49 answers

Vacation

Hey Mama's! I'm just wondering what your thoughts are on a vacation situation. See I know a mom who is going on vacation for a week and leaving her two kids (4 yrs. & 18 mos.) and husband at home. She is a full-time mom. A babysitter is planned to care for the kids during the day while the husband works. Is this selfish? What are your thoughts on the situation?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you all so much for your responses! I've decided that as long as everyone involved is okay with the situation, then there shall be no worries.

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I think she should take a family vacation they all need time away from the normal routine. I also think if she is taking a vacation away from the kids her husband should go with her. I do think it would be selfish for her or her husband to take vacation alone when they both need a break.

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I think it depends on the person and what the vacation is....I went to my high school reunion last year for 4 days and left my husband home with the kids b/c it was cheaper for me to go alone and not to hire a babysitter. I think it depends on if the husband takes vacations, if she never gets to do anything and is ready for some time away. I also think it depends on the vacation...visiting an old friend, spa weekend, etc but if she is going to Cancun for a week with a bunch of single girls??? I would Never do that. Also, I have friends whose husbands never help, travel on golf trips, Vegas w/ the guys, etc if that is the case, she needs to leave him with some responsibility for awhile and get away herself. My husband travels for work but never, ever leaves me to go out w/ friends so I would never go on a girl's trip.

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Good for her. My vote, if they can afford to do it, do it. Even mommies need down time. I went away for about 5 days and it did me the world of good. I was stressed, crabby and not nice to be around before I left. I was relaxed and a better mommy to my boys when I got back. My husband gets to go away to 1 week every summer. Why should I? Mommies don't have to be martyrs, they are people too and deserve time off.

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I have taken a vacation away from my husband and kids. I had a baby that had a lot of minor problems that made her cry for hours every day. And, at the same time, I had a toddler. I just needed a break. I hope that we Moms don't judge each other. Sometimes we need a break from everyone needed us to be a mom or a wife. And, there are moms who never need that break. So, I hope that we moms stop judging each other. Who cares what we think about her choice? It is her choice and no one should judge it. We should embrace her and realize she didn't make the decision without a lot of reflection and thought. (And, surely discussing this with her husband.) The sooner we begin to embrace each others as moms the more successful we will be.

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I think she should take a family vacation they all need time away from the normal routine. I also think if she is taking a vacation away from the kids her husband should go with her. I do think it would be selfish for her or her husband to take vacation alone when they both need a break.

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Hi M.

I think we have grown up in a society where we are all brain washed into thinking a mother has no right to take care of her own needs. We as mothers have a right and needs that we are responsible for taking care of. Our happiness is our own responsibility. If this Mom needs a vacation, then she absolutely should take one and deserves one, It will give her an opportunity to get some much needed rest and refocus. It will only make her a better Mom that she took care of her needs and took time to regenerate. A Mom that depleats herself is not operating at full capacity and is not giving her children the best she has to offer.

We as women need to enjoy life and be happy. The best gift we can give to our children is to show them how to be happy. Everyone needs a break sometimes and that is OK, in fact it is the healthiest thing she can do.

If she were being neglectful and taking trips all the time that would be different but for an occasional trip, that is great and should be celerated that she made herself do it as we all know how hard it is for a Mom to leave her kids. If she is your friend encourage her as I am sure many people are tearing her down right now. She will need your support and it is exactly what she should be doing.

Be well
T.

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No, it's not selfish. Moms need a break too. It makes them a better mom and she will come back refreshed and ready to see her children. As long as she has made arrangements for babysitting, it should not be a problem. I recently went on a "girls only weekend" and when I got home I felt more appreciated because my husband saw everything that I did and my son was so happy to see me. Full-time moms get taken for granted so it's good for the dads to see everything that we do. We never get a day off!!

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I think it is really necessary for a person's sanity. Good for her for making the time for herself to recharge & reconnect with herself! It is not easy to carve out that kind of time. There are a lot of envious moms reading this!

More power to her!

P

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This response is for some of the 'Mom's' who have already responded.

It is my understanding that this forum was created for us to be able to get advice and opinions from each other. Many of you crossed that line by simply stating this was 'None of her business'. For pete's sake! For sure this is either a question she's asking for her own sanity OR she's just trying to find out if her OWN feelings are on track or out of whack! She KNOWS it's none of HER BUSINESS, that's why she asked US how we would feel. She asked your opinion on a specific topic. You/We shouldn't judge her - at least not here.

As for my thoughts-
Mom's, take every single chance you can to recharge your own batteries. If the trip is on the up and up, certainly and for sure she will miss her family. She'll think about them all day, every day. When she returns- EVERYBODY will appreciate EACH other so much more.

