Urgent: What to Do for the Teacher's Aide?

I think that is a wonderful idea. I would definelty recommend mailing the card to her though. I know when I went back to work after my son’s death, it was just so difficult to keep myself together. Someone asking me how I was could make me cry although I appreciated their kindness.

I also think a class donation is wonderful. I would just give the cash to her though. She could have unexpected debt now trying to pay for her daughter’s funeral. I would want her to spend any donation money the way she saw fit including if she kept the money for herself. After my son’s death, my husband and I ate out daily for the first year. Deciding what to make for dinner and shopping was just too much for us and we could afford to eat out so we did.

Having the kids sign a card is a great idea IF AND ONLY IF they know about this loss, if it won't frighten them to think about a young person dying, and if they won't say anything to the aide upon her return. Given their young age, I doubt you can coach them to say the right thing - and even if they DO somehow say the right thing, that means she has to respond and perhaps answer questions when she returns. While it's wonderful for the kids to do something, sometimes it creates more problems for the aide. Whenever she's ready to come back, she might just need to get back into her job and not have to answer question after question from young children.

I'd get some guidance from the principal and the teacher, frankly - they probably know this woman better than you do. See if anyone in the school has an "in" with the aide's friends.

Collecting from the parents only (without involving the kids) is a very nice idea - she may have high expenses, as has been mentioned below. But you might expand it to the staff in general - don't duplicate efforts. I'd also look at the obituary and see if they designated a charity for donations that means something to her or that meant something to her daughter. Sometimes having the money go to a relevant cause (such as a victims' support services group) or even planting a tree on the school grounds or in her yard in her daughter's memory are better choices.

I would say it's not important to rush into anything. I know you want to do something, anything - but think about it from her perspective. She's going to be in a blur of pain and shock right now, and she will have a lot of people around her. In a month or two, when people move on with their lives and some of the numbness wears off for her, something from your school might mean a lot more and help sustain her. Think how hard Thanksgiving will be for her, and how hard Christmas will be (if she celebrates it). Doing something later on might be better.

How sad. How very sweet of you to be thinking of her at this horrible time. I believe it would be very appropriate for the class to do something for her. It does not have to be a lot of money to be thoughtful.

From experience when my husband died suddenly (2 years ago next week.... :( ) We did an "in lieu of flowers" to go to the TX Scottish Rite Children's hospital because he was a Mason and they worked to raise funds so children could get good care at little to no cost. I received notices from the hospital each time someone donated with their address (not the $ amount) so I could properly send a thank you note. I know this would have meant a lot to my husband.

We still received beautiful flowers which were appreciated. The sad part about the beautiful flowers is that you watch them die.

One of my neighbors had some food catered to my house and our country club brought food for everyone after the services. I mean they brought EVERYTHING.... from plastic cutlery, plates, napkins, condiments, ice, drinks and cups. I still have extra supplies that were left here.

My daughter and I couldn't eat and still can't sleep. I shared food with neighbors and others so nothing would go to waste. I froze what I could as well for later use.

After the services and all is done.. people go on with their lives as normal while the person who is grieving is learning a new normal. There are many times that I feel so alone like people forgot about it. I would say to keep her in mind afterwards, especially.

You are a very nice person to be thinking of her.

Is there a funeral and luncheon afterwards where she might need food? If so, you could collect funds or organize people to send dishes for the lunch. Or look in the obituary, and if there is an organization for which donations are requested (usually says "In lieu of flowers, please send donations to..."), make a donation in her daughter's honor.

So very sad, hopefully others have ideas as well.

I think it would be wonderful for you to have all the kids sign a card! That would really mean a lot to her.

I would also invite the parents to make a donation. You could make a donation to whatever charity the family has chosen (check with the funeral home if you aren't sure). I think I would also give her a gift card to a restaurant. This has to be very overwhelming, and I think having a meal taken care of would take some of the burden away.

It is really so wonderful that you are trying to do something for her. That alone is very meaningful.

It really depends on the person.
Some would welcome condolences while others would rather be a bit more private about it.
A card and a nice candle would be ok.
But if you're really close then maybe a casserole or some easy freezer meals would work.

We just lost an extended family recently. Honestly, I have appreciated cards with just a thoughtful note. They are still coming in, and every time I get one, what's kind is knowing someone is thinking of you.

My personal feeling would be to get a nice card, have all the kids (and teacher and you) sign it - and give that (and make a donation if there's one she would like funds given to).

Do the kids know? I am guessing they are aware. Very kind of you. Any thoughtful gesture at this time will be appreciated - no matter what.

I agree with Diane that it would be best if the kids didn't say anything to her when she first returns. But doing something on behalf of the parents is really nice. I think it's appropriate to ask for donations, as long as you have something specific in mind.

What about purchasing a memorial bench to be placed on the playground? Talk with the principal or the room teacher to get their thoughts.