Baby Sympathy Question

I know you said no money, but you may want to reconsider. We had friends that lost a baby at 4 months. They couldn't afford to burry the baby in a casket and had to cremate. I don't think anyone would have life insurance on a brand new baby. Monetary help may be the only way they can do what they'd like for their baby's body and funeral.
That's so sad and so thoughtful of you to want to do something special for them.

P.,

If you have a mutual friend that is close to them, I would ask if they have requested donations to go to a specific fund in their child's name in lieu of flowers. We have known several people who have done that. Otherwise, a card and maybe some flowers would be appreciated.

A card with money is appropriate....they may need to be out of work for a while to deal with their loss and the extra money they receive from friends may help with their expenses. they may also have funeral or hospital expenses that they may need help with. or they may want to buy a special memorial, like a tree, garden statue, picutre, etc and could use the money for an item like that.

I feel it is never inappropriate to offer a meal regardless of how well you know the person. The grief that family is undoubtedly going through, my guess is the last thing on their minds is feeding and taking care of themselves. Having been on the receiving end of a meal for a different situation myself, I guarantee they will appreciate the gesture. You may even develop a better friendship.

Dear P.,
My heart goes out to this couple and this family. My husband and I lost our first son, Cole, when he was born still at 32 1/2 wks. The emotions one goes through, cannot be explained. It truly did help to get cards of sympathy from soo many people because when you go through something like losing a baby so early on, it really makes you feel like, well people recognize that this is such a big loss. Like even though he was with us for such a short amount of time, he mattered. It's great that you want to send something to this family. Flowers are a great idea. We also received a couple books, Mommy Please don't cry, by Linda Deymaz and the next place by warren hanson. It was something we could hold onto and really touched us. If you are unsure if those books are appropriate for this family, I also received a few beautiful pictures of little angels (little boy angels with frogs or out in the forest) and an angel statue of a little boy on a cloud, that really mean a lot to me. These are just ideas, but even just sending the flowers with a little note of your heartfelt sympathy for the loss of their little one is a beautiful gesture.
J.

I think it depends on how close you are and what their financial situation is. I had friends who lost their baby in the 3rd trimester. I sent flowers to her in the hospital along with a card and some money to help with the funeral costs and/or medical bills because I knew they had absolutely no extra $. Also check to see if they will be setting up any memorial fund to donate to a charity.

I think money would be inappropriate as well. But I think a heartfelt card, using the baby's name if you know it, is an important gesture. I would also consider a donation to the March of Dimes or a children's charity. I think the most important thing is to acknowledge that they have lost something tremendous and that this child had an identity and was and always will be part of their family.

B.
Momma to a bundle of energy toddler

I had two friends had babies die. For one a bunch of us chiped in and got a gift cert. to buy a tree to plant in his honor. We also got a sign to place by the tree. The other I sent a really nice card and some money I knew that they need the money to make their bills. There is online stores that have jewerly for parents who have lost children.

How terribly sad and tragic! I think just sending a card is a bit empty and too easy. They had a little person in their lives, albeit a short time. One suggestion might be to send a memorial in the baby's memory. There's an organization here in town called Bundles of Love that helps parents with premature infants, illness, etc. Check out the website at bundlesoflove.org. I think honoring this child's life with a memorial would mean so much, even though you aren't that close.

That completely breaks my heart. I cannot even begin to imagine their pain. I like the idea of sending a card and making a memorial donation in the baby's name. That would be very touching.

Just the card in my opinion is a nice thing to do.

I would just send a sympathy card and leave it at that. Just let them know you care and are thinking about them. I also think money would we weird.

If you don't want to send money, flowers and a figurine are other options.

If you are and they are religious it might help to find a passage that is helpful or reassuring and just put it in a nice card and encourage them to pray and let them know you'll keep them in your prayers.

Just a thought if either family is even a little bit religious. You can have the family or just the baby sponsored for a year. People did that for us when my dad died & it was really nice to know that at each mass & special prayer times he was remembered. Otherwise I think cards are fine. They let the person know you're thinking of them and sympathize with their loss.

Money. It is appropriate and a very common practice. It will help with funeral expenses.