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NO! This is NOT selfish! It's for her own sanity and for the benefit of all the rest of her family. It'll help her love her family even more upon her return.

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My first question is why does this bother you? Are you jealous? I understand the need to get away every once in a while as I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 13 month old. If it makes you a better mommy when you get back than I say go for it! I'm sure you'll understand as your little boy gets older and when you have more than one.

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Hi M.,

I pray all is well with you today!

I don't think it's selfish! I have an 18yr, 12yr & 9yr and I've been on several vacations by myself. Some my husband was able to re-arrange his work schedule others he was not so we had to make arrangements with family/neighbors to help take care of the kids. My thoughts are I need a break AND if something was to happen to me, he (husband) needs to know how to run our house. What better way to get the experience......LOL

What's bothering you about the sitaution? Is it the children's ages? Or is it because you have an angelic 5 1/2 mon that you can't imagine leaving? Whatever your reasoning is - try to understand her situation and be suppportive rather than judgmental.

Blessings, L.

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I think it depends on the person and what the vacation is....I went to my high school reunion last year for 4 days and left my husband home with the kids b/c it was cheaper for me to go alone and not to hire a babysitter. I think it depends on if the husband takes vacations, if she never gets to do anything and is ready for some time away. I also think it depends on the vacation...visiting an old friend, spa weekend, etc but if she is going to Cancun for a week with a bunch of single girls??? I would Never do that. Also, I have friends whose husbands never help, travel on golf trips, Vegas w/ the guys, etc if that is the case, she needs to leave him with some responsibility for awhile and get away herself. My husband travels for work but never, ever leaves me to go out w/ friends so I would never go on a girl's trip.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't think it's selfish at all! Being a full time mom is a very demanding job that doesn't stop within an eight hour work day. Your friend has the right idea...she probably feels the need to refresh and rejuvenate herself which in the end will make her a better mom. She's lucky to have such an understanding, supportive husband. Good for her!

1 mom found this helpful

Good for her. My vote, if they can afford to do it, do it. Even mommies need down time. I went away for about 5 days and it did me the world of good. I was stressed, crabby and not nice to be around before I left. I was relaxed and a better mommy to my boys when I got back. My husband gets to go away to 1 week every summer. Why should I? Mommies don't have to be martyrs, they are people too and deserve time off.

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Absolutely not! I admire her for taking care of herself. You know how when you are on an airplane and they tell you that if something happens to PUT THE OXYGEN ON YOURSELF FIRST so that you are then able to take care of your children. Sounds like she's doing that. She must know that she needs it. When we take care of ourselves (which we do not do often enough if at all), we are much better equipped to take care of our precious ones that God gave us.
Just wondering - why is this important to you?

I think a week is a long time for the kids not to see Mommy given their young ages and the fact that they are used to being with her all day. I do agree that Moms need a break. This weekend, our children (ages 9 and almost 5) went to their grandparents' houses (one to each set of grandparents) so that Dad and I could have some alone time which was wonderful.

Moms definitely need to recharge their batteries, but for me a few hours or a day away does wonders. I can't imagine going on vacation alone for a week. As another poster said, I'd want my husband with me.

I think every mom needs time to rejuvenate. Especially stay at home moms. I have a couple long girls weekends a year and when I get back I am more than ready to take care of my family until the next one.

That's not selfish at all! I know all Mom's feel guilty about leaving their kids, but we all need a break once in a while

Why is this your business why are you asking other mothers their opinions about it? It sounds to me like you might be envious of the situation and/or trying to start trouble.

If I was able to do that, maybe I wouldn't be so crabby at my kids right now... If that's what she needs, then by all means! I once got my mom to stay with our two kids when they were about 1 1/2 and 4 so that we could take a vacation for about 5 days. The younger one seemed to have somewhat of a hard time, but got over it once we were back for a while, and we sure enjoyed the break. If her husband is there in the mornings and evenings for the kids, then all the better.

Good for her!! Being a stay at home mom is a FULL time job and no one deserves a vacation more.

Hi! My husband and I always wonder at the thought of having to leave home for vacation, to get rid of stress...the thought never appeals to either, we travel to other places to visit family or learn of the places but its never been an excuse to relax...that we do as a family, in our home.
Please consider this is comming from one who has never used a babysitter with her 2 daughters. To each her own... But couldn't ever go on vacation without my family...not being with them would be a cause of stress...and added stress to my husband even with a babysitter.
Hugs,
M.

