life.
Good luck!
If you're very determined I would consult with a qualified attorney licensed in your state about the adviseability of a civil action. You might be able to get an order of some sort that you could send to Youtube (i.e., get their attention).
It will cost some $$ to go that route though.
Ugh - what a pain. I would be upset too.
Does your daughter have a common first and/or last name? If her name is common, then I wouldn't worry too much about it, 'cause it could be ANY "Amber Smith," not necessarily your daughter.
The boy did not put your daughter's name out there... a comment from someone else did. Therefore, the boy has not done anything wrong per the law.
As for as your daughter's name, it will show up on the internet.... everything is connected now... events that happen in school with her name, sports involvement, etc It is going to happen. Instead of shielding her from the internet, etc... teach her how to best use the internet.
I would be more concerned with the obsession the boy has with your daughter. Granted, what he did was tacky and he'll pay the price for that because he is plastered all over YouTube making an a$$ of himself.
The only thing you may have in your favor is if the boy lied about his age when he posted on YouTube.
So who is it you want to sue? YouTube, the boy's family, the person who made the comment? Just remember, any time you choose to take legal action, be prepared for some major investment where you may see no return. A lawyer would gladly take your $$ and "look into it".
Lawyer Up mamma ... but honestly, it's a little late overall. I am sorry - I too am working on keeping my son's internet exposure minimum in this crazy world we live in.
If this was something that could be fixed we would never see any sex videos' of movie stars or of other sorts of mess ups.
If you remember the Alyssa Milano story she didn't know that scenes from one of her early movies that showed her nude was on the internet. Her little brother looked up her name and that's what came up. He clicked on it and of course got an eye full. She tried getting it taken off but found since it was everywhere there was nothing that could be done.
Same with your daughter. It's runaway train. There is nothing you can do. It is downloaded onto computers for people to share with their friends, it's on FB, it's on youtube, it's on every social networking site being passed around as "You have GOT to see this hilarious video I found".
There is literally nothing you can do. There is nothing anyone can do to this young man either. He cannot be charged with anything because he didn't break any laws, he cannot be made to not discuss it because he didn't do anything illegal. He made a video to tell a girl he had a crush on her and it got out of hand.
I do think it's time you faced that you might want to find out what you, as a family, are going to do to protect her privacy because it's pretty much gone out the door. She might have to have a person with her 24 hours a day for a while just to keep people from asking her for her autograph or something.
I know this is horrible for your family but I think it's time to change tactics. Instead of trying to stop an avalanche it's time to get off the mountain and get everyone safe from the possible danger this might pose to her.
I had an incident with youtube with my 12 yr old. She posted a comment on a video and started getting very nasty private messages from a 21 yr old who knew she was 12. He called her all kinds of terrible names. When I realized I could not file a compliant online with google or youtube, I called my local poilice to ask for suggestions. They were not much help as they said she responded to him calling him a loser so there was nothing they would do. I did discover I could file a complaint with the state so they woould look into restrictions that should be administered. I would try the attorney generals office in your state. Ultimately I just blocked this 21 yr old forrm contacting her but had no idea you could get message via youtube!