I think if she needs some time alone without the kids and hubby she is wise to recognize and do that. Our church in MO has a womans retreat weekend that we enjoy very much. We just wish it was longer! I personally would take hubby along but I am not everyone!LOL

I personally wouldnt do that. But if the woman needs a vacation - she needs a vacation!

Heck no! If they can afford it the vacation and babysitter then she should be able to have some "me time!" Being a mom doesn't mean you have to give up your entire self but often we end up doing that. My guess is that she comes back refreshed and a much better mom.

Fantastic!! Even stay at home moms need a break. If she can arrange the break I think it is great. I am a mother of five who has always worked out of the home and have never had the chance to take a break from my family unless it was business related. The break will refresh her and make her appreciate her family more. You wondered if this is selfish, maybe it is, but we all should be selfish ocassionally.

Not sure why there have been some negative responses to an opinion - looks like you maybe thinking of a trip yourself. I do believe do not judge one another on decisions, but each family situation is so very different and our needs as families (mentally) are so diverse.

My opinion on vacations without family:

I would NOT leave my children unattended to go on vacation with a hired babysitter - even if I made a generous amount of money. I do believe that parents need time alone and there are ways to do that without comprimising the integrity of family time or giving the kids the wrong message.

If you need a break, plan something fun for the kids:

Overnight church camp or adventure camp when they are old enough to attend.

Send them to grandparents or another responsible family member for a few days (the beauty of a grandparent is that you can do this at any age depending on the grandparent - I waited until mine were 10 yrs old before I sent them for any legnth of time)

Down time at home is generally all we need and I think that taking a full blown vacation is not necessary as your children are growing up - with a blink of an eye they will be off to college and on their own and we can, at that time, do as we please (vacations, rent their rooms out, make the extra room an art studio and have a clean bathroom longer than one day).

Okay, first off why is this your business. Second, is this all you know of her life's situation do you know her well enough to make an informed opinion. Last, assuming this mom is meaning well (not off the go do something totally stupid) then no I don't think this is selfish. A few years ago my husband was deployed, I was totally stressed with raising two kids, work, and full-time school. A reprieve came in the form of parents. For a week my parents took care of my kids fully, they went on vacation and left me home by myself. At first I was really worried about being away from my kids for so long, I'd never been away from either of them for more a day or two. Once they were gone and I got used to the idea of being gone, I was really grateful that I had a chance to truly relax and not worry about things getting done around the house, watching my kids, doing homework (It was during a break in semesters), and thinking about work (I worked for the college and only when school was in). I spent most of my days at the gym working out, lounging by the pool, sitting in the jacuzzi or the sauna, and reading for fun. My vacation did me a lot of good. Some moms feel this is self and unthinkable, but for others it provides a much needed relief from the daily stress of life. It gives us time to think reevaluate, and appreciate the life that we have.

By the way, the 'vacation' could be a cover for something else. My aunty went on 'vacation' in order to recover from a surgical procedure she felt people outside the family didn't need to know about.

This is between the mom/wife and her husband. If it meets w/his full approval, then it is not selfish. My husband would much prefer to stay home than take a vacation.

I think it's a great idea. Sometimes being a little "selfish" is the BEST thing you can do for your family! She can recharge and really get a chance to miss her kids. Her kids can get a chance to miss and appreciate their mom. Mom gets to come home to heroes welcome (it's the part I miss most about formerly working full-time!). Dad gets to try things his way without Mom's watchful eye.
I take it you disaprove, but I would have too with only one baby. I didn't want to go out to dinner without my son, let alone away for days at a time when my firstborn was young. Now having four kids, I can truly appreciate ALL the benefits of taking a break to recharge. NO guilt... You are giving your family and youself a gift!

Without trying to sound too judgmental myself, why are you wanting other moms to judge her? It's nobody's business but her and her family's.

It is not for us to judge her and what she does. You can only do what is right for you. I was raised in a family that vacation time was family time. My parents would never have left us behind, they loved "family" and that is what vacations do. My husband is my best friend, so why would I go on vacation without him, unless he didnt want to go where I was going. Then I take my sister. You have to do what YOU feel is right. Good luck and God Bless

Absolutely not. She is a full-time mom and works her butt off every day with the kids. They will be fine, she has arranged for them to be taken care of, and when she gets back, she will be a much better mommy and wife - rejuvenated, happy and rested! I wish all mothers could do that! (That said, I only think this is a good idea if the hubby is supportive of it; otherwise I would keep it to 2-3 days instead of an entire week.)

Everybody deserves a vacation... especially full-time Moms whose jobs are 24/7! We are the ones who don't get to take a day off. Even if our kids are in school or elsewhere, we are running errands, cleaning house, doing something for somebody else or our household. When Dad takes a vacation from work, he doesn't have to do anything with it while he's away. Sounds to me like she has an awesome & supportive husband and she has taken all steps to ensure her families' "survival" while she's away; she has definitely earned herself that time away! I think we all should do this (even if you aren't lucky enough to hit the jack-pot and get a week away, an entire day will do!). I'm a true believer in Happy Mom= Happy Family and it sounds like she is to! Way to go Mom and try to do the same for yourself (I'm sure your friend is willing to share all her tips & hints to doing it... tell her to share with the rest of us too!). Go Moms!!

I guess I just don't understand why a mom would want to vacation without hubby and the kids. My family is my life. I understand doing a girls weekend where dad stays home and keeps the kids and the girls/moms go stay somewhere (usually no further than an hour away) to have some mommy downtime but to actually go on a week long, without the kids vacation? No, I don't get it. Heck, the last time I did the moms getaway weekend I took my teen daughter with me because she's one of my best friends. (Probably won't last much longer since i'm sure I will turn stupid very soon in her eyes but for now i'm enjoying it, lol).

I do agree that it is between the two adults-husband and wife. However with that being said, my husband and I have taken vacations without my son to reconnect as his wife and not "mommy". We have also gone back to my home state and stayed at different friends homes. That has given me time to enjoy my friends and he does what he likes with his. We don't always enjoy the same pass times! It also makes the reconnection better. She may be tired of being with her family and need a break. I know that happened to me where I was about fit to be tied and needed to get away by myself and regroup my thoughts, rest and relax and have some girltime. It is good to have alone time as you are appreciated more in the long run.

Why is it selfish? My husband sent me to California to visit a friend a long time ago and took care of my son! It was so nice to be on my own and have a break! I have told my husband to go with his brothers to a football game before and they would stay overnight. I definitely don't think it is selfish. We can all use a break every once in a while, and if her husband is not upset by it and is helping out, then why not. Does it mean that just because I have children I can't also have my own life and a break if someone is willing to help me out. Does it mean that I love my children and husband less. I don't think it does. I am jealous of her. Kudos to her husband for letting her have this break!!!! Just my opinion. I hope I didn't sound mean in my post. This is just how I feel! =) E.

I think it's wonderful and would love to meet the husband! LOL! I do think she will be going nuts after 2 or 3 days. When my husband returned from Iraq a few years ago, my sister-in-law gave us their vacation in Cabo and he and I went alone...our first vacation alone in 10 years, it was great for us but i sure missed my kiddos. Women need a break sometimes, i've even threated to leave for a weekend, but only for 2 days, otherwise I would be nuts. Hope she has a great time and kuddos to dad for not insisting on going with her.

I don't think it's selfish at all!!!!! My hubby works and I stay at home as well and I took a week's vacation by myself. Every Mom deserves a vacation alone because they are the ones that deserve it most! Tell her to go for it and don't look back. The kids & her hubby will be just fine! ;)

Absolutely not! Mamas need a break every now and then. I'm not sure I could go an entire week, but i go on weekend trips with my friends every now and then and my husband also takes our son to visit relatives for a weekend so I can have the house to myself.

If moms burn out, they can't be good moms and that's not good for anyone. If your friend were going away a week out of every month or something excessive like that, it may be a problem. but a Mom-cation? it's needed

HI M.,

I'm interested as to why you are asking this question. Would you like to do the same? Everyone's marriage/family relationships are different. What is acceptable for one may not be acceptable for another. I can definitely relate as to why she would like to take a vacation. Is she going on vacation with some girlfriends? Family? There are so many details that you left out. Personally, I would have liked to leave my kids and go on vacation with my husband, but they may not have that option. I've been married for almost 20 years and have learned that there are all types of people out there. If her husband is OK with this arrangement, than it is no one else's place to pass judgement. Being a full-time mom to two small, active children can be stressful. She may really need to get away and re-charge. Every situation is different. I see nothing wrong with her trip as long as her husband is fine with it and her intent is not to have a "wild weekend" and fool around. I say "Have a great trip!" L.

I think it is GREAT! She has been at home 24/7 with two kids and probably has had no time away from the responsibility for 4 years. A spa week away or a fun time with girlfriends or sisters etc would be such a relaxing and rejuvenating thing. The days of the woman being tied home with no outlet is way past. She needs to have some time away so her time there is more productive and fulfilling. Her husband is away from that everyday at work and bet he has a hobby to do on weekends to give him some relief. If her husband has no problem with it, why do you care? Are you wondering what people will say so you'll know if it is okay for you to try this or are you just sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong?

Hi M.,

I looked over the other responses, and have to admit that I wondered why no one mentioned that the fathers should have the responsibility to watch their children some too. It's good for husbands to "have" to take the responsibility of taking care of kids ever so often. If God forbid, moms get sick and go into the hospital, or pass away, then the dads have to assume all the responsibility all at once. It is a good thing for them to have some "practice" being the primary caregiver, even if it's only for short periods of time. Also, if dads have to be responsible, then they have more respect and appreciation for what we mothers do on a daily basis as well. Children having daddy one-on-one, without mom around, is also a good bonding experience for them.

I'm not sure what the difference in a babysitter during the day and a working mom's daycare or nanny is, I have to admit. Do you consider the issue of working and having a babysitter to be a question of selfishness as well? Having been on the working mom side and the stay at home mom side, I have no real understanding of thinking that it is selfish to have a babysitter. Kids and parents need to be able to be apart. That 4 year old will have to go to school and be away from mom during the daytime. If children don't learn to be separate some from mom, school will be a miserable place for them. And moms need to feel that they are separate from their kids as well. Life is wonderful with kids, but women aren't just mothers - they are supposed to have lives of their own, too.

I appreciate that some moms in this thread have ventured to say that judging others is not appropriate - they are wondering if the question of "is the mom selfish for going on vacation without her family" is being asked because you are critical of her choice. Others have tried to give the benefit of the doubt, thinking that you are interested in this yourself and wondering if you should follow suit. You are the only one who knows where your heart is in the answer to whether or not you are being judgmental of your mom acquaintance (you didn't say whether she is a friend or not.) That is something you may want to consider.

D.

Well M. I think being a full-time mom is a full-time job in itself. So, I definitely think she is entitled to go on vacation for a week and leave her children and husband at home. She has planned for a babysitter to come in so I think as long as she could get back pretty quick in the case of an emergency more power to her. With that said, I'm the total opposite of your friend. I've got 2 boys, 1 that is 8 years old and the other is 15 months old. I've never left my 8 year old period. If I can't go with my boys I don't go but I'm just really over protective of my children and don't feel that anyone can take care of them as good as I can. I've been picked on and teased by co-workers who take an annual trip to the beach without children. I've been asked to go along with them several times but I've always declined because I feel my place is at home with the kids. But if your friend's husband is okay with her going away and she's arranged a babysitter then it really doesn't matter if we think it's selfish. Who knows, maybe she needs a break to relax and take care of herself for a week. Those are my thoughts on the situation and I'm totally speaking for myself.

Hi M.
Why would this be selfish? I think any Mom/Dad has every right to have some time for themselves. It's also good for the kids to spend some time away from parents. Not too long, but some time away is healthy. It sounds like the Mom and Dad in this case is prepared for her to be out of town and have it worked out. My husband and I both work out time to make sure each of us has adult time. After 4 year + of being a Mom, I'm sure this vacation will be much needed!

PJ

Honestly? I don't think it is any of our business.I hope she has a good time.

If she is a full time Mom, she has a full time job as does her husband. Maybe there a things in her private life you do not know. If the husband is OK with it; you should not concern yourself. It is their life. On the contrary if you feel you need a vacation away from the family, don't feel guilty -- you may need the time to refresh yourself and if it doesn't interfere with your family and marriage. I say go for it!! He can manage with a sitter for a week.

I don't think this is selfish at all. Everyone needs a break. I think it will do her alot of good to get away and come back refreshed.

My parents never took us along on their vacations. They would leave my brother and I with our grandparents and go off in their car for a week. They didn't say where they went or what they did. I think they just needed some alone time for themselves. My brother and I never thought anything of it because staying with Gramma and Grampa was a vacation for us.
Since my daughter was born 4 years ago my husband and I have gone on one vacation and we took her with us because I was breastfeeding. We are actually planning on her going to Disney with her grandmother next spring without us. Her and I are going on vacation for a week together to see my family without Daddy.
Whatever works for each family to help keep both parents and kids sane is fine. I love my husband and my daughter very much and can't imagine life without them but I do get fed up and need time for myself, even if it is just a trip to the grocery store.

No, I don't think it's selfish. Moms need time to relax and rejuvenate and no one is going to make that happen for us. Good for her that she arranged everything so that she could have some time for herself. I think it's good when moms talk about and recognize that it's not always fun and easy to raise children and that sometimes we just need a break. I love time away, but I always start missing my babies before too long.

heck no this isnt selfish. if i could make the arrangements i would do the same!

